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maryportfuncity

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Everything posted by maryportfuncity

  1. maryportfuncity

    Al Lewis

    Seious point about this 'progress' malarky: If we complained the whole time about the lack of 'progress' or activity in our top fifty we'd be idiots. Surely, the whole point is to select those most likely to die. Meaning a fair smattering of the elderly and most infirm who by their very nature aren't fit to be doing more than waiting around to die. Far from complaining about such 'lack of activity' I say we should treat their lack of action as a challenge to our creativity and inventiveness on the threads. That way we stay entertained whilst upping the liklihood of a decent return on the top fifty nominations.
  2. maryportfuncity

    Tommy Cooper

    So it goes like this: Carlisle lead Barnet by one goal. Carlisle are top of the league, Barnet are fourth. The points difference is not great in the promotion zone this early in the season so the game matters. Midway through the first half Carlisle are under pressure, a ball is pumped out of defence where Conway takes it near the touchline. Having defended so deeply Carlisle don't have an an attacking formation on the pitch. Instead of holding and waiting Conway elects to run, eluding a half hearted Barnet challenge he ups the pace, cuts infield, rides a hard tackle and makes a diagonal sprint towards the Barnet area. With Barnet defenders and Carlisle front men now running into position Conway's run is causing confusion, one Barnet defender - torn between Carlisle centre forward David Reeves and challenging Conway - plumps for the tackle, Conway rides it. Reeves - in space - calls for the ball Conway is facing two Barnet defenders on the edge of the area. One of the defenders is clearly stuck between moving to cover Reeves or stop Conway. Conway takes advantage of the momentary confusion to unleash a skidding drive, it goes between the two defenders, passes another defender near the line and eludes the keeper who is unsighted by the mass of bodies in front of him. AND I WAS THERE!!!! The point, about these 'best goal ever' statements is that the likes of Maradonna only get the nod because hundreds of millions of people were watching or see the re-runs. Conway beat more players, stayed longer on the ball and didn't go on to be a drug-addled disgrace to his own legend. I'm willing to bet most lowly football teams could provide an example of a goal as good as Maradonna's second against England in 86.
  3. maryportfuncity

    Rick Parfitt

    He still smokes 50 a day, given this unrepentant attitude after the quaduple heart bypass he could well see an early bath. Doubt it'll be 2006 though.
  4. maryportfuncity

    Tommy Cooper

    So you never saw Paul Conway take on the entire Barnet defence, run two thirds of the pitch and blast home when Carlisle turned over their promotion rivals in October 1994.
  5. maryportfuncity

    Margaret Thatcher

    If David Cameron succeeds in turning the once rock hard tories into the touchy feely party in 2006 Thatcher's health will plummet. Go David!
  6. maryportfuncity

    Al Lewis

    We've made progress. I've learned loads about his political activity and the parting company with part of a limb. It'd be a shame to lose him if it meant admitting some nonentity like Cliff Mitchelmore.
  7. maryportfuncity

    Pink Floyd

    Early Floyd b-side wasn't it?
  8. maryportfuncity

    Paul Gascoigne

    Marc Bolan - the only jewish one.
  9. maryportfuncity

    Pink Floyd

    Roger, sorry I mean Syd, how many times have I told you about getting involved with the nutters out there who're always banging on about the state of your life? If you start mixing it with these people no good will come of it. So don't post the likes of: Again, there's a good former rock star.
  10. maryportfuncity

    Richard O'Sullivan

    The state of play on e-bay. The living legend's autograph goes for a tenner and his old annuals start around 50 pence. To our American cousins that's a 'collectable' book for about 78 cents. Check it out.
  11. maryportfuncity

    A Joke

    Gary Glitter rings up Roman Polanski, 'Got me a new woman,' says Glitter. 'Oh yeah,' says Polanski, 'What's she like?' 'She's fifteen,' says Glitter. ''Fifteen!' says Polanski, that's sick. 'You don't understand,' says Glitter, 'She's got the body of a twelve year old.'
  12. maryportfuncity

    365 Still Alive

    Yay, a year on the DL!!!!! The mods'll probably tear down this shameless celebration but I just thought I'd say thanks for sharing my obsessions and keeping me entertained. Right, I'm off to some other threads.
  13. maryportfuncity

    Charlie Drake.

    I remember when I wrote that one. Took it to the agent, wandered outside afterwards - dunno what happened after that but I woke up the following day in a police cell with bruises everywhere.
  14. maryportfuncity

    The Living Dead

    To make the others look talented. Crackerjack - 400 editions, that's gotta be worth summat hasn't it?
  15. maryportfuncity

    Peace Activists In Iraq - Brave Or Barmy?

    Surely the handful who go the full monty and head out there aren't truly representative of the left and right. They represent their own interests and if they're of a political persuasion they're pretty extreme to put their lives in danger.
  16. maryportfuncity

    Jerry Lewis

    Aye, granted. Mebbe that Norman Wisdom comparison was a bit harsh.
  17. maryportfuncity

    Assassinations

    Dunno there Godot. This is the danger time I reckon. For years the psychos in Ulster have been respected and feared. Now they're lacking a role and some of them are genuine nutters - useful once, out of time now. In the immortal lines of Patrick McGhee - who damn near did for Thatcher in 1984 - the terrorist only has to get lucky once. McGuinness and Adams - who've done more to leave these guys unemployed than anyone - have to get lucky everyday.
  18. maryportfuncity

    Sir Patrick Moore

    It's amazing how a target - like that 50th anniversary show - rallies the infirm. It's amazing how they fall like decayed sputniks immediately afterwards. When is that 50th show?
  19. maryportfuncity

    Peace Activists In Iraq - Brave Or Barmy?

    They still let him walk eh? Aye well, it could be worse. There's others shackled and sitting in their own sh*t.
  20. maryportfuncity

    Peace Activists In Iraq - Brave Or Barmy?

    As a matter of interest does anyone out there in DL Land think N***** Kember and his companions have a hope in hell of seeing Friday morning this week?
  21. maryportfuncity

    Richard O'Sullivan

    What's amazing is that in life Dickie O was the lighweight star of light comedies and much loved by the readers of those gossip magazines full of articles designed to be read in the time it takes to eat a biscuit. In the twilight zone of near-death the man's thread now veers off on tangents his hitherto surface skimming career never hinted at. Sort of thing. Shame his own medication would probably preclude him concentrating his way through these 400+ posts.
  22. maryportfuncity

    Jerry Lewis

    Maybe he should get together with Norman Wisdom, who seems to suffer under a similarly time-warped illusion that his old act still has the power to amuse.
  23. maryportfuncity

    Jimmy Savile

    Just followed Deathwatch's link to Did They Die where I was surprised to find Telly Savalas amongst the most hated 'dead.' I mean, Myra Hindley, fair enough, but what did Kojak ever do to deserve such venom?
  24. maryportfuncity

    Richard O'Sullivan

    Lively old thread, Dickie O will make that twunting yet. When we can honour him by calling him Dickie OOO!
  25. maryportfuncity

    The Living Dead

    This lot might be short but there's some quality ideas bobbing about inside 'em.
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