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Mortician

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Everything posted by Mortician

  1. Mortician

    Ludovic Kennedy

    I recall that he was an eminent member of the Voluntary Euthanasia Society oops rebranded Dignity in Dying so hopefully a trip to Zurich for a glass of Dignitas mouthwash may occur next year. Get him on for next year and a concerted campaign of 'your a burden Ludo' junk mail should push him over.
  2. Mortician

    Margaret Thatcher

    That sounds like a cheap way do drill the main shaft of a new coal mine. regards, Hein Oh the irony, a dutch cap is raised to you dear Hein, pure genius
  3. Mortician

    Margaret Thatcher

    The news was that she wasn't too pissed to walk like she normally is... Hope she doesn't die soon anyway - with David 'Bumbling Like-able Toff, it worked for Stephen Fry' Cameron wittering on about his liberal agenda - she'll be spinning so fast they won't be able to get her in the ground.
  4. Mortician

    Ronnie Biggs

    I hope they've checked his cell for £40m in used notes...
  5. Mortician

    Pete Doherty

    Bizarre is not the word, what did you have burning to toast the sandwich? Mind you the image of the King of Tonga and Jane Tomlinson on a tandem has now stuck itself in my brain... I'm not even going to start on little Ellen and Pete's mast tossing in high seas... Bugger now that's both images
  6. Mortician

    Pete Doherty

    I know poor bugger, privileged upbringing thrown away sh*gging supermodels, taking drugs and being a pop star.... To paraphase, where did it all go wrong...
  7. Mortician

    Richard O'Sullivan

    1970's sitcoms summed up in 4 words - pure genius ps: before the abuse (Fawlty and Fletcher are the exceptions that prove the rule)
  8. Mortician

    Pete Doherty

    Let's have a competition, predict the day Pete first breaks his Community Order... My guess is 3 hours ago
  9. Mortician

    Ronnie Biggs

    I suspect that he's not going to die too soon. Channel 4 are repeating their documentary on the failed kidnap attempt.. Kidnap Ronnie Would have thought they'd be keeping this back for the season of loveable criminal caper docs that will follow his final expiry. Once he carks it we can move onto the 'who was Mr Big?' no semblence of reality speculation. A staple for satellite documentary channels, scheduled between the Nazis, Pyramids and JFK assassination replacing Jack the Ripper.
  10. Not exactly a claim to fame, but I was removed from a Roy 'Chubby' Brown gig for heckling! I was a little tired an emotional at the time, but I could shout "Fat C**t" louder than he could. The bouncers took exception to this and dragged me from the theatre and deposited me in a heap outside. You weren't thrown out for heckling but for being funnier than the 'Fat C**t'...
  11. Mortician

    Nelson Mandela

    I wouldn't hold out too much hope. He's going to the equivalent of the Queen Mother, complete skeletal replacement by metal. Trust me once Old Liz has been underground for a bit of time and we have a big solar flair, she'll rise Terminator-like from the grave...
  12. Mortician

    Princess Diana

    This is great. I think I'll order Jesus & Pope JP2 as well. Now all we need is one of Mohammad and we're sorted
  13. Mortician

    Al Lewis

    And was only 3 years older than Fred Gwynn who played Herman.... Perhaps he faked his earlier birth date to get the role? It certainly got him DL noticed before his time... Perhaps we can have a memorial thread based on co-stars who's ages were obviously wrong... Jessie Royce Landis played Cary Grant's mother in North by Northwest even though she was born 10 months after him
  14. Mortician

    Carsten Juste

    I think it's a cunning insurance job - Embassy in need of a face-lift, call Insulting Cartoons 'R' Us! We guarantee that your embassy, consulate or private dwelling will be damaged by an angry mob within hours.... Discounts for chainstores, franchises and governments.
  15. Mortician

    The Poseidon Adventure Cast

    And Emu didn't fall off Rod Hull's roof...
  16. Mortician

    Michael Winner

    Calm down dear, he's only a bloated talentless director who ruined Charles Bronson's career... Let's hope for an accident that removes his no claims bonus once and for all.
  17. Mortician

    Near misses 2006

    Isn't that the second or third death from Reservior Dogs amongst the actors in recent years? Ed Bunker AKA Mr. Blue left us last year. Good lord, could this be the curse of Dad's Army moving on to a new cast - thank the lord that Clive Dunn didn't play Grandad Yellow
  18. Mortician

    Margaret Thatcher

    Very true she tried to remove all slag from Britain through her enlightened management of the coal industry...
  19. Mortician

    Caspar Weinberger

    Might be to avoid calling attention to Bush snr's involvement in his pardon over Iran Contra... MacNamara will never avoid an opportunity to have a pop at the Neo Cons, I suspect, even from beyond the grave. If you get the chance watch this, do so: Fog of War Shows that at least one Secretary of Defence thought about bombing the hell out of the rest of the world...
  20. Mortician

    Psychics

    I knew you'd say that
  21. Mortician

    Dead Pop Stars

    In the 1970's British Television was awash with elements that made your whole being squirm with embarassment... Beating On the Buses, Benny Hill, Love Thy Neighbour and George and Mildred however was the 3 minutes of Arfur and Hilda on Top of The Pops... Dressed in leathers, mumbling on tunelessly out of time with the music, and forgetting the words.... had they been doing Keith Richards it would have been bang on!
  22. Mortician

    Ingmar Bergman

    I love Ingmar's work although I imagine that when the Swedish film 'Fanny and Alexander' was released in 1982 lots of people were expecting something more special interest than a 5 hour epic about a Swedish family at the start of the 20th Century...
  23. Mortician

    Vera Lynn

    Tried to recommend that we commemorate the 60th anniversary by throwing Vera over the White Cliffs of Dover... Her war effort, or noise pollution, drove up volunteering for the forces by making the front seem less scary than musical halls at home.
  24. Mortician

    37. Dick Cheney

    No it was more Presque vu, but from my understanding it was jamais vu...
  25. Mortician

    Ariel Sharon

    Am I alone in hoping that when the Great Fat Mermaid does expire he arrives at the Pearly Gates to find St. Peter saying... 'Sorry Ariel, the Christians were right after all, but we've got a special area over there for you. We occupied it 2000 years ago and won't allow you to run it yourselves. Any problems, and we'll send the Angels in launching divine retribution...'
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