Mortician

Although dialogue was recorded some time ago before the animation started so could not be a good indicator of current health....

I understand a symptom of Alzheimers can lead to people thinking they're back at some time in the past - surely letting Chuck have access to weapons when he could be surrounded by 'Damn Dirty Apes' at any point in his imaginings could be a bit dangerous.... Personally I'm glad I'm not his Doctor and that Roddy McDowell is already dead or there could be a massacre.

I'm sorry but we should not mock the poor and the afflicted... I think we need to stop picking on poor George, he's worked himself up from nothing to be the most loved and respected leader the US has ever known. From his humble beginnings scraping his way through public school and evening classes to get his High School Diploma he's been a great example. Imagine having to work nights to support your poor father who was unable to find gainful employment. Having to save money to get Jeb back from the Pawn Shop in time for Christmas with only Uncle Dick Chinny to help... You may think he's a Yankee rich kid masquerading as a cowboy, with oil in his veins and nothing between his ears, but we know the truth... He's a god damn saint. Sorry need to go, Matron's arrived with the medication

On this basis we should all be dead, we've not been amused by the torrent of turds the Spellings have produced over the years...

Harold has gone back into hospital, top tip for 2006 if he has the good grace to last another month. Poorly bard

Au contraire! The death penalty guarantees no more bad behaviour, no more burden to tax payers. Sounds like a good citizen to me. Aah so you've been the one advising Rimfelt and Chinnie on policy in Iraq.... Kill the evil-doers, nail some sense into them.... Can't find the evil doers, kill someone else, nail some sense into them.... You are the evil-doers, kill everyone else to stop them finding out....

I don't know what offences Prisons commit that deserve the death penalty... As for the question, the core of the issue is whether you consider punishment to be revenge or rehabilitation. If you're in the revenge camp, and you believe that murderers consider the legal recourse before they act, then the death penalty is a suitable deterent. The evidence seems to be that most murderers do not consider the recourse or at least do not expect to be caught - thus life imprisonment is no less of a deterent. If you're in the rehabilitation camp then obviously the death penalty is unlikely to make people good citizens in the future... On the cost side, I suspect that while lifers cost an amount to house, the compensation payment to a wrongly convicted executed prisoners next of kin won't be cheap. As for the 'we'll only kill the ones we're really sure about' defence this should be the basis of all convictions not just those with the death penalty.

The Diana Reality Myth: She was killed by MI6 as she was dangerous to the British Establishment Fact: Royalty ceased being vital to the British establishment long before the simpering bint arrived. Myth: She was killed by the Royal Family as revenge Fact: She was killing her own reputation faster than any external group. Her string of mostly married lovers was becoming public knowledge. Her manipulative self promotion (eyes over the operation mask) was becoming more obvious and desperate. (I want to be left alone by the press - I'll be at the Ritz leaving at 11pm). Myth: She was killed because she was pregnant with Dodi's baby Fact: If she had been up the duff it would have been perfect for the Royal Family. Acceptance of the illegitimate child would have seemed modern and progressive while the Daily Mail reading Diana-ettes would have been disgusted. Myth: It was a conspiracy Facts: The driver was pissed She wasn't wearing a seat belt The car crashed She died It's a shame for her sons to lose their Mum It means bugger all to the rest of us

I think any Japanese DLers can help influence this outcome... George the idiot father of the idiot son(s) really likes Japanese food as was so evident on his visit in 1992... Poorly war monger A nice delivery of sushi and japanese beef (French style?) should send the old codger over the line. Especially if we show him just as he does his next parachute jump, up chuck combined with air pressure should finish him off in a pop star style.

Carly Simon, now there's a woman who can eat a wagon wheel without biting it.... On her music curing alzheimers everytime baby Morticia watches the Piglet Movie and old wide mouth frog launches into song my brains turn to cream cheese.... If Walter's relying on her then he's really in trouble!

How's this for a Man U conspiracy theory - George dies today - good day to bury bad news - let's announce we've lost the club captain because he's sick of being surrounded by overpaid donkeys... Bugger, George hurry up and do the decent thing otherwise people might notice Roy's leaving... Friends De-United

According to BBC he's back in the Cromwell with breathing difficulties, so either swallowed the top off the bottle, or back in dire straits.... I wonder whether he's on BUPA, private hospital intensive care ain't cheap. Mind you could be on their frequent (near) dier special rate.

Mrs Mort ran into Eddie Large, or more accurately Mrs Large walked into Mrs M while trying to circumnavigate the rotund 'comic' at the local shops. Mrs M reports that 'he looked as rough as a badger's arse' with the purple nose and face of someone who's been saying hello to too many empty bottles... What chance of Eddie and George Best fighting it out for the next available liver?

Well Fred will be very happy, Wilma has reached category 1 according to CNN so there goes another neighbourhood...

Does this mean he has an IQ of -273?

Paintball heavy artillery could be good fun.... Create huge craters though 100 litre Emulsion Mortars in land where the water table is 2 inches below the ground. Have the plucky stockbrokers and management consultants go 'over the top' and face a wall of wire, let fire a volley of machine gun fired match pots, forcing them to dive face first into the emulsion filled craters. Leave to drown and then let the bodies slowly rot in the sodden soil so the next groups can have the added excitement of tripping over body parts....

Harold did indeed look as rough as a badger's on the telly yesterday, and the captain birdseye cap didn't finish the look... Is he another example of the 'unfortunate' fates meeting people that were on the anti-war march? Robin Cook has a heart attack while miles away from help... Tony Benn has a fall at the Labour Party Conference Clare Short has been slapped in the face with a wet fish (oh sorry she's always looked like that)

Pluckers...it's chicken pluckers. But I'm not a chicken plucker, I'm a chicken plucker's son....

Take a tip from the British Army then mate, send the troops in, drive an armoured personnel carrier through the jail, resuce the girlie (in an A-Team style). Wait a couple of weeks say sorry and expect your partners in peace and security to be happy with idea....

Hosted by Ant & Dec with Simon Cowell as the judge? Tonight on the X-Dicator Factor we have Saddam performing a cover with Donald Rimfelt of Brothers in Arms (importers)... The verdict, you decide, press the red button and vote or call 0870 723326 and pick from the following: Guilty, hang the murdering swine, George and Tony were right Guilty, hang the murdering swine, he had the weapons all along Guilty, hang the murdering swine, God's on our side Guilty, hang the murdering swine, he's Osama's love child Guilty, hang the murdering swine....... (x970 variations) ..... Mistrial, this is not justice just a show trial of Stalinist proportions Innocent Calls free for guilty verdicts, £10000 for mistrial, 2 years at Gitmo for innocent callers - you have been warned!

Bird flu panic alert, somebody sneezed.... Did Pinter go on holiday to Turkey??? Is it me or is 60 people dead in Asia in last year (mostly chicken farmers or something else beginning with f...) a bit of a slow start for a Pandemic?

Bloody hell, this F*ckwit is worth £60m Gives you a warm feeling doesn't it knowing that's he dragged himself up on his mothers purse-strings... Mind you Thatch always considered herself royalty, so perhaps an idiotic son with enormous income is the closest she can get to Maj Windsor (who wasn't the one in the Carry On films, but the miserable cow from the Opening of Parliament)

Have given Mark a pressie (ticking, bit of plastic, last used behind a bath panel in Brighton) to deliver but unfortunately I suspect he'll get lost.... Idiot Son of a Witch

How can you believe in Intelligent Design in a world that has been graced by the Krankees, Timmy Mallett and Chris Evans..... At least evolution admits capability to f*ck up occassionally!

Dubya is making sure he's not to blame when New Orleans refloods next year - he's letting the locals take the wrap..... Not My Fault