Mortician

Whilst visiting the colonies my Aussie cuz spent 20 minutes on his soap box saying that the solution to crime was to send the criminals to a desert island! I don't think he realised the irony until we pointed out that's how his home town was founded.....

Buck House has announced that Queen's cancelling 3 engagements next week... Now this could either mean the reported 'cold' is more serious or she's just avoiding visiting Sandhurst while Harry (Hewitt)-Windsor is doing his training.

Is this Tony Bliar talking about Jacque Chirac?

Still too hot for the Aussie Cricket Team.... Seems that's one group of old fogies that are wilting in the heat!

And all of this is already on the astronaut thread so sorry for duplication.....

Here's the link.... Of the Mercury's: Gus Grissom was killed in the Apollo fire Alan Shepherd died in 1997 Deke Slayton died in 1993 Leroy Gordon Cooper died in 2004 John Glenn, Scott Carpenter and Waler Schirra seem to be the only 3 survivors of the original 7 Astronaut Biographies

Watch it chaps.... In danger of proving CAMRA stands for Campaign for Real Anoraks

On the racing driver front James Hunt's demise was a shock. Considering the aggressive way he drove it's amazing he survived his Formula 1 career but did. Carved himself a nice little job making Murray Walker talk some sense in commentary for the Beeb and then dropped dead.... The only other shock from Formula 1 was Nigel Mansell's 'tache. When he disposed of that it surprised me it made him look even more boring.

So being a fascist dictator leads to a long life (assuming you keep away from Italian Lamposts and Berlin bunkers...) Bliar should be immortal at this rate....

Perhaps our American candidates are commemorating the 60 anniverary of VE day by staying out until it's a 1/3 of the way through.... If so now May is here bring on the yanks.... Overpaid, oversexed and hopefully overwith

And based on the first passed the post system: Labour 36% of the vote 57% of the seats Conservative 33% of the vote 32% of the seats Lib Dems 23% of the vote 10% of the seats... Isn't democracy wonderful - perhaps we should give it a try sometime?

With the record of US forces picking out the British with friendly fire, this must have been the Marines. Mind you it was hidden in a plant pot so perhaps it's Charlie Dimmock (butt ugly TV gardener for our overseas readers) revenging herself for her cancelled show.

Completely agree, inconsiderate simpering, preening bint went and got herself buried on my birthday. None of the pubs were open because of the national hysteria and it was also the day my wife and I got engaged, except the bleeding jewellers stayed shut as an 'act of respect' so I couldn't pick up the ring. Strangely enough this upset Mrs Mort much more than the death of a sponging relic of our imperialist past... Ooops sorry I mean Queen of Hearts. Still wish I'd registered didodidead.com as a web site address

It does seem that we in the liberal west have a major problem with not having any enemy to be scared of. The current pre-occupation with terrorist threat demonstrates the absence of real debate in all other realms of politics. Liberal free market economics has complete dominance so how you exploit welath cannot be discussed. Public services are wanted but can't be paid for as taxation is evil, so we dress it up as 'choice' which means nothing. In this period of management consultant politics the lowest common denominator is used to gain interest - and that's fear! And the best thing about terrorism is that you can always claim that you're just preventing attack after attack. The absence of an attack is used as a justification of increased risk rather than safety - we've got away with it, this time, so it's more likely to happen next time.... It's the opposite of the Nick Ross' closing line on Crimewatch... Please do have nightmares...

He was quoted on the BBC bemoaning his sister's death so guess so. Was he the bloke who played the baddy / mad scientist in late 70's kids classic 'The Black Hole'. As for the ex-sis, I've never heard of her either...

I would have thought Ambassador to the US would be more in keeping. I think George, Condi and Don have been desperate to have you ride out for the last 5 years?!

Aaah 1 man 1 vote Josco's the man and he's got the vote.... Mind you with the quality of the election campaign: Don't vote for Tony he's a liar (although we would have invaded Iraq anyway) Don't vote for Michael he's a Vampire/Fagin/Anti-Christ (remember pre 1997 but forget any let downs in the last 8 years) Vote for us because we're not being negative unlike the other bastards (is it me or has Charles Kennedy missed the irony of this pitch - lack of sleep probably) Perhaps General Josco should head the Junta, Hein as Foreign Sec and OMJ as Deputy PM (he displays the tact and elegance required to follow Prescott in the role)

Add in Sidney Lumet the director and you've got a good 4. Suspect he must be good to go as given an Honorary Oscar this year which is usually a waiting to die award and he turns 82 in June... Sid's Bio Director that produced some great films, usually with a good main character under pressure to do something that he doesn't agree with. Obviously a social(ist) conscience meant he was out of fashion in the Blockbuster dominated 80's and 90's but still going...

The panic over postal voting is hilarious as we have no control at polling stations either. We get sent a voting card (not even in an envelope so you can read all the personal information) which you don't need to take with you. The polling officer looks you up on a list and asks a challenging question like Date of Birth (which you can read yourself - providing you can read a list upside down across a desk). Providing that you don't pick a name that's already been crossed off (again reading upside down), look roughly the right age and sex, you'll get given a ballot to do whatever you fancy with. The first indication of potential fraud would be if the person you impersonated turns up later (but with turnout under 60% may well not). The second person is the one likely to be challenged, or assumed to be a clerical error on the listing, so will get a vote as well. At the point of the count, we're so desperate to get the whole month long election hell over with, we'll just declare the result and get on with it. And then of course the real election fraud kicks in where a party that gains 40% of the popular vote wins 65% of the seats....

On the Hollywood front a few for consideration (including some old friends of DL...) Kirk Douglas (90) Jane Russell (84) Olivia de Haviland (89) Lena Horne (89) Richard Widmark (91) Lauren Bacall (80) Doris Day (81) Gina Lollobrigida (78) Shelley Winters (85) Cyd Charisse (84) Charlton Heston (81) Max Von Sydow (75) Angela Lansbury (80) Dick Van Dyke (80) Deborah Kerr (84) Karl Malden (93) A few have had a hard time, I think Deborah Kerr's brother was murdered last year, and it's about to go to court, so the shock might knock her back a bit. I know Max VS is a bit on the young side but he's already played chess with death and taunted the devil, so he must be at risk. Lauren B has been on telly a lot recently so I don't think she's likely to die through illness, but she has been slagging off younger actresses, so perhaps she'll meet with an unfortunate accident involving Nicole Kidman's diet pills.

As is the fact that Tangerine Man lives most of the year in Spain Bloody foreigners, coming over here nicking our houses, drinking our beer.... etc Except in this case I think the Spanish my have a point! Perhaps old Bobby Killall-Sick hasn't realised Franco's dead and thinks he's living in a suitably Fascist state

Creature of the night Michael Howard will be dying on his arse next Thursday so evidence of vampire death will be provided soon...

According to the Bishop of Boston throw a fresh Altar boy on the fire and he'll smoke beautifully...

And if you truly believe that, then you are welcome to your "enlightened" opinion. Ignorance is bliss, as they say, so you'll be happy for many years to come no doubt. Now, now Gents............. We don't want any nastiness on this site do we? GULP! OMJ in Boutos Boutros-Ghali shock, are you planning to take over from Kofi Annan old bean? Would make Security Council sessions a bit more interesting...

It might have been one of Mortician's. Yuk! Now you mention it Mrs Mort said she could taste chilli sauce.... My heartfelt (well down a bit from there) apologies Honez. I'll be straight out to buy some 'Just For Men' shoe polish so they'll not stand out so much in future