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Mortician

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Everything posted by Mortician

  1. Mortician

    Titanic Survivors

    Does James Cameron's career count as a casualty of the Titanic? How about poll, did you laugh or cry when dicrapio turned into a popsicle? I know this is old but still genuis: Bunnytastic
  2. Mortician

    Charlton Heston

    Perhaps if we sent him a copy of Fear and Loathing he'd take the hint... Charlton remember guns don't kill people, people kill people (although small arms fire and assault weapons do help)
  3. Mortician

    William Rehnquist

    Well it doesn't look like Bill's getting any better. Interesting approach for a judge, able to pass judgement without hearing the arguments! Bill's still ill
  4. Mortician

    Lord James Callaghan

    Jim became the oldest ever ex-PM today, overtaking how old Harold MacMillan when he died... Perhaps time for him to bow out...
  5. Mortician

    Jane Wyman

    REPUBLICANS ROCK! DEMOCRATS WILL DESTROY THE USA Who would have thought George Dubya had learnt to use the internet.... Perhaps he's not such a mentally challenged pyschopath as we suspected. Mind you, could have been Dangerous Dick doing it for him, like all other decisions. Republicans: the people that gave you Watergate, Iran Contra, Iraq and the biggest deficit this side of the side Democrats: the people that gave you the odd sex scandal, the New Deal, Civil Rights Legislation and a surplus
  6. Mortician

    Wild guesses

    So I assume you're on Peter Sutcliffe's mail list, and Rose West is being moved to Berkshire to be closer to you.... All those true crime books, and crap documentaries narrated by Robert 'I played Jesus in the 70's' Powell must really flick your switch. Hope he continues to rot in prison for a long time yet.....
  7. Mortician

    Carry On Dying

    And the crowd goes wild, nearest miss of the year so far.... Pats'd it
  8. Mortician

    Rose Mary Woods

    Not massively famous, but probably the most famous White House employee before Monica blew her top... Nixon's personal secretary that erased about 20 minutes of the infamous Watergate tapes by 'accident' in 1972 while she transcribed it. Fox News Hilarious photo of her bending herself double to show how it could happen by accident Bending the truth....
  9. Mortician

    Ideas and Possibilities for 2006

    Bad news, he's gone and won his case, so it won't be the stress that gets him. Mind you he might blow it all on a bender and kill himself through excess.... Spider-Cash
  10. Mortician

    Robbie Coltrane

    Fly to India Find elephant Cut off its foot Stick on spike Gently warm until rotten Wait for pubs to close
  11. Mortician

    The Great Escape

    From my knowledge these are the last remaining escapees from Charlie tunnel still above ground.... James Garner Dickie Attenborough David McCallum John Leyton Angus Lennie Ironic as I think they were all killed in the film... So who do you think is next? IMDB
  12. Mortician

    Long Shot: Robert Kilroy Silk

    Hey but here's hoping.... Perhaps killed by an avalanche of euro coins, pushed by a French Halibut europhile who hasn't changed his political principles depending on which way the wind is blowing.....
  13. Mortician

    Sandra Dee

    Perhaps it's time to join ex hubby Bobby Darin 'Beyond the Sea'..... Looks like she's been a bit poorly.... Dee Sasterous Perhaps she's Gazza's role model bar the anorexia of course...
  14. Mortician

    Walter Cronkite

    And if he was presenting Fox News he would be a true American Con
  15. Mortician

    William Rehnquist

    Lets hope for a good cold day for George Dubyas Inauguration. Might just be enough to push Billy Boy over the edge.... Bill of Death? All rise, or not as the case may be....
  16. Mortician

    Nelson Mandela

    Didn't realise you were a Tory MP! You naughty vegetable....
  17. Mortician

    Max Schmeling

    Harry was only following his Great Great Uncle's example of pandering to Adolf and to quote Blackadder: Darling: Four verses! Four verses! I meant four verses! Look, I'm as British as Queen Victoria. Edmund: So your father's German, you're half German, and you married a German? I suspect more of Harry's in-bred clan were fighting in the Wehrmacht than against it!
  18. Mortician

    deathwish.net

    Of course the USAAF did do their bit to clear the way for the rebuild, you'll be claiming Hiroshima was urban renewal next!!! PS: If it wasn't for the French you'd still be British!
  19. Mortician

    Mickey Rooney

    Looks like a good omission from the 2005 list, Mickey's looking far too spry... Bunch of Rooney Arse Perhaps he'll have Justin Timberlake pull off his towel - and I did say towel...
  20. Mortician

    Michael Foot

    Saw him on TV Saturday at Plymouth vs Everton match... He's bloody immortal, looks just the same as he ever has... Mind you, the shock of another 4 years of Blair may be enough to tip him over the edge - perhaps May will be the time to fly the Red Flag at half mast.
  21. Mortician

    William Rehnquist

    Looks like there's another enlighted liberal type just waiting for Old Bill to drop... For future reference we present: Judge Paul Bastine Who has refused a woman a divorce from her abusive husband even though he's in prison for beating her (amongst other things)... She's pregnant by another man, her husband didn't contest the divorce but Pauly says she can't be divorced because her baby needs a paternity test after it's born. Even Fox news struggle to put a right wing spin on this one.... Fox Link Although they do give it a good go! Supreme Court Justice here he comes!
  22. Mortician

    Ideas and Possibilities for 2006

    Having just checked CNN I suggest we keep an eye on: Edgar Ray Killen Who's just been arrested for the 'Mississippi Burning' civil rights murders in 1964. (nothing like swift justice eh?)... Nothing like the prospective execution of an evil white supremacist to warm the cockles of your heart. If you want to check out the delightful gentleman have a gander at: Ku F**ked Klansman Mind you with his love of diversity sharing a cell with Black and Hispanic fellow inmates may be even better justice - perhaps we can lend the US the prison officers that were manning Fred West's and Dr Harold Shipmans' suicide watch...
  23. Mortician

    Carry On Dying

    How about June Whitfield.... Terry's be waiting all these years and she's been flogging the old bury me insurance plans for ages.... June's Bio Mind you Frank Windsor has been selling them even longer (pay us a fortune and we'll give you a carriage clock) and he's refusing to die - damn that Miracle-Gro
  24. Mortician

    Ideas and Possibilities for 2006

    Thatchers - Kill One Get One Free!!! How about Mark Thatcher, executed in Equatorial Guinea for his part in the coup attempt.... Come to think of it, the wicked witch of Westminster goes out to plead his case. Fails and throws herself on his funeral pyre and finally reaches the realm of the dead, rather than that shadowy undead world of the Tory Party? (looks a bit like the dear lady herself I think....) (and don't ask why Mark's head is banging against a wall on his last night in the cells)
  25. Mortician

    Fidel Castro

    With Colin Powell playing nice American Secretary of State in Asia, Condie Ricin must be at loose end waiting for the next war to start... What's the chance Of Fidel receiving some of the old exploding cigars from our American friends?
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