Lord Fellatio Nelson

You're right, it's not the same - it's much better. Who wants tits when you can see fannies and cocks and spaff shots, eh lads? I honestly had no idea that ANYBODY looked at Page 3 nowdays. The last time I looked was in the late 1970s when their star pin up was Vanya who, it has to be said, was utterly beautiful and had cracking tits. I was only a School boy though. Forgive me. She's just got divorced from Robson Green. Get in there my son! She is out of my league Lardy, besides, her norks are, probably, pointing down to her ankles now..

Is he dead yet?

You're right, it's not the same - it's much better. Who wants tits when you can see fannies and cocks and spaff shots, eh lads? I honestly had no idea that ANYBODY looked at Page 3 nowdays. The last time I looked was in the late 1970s when their star pin up was Vanya who, it has to be said, was utterly beautiful and had cracking tits. I was only a School boy though. Forgive me.

I met him once. I used to play in concerts in the old Krupp villa, Villa Hügel to which he occasionally came. That's a brilliant place where as a privileged person I was able to sit behind Krupp's enormous desk and imagine him receiving Hitler there. I often went up the huge staircase with one arm behind my back as I imagine the Führer must have done (a posture Hitler copied from Kaiser Wilhelm who did it because he had a withered arm). Krupp didn't like Hitler; he found him a bit too common. The story of the Krupp family is really interesting. The reason why Berthold Beitz took over the firm is because the actual heir of the Krupp family, pouf-célèbre Arndt_von_Bohlen_und_Halbach was completely useless and forewent his inheritance for the good of everyone. Very interesting chap though and well worth reading up on. Well, you may be many things Sir ( a bloody good drinker for one) but I NEVER had you down as a Hitler impersonator. Utterly brilliant!!!!!

What?!? I first saw him in, IIRC, the series "Crime Story" back in the late 80s. Yeah, top actor.

To be fair, he's not wrong. A whole day of fucking coverage which will bleed into the whole of this fucking week. I just want to see If the baby is a ginger. Harry is just like his father......

EFA It is!!!

The simplest answer, If it really is that simple, is to make everybody who wants to post register and have their first, say, 5 posts apporoved by a Mod before they get onto the board. It will stop all the spamming and it will stop, as i reckon its time to do, "Guests" coming on and posting crap. Its not like its difficult to register, if they cant be arsed to spend a few minutes registering to come on then why the fuck should we allow them to post? There are fewer and fewer forums now where guests can just come on and post then sod off. Maybe its about time this forum joined 2013.

Is this the same Lemmy who walked off ( after it had already been shot) Never Mind the Buzzcocks because he had been wounded by jokes aimed in his direction? Is this the same Lemmy who, in that documentary ( Beeb3?) a while back, was as sane and as sober as, I dunno, erm... Anne Widdicombe and looked as far away from booze, controversy and Rock and roll as, erm...Anne Widdicombe? Mebee he has not been the "King" for some time and, perhaps, the throne has become cobwebbed ( like erm..Anne Widdicombes fanny) because they days of the hell raiser have gawn, or summat.

Thats because nobody can be arsed anymore C.A. These are sad times for the D.L, there is a distinct lack of mojo and the infestation of Wayne and Waynettas siblings has only sought to weaken the strength and integral structure of the forum in a brazen attack on its ethos and very existence.........................or summat. Fucked if i know. I actually knew a Waynetta. True story. Brother named Wayne, sister named Waynetta. Dad Wayne insisted they both be named after him. Was Dads surname Kerr by any chance?

We have one of those dogs What causes it in his case is this. He'll be playing with his ball and the ball will get stuck somewhere. Usually in a stupid pointless little box hedge which said dog is trying, successfully, to kill by continually pissing on it. Anyway he gets frustrated and cross with the ball and starts yapping at it. This continues until I go outside and start trying to retrieve the ball, at which moment dog manages to seize ball himself. The indoor variation of this routine is getting the ball wedged somewhere in the fireplace. I still love the little fucker though. Could you not wedge the ball so its sticking out of its arse? Dogs are always licking their arseholes so your doggie would ALWAYS know where the ball is and it would never need to bark. Problem solved! You're going to enjoy this true story. The ball in question is a "treat ball", that means it is hollow and has a hole in it for the insertion of dog treats. We have never bothered with this. Dog loves the ball because he can pick it up by hooking a tooth into the hole (the ball is too big for him to pick up any other way). The ball is made of very hard thick plastic and is virtually indestructible. The current ball is not the original one. Over a period of years he gradually nibbled the hole larger. One day I noticed that he had been carrying the ball around for an inordinately long time. On examination I found that he had got the lower part of his jaw rammed tight into the hole. Long story short, it would not come off. A trip to the vet followed, where he was sedated and they had to saw the ball into pieces to free him. And yes, I bought him another because he pined for the ball (by then in three pieces). See? A Dog pines/howls and gets what he wants!! If I pine, will I get a 60s American muscle car? A lottery win? Kept as a sex slave by a middle aged nympho? No Id get a sore fuggin throat......

We have one of those dogs What causes it in his case is this. He'll be playing with his ball and the ball will get stuck somewhere. Usually in a stupid pointless little box hedge which said dog is trying, successfully, to kill by continually pissing on it. Anyway he gets frustrated and cross with the ball and starts yapping at it. This continues until I go outside and start trying to retrieve the ball, at which moment dog manages to seize ball himself. The indoor variation of this routine is getting the ball wedged somewhere in the fireplace. I still love the little fucker though. Could you not wedge the ball so its sticking out of its arse? Dogs are always licking their arseholes so your doggie would ALWAYS know where the ball is and it would never need to bark. Problem solved!

Did nobody see the archive footage taken of him in April? He was propped up on a sofa and all those people around him were using him as somesort of fucking trophy to have their photo taken with. He neither looked aware of anything nor well enough to look like he was actually alive. Im 99.99% certain that the last month or two has been him, in a vegetative state, being looked after ( and no doubt milked) by the people around him. i suspect that he died last night and there will be a 24 hour cooling down period for the mafia Government to prepare to tell the people or summat. Well, I dont think I was too far away from the truth!

Thats because nobody can be arsed anymore C.A. These are sad times for the D.L, there is a distinct lack of mojo and the infestation of Wayne and Waynettas siblings has only sought to weaken the strength and integral structure of the forum in a brazen attack on its ethos and very existence.........................or summat. Fucked if i know. Anyway, yappy shit faced dogs. The kind of dogs that you never see but can fucking well hear from several doors down. The kind of dogs that have an inability to bark in any cohereant fashion nor bark like "proper dogs". To wit, dogs that yap and half yap with a whiney useless utterly shit bark that slowly but surely aggrivates the shit out of you to the point that, even though it would be cruel, wrong and evil, you would gladly jump the umpteen fences between your garden and the dogs, grab a broom, ram it up its arse till it comes out of its mouth then bludgeon it with a hammer until it could never bark again. That would teach the fucker. Maybe I should just go and rod the owners with a broom handle and bludgeon them with a hammer. Its not like they are responsible owners or owt. Then again, I could just go into the garden and, once again, shout " SHUT THAT FUCKING DOG UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" It usually works but Id prefer a more long term solution.

Id give a shit. Thats £200 If I can get the clip into You've Been Framed. Mind you, that wouldnt be until after id cracked one off while I reviewed the content. I fuggin LOVE Puff the Magic Dragon, it gives me the right fuckin 'orn.

You have the same IP address as one of our members. Forgot your password or sommat? Can we play ..Give us a clue?

My real complaint is that too many posts (not just the one you refer too) bear little resemblance to how English should be written. Some of the posts by contributors for whom English is not their first language use better English than some of those for whom it is. It's either representative of the decline in educational standards in this country or its lazy bastards who couldn't give a shit not even attempting to write coherently. Yes, I'm in snotty Guardian reader mode too. Youshould' have post,ed this in the room101 thread coz uvverwize you mite 'ave the forum rozzer,s on your tail orsummat.

Nobody on God's clean earth will ever be as cool as Mary, in a similar way that nobody on God's clean earth will ever be as old as you Bastard.

How about "If I keep fucking about with it nobody will notice im a shit poster...." That one would work for that other knob head too. Sigh.......#doyouevenenglish ? You don't understand t' internet and how things work do you ? It matters not a fucking hoot whether I am a shit poster or not. Actually, I do. Thats because im smarter than you. This is not the t'internet its Death List which, once upon a time, long long ago, was head and shoulders above all else, or summat. It used to matter whether you were a shit poster or not. Nowdays it seems not to matter on here, that I will concede. Too many Sharons and not enough Pookas, IMHO. Even BS doesnt visit much now. Sad times.

Ok, I concede that you ARE cool Lardy, however, you are not yet Polar Bear cool like Mary. That will come wiv gettin old........ which you soon will be.

How about "If I keep fucking about with it nobody will notice im a shit poster...." That one would work for that other knob head too.

You gotta have a thick skin around here, dear. Tell people to f*** off. You suffering with heat stroke or summat, C.A? "Hug a C**t"? doesnt work. Kick him in the nads and tell him to fook off!

Pseudonym? I thought that was how you really signed your checks. I'm crushed. I have to confess, while on Holiday last year, the constant signing of bills at our Hotel did lead me to signing various bills as M. Mouse and Ivor Biggun, to name just two. If it happens again this year, i shall sign away as Lord Fellatio Nelson, ok?

If Hein can block half of China from spamming this forum then, surely, its not beyond the capabilities of somebody to block this utter twat? Guest posting is all well and good ( not that many forums allow it anymore) but we need to be able to fuck off knob heads who have no intention of signing up and post crap. At least if they were to sign up they could legitimately post horse shit, like I do. Come on, block this w***er!!!!!!

I couldnt give a flying fuck whether you are a Martha or an Arthur. Hospital Porters earn crap wages, thats a known fact which means that you are even more full of shit than I had you down for. Utterly pointless.