Lord Fellatio Nelson

You are all missing the point! How could that trucker possibly have been shocked by what he saw? As has been said by somebody before, truckers are serial killers and rapists. Those coppers would have been better off leaving that woman to continue massaging her kipper and, instead, had matey boy onto the hard shoulder so that they could carry out a full search of his truck for bodies, or summat.

But if we go to Brighton we might all get bummed to death. I'm in I fuckin' love Brighton, I do. London/Brighton, either would do. Incidentally, I was in London on Saturday and stopped into a pub around Victoria, struck me how empty some hosteries are outside of the immediate centre on a Saturday. 13 Nov would be a goer for me, so - at the moment - would the two Saturdays beforehand. Id love Brighton too....If I actually lived anywhere near it. Gotta be London, Mary.

You are a twat Somebody piss on your cornflakes this morning? Dont tell me, you are a Catholic Priest, arent you.

He looks as fit as a dog with two dicks to me. People are supposed to look, while gravely ill, extremely perky, just before they cark it. I give him a week.

Depending on how they are counted, this Pope is likely to be the last before Armaggedon, or summat. Think of it, the total destruction of the Catholic Church and the subsequent saving of young boys arseholes from total destruction. God, indeed, works in mysterious ways.

Is this cyber thingy footie thing still going then? The last time I had a go, my team promised so much but won and delivered fuck all. A bit like managing the Gooner scum, it was.

You may suggest all that you wish for, however, the chances of the relevant people listening and acting upon it is about as likely as Windsor falling in love with me and begging me to elope with him to Cumbria...or summat. Basically, no fucking chance. Never say never! I'm up for it if he is... Im certainly wouldnt consider out of hand the possibility that a same sex relationship may be less aggro and, ultimately, lead to my long term happiness. Keep the thought Winny! You think having a relationship with a man would be LESS AGGRO? Are you mental? Oh yes, you support Tottenham. Mental and gay I was thinking of a smart arse reply but im laughing too much. Bastard!!!

You may suggest all that you wish for, however, the chances of the relevant people listening and acting upon it is about as likely as Windsor falling in love with me and begging me to elope with him to Cumbria...or summat. Basically, no fucking chance. Never say never! I'm up for it if he is... Im certainly wouldnt consider out of hand the possibility that a same sex relationship may be less aggro and, ultimately, lead to my long term happiness. Keep the thought Winny!

Quite true, I may have missed a few things but, be comforted, they didnt!! Lardy, you may well be two stones heavier than before but Im talking about considerably more than two stones. You, at least, are a lovely warm, funny person. They, on the other hand, displayed the personalities of labotomised Goldfish. I also need to say, and I really, really dont want to but the vast majority of said fat fooks were from North of the border. One family, in particular, looked like a set of Weebles, their only saving grace being that they were Rangers supporters, thus, having slightly less hatred for the English than normal ( and before anybody says anything, there was at least one example of racial hatred directed to an English person from a Scot while I was there.... which astonished me) Without taking the rant into a North South divide, which is wrong as much as its pointless, id also like to question the sanity and morality of someone who thinks its perfectly normal to eat baked potatoes for breakfast.

I will digress. Just been to Tunisia (it was cheap) which has hordings galore of their "El Presidente" Zine El Abidine Ben Ali. There were times when I began to "get it" and see why Castro has been in full charge for so long. Hey, im sure Cameron will get round to persuading the rest of the EU that Cuba and Tunisia, as well as Turkey deserve inclusion into the EU. Im sure that will keep the Fundamentalists quiet, not as if the EU will be controlling them or owt, eh? I supose the only difference between the two Presidents is the fact that one runs a country that, at times, looks like Beirut on a good day and the other one where the clock stopped in 1934 and again in 1957, if you see where im coming from. All a bit bizarre. May I recommend some more digression, what with Castro clearly not dead and unlikely to be for the next two decades....

You may suggest all that you wish for, however, the chances of the relevant people listening and acting upon it is about as likely as Windsor falling in love with me and begging me to elope with him to Cumbria...or summat. Basically, no fucking chance.

Obese people. Im not talking about the rotund, slightly chubby ( and you can shut the f**k up Lardy, you are twiggy compared to the monsters Ive been seeing these past two weeks...) Im talking about the humungeously fat fucks that waddle around like they have just papped themselves because their legs can barely support their weight. They go on Holiday, as I just have ( ...and dont ask as a punch on the throat may offend ...) and proceed to eat the whole of the breakfasts, including, I assume, the cuttlery and plates. They then go back, a matter of a few hours later, and eat all of the lunch and, good grief, they are back, yet again, a few hours later to eat all the fucking dinner. All of this, naturally, is washed down with lashings of local beer and, it must be said, plenty of fooking chips and the like, in between. You would have assumed that it was hardly possible to be so utterly grotesque but, oh no, trust me, these people are absolutely fucking epic. It HAS got worse and, not often I say it, the Doctors are right, obesity is a REAL problem, particularly if you have the misfortune to have to sit next to one of the fat fucks on the plane, which is when you find that their body suddenly turns into somesort of amazing semi liquid as it begins to ooze from their seat and into yours, giving you all the space of a hamsters cock up a fleas arsehole. Rant over....for now. PS: RA, will message you back anon!!

There are a few gaps in this story. They were in the back garden: were they wearing their raincoats? Did the band play at the party? I assume this was either the Boys Brigade (dodgy) or the Salvation Army band. Are you sure you weren't kicked out for being a crap player? Or were you not quite crap enough? Defending gay bishops hardly seems crime of the century, particularly since I assume there wasn't one in the band. Belief in God shouldn't matter much either. It's not too important in the Church of England or among the left footers for that matter. But the price of the birthday card seems unforgivable. This card: did it play Flower of Scotland or something? Was it an original artwork by Monet? Did it do a little dance on mechanical legs? If I spent that on a card it would need to be attached to a very long elastic band with a wash-off reusable surface. Shocking. I'm afriad its the dodgy variety of band. I started playing in it in 1997, and by the time I was sacked I held the title 'Depute Bandmaster'. I am an officer these days you see. I was very friendly with the family who run the band and company, but we fell out immediately after I supported the officer they were being nasty to (instead of supporting them). That was when they began to change their attitude towards me. (Started off by the mother who after this event chose not to speak to me, my family, the officer who her husband and son were being nasty to, or indeed the husband of the officer who her husband and son were being nasty to ). I will admit that I'm not the best player, but this has never been stated as a reason for getting rid of me (unless you include his statement that I was 'no longer needed'). He claims he can't trust me after my attempts to get certain band members to pull out of a certain event. This occured in mid August 2009 - he spoke to me fine until our falling out in October - he never told me to leave the band until the day after I had an argument with his father in December 2009. The band was not at the party no, but I know that some older members were also invited to the party (invitations were sent out). With regards to the card - it was a handmade one (not by me). With regards to the party now - I've calmed down a bit. Its not a big deal. Having thought about it, he probably didn't want a brawl in his back garden so could only invite one side of the feud. He knows I don't often accept invitations, so he chose them. That is the official theory anyway... It's a scandal. You could go to the Fraserburgh Herald with this. Headline: Band officer snubbed in gay bishop row. You'd got him a handmade card, dammit, not some Hallmark shite.. Mind you £2.90 is still a bit steep for handmade unless it played the Marseillaise or something. I'm not bothered anymore. I've just this minute heard that one of his best players is off to Falkirk to further their studies... Holy fuck!! How did I miss this one? Im only suprised that Winny hasnt left a Horses head in the miscreant(s) bed! Id certainly be thinking about smearing doggy poo under the door handles of their cars. Not only is it not visible at the point of contact but, if daubed generously, will have it, not only over the fingers and hands but under the fingernails too. Utterly childish, I concede, but, hey, nowt wrong in throwing your rattles out of the pram from time to time. It does appear that, in your quiet little corner of Scotland, its all happening!!!

So, in summary, a lot of fuss over nothing.

Are not "B R I T I S H" petrolium ( 40% of it owned by the US ) not going to rebrand their US station back to the " Amoco" brand? This, Im sure, will fool the vast majority of Americans into believing that they have finally rid their country of Colon(ic)ial rule.

No, no, no it has to be Gilly A minor actress in a briefly popular sitcom is no match for the Hurricane... Not a minor actress at all - I used to have my breakfast every morning with Gilly, Bread is what she is known for but she has been in much more than that Her filmography is reasonably impressive: "Nature Boy" .... Esther (1 episode, 2000) "A Touch of Frost" .... Julia Ryan (1 episode, 1999) "Casualty" .... Louise Hancock (1 episode, 1998) "The Man Who Made Husbands Jealous" .... Marigold Lockton (3 episodes, 1997) "Springhill" .... Liz Freeman (26 episodes, 1996-1997) "Against All Odds" .... Linda Rifat (1 episode, 1994) Priest (1994) .... Ellie Molloy "Inspector Morse" .... Holly Trevors (1 episode, 1993) The Higher Mortals (1993) .... Miss Pluckley "Take Off with T-Bag" .... Bin Bag (1 episode, 1992) "Brookside" .... Denise (5 episodes, 1992) Dad's Army (1992) TV episode .... Denise "Children's Ward" .... Carol Jones (12 episodes, 1990-1991) "Stay Lucky" .... Sharon Kernon (1 episode, 1990) "Bread" .... Aveline Boswell (39 episodes, 1986-1988) "The Practice" (3 episodes, 1986) "Open All Hours" .... Girl Who Answers Advert (1 episode, 1985) "Summer Season" (1 episode, 1985) "Emmerdale Farm" (1972) TV series .... Linda (unknown episodes, 1984) "Give us a Break" (1 episode, 1984) A Private Function (1984) .... Dorothy, Allardyce's Secretary "Weekend Playhouse" .... Linda (1 episode, 1984) "Scully" .... Marie Morgan (5 episodes, 1984) "The Gathering Seed" (5 episodes, 1983) "Boys from the Blackstuff" .... D.O.E. - Dixie's Clerk Jean (2 episodes, 1982) "Chintz" .... Assistant (1 episode, 1981) "Coronation Street" .... Judy / ... (3 episodes, 1978-1981) "Scene" .... Sandra (2 episodes, 1980) And that does not include theatre Yeah, really impressive. Such a hugely talented actress, she spent the majority of her time on TV desperately trying to get slightly more than one appearance out of an episode.. A ten a penny character actresss that got lucky coz Carla "I love liverpool and its people but made my money and fucked off....but now Im coming back to write some more chod and make some more money" Lane decided that a plain looking ginger bird would have more impact dressed as an Old Tom than any other type of female. Yvonne, you are a twat.

Not a pun, just a crummy S Club 7 song.

I got 35 Fucking bastard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It never ceases to amuse me. Just how many people here, hand on heart, knew the name of the Paraguay president? How many cared to know? How many would bother to click the link to know more? Exactly. Nobody really gives a Rats nutsack about the Paraguay president. If anybody wants to know the obscure, there is only one place to go, Rotten Ali, the most meticulous ( to a degree hardly considered possible) of DLers ( and a bloody nice chap too!) You get the feeling that this place is falling so deep into a hole as much padding out of it as possible is acceptable. Is it bollocks!

The Quiz idea was mooted, at least, two DL cons back. Its an idea that still has legs but, realistically, "we" would have to call ourselves something totally unconnected to the DL otherwise dear Aunty Beeb would have a fit. As for this Mastermind bollocks, utterly amazing! The more I do it, the cleverer I get, the more I do it, the more questions are repeated......... PS: Got 32 first go, not that Im saying im a smart arse or anything, could be bottom of the DL members pile for all I know...and care.

My name is Rachel Smith. How come you don't get it? You're supposed to be clever. There's a massive difference between WANTING something to happen, and PREDICTING that something will happen. Yay!!! We can play " Spartacus syndrome"... "Ahem........NO SHE ISNT!!!" "Im Rachel Smith!"

Picture 26 - everything one will ever need in one street! Agreed! I thought the pics were amazing, so alive, much more so than a cine film. Then again, I am aware of my sad twat status, the pics certainly didnt hit the spot elsewhere in the Fellatio household. Hey, we all whinge about recessions, some of those kids didnt even have any fucking shoes to wear!

I would have thought, given your views, you would have had the gumption to put your own name up? The right to your own anonymity also applies to the people on here, whatever the point of view.

Pictures say more than a film ever can.

Go on then you lead the way and let's see how obscure we can make it Silus P Wankshaft IV, inventor of trusses for mice, died yesterday...