Lord Fellatio Nelson

I was going to add a reply of wit, intelligence and cunning. As I have never had any of the three to start with, I wont.

Of course you were, you are a woman.

Ok, I shall play Mr Thicky. WTF is that all about? Mungo Park Mungo Jerry Mary, MUNGO and Midge Etc. Let me in on it Winny. You possibly need to know the individual in question before you can appreciate the significance and humourous value of the surname. I found it funny. Ah, Okey dokey.

Ok, I shall play Mr Thicky. WTF is that all about? Mungo Park Mungo Jerry Mary, MUNGO and Midge Etc. Let me in on it Winny.

I'll give you one guess. And no isn't an option. Honez, I appreciate that really hurt you to say that. Has to be said tho, there have been posts on here that have made Mr Scream look almost as intelligent as he thinks he is. Ive got a few bouts lined up for him on here, best he hurries back.

Trim them? Id get a chain saw and rip the b'stards to shreds. The most anti social tree in the universe. You are probably going to tell me you live in the middle of nowhere with only sheep for neigbours. How many pairs of wellies have you got then?

You'd still have to f*ck about with the apostrophes, as I have said before, mods have no control over the swear filter or even access to it (more's the pity) that's for admins only, we have very few 'powers'. These admins. Is it all a bit Charlies Angels? You have your strings pulled by people you dont know but know are there............spooky. I think they are highly intelligent, wonderful, warm human beings who are itching to remove the apostrophe from "f'uck."

Story here for anyone interested http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/is...man/8184941.stm That man and woman being questioned.....it wasnt BS and Yvonne by any chance? PS: Did you find yourself dreaming that they had beheaded themselves in the crash?

If I ever end up in a Nursing home, I want it to be run like something out of a Benny Hill sketch. Long legged, huge boobed nymphos I can chase with my zimmer frame......Go out with a bang NOT a whimper, thats what I say. You mean to say you don't do that now? Bastard!

I think you should be one. That way I wouldn't have to f'uck around putting apostrophes in f'uck. You know what you can do. F'uck off.

Welcome to DL 888-333. This might sound stupid, but what does 888-333 mean? It means £5 per minute ( your mobile operator may charge you more ) and a w*nk while listening to a 47 year old with boils and halitosis tell you that she is actually a 16 year old nymphomaniac virgin slut who really really wants it.......... He clearly chose his username by looking at your itemised phone bill Impossible!! At the mo,I couldnt even get a semi to get a couple of fingers round let alone a whole hands worth......... Thats "I cant be arsed" for you. Im more likely to ring the Samaritans than a Sex Line.

Is it mandatory for every f'ucker on here to have been a lazy cnut student? No wonder we have so many Polish Plumbers and Lithuainian Alcoholics/Shoplifters labourers. What happened to the days of leaving School at 16 and learning a trade, usually a useful one ( not gerbil juggling, or summat ), and actually earning a living? The Conservatives, or shall we say the greengrocer's daughter? All a bit before my time current affairs wise. My major concerns would have been doing a million bounces on a Lolo ball, Pac-Man, Swingball, Dad fixing Cindy's head/arm/leg again after finding the elastic limit of Cindy in a demonstration of Hooke's law, that Rubiks puzzle - the one with the rings which everyone "boxed" i.e. forced it to go in a direction it shouldn't, you know that sort of thing. However, I digress, something tells me it is all her fault. Did she not cause the decline in proper apprenticeships? Was she responsible for introducing the YTS monkey exploitation scheme where you take a bunch of 16-17 year olds, teach them nothing and pay them peanuts? Then came along John Major's government who gave a charter to any two bit poly, giving them silly names but sticking university in the title somewhere. This then deluded your would be plumbers and navvies into some mickey mouse course in German peace studies from 1919 -1936 with Hebrew, golf management studies, surf science or outdoor activites with philosophy concurrently devaluing the degrees already in existence / lowering education standards / insert cliched argument in here. Faux artificial intelligence courses aside the joke must have somewhat backfired given the stories of Cambridge academics sidestepping into plumbing because well it paid a damn sight more. Snob, moi? Somewhere in there lies the truth. I always reckoned that, as Maggie cottoned on to the aspirations of the "working class," it seemed fitting for said families to not only own their own homes but to boast that young Gary/Tracy Scum was off to Uni. The fact that they were only of average intelligence wasnt a problem once the bar was lowered to suit. Problem with that is these people begin to believe that they truly are smarter than they actually are. No wonder the Country is royally f'ucked now.

I think its all a crock of sh*t TBH. DDT is no more worthy, if thats the right word, of being a Mod than, say, Phantom. I think DDT is a top fella but he would be the first to admit that his ventures onto the extra curricular board are as frequent as Halleys Comet. If you are going to curse people with the "modship" they really have to be all over the forum. Clearly, mods have sodded off so, in theory, we need to replenish. The forum is working perfectly ok at the present. Stop thinking of sodding around with it, it doesnt need it. B'ollocks.

If I ever end up in a Nursing home, I want it to be run like something out of a Benny Hill sketch. Long legged, huge boobed nymphos I can chase with my zimmer frame...... Go out with a bang NOT a whimper, thats what I say.

Anybody know whether our loveable cretin has been back under an alias? I cant believe he hasnt had a peek of late, even Mental Hospitals have the WWW!

Welcome to DL 888-333. This might sound stupid, but what does 888-333 mean? It means £5 per minute ( your mobile operator may charge you more ) and a w*nk while listening to a 47 year old with boils and halitosis tell you that she is actually a 16 year old nymphomaniac virgin slut who really really wants it..........

It's still there NAP, it became Bar Oz in the '90s and now it's Coopers, named after the grocery store it used to be when I was a kid. I think the Coopers name is still embedded into the pavement outside on a brass plaque. As far as I know the original deco is still in place. Wasn't it across the road from Clatty Pat's? I used to eat at Chimmy's too and I recall the opening night of Bar Oz, which was opened by a former neighbours actress, not Kylie Minogue, not Natalie Imbruglia, not Holly Valance, the one with the blonde bob, pert bosom and pouty lips; I forget her name, who made a brief appearance to much wolf-whistling from the assembled Glasgow Uni freshers and west-end hipperati. (Emma Harrison Had to google it, it was bugging me.) Cleopatra's (clatty pats) is the only bar I've ever been thrown out of. It was a regular haunt of the One Devonshire Gardens staff when we couldn't be bothered to go to The Tunnel or The Arches (or, in my case, the Sub Club cos I was a trance music junkie back in the day). I got thrown out of there for sparking up a reefer. If I'd bottled someone or break-danced in a pool of my own vomit (about the only feasible lubricant on a dancefloor that sticky), they probably would have given me a free pint but no... When my gf of the time moved to london, I used to send her flowers every week from the grocers/flowers shop on the same side as Chimmy's, down towards the bridge. I forget the name of the place, but I imagine they're still doing a good trade. I loved the smell of that place. Until the bitch dumped me. Arum lillies don't come cheap when you're a student, but thankfully relationships do. Well, sort of. Sometimes. Occasionally. What's that in my hand? Two Aces? You get my drift. Is it mandatory for every f'ucker on here to have been a lazy cnut student? No wonder we have so many Polish Plumbers and Lithuainian Alcoholics/Shoplifters labourers. What happened to the days of leaving School at 16 and learning a trade, usually a useful one ( not gerbil juggling, or summat ), and actually earning a living? Incidentally, my local was called "The Flying Bottle." It oozed vomit class.

Ahhhh!! You have no idea how many times I have plotted revenge on those that have wronged me!! We all do that, dont we? As for you, Lardy. You are a bastard. A very nice, bastard.......but still a bastard.

Oh, why can't we all just get along and be nice to each other? You'd think that the sheer futility of existence would be enough to deal with, but no, it seems that enhancing it with vitriolic malignancy really does hit the spot. I so want to live that idyllic world Tempus, I really do. The problem is, there is always some complete bastard that doesnt. I know the following should go into Room 101 or the irrelevent thread where we can mention the mundane, however, it belongs here methinks, in view of whats just been said. I got back from a Holiday in Cyprus in the early hours of this morning, 5 hours in a sardine tin, no leg room for anybody over 4ft 2ins and an utter prick of a teenager who wanted to put his seat ( I was sitting behind him) into my f'ucking lap and b'ollocks. The fact that he could get his seat beyond the standard tilt, standard being more than enough on a small sh*t plane, didnt seem to phase him at all, until I pushed his seat forwards and him into the seat infront of him. In suprise he turned to me, allowing me to let him know that I had no intention of spending 5 hrs with his seat in my fekin lap, but or no buts. The little prick feigned the old "damaged seat" ploy ( later discounted by the Stewardess...so he was a liar as well as a c'unt ) and it was only when my knees had pushed his seat so far forwards that he could see up his own a'rsehole that his father intervened.....the little weasel Unfortunately, I couldnt rip his spine out as I would have been arrested, not something I seek. You see, 99% of us who fly, fly with the seat upright, not because its comfortable ( most short haul planes are small and crap) but because its courteous, you want as much room as possible, so why deny anybody else that? Basic respect, understanding, courtesy, care, you name it, its missing from our society. That little prick will grow into an even more selfish prick who will breed and have baby pricks, generation after generation of humans without any moral compass. Worst of all its turning the mild mannered into vengful and aggressive monsters who no longer want to " let it be" but want revenge, let alone take a stand. Im seething!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry but I see this this from the other side. If we gave your information to all and sundry without having established you were who you said you were and you were frauded you'd be the first to complain. It's a myth that fraudsters only target hight networth accounts, it's your average person's account that is most at risk as fraudsters want to test the system with a normal account first before they go for the big guns. Customers can be muppets too. We recently had a guy write to us and his letter included, his User ID, his password, his distinct name, his contact details, also attached was his passport with his d.o.b, p.o.b, signature and passport number and he couldn't understand why doing that was a security risk. If you want to moan, moan about fraudsters or idiotic customers who are the reason we have these security measures and not about the person trying to protect your money. Oh Handy, you are harsh!! I take it you have to take said Muppets to task on a fairly regular basis? If I were to open account at your branch and I, well I sort of acted like a Muppet and made myself a security risk, would you take me to task over it? Would you consider me a naughty boy? Would you take me to your office out the back and "show me the error of my ways?" Bring a big ruler with you........... Please?

Im being dragged off to Cyprus on Wednesday. So there.

......well there was a Pub that Lardy and I went to, while waiting for said Pub venue to open last year. It was on the road opposite ( across ****** St ) and, while lacking the charm and atmosphere of the chosen venue, it was considerably cheaper to by a drink in. NAP, ANYWHERE would be easier on the pocket than that place, Ive never known a more expensive Pub. Yeh but don't you think that place was a bit posh for a bunch of morbid freaks like us? I quite liked that place we went to, and I didn't notice the prices. Because I was completely f'ucking hammered, obviously. Posh? Nah!! You hammered? What again?

......well there was a Pub that Lardy and I went to, while waiting for said Pub venue to open last year. It was on the road opposite ( across ****** St ) and, while lacking the charm and atmosphere of the chosen venue, it was considerably cheaper to by a drink in. NAP, ANYWHERE would be easier on the pocket than that place, Ive never known a more expensive Pub.