Lord Fellatio Nelson

Well done Winny!! Either thats a stand in or you are a handsome devil. Its gratifying to see that my taxes have helped you on your way... Im very pleased for you.

I really miss John Inman... Well go and join a Dale Winton fan club then.

Golf is great.

Oh, trust me on this one, the new postings are not better than the old ones. Generally, and speaking as somebody who posts his fair share of sh*te, much of the new is utter w'ank. You are obviously young(ish) English, poorly educated and a c*nt. Pretty typical of the rubbish that calls this sh*t hole of a Country "home". If you do happen to be one of our regulars posting under another name to stir things up.........W'anker!

You truly do lead a full life. Today I got up and did not much, I plan on repeating this winning formula tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. On Thursday I may be adventurous and indulge in some pottering about. Clearly, not as full as yours, Sir. Alas, we do what we have to do to earn a shilling.

Ah, so you did CP. Oh well, in for a penny and all that. Lardy, er...no. NAP, whats Falkirk like? Today I went to do a job at a house, which was actually a 34 year old Portakabin with rotten porch, stuck out in a field 5 miles from the nearest village. It was occupied by a 92 year old lady with heavily bandaged legs who told me she still drives a car,God help us. The "house" stank of B.O Fascinating stuff, eh!

But a miserable git, all the same. Welcome back SC.

Youve got things mixed up there me old mucker, it shurely should read once upon a time a girl asked a guy to marry her, he said no, and the girl lived happily ever after. Can you tell i'm newly divorced? No, I'm with LFN on this one, Lardy... Bah humbug - I'm going to be a lesbian. Im sure you will make a good one too!!

World's Shortest Fairy Tale.......... Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after. The end

Bloody hell!! There is nothing pointless in threads and posts that generate responses, good or bad. Lighten up!!

No coincidence that they both taught you then? Cheeky mare! Actually only one of them did and that was Music.......which i f'ucking hated.

Give me a thousand dollars a week and I'll move in an make all the noise you want. I won't chirp but I can burp on command. Well I will do it for 250 Euros per week, a Cuttlefish and a daily fresh copy of The Independent lining the bottom of my cage. Euros? EUROS? Where's your British spunk, man? Sticking the Independent to the bottom of the cage is my guess. With my sex life as it is, its probably the only thing i can look forward to

I bet he doesnt.

Two teachers at my old Comprehensive passed away with no such obit. One committed suicide and one drank himself to death. Thats what happens when you decide to teach at a Basildon Comprehensive.

Give me a thousand dollars a week and I'll move in an make all the noise you want. I won't chirp but I can burp on command. Well I will do it for 250 Euros per week, a Cuttlefish and a daily fresh copy of The Independent lining the bottom of my cage.

Almost though... he was one or two places away from making my team, but I figured that he wouldn't get a proper obit... I'll be interested to see if he does... I'll be shocked if The Independent doesn't give him an obituary. It's a paper I buy every day and I'm always amazed at some of the people they give obituaries to e.g. they gave one to ufologist John A. Keel the other day..... Yep, its perfect for lining the Budgie cage with. Soft, strong and very absorbent. A Daily Mail (gutter media) man yourself? Oh no!! Im a Sun reader. Cant you tell? I overestimated you.... At least you can look down your nose at the News of the World/Daily Star readers.... The level of someones intelligence and acumen should never be measured against whether they are Broadsheet or Tabloid. I don't think "Ooooo what's Victoria Beckham been wearing this week?" or "What has Prince Harry done wrong now" qualify as being intellectual Nor me. Does that make me as intelligent as you?

Almost though... he was one or two places away from making my team, but I figured that he wouldn't get a proper obit... I'll be interested to see if he does... I'll be shocked if The Independent doesn't give him an obituary. It's a paper I buy every day and I'm always amazed at some of the people they give obituaries to e.g. they gave one to ufologist John A. Keel the other day..... Yep, its perfect for lining the Budgie cage with. Soft, strong and very absorbent. A Daily Mail (gutter media) man yourself? Oh no!! Im a Sun reader. Cant you tell? I overestimated you.... At least you can look down your nose at the News of the World/Daily Star readers.... Sorry to disappoint you but I dont look down my nose at anybody, well mostly anyway. The level of someones intelligence and acumen should never be measured against whether they are Broadsheet or Tabloid. Somebody on this very forum is probably more intelligent than the rest of us put together but their posting style and modesty wouldnt have you guessing it was them in a million years. Thats being truly clever. Dont let them think that you are.

Almost though... he was one or two places away from making my team, but I figured that he wouldn't get a proper obit... I'll be interested to see if he does... I'll be shocked if The Independent doesn't give him an obituary. It's a paper I buy every day and I'm always amazed at some of the people they give obituaries to e.g. they gave one to ufologist John A. Keel the other day..... Yep, its perfect for lining the Budgie cage with. Soft, strong and very absorbent. A Daily Mail (gutter media) man yourself? Oh no!! Im a Sun reader. Cant you tell?

What you trying to say Lardy? You want Patrick Moore to come round and give you a warm cuddle? Perhaps you just want to burn him on an open fire. That should keep you warm till next summer then.

Almost though... he was one or two places away from making my team, but I figured that he wouldn't get a proper obit... I'll be interested to see if he does... I'll be shocked if The Independent doesn't give him an obituary. It's a paper I buy every day and I'm always amazed at some of the people they give obituaries to e.g. they gave one to ufologist John A. Keel the other day..... Yep, its perfect for lining the Budgie cage with. Soft, strong and very absorbent.

I find your dedication and passion heartwarming and inspiring. You, and that whole legion of fans who trundle into the most Godforsaken of grounds to watch Footie at its most raw, are what Football is all about Mary. It may have been sh*te but you will still be there next time! More power to your elbow Sir.

He also kicked heads in to shut people up, as Eyal Berkovic would testify. You say that like it's a bad thing? Well, er, no. My neigbour will very soon ( if he doesnt stop pissing me off ) have the sh*t beaten out of him. It has its good points Lardy, my sweet.

You think he is the only one? Anybody would think this country wasnt a sh*t hole and a laughing stock..........

He also kicked heads in to shut people up, as Eyal Berkovic would testify.

In sad times like these, LFN, it's best to comfort yourself with happy thoughts. Like Brave Jade and how she captured a nation's hearts. Remember, every story has a happy ending. Thanks for that, you bastard. Im now f,ucking suicidal!