Lord Fellatio Nelson

Does this mean that that old curmudgeon may be back soon too? Hmmmm.

Stick me down for the 11th of March, Monkey. She wont be out of hosiptal now.

Me pulling the piss out of a bald person? I will be f*****g bald one day. You think thats funny Lardy, eh? Go on, pud em up, pud em up!!

Sausage up a close comes mind or a garage for a mini. ...or a shish for her kebab. ...or stirring a tin of paint with a toothpick. This is all getting a bit much isnt it. Not content with trying to make a fast buck or million selling her impending death to the masses, Ive just discovered that she is also fast tracking some new merchandise and a book to keep the bucks rolling in long after she has gone Its really not on, is it!

Wow, I was under the impression everyone had to have a Dr Jekyll to their Mr Hyde. Another unique user, does this bring the total number of real people into double figures yet? What a disgraceful accusation! I really have no idea where you got that from.

Lol, now thats what I want to hear!!! Ive heard about that "action man" rumour, care to ellaborate? A PM will be fine!!!

It is now Nov2007, but the crap I am reading makes me sick. Don't you people have any respect for others? Jerry is a wonderful person who has done so much for others, he is the most selfless man I know. Yes he is a sick man, but the last thing I want to read about is "how long do you think he'll last?" I think it's discusting that there is such a thing as the deathlist, I'm sure if someone famous dies, we will read about it, we do not need this informative little site. This is written to all of you, get a new hobby. I personally met Jerry Lewis in 1992, when I was working as a Purser on a Royal Caribbean cruise ship, and he was there filming. He was without doubt the rudest, most self obsessed celebrity I ever encountered (and I met quite a few when I worked in the hotel business some years ago). I saw him receive his award at the Oscars the other day and he didn't look well at all... I would expect he won't be around for long. Come on then DDLM, spill the beans and tell all!!! Tell us about all the other celebs too!! Yours Fascinated LFN

The day when genuine, nice, honest and decent people feel the need for an "embarrassed smiley" because its been pointed out that they are genuinly lovely people, will be the day we all need to pack up and sod off home. Anyway, who said I was talking about you?

I was going to say f**k all but I cant. The first meet was organised and the organiser failed to turn up.... We,as in the rest of us who did, somehow managed to bodge our way into it and it was very successful. The next meet, organised by me, was a case of emailing those I KNEW might be interested and ensuring that one set of guests could fit it around their visit to the UK ( NAP will turn up, with sufficient notice, whenever, he is the perfect guest to accomodate ) hence the November date. Unfortunately they couldnt attend, which was a pity because they are genuinly lovely people. As the majority of us were commuting from far and wide and the trains home would have to be caught before 10PM, we turned up at mid day/ early afternoon. The one person who actually lived in London turned up, with guest, early evening. Cosmic A summer rendezvous? Would you actually turn up if the sun was shining and not setting then Harry? Twelvetrees, I would suggest you get things into motion. If you want any names of who would be interested, PM me, I will be happy to help. I will also let you know who the time wasters are, you know, the " I really, really want to come!!" then either fall off the face of the f*****g earth or have a terrible case of falling down the stairs the night before and spending DL day in casualty......yeah like f**k!!! Worst comes to the worst I will do another one. it aint rocket science FFS. PS: arry, you are a git

Wife

Come on then LG, why the f**k do you need friends anyway? I have one good friend, I love him to bits, he is a fabulous mate but, hand on heart, if I didnt see him ever again it wouldnt kill me. I have people im friendly with, Ive been known to have a night out with them BUT I dont let them into my life and I have no interest in the inner workings of theirs. Been there and done that, I dont do it anymore. My good friend is the opposite to me, he needs people around him, he cant sit indoors and do nothing. I, conversely, dont need any f****r. Maybe thats a negative to some Its a positive to me.

Come on, its past midnight and I cant sleep. I need to know. Is he dead yet? Yours LFN

By any standards, his photo was clear proof that, in life, he was a bit of a fat f**k. At least, in death, he will be considerably leaner. Every cloud and all that.

You hate Springsteen? What a good judge you are!! hmm, not sure if you are being serious... in any case, I didn't use the word "hate". Oh Im being deadly serious. If I was being sarcastic, you would know it. No, you didnt use the word hate, I naively assumed that if you didnt like him before and you liked him even less now, you wouldnt be first in the queue for a ticket. So you dont HATE him. I HATE him. And thats good enough for me.

You hate Springsteen? What a good judge you are!!

Now she's won one H, she's going to be bigger than ever... And another thing, no way is she 33. She's 37 if she's a day. I actually thought she looked much older than 33 as well. She's younger than me, and I haven't got a wrinkly neck like that - on the other hand, my chins do a good job of covering up my neck, so maybe I have..... You can almost hear the collective pulling of knives out of her back..... Good grief Handy, you are clearly a sweet lady at the end of her tether, cruely suffering Katewinslettitus. As for you Lardy, I expected nothing else....

I did consider going to see this. Unfortunately it is neither a prequel or sequel to that legendary film Debbie does Dallas. Im sure there will be many disappointed film goers coming out of Cimemas the length and breadth of the country, clean macs under their arms..

Over the years I have become quite an expert at Flat pack furniture. My daughter is also well versed in putting a whole load of things together without leaving anything over. Its soley down to perseverance and swearing. Lardy, you do have my sympathy, keep the faith and you will get there. Its bound to be something silly! STTG, I read that you need to prick out your lettuces. Im not too sure what that entails, however, may I suggest that you borrow one Banshees Scream for the task ahead. You will not find a greater prick than him anywhere.

That anaesthetic stuff. Is it, in any way, similar to the gas that women are given when in labour? When Lady FN was last in labour with our youngest ( now 17, and yes I do feel fooking old) I tried some of that gas...and tried it.....and tried it. Nothing I still couldnt fly and if I had been clouted in the knackers by a sledgehammer, I would still have felt the full force.

The epitomy of Groovy..........possibly

She was lovely. We have all got to die some time but thats quite sad, another person from that golden era gone.

Can I write to it instead? Dear Sir/Madam It has come to my intention that some old slapper by the name of Mary Melville intends to appropriate sums of English taxpayers money on some decrepid statue of a cockspanner, the 16th Lord Saltoun. Hands off our dosh you money grabbing bastards Yours Angry of Norfolk If you can pass that on Winny.....

We used to call them jubblies. As for biting off a corner, have you got teeth like that Jaws fella? They were a nightmare to get into without scissors but lovely once you had.

I tend to agree somewhat, however, when some dense bitch of an untaxed driver knocked half my garden wall down, the PCSO did follow it up, and tried her best to get something done about it, however the perpetrator done a bunk from her flat across the road, and hadn't registered her car since buying it, so we couldn't track her down. But the PCSO phoned me several times and visited me three times to keep me updated as to what they were doing. The male PCSO on my estate, however, insists on scaring my 11 year old daughter by threatening her with prosecution if she keeps riding her bike on the path. I have told him in no uncertain terms that when he stops boy racers whizzing past my house at stupid miles an hour, that's when I'll stop my kid riding on the path. Until then, I will happily pay his 80 quid f*****g fine, a small price to pay for my child's head being intact. And there, Lardy, is the point. One PCSO doing what the police used to do anyway ( bear in mind she is geting around £16,000 a year to make a few calls and knock on your door) when they worked the beat and the other one, again on £16000 a year, threatening to prosecute an 11 year old child because he hasnt got the balls to go for the big fish, which he has very little power to do anyway. w**nkers, the lot of em! Yeh, these people that get paid 16 grand a year out of your council tax, to do pretty much f**k all, pisses you off doesn't it? Could be worse, they could be PCSOs doing a part-time correspondance course based at a Scottish university exempt of top-up fees. Monkey, you have got me all wrong!! Is Windsor a PCSO? If you are suggesting that Winny and a PSCO is a waste of English taxpayers money, then yes, for arguments sake he is....... Get it?

I tend to agree somewhat, however, when some dense bitch of an untaxed driver knocked half my garden wall down, the PCSO did follow it up, and tried her best to get something done about it, however the perpetrator done a bunk from her flat across the road, and hadn't registered her car since buying it, so we couldn't track her down. But the PCSO phoned me several times and visited me three times to keep me updated as to what they were doing. The male PCSO on my estate, however, insists on scaring my 11 year old daughter by threatening her with prosecution if she keeps riding her bike on the path. I have told him in no uncertain terms that when he stops boy racers whizzing past my house at stupid miles an hour, that's when I'll stop my kid riding on the path. Until then, I will happily pay his 80 quid f*****g fine, a small price to pay for my child's head being intact. And there, Lardy, is the point. One PCSO doing what the police used to do anyway ( bear in mind she is geting around £16,000 a year to make a few calls and knock on your door) when they worked the beat and the other one, again on £16000 a year, threatening to prosecute an 11 year old child because he hasnt got the balls to go for the big fish, which he has very little power to do anyway. w**nkers, the lot of em! Yeh, these people that get paid 16 grand a year out of your council tax, to do pretty much f**k all, pisses you off doesn't it? Could be worse, they could be PCSOs doing a part-time correspondance course based at a Scottish university exempt of top-up fees. Monkey, you have got me all wrong!!