Lord Fellatio Nelson

I do love a good punch up.........and this is nothing like a good punch up. Come on FIGHT!!!!!

No appologies if these have already been posted, im too bone idle to check. The BBC have signed up Michael Barrymore for a new comedy series called "Only Pools and Corpses." A Jewish woman says to her mum "Im going to divorce David, he only wants anal sex!" "My arsehole is now the size of a 50p piece when it used to be the size of a 5p" Mum tells her " You have a £1,0000,0000 pound house, homes in New York and Paris, a £10,000 week allowance and a Porsche and you want to throw that all away for 45p?" What kind of key can open all doors? A Pikey. A husband shouts down to his wife " Come up to the bedroom and look at this clock" His wife goes upstairs to be confronted by her husband, naked and sporting a hard on. "Thats not a clock!" she says Husband replies "It effing will be when you put two hands and a face on it!" Q: What kind of wife can cook with one hand, still have sex, dust with the other hand, wash up with her feet and open a bottle of beer with her arse? A: A swiss army wife

Hoping that 'gadgy' is a term of endearment, I Googled the term & the first result was about the Oyster man of Whitby. An interesting tale. Does this Cumbrian term have anything to do with this ghost story? Entymology? f*****g love it me. Cheers, BHB Another run to this English to American Dictionary, the second trip in as many days. It tells me 'blag' means wheedle, and 'slapper'means someone who is always on the 'pull'. Had to look that one up too. Mary, is gadgy related to the gypsy word 'gadjo' or 'gadje', their term for non - gypsy? Madame, I think the Dictionary needs lobbing in the bin. Slapper actually means a woman of, shall we say, easy virtue..... To Blag, generally, means to procure something for free when, generally, you would be expected to pay for it. In short, you wouldnt need to blag a shag from a Tom when you could wangle a buck shee poke from a slapper. Hope that clears things up. Regards Your admirer LFN

Linda Lovelace & Ron Jeremy? Dunno what Oscar will make of those two, & I see you've included the fantabulous Camille. Clinton will like her... I've just thought- if this dinner party has a swinging, apres dinner sex theme, someone's going to be might gutted when they fish old Weston's keys out of the hat. Cheers, BHB That, Mr BHB, is so very wicked, nasty and cruel........................but so bang on the money....... PS: Glad to know that there is another Camilleite out there.

Jim Morrison Timothy Good Timothy Leary Camille Coduri Linda Lovelace Simon Weston Bill Clinton Oscar Wilde Ron Jeremy Jim Carey

I think you meant to add the Lethal Weapon movies to Mr Gibsons CV? Thats assuming that Im reading the question right of course..................

That is the sort of behaviour that led to a female only forum. Thats right, you are so much of a creepy bastard that our female members have a forum in which the can chat away from you. I see you have learned much from your old pal Tempus who has also tracked down my address. I daresay you have that too. I suppose my message to you would be fire away. Make the phonecall. I don't exactly know what you wish to achieve from this phonecall. Looks like I have myself a little stalker. Weirdo. Children, behave!!!! I used to be a teacher so just imagine that said in my strictest teacher voice. ........did you ever cane anybody on their bare buttocks?

Jamie Lee Curtis: Halloween and A Fish called Wanda Fierce Creatures ( not exactly a follow up but virtually the same cast etc,etc)

Oh sod it, Lord Fellatio Nelson it is then!

In view of my humourless and offensive name causing ladies to hold their hands up to open ( in astonishment) mouths and grown men to regress back to Victorian attitudes, would it be possible to have my name changed to Lord Dead? Regards. LFN

LFN what nonsense you write. If you met Dave in real life, you would smack him in the chops. And he would come back for more. That's how utterly stupid he is. He has had enough warnings and has shown himself to be an habitual troll with idiocy aforethought. There are people in the world who aren't capable of functioning in a civilised social environment. That's why we have lunatic asylums, and housing estates. Tell you what NAP, that is such a blindingly good response Im going to turn tail and plead that the git is banned. Banshees, im willing to cut a deal here. I will change my moniker to somthing, shall we say, less offensive. In return you can cut me a tad of slack at times, when you consider it prudent, and I shall endeavour to be more relevent, articulate and thoughtful in any future posts. I shall, however, when I feel it is justified, be a nasty horrible barsteward and, occasionally post to annoy. I hope to be taken off the teat on the above statement ASAP. Regards Lord Dead ( If thats ok with you)

This is an example. Earlier in the thread a guest named Jeremy Poxman who 'Was probably Iain said this' om uch for democrasy.he was band despite people saying they doesnt want him band.and now you will never ever see dave post on here ever again.i suppose u could say he is dead now! hope u dont miss him too much! You just caught me off guard Welsh, it's just I hate too see letters uncapitalized at the beginning of sentences. O and Lord Fellatio Nelson, I don't think you have more authority here. Obviously you are somebody behind a mask (Yes probably a second identity' and your opinion means very little (Not to mention your interests are usually mocked and dissed at every living moment' I just hope your not very surprised. Oh Banshees, I am fully aware that I have no "authority" on here at all, do I give a toss? No. Of course I am somebody behind a mask, arent we all!! Yes my opinions mean very little here but I dont post to curry favour ( unlike the many) with anybody because I dont actually care enough about anyone here to demonstrate any degree of acumen that I may or may not have. Mocking and "dissing" as you call it comes with the territory, I give it out, I can take it. No Im not suprised, I am however suprised that, as my opinion means sod all, Im mocked and dissed at every turn and Im not one of your favourite people, you didnt have the backbone to just ignore me. You took the bait you berk!! PS:Look at the volume of my posts and then look at the volume of yours. Is there not something else more fulfilling ( apart from being a pompous knob) that you could be doing with your life? PPS: Dave doesnt "Conform" Dave isnt " Highbrow enough" Dave doesnt demonstrate " Intelligence" Dave isnt " One of us"................ How ridiculous to see grown ups act like playground bullies.

This forum is full of suprises. A Yank teaching a Taff the finer points of the English language Come back Dave, you are a complete twat but you are the antidote to the highbrow bullshit that tends to prevail here.

I'm sure you've mentioned that anecdote before here or thereabouts. That star struck fan wouldn't have happened to be you, would it, Lord? Were you that soldier? It's time to let it go... Cheers, BHB No, Im sure that is only the first time I have told that one................ No I wasnt that star struck fan, I prefer Female stars with big tits ( a sort of Camille Coduri looky like...she looks filthy) and as far as Im aware John Bardon is neither female or has big tits. Regards LFN

According to modern folklore he is a miserable, cantankerous bastard who, when once asked by a star struck fan for his autograph, told said fan to " Piss off". Im sure that fan will be crushed by the latest news.....................

Not me friend, I don't post as a guest. I've been quiet of late because I just can't be bothered. Oh happy days! There is somebody on here who is normal(ish)

Paranoid: Low Schizoid: Low Schizotypal: Low Antisocial: Low Borderline: Low Histrionic: Moderate Narcissistic: Moderate Avoidant: Low Dependent: Low Obsessive-Compulsive: Low Complete and utter Horseshit.

A very interesting thread. Im sitting here at 1.46 am, pissed as a fart,to the point where the screen is blurred, and Im thinking "Who gives a f**k"? Very few people on this planet have lived sinless lives, pointless worrying about it, we will all have to answer to our rank stupidity when we move to the next level. I think we worry too much about what people think of us in life, which gets you theorising as to how you feel you will be percieved in death. Only the almighty can give us absolution. I think I need to go and lay down ...........................................................

Is this spinning the wheel malarky similar to playing "Spin the Bottle"? If it is, count me in!

where did he meet them? Where the f**k do you think he met them? Jesus help us all.......... Oh God!!!! This is f*****g brilliant, Cabaret at its very finest..........

Appologies Octopus, the "Guest" was me, I hate bloody computers!!! Just had a read of Iains previous history. It has to be said that, apart from understanding your hatred, it has to be one of the funniest things I have read for sometime. I found myself reading them to the voice of one David "er quite remarkable" Coleman. It all, suddenly and horrifically, began to make sense.............

A man is chatting a girl up in the local nightclub MAN " ere darlin, fancy coming back with me for some hot sex?" GIRL "no sorry I cant, not tonight." MAN "Oh why not?" GIRL " Because Im on my menstrual cycle" MAN " Oh thats no problem, I'll follow you back on my Suzuki.......................

Whats the difference between a Barrowboy and a Dachshund? A barrowboy bawls out his wares.

...........just make sure its not a sheepskin coat.........that goes baaaaa.

There is a lesson in all of this. He drank like a fish, lived a less than clean living life yet he hung on, despite being hospitalised umpteen times, until the ripe old age of 76. As a contrast a 23yr old man died "peacefully" after completing the London Marathon, a feat Boris could never have achieved. Ive decided to go back to the ciggies,and a bottle of Havana club a night which, I reckon, may see me into my 90s.