Scraggy Taters

That axe in the forehead's gotta sting a bit. You live in Sheffield perchance ?

Where's a violent African coup when you need it? An angry Ethiopian pigeon ?

Hmm, I'd say the lack of near death action on this thread is a testament to Tom's general good health. Devastated or not; he's in fine form for one his age and his drug of choice for most of his glory years was a decent leg-over; so he hasn't got the drugs/smokin'/drink mileage that gave Lemmy congestive heart failure. Tom'll bounce back I reckon. Rebound as opposed to Reload ?

Yes. Spit, don't swallow.

Wouldn't it be ironic if The Independent encourage readers to stay in the EU ? The only thing that "paper" is Independent of, is reality. Their now-dead print edition was its last fig leaf of being anything other than a barely-disguised Islamic version of TMZ with a few soccer stories on the side. BTW stop stealing my rants. 1. It's ONE rant, not multiple. 2. I'm not stealing, it's 'selective copy & paste-ing' If there isn't a ' © ' symbol next to your post then I can type what I jolly well like.

I wouldn't have been so polite Anyhoo the only alias I'm working on at the moment is 'Jennie Saville' for mumsnet. Want to see how long her 'who's the cutest child that isn't your own' thread lasts when I get round to it.. Shit, missed that trick. I'll sign up again under the name 'Jemima Savile from Leeds'. Note to self : must remember 'Mumsnet', not 'NetMums'.... 'Mumsnet' is the northern, heavily tattoo-ed, 30 Richmonds a day, single woman with different coloured kids forum that hates men & old people. 'NetMums' is the southern yummy-mummy, 4x4 driver, hubby plays golf with his boss on Sundays while Daphne & Olivia go horse-riding with that fit ,young (but sadly gay) Sebastian forum.

Finally got shot of the crap Mods who haven't bothered to post since most of us joined.

Try saying that with your mouth closed... then try not to laugh.

There actually is a golden cherry but the lyric is as I wrote. My wife is a Tom Jones fan and I've heard all his songs many times. http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/arugula-golden-cherries-marcona-almonds-and-parmigiano-reggiano-51107210 Ah the old, 'my wife is a Tom Jones fan...'. Are they the ones who keep running out of underwear... and consequently don't wear any ?

Come again ? *groan* Once more... with feeling dear !

Unlike his heart.

Billy Bragg reports that he has died Billy Bragg dies.. then comes back to life to say he's died ?

What a load of bloody rubbish !

Not Mr Hankey, the Christmas Poo !? I wouldn't recommend stroking him though.... unless you're wearing those naff pink Marigold gloves.

I find bedding a woman is far more satisfying.

Are you sure you haven't confused it with Netmums? Mumsnet members wouldn't be seen dead on "Nethuns", as they call it. Netnuns ! What a crackin' site that is. Especially the 'Washing clothes forum'... ideal if one has a dirty habit.

I didn't get the chance as I discovered there were 47 other 'Traceys from Chelmsford' already on the members list. So I've deleted my 'account' there... and joined Netnuns instead.

Well that's spooky. I've got a nasty cold and have been living on chicken soup for the last two days. And I've been having chips with everything. I've had sausage rolls. Blimey, that was a jolly fast tumbleweed !!

Great idea for eliminating contestants on the next Big Brother, X Factor & B.G.T. More to the point, once we find the volunteers and the money-hungry psychiatrists who'll draw up the paperwork for the volunteers to sign... I'd say the show that answers the one trigger/two trigger question is reality television gold Reality Roulette. Get the trigger question on 'the dynamics of quantum entanglement' wrong & watch them sweat for the last 10 seconds of their pitiful life.

A job for Michael McIntyre & John Bishop methinx. They'd look good backed up against a wall facing a balaclava-ed firing squad or cowering under a 6ft Halibut chap with a freshly sharpened machete. The key word here is comedian. Do Michael McIntyre and John Bishop fit into that category ? Only if you're a Liverpudlian or a Chinese take-away delivery driver with a 1965 Paul McCartney haircut. Twice as funny if you're a Liverpudlian-Chinese take-away delivery driver with a 1965 Paul McCartney haircut.

If you can't switch me name, can I have 'Scythe 'n' Fiction' under my name instead please ?

Bit of a problem. It wont let me do it 'cos there's a space between the t & the E. ?! Your user-name has a lovely space between Paul & Bearer, as does a space currently exists betwixt Scraggy & Taters. Maybe the Deathlist computer objects to a gap between the letters 't' & 'e' ? Unless, between the t & the E.. you type in an underline '_' instead of a space (shift key the hyphen '-', the one right of the zero / 0 key). Clit_Eastwood ?

Good question. One which I'm sure the vast majority of our American 'gun-totin, rootin-tootin' chaps here can answer.

Wouldn't it be ironic if The Independent encourage readers to stay in the EU ?

I've never understood why people advocate punishing the party running the Westminster government by voting against that party in the local government elections. If my local council is doing what I consider to be a great job, why would I vote them out because their colleagues at Westminster are arseholes? Surely the time to kick the Westminster government up the arse is at the next general election. He was talking about not voting to get out of the EU so he wouldn't lose his talentless, cushy, sweet-arse, golden cherry plum instant-diabetes-causing fucking silk-panties-wearing Rococo cupcake of a job. That settles it. I'm voting out of the EU. The European Onion is shit anyway. Up yours Cameron, you faggoty-Tory, talentless, lilywhite-arse, golden cherry plum instant-diabetes-causing fucking silk-panties-wearing Rococo cupcake, playing pocket billiards during prime-ministers-question-time, pig-fucking nonce.