TLC

I love these guys. If the site is so "little" and "shitty" why did you bother to waste your precious time to read any of it. And even more post something! At least the site pressed a enough buttons on you sir/madam to stimulate a response. Great!!! I KNEW THE WORLD CONTAINED PLENTY OF TOTAL WEIRDO TWATS, BUT THIS SITE IS BEYOND ANY LEVEL OF STUPIDITY I COULD EVER IMAGINE! BUNCH OF LONELY FRIENDLESS IDIOTS! GET A F*****g HOBBY! MY hobby is this site, what shall I do?

You just want to see me in a black strappy number don't you? You dirty tease.

F*ck me man, that's reason enough to work in HR, normally HR wastes too much time on 6-page CV's with photos attached and CV's where phrases like 'push the envelope', 'blue sky thinking' and 'touching base' are used without leading to a death penalty. What sort of life is that?

Me and some of my mates used to have a pact that if we were to be involved in a high-speed car crash but we had time to realise but not enough time to get out of the way, we'd all have fists ready behind the front passengers arses so that the impact would leave us in a 'gay sex car crash pact' type of position for the papers. I just really hope that in that situation I'm not a survivor! With broken fingers. Glad to have shared.

Pretty straightforward, surely? 1) Doherty has clearly had no effective musical training. 2) Doherty is not the brightest fairy light on the christmas tree. QED. 11 GCSE's and 2 A levels what a thicko Doherty is. Well I've got 9 gcse's, 4 a levels and a degree so read out of that what you will. I was trying to make the point that it doesn't make Pete clever, please don't think that was an attempt to show off as it's nothing to show off about, having a Politics degree! There are few subjects where a degree could be less relevant. considering politicians show off about having no qualiications... Also, one of my A levels is 'general studies'....

Ah, I sense my reply to the much acclaimed rant was misguided. Although I defend the right to have a go at anyone who compares sports to chess. My god, Chris Langham is on HIGNFY again! Have I missed something? Has there ever been consideration for a DL awards ceremony at the end of each year? Best post factually, best humourous post, best rant, best rant reply, outstanding services to DL knowledge etc. Black tie? I have a strappy black number that's been gathering dust for some time that deserves one more encore!

You could try and make the insult more insulting, witty, relevant or not based on what seems to be just internet-based slang. I can honestly say I've never heard the experssion 'emo' before, and I know you might not believe it, I do go out and socialise on occasion. Maybe the problem is that my town has a few people who are neither emos or chavs, plus I pay more attention to the people in the bar sor clubs or wherever, rather that the sad little f*cks hanging around on the streets. You also confuse retarded with 'not having heard of something', which I suggest displays a little more retarded-ness than I did. I suspect you are under the impression that 'emo' is a well used phrase throughout society, like 'hoodie' or 'chav' which actually are, unfortunately. Silly me, I completely forgot about all of those 'emos' that I see all of the time around town, I must have confused them with the Goths that by your description they look and sound like, I will ask next time if they could look a little more camp/sexually confused through their gloomy demeanour so that I can identify them correctly. FFS? What have fish finger sandwiches got to do with anything?

Is one trying to inform myself that the rather bluntly stated message one originally submitted onto the aforementioned bulletin board was not adequately ostensible? Or is one candidly implying that through the use of over analyzing 4 simple words that the content of the memorandum can be dismissed? Dear Guest, 'cry more emo fag' to me also either means 'you should cry more, emotional faggot' or I've got no idea what it means either. And if it does mean that, perhaps you could explain in what way it's a relevant reply to what DDT wrote? I'd spit that thesaurus out as well if I were you, it doesn't seem to agree with you. You could just say 'yes, it means what you thought' or 'no, it doesn't mean that, it means the following...' or isn't that clever enough?

For christ's sake, does every single f*cking sport on this planet have to be described as a 'physical game of chess'? I'm not a boxing expert I'll admit, but I'm not anti boxing and will quite happily watch it, but in what way is it even remotely like chess? Why would you even want to compare it to chess anyway? Whatever the tactics, at professional level the aim is partly at least to knock your opponent out, or do him some damage or stop him hurting you to win on points. I know there's tactics involved, but essentially it's two blokes trying to twat each other, and the sooner people realise this and appreciate it for what it is then the better. Boxing is a science? According to who, boxers? You say 'get some testosterone', and then compare boxing to a science and chess, those two well-known testosterone-fuelled arenas of raging manliness. Now why don't you go and try loads of different types of exotic meat and tell us they all taste of chicken.... or maybe even come up with something original.

Sorry CP, after ruminating over it I've finally realised I really haven't got the imagination to pick a team for the CPDP that isn't just the first 19 random names I pick from the ideas & possibilities list, with Bryan Adams thrown in as the Canadian just because I'd be gutted if he celebrated his 'summer of 6 feet under' and I missed it. I'm just not ready for that sort of level of commitment...

Weird, I hadn't notice anyone say anything bad on this thread about Richard Hammond whatsoever, in fact people have mostly been wishing him well. However, never let facts get in the way of a good rant, eh? Much easier to call us all sick f*cks or whatever than actually read what's been said. I particularly like the variations of "you lot are all so insensitive about death etc., you all deserve to die a lonely painful death/be shot on sight/strung up" without even a hint of irony. Personally, I like Top Gear and Brainiac, and even if I didn't I'd still wish him a speedy recovery. I'm sure someone will still manage to read what I've just written and interpret it as me wishing him dead or something....

So you think that hanging around on a forum about a subject you find so incredibly distasteful makes you normal? Normal people would go for stuff that interests them I should think. Most people here can appreciate that death is something that happens to us all, and it's only in recent history that humanity has decided to try and shield itself from death or even discussing it, meaning that most people aren't emotionally equipped to deal with it these days. To the point where to even discuss it is considered bad form, and it's always euphemised e.g. 'passed away', 'gone to a better place' etc. PEOPLE DIE! ALL OF THEM! Plus you can't take even a tiny joke about Queen, as you choose to think that the 'threats' made on this site to kill Roger and Brian are real*; although if Brian thinks 'Too much love can kill you' god knows what he thinks too much of his solo work can do to a chap. Truly there are some fates worse than death. If only too much hair could kill you eh? ps that was a joke, I don't expect you to find it funny (join the ever growing club) but can you at least tell that the above wasn't a serious death threat I just made? Did you have a bad xmas & new year, I notice you joined here on 1st January. Hangovers can make us all consider our own mortality I guess... Right, I'm off to the Royal forums to be outraged by their pro-royalist ways.... *Breaking Brian's fingers and Roger's arms should be enough, no need to overdo it eh?

That's easy for you to say... Is that Bruno?

hi do you know why voldenort wanted to kill james and lily potter in the frist place Are you asking because you want to know, or because you have such juicy gossip in your possession and wish to pass it on? Either way no I don't, but I'm guessing it's either in one of the books, one of the films, or J.K. Rowling hasn't decided yet. It's not real. You could try a Harry Potter forum, I'd be surprised if a few didn't come up above 'deathlist' on Google if you type "harry potter". Regards, TLC

And doesn't he look pleased about being part of the Cant family? I bet that was a Bleak House.... ...in fact, he looks a bit like a young lad being forced to wear an unwanted silk cravat that he got that xmas from his grandparents....and saying thank you through gritted teeth. Can I have my photo album back please Anubis? I'll swap it for my collection of 'AtJ & sister in Deerstalker' snaps.

I quite often listen to The Who's rock opera 'Tommy', the original version not the goddawful soundtrack to the movie. Yeah, but everyone should see "Tommy" at least once, if for no other reason then to see Tina Turner vibrate. It scarred my son for life. Not having seen "Tommy", is this Tina's usual style of 'dancing' (legs wide open and vibrating like a washing machine on the spin cycle) where she looks like she's accidentally manufactured a dog-egg and is attempting to subtly flick it down her leg whilst styling it out as some sort of wobbly-legged dance manouver?

josco, you really is the "goner" here, if this your contribution to life you need to take a dose of your pills because piece of gabbage like you need to demolish....you're polluting this life so you need to sweep off the street to make way for decend people like "King Tupou the iv" where the hell you're from????? somalia???? sound like your are starving!!!!!!!!! I don't think that reply was quite worth waiting a year and a half for, as beautifully put as it was. Why does everyone get so upset about referring to a fat person as 'fat'? Perhaps if the King had stuck to eating his gabbage there's be none of this controversy about his once-comfortable figure.

R!

Well I think that probably puts you out of the running for a start. Any self-respecting religious figurehead must be able to tell the difference between preaching peace, love & understanding on the one hand, and fiery eternal suffering to those who have chosen a different path in life, sinful or not. However, if that doesn't put you off, I volunteer my services as a reference for your Papal application form.

Dammit, always the bridesmaid... My 500 looks puny compared to your big bulging 3,000! I consider my thunder to have been well and truly stolen. Well done on achieving Twunt Mastery MPFC, let's see if you can do the double over me tomorrow when if Carlisle beat Charlton! Thanks to all those with kind words, I suspect OoO's comments are the closest to what I've tried to accomplish through the medium of the post. Style over content has always been the aim! I will admit there has been some learning on my part since I've been here, I notice death reports in the news these days and think 'I actually knew that'. Impressive, eh? I'd heard of less than half of the list when I started, now it's probably right up to, oooh, 30-ish? Actually, after just quickly scanning the list I do know most of them; still no idea who Charles Lane, Ingmar Bergman or Dino De Laurentiis are though. Have I missed out? It's fair to say I never have anything to say in the 'ideas & possibilities' or 'near misses' theads, but I always read them. Well, skim them at least. Finally to answer BHB, the Cadburys 'TLC' chocolate finger was put into production, but has since been put on hold. Why, I hear you ask? Because the Cadburys board of directors realised that such a chocolate-fest needed a suitable holiday to celebrate it, and it was considered too close to xmas to really get the public behind the wonder of 'TLC's magical chocolate fingers; enjoy them warm or cold'. I've been told Easter is looking good, they are easily made into cross shapes for a start, so they're instantly relevant. And big enough to crucify a full-size person on too, if slightly less reliable in the summer months than their wooden cousins.

I think this site is more about de-composers really, not that I'm trying to put you off. I never have, I prefer to let it perform as nature intended. But that's because I'm almost over-gifted, over-intelligent and generally rather special. Just ask my mum, you don't just become her little soldier by being ordinary I can tell you. Have fun on the DL, TLC

Well, here it is, my magic 500! Is this mike on?...testing, testing....1....2.....okay at the back? What? Oh good, right. Ahem! I just have a few words to say to some special people out there...if I can just find my notes...ha ha....this is so embarrassing...right! Ahem.. Since I started posting here in February (I was too timid to post when I first joined, I'm sure plenty of you miss those days) I must say I've thoroughly enjoyed myself. Sometimes on topic, often off topic, sometimes ranting at ranters, occasionally making valid points on current political situations, the odd attempt at jokes and general punnery, with a soupçon of stories from my mostly embarrassing personal life, so no different from anyone else I guess in that respect. I like to think I've made quite a few electronic friends on this site, and also some semi-real friends via posting, pm'ing and the chat facility. I particularly like the fact that it's not always the same people in each situation, and isn't always who'd you expect, depending on who you were expecting. Variety is the spice of life after all, if sitting in front of a computer all day typing similar messages to different semi-anonymous people can be accurately described as variety. Thanks to MPFC & Six, who actually congratulated me before I even made the 500, you pair of whore-encouragers, not that I really need it. Also big respec' going out to BHB, LG, ie+, CP, SC, Windsor, Handrejka, SCSI, Hallelujahjohntudor, for bearing the brunt of my chat & PM's between them. Thanks to Bou for being the one to say hello when I first started posting, so you can all blame her for my staying! Anyone else please feel free to dig if I've not included you in the above list and should have. You know who you are, and you're all special. If it helps, imagine I'm pointing my big finger at you and winking (definitely winking!) in that special way... I shan't be retiring just yet, as this achievement of 500 posts is almost noteworthy enough for me to be able to put it on my CV! Maybe I'll try to keep my posting a little shorter & to the point in future, but I'll doubt it'll work out like that. I guess I must have a pretty high words per post average, I salute anyone who actually reads the whole thing on a regular basis, even Roy Castle didn't show that level of dedication. Right, that'll do, be afraid in advance of the length of my speech if I actually make the magical 1,000. I'm off to do some work but will look in over the course of the day to read the glowing tributes and humourous anecdotes contributed by my fellow DL'ers as part of the homage. Champers & hampers are on the table over there, vol-au-vents and general nibbles are over there, plus my prized copy of 'Girls, giggles & garters' is in the booth other there for gentlemen of immaculate taste to peruse at their leisure. Pip pip! TLC

I bet you weren't expecting this!! Oh, ok then, fair enough. I have confused myself with the Spanish Inquisition, again. See you in the twunt thread for champers & hampers....!

From the above article: - That's what you get for banning the milder forms of animal dyeing, people just move on to bigger and harder forms of animal. When & where was it ok to dye baby chicks at Easter anyway, and what colour were they dyed? Forgive me for not knowing which shade of baby chick should be appropriate for Easter, perhaps I need to swot up on my bible studies. Or is it a case of 'whatever colour you like, as long as it makes them cross'? See what I did there? Hot damn...

Ok, I'll see what I can do, but don't expect me to post purely to bump my numbers up.