TLC

In that case I feel that I must nominate our esteemed member Yogi Bear for Moderatership then, possibly a bit over-qualified by the above definition. I'd nominate myself, but my tongue only reaches other people's backsides. In theory of course.

Erm, let me think... No. Also no. We may be impolite but we're not all hypocrites. Why should I get angry if someone attacks 'my' Queen? I didn't vote for her, and I'm sure she wouldn't stick up for me if the situation was reversed. Look up 'Spitting Image' on google and see how much us brits defend our royalty, amongst other things. Anyway, I did vote for Tony Blair (well Labour anyway) and I absolutely couldn't give a toss is he gets criticised, and at least he's a legitimate (ish) spokesperson for our country. I don't see how anyone has the right to be above criticism just because of who they are. Except perhaps for Chris Morris. I see very little to admire in people just because an accident of birth made them royal, even if they turn out to be fantastic at whatever being royal entails, work really hard, crusade against the planting of land mines etc. Being royalty these days just means your ancestors were nastier bastards than other people's ancestors and took the power of the land, or do we really still believe in divine right and blue blood? Oh, right, I see. People should only be put on pedestals if they can accept the possibility of being knocked off of them. Kind regards, TLC

I have to say that I'm not having a lot of success in my new career as a gay, Mary. I thought it would provide a perfect opportunity to pay off the milk bill, 'in kind', but the milkman wasn't interested. Perhaps my answering the door in a leather, studded thong and nipple clamps sent out mixed signals and smacked of desperation? I'm off to Amazon to get some Erasure CDs. And a cravat. I think I need a cravat. My crow kingdom for a cravat! I can't imagine any signals that outfit sent out were mixed! Of course, if you were in a hurry getting dolled up and put the studded thong on inside out, your facial expression may have been enough to put the milkman off from making one extra full cream delivery.... I think you need a dressing gown more than a cravat, although the two go rather well together. The dressing gown gives you more of a chance to successfully invite people in before bolting the door and disrobing, in my experience. The cravat should be silk by the way, anything else would lack class! If I still had the one my nan got me for xmas when I was 8 years old (or the matching one my brother got the same xmas!) I'd send it to you, but I think the police forensic department will hold on to it for some time yet, just in case any advance on current DNA identification procedures is discovered in the future. The spoilsports.

Happy Birthday Six! I'm normally late with the birthdays, but I coundn't have been much more prompt this time. I hope you get your very favourite flavoured jelly for your special birthday tea!

Godot, good luck with the book and the other real-life stuff you need to do. Maybe just au revoir rather than goodbye? TLC

see that's what I don't get is palangi's think they have the right to speak on other culture but your so flipin ignorant I mean calling my people fat not all tongans are fat. oh and you think it's funny making fun of our king ha ha what did we ever do to you if you don't know anything about us and our king then don't dis us like that hop off the internet and jump in to the tongan community and say what you got to say. in our culture we respect people even though we don't know them. I don't know about you and others who are disrespectful Doesn't the post you've quoted just say the King was fat, rather than everyone from Tonga is fat? So, if the King was fat, how is it ignorant to refer to him as fat? If it helps redress the balance, I for one have noticed that he's lost weight recently although I'm not sure if he looks better for it.

I support Charlton, my flatmate supports Portsmouth. I even dropped him off at the Valley where he watched the game with the home supporters, whereas once I got home Prem Plus decided it wouldn't work today, probably for the best. In my darker moments I wish he'd have jumped up and celebrated the Pompey goal really loudly. It's time for Dowie to demonstrate his 'bouncebackability'; that phrase he stupidly coined when at Palace, not that it helped them much.

Expresses my POV on the matter. I think in about 11 of my posts' time that might not look to be such a good idea....

Or add the word "allegedly" at the end of each comment. I believe it's when you make libelous comments that you come unstuck. No, as Hack/ says that's no get out. Also libel and contempt are two different things. Also it's not just about newspapers. It's about publishing and that covers anything from notes on billboards to, well, this site. The test is whether anything said could be deemed prejudicial to the outcome of the case. It might be amusing, however, to see the GR hauled up before the bench in order to explain the behaviour of his organ. Isn't that pretty much what Mr Langham has got to do? Anone else notice UKTVG2 still showed the repeat episode of him guest presenting 'Have I Got News For You?' last night? Not that I'm passing judgement, just commenting.

Can't fault the logic of that, mainly because there isn't any.

How can there possibly exist anything smaller than that which is visible to the naked eye? Heresy! Burn the witch! You think so simple. As far as i'm concerned it's very possible. And just to be an asshole for one quick second, it's a fact that microscopic sh*t flies in the air and we don't see it. It certainly does. I was strimming the front lawn once and failed to notice someone had deposited a plastic bag full of canine ordure next to the wall. I couldn't see it, but unfortunately could smell it rather too well. I think my neighbours enjoyed the Benny Hill speed strip I performed before I legged it back indoors too. Consider your wrist duly slapped SC, perhaps trial by fire would be suitable punishment? It should help re-balance your humours.

i totally agree with this thread.Thi sis possibly the most fascist forum on the inetrnet that I have come across.I thikn the moderators should reflect on that and come to the obvious conclusion.Nobody will want to come here with mopderators out of control like they are and acting like littler Hitlers.Its actually pathetic The thread is about Moderaters not Moderatos, I think the Moderater group is made up of Tempus Fugit, Banshees Scream and Windsor, and so those are the people whose powers are under discussion here. So, mysterious guest, you may think you agree with this thread but you have missed the point a little. Also, the most fascist forum on the internet has failed to delete a post by a guest complaining about the Moderators? Is this that rarer form of fascism known as 'Liberal Fascism' at work here? I have no idea what powers either group have (or the differences between the two) beyond editing, merging, pinning topics etc; but I have wondered occasionally what the point of two levels of moderating are. Is it because these 3 people are the most likely to be online and so if some basic mod powers are given to them it means you don't have to wait for a 'proper' moderator to be online to sort out relatively minor problems? Other than that I fail to see the point myself, but as a fairly non-controversial poster it has little direct effect on me either way. I did vote 'yes' though, but considering the alternative that doesn't really mean much. Oh, and to answer Weatherman90, the spelling difference is just to...erm...differentiate the positions, Moderaters is the wrong spelling on both sides of the Atlantic.

Did you just get a dictionary and look up all the rude words, and then see if you could use them all in one go? You missed out c*nt though, which is one of the good ones. Feel free to have another go. Who isn't leaving the King to rest in peace, I think he was quite a popular figure on this site. Or is it the phrase 'fat old bugger' that Josco used in 2005 that upsets everyone? It's not even that offensive; the word bugger shouldn't be taken literally, it can be an endearing term in fact. You touchy bugger. See? I'd be interested to see you try & get an asshole to f*ck anything, never mind anyone's mother. Perhaps a double-headed dildo would make it possible, is that what you had in mind? If not, perhaps your next purchase should be a 'biology of the human body' book. Once you've finished with the dictionary, that is. I don't need any swear to explain your stupidity, you did it rather well yourself.

Might be time for me to pop my dead pool cherry too, especially as one category is half named after me. I'd be surprised to get any points at all, my picks will be about as well considered as my posts. Would Kevin Costner count as a bodyguard? If I'm going to get him neutralised anyway (in bodyguard parlance) it may as well be worth a few extra points. You can see the serious thought going into my selections already, I fancy. I fear my teams may become wish lists rather than being made up of people who might actually die. I wonder if the cast of dinnerladies regularly travel to rehearsals (if they have them) in the same coach? If so, I'm applying for the driver's job and will risk the ultimate price for some sort of massive dead pool score by 'accidentally' falling asleep at the wheel whilst heading for Land's End. And I'll be performing a massive public service, so perhaps a posthumous award of some sort will be bestowed upon me?

Having just seen a repeat of him hosting Have I Got News For You I might have to agree. Sarcasm goes so far over his head it doesn't even ruffle his fluffy blonde locks. Class. What? Ooo-eerr! Crikey!

my best was 2038 2586. Never again.

Let's hope no-one takes that out of context and tries to make a smutty comment. oh... ah. (shakes fist) Damn you Anubis, and all your kind! To be fair though, my quote is probably a good answer to quite a lot of important life questions. Well, bag related ones anyway.

If you read all of that you're a more patient man than I am TF. She's treading a fine line between understanding what he did and excusing his actions, if what I read of it was enough to have based a fair opinion on.

Sorry, random thought about crappy sitcoms again, I just had the unfortunate experience of Fresh Fields popping into my head. Oh, and French Fields, the hilarious Gallic spin-off. Good Lord. Duty Free. Haggard.

If you lick your fingers first and then rub the top of the bag that usually does it. Hope that helps. TLC

I doubt if many Daily Mail readers use Montblanc pens, more like Papermate with Parkers for the Telegraph, Sheaffers for the Times, Bic for the Daily Mirror and crayons for the Sun. Montblanc has to be the FT. Fair point about the Montblanc pens, but I bet if they were advertised in their horrific innovations magazine (Mail on Sunday, don't know if 'innovations' still exists) as being 'exclusive executive pens' they'd all get them, or at least pretend they had one. Especially if you can get them monogrammed, to match the golf balls and bath robes.

Putting on my insurance hat, to agree with MPFC angioplasty is such a successful and straightforward operation these days that most insurers have took it off their list of things they'll pay out for with a Critical Illness policy. They started to get fed up with people claiming however many hundreds of thousands of pounds from their policy and then being right as rain a short time later, bless their cotton socks. If people must claim, I think insurers are aggreived if the claimant doesn't have the deceny to die or at least get left crippled or left in a vegetative state. For those who don't know but care, angioplasty is where an umbrella type thing is put in a blocked aretery and then put up to unblock it; much much safer, easier and non-invasive than a bypass apparently. Combine that with the assumption that Blair will have access to a pretty good surgeon and I think he'll be ok for now.

Elections have often been held around May time, but a general election can be held at any point within 5 years of the previous one. The occasional debate crops up about whether the incumbent party should have the right to choose the date (as they do now) or if there should be a fixed term of say 4 years. On the one hand, picking your own date can be very useful and a bit of an unfair advantage, i.e. calling a snap election when you happen to do something vote-winning like start a war. On the other hand, if the date is set in stone you can't 'force' an election upon a rubbish government with lots of back bench rebels, meaning nothing gets done as bill after bill is defeated. Indeed, in 1974 there were two general elections, held in the May and October. The second was called because the first was so tight and nothing was getting passed in the commons except for the usual wind; I think there was a Lib-Lab pact in the October election to get a decisive majority. The collapse of this a few years later helped lead to Mrs T's large majority in May 1979. Glad to have cleared up lots of unasked questions there! ps Screaming Lord Sutch has made some sensible suggestions in the past, at least according to www.omrlp.com anyway: -

Do they make quilted bikes in Holland then? Or have I just shown my lack of biking knowledge to the world? BHB, awesome story! I had no such magic coat unfortunately, but I'm with you on the never ever running out of fags part of the story. If I'm going to a club I always take at least 40, especially as by 2am every other f*cker has run out and I turn into a vending machine yet again. Equally, I could never live somewhere that isn't within a 15 min walk of a 24-hour petrol station or newsagents. Unless I ever manage to give up, but that's just potty talk. I wish I could help you locate the coat, but I don't know enough about crow behaviour. The only wisdom I can impart is that it won't be in Holland, as that's too orangey for crows....

Certainly a bit of fun, but as there's no actual competing I'm not so sure the DL is a game, like say the DDP. Sick? That's in the eye of the beholder. Just look at how much global interest there's been over Steve Irwin crocking it. I think you may have forgotten to insert the drum roll there CR. On Maryport's question, I reckon it's a bit of fun, but from my point of view it also brings to light many people's double standards about death. If someone is seen in public as a nasty character (i.e. Robert Maxwell) then it seems acceptable to take the piss out Maxwell's bloated corpse on the TV for ever; no-one cares about the feelings of the friends and family in that case, although I suppose Maxwell's family didn't inspire sympathy but that's just the first example I thought of. Yet on here you get ranters about celebrities with heavy drug habits, terminal illnesses or just plain old age for instance, where we might just be talking about their chances of dying due to their own lifestyle choices, bad fortune or their age, without actually saying we want that person to die. Not that we don't do that too on occasion... There were enough jokes going around about the Queen Mother dying or even the Princess of Hearts (gawd bless 'er x2) on the TV, email circulars, down the pub etc. but on a forum it becomes sacrilegious to some people. Again, forgotten my precise point* in an attempt to stay on topic...... maybe one day the name 'Death List' really will provide a clue to the passer-by of the nature of this site. Presumably you get forums for every type of person or hobby imaginable; I wonder if the same people who rant here go on to swingers' sites (if they exist of course ) and complain about the loose morality and lack of belief in the sanctity of marriage etc.? And then settle down with their copy of the Daily Mail, Mont Blanc pen and Basildon Bond paper to write another 'outraged from Kent' letter. Basically I just wanted to doff my cap to CR's splendid punnery; I shall probably return after my next gallon of coffee. So, in about 1/2 hour then. *I've just re-read the last post by MPFC; a much much better and shorter way of what I think I was trying to say above.