TLC

Given the options you've presented him with, I think the clever money's on 'summat'. Iain, I've kind of mentioned it before, but why not become an Astrologer or a Medium or something like that? You could get away with being even less accurate with your predictions than you are now, with the added bonus of: - you possibly getting paid for your troubles me not having to read or hear about it Keep up the good work! Thought for the day: - I think a lot of the world's troubles are caused by people not being able to accept coincidences for being just that. If people could realise most if not all stuff just happens due to consequences, and that for every million to one shot there are potentially 8 billion people it could happen to (meaning over the course of a life loads of unlikely things should happen to most people) then everybody might stop looking for the signs/hidden meaning/bigger picture/religious significance etc. in every f*cking thing and just get on with living. And Russell Grant would be out of a job, if nothing else. Discuss.

So. Done that. Did anyone die? Also done, although I refused to email the last answer to 'BinkelBop' as proof; I think I'd rather not be contacting anyone who'd go by that sort of childish name as a matter of choice... Isn't that right, Cowboy Ronnie and Notapotato? TLC

and from this link I quote: Recently I heard that Charlie Drake has also been admitted into Brisnworth House. He has had a stroke and gone blind. Wonder if he ever bumps in to Richard. submitted by D. Head A pseudonym by any chance? Are you and Twelvetrees identical (and stylish) twins, or is that a pseudonym of yours?

FAT OLD BUGGER AYY! I'd tke that bck if i wer u! cos u dn't knw wat his dun 4 his country you ass! I believe you can still do work for your country and be a fat old bugger, the two aren't mutually exclusive. Winston Churchill springs to mind, for one. Also, were you under the impression this was a text message forum? ps If we did know what he's done for his country, would that make him thin again? He'd still be a thin old bugger though.

Mel Gibson considers the irony of being left with just a burning bush...

Has Bruno been giving you lessons? Seriously, what is that? Did you write it before breakfest? No. Although I haven't eatin yet. But I'm being very truthful about what i'm saying, I once saw a bum with shoes made out of plastic wrap. Or slippers what ever you would prefer to call them... I don't know what else he had. He could have had a paper plate pillow and a TV made out of a card bored box, with drawings for the buttons, and his imagination was the channels. He could have had a woman that he carved himself out of wood, but she wouldn't last long because once winter comes he has to burn something to keep him warm. And when somebody asks him on the street Hey! how many times have you been married 'If this ever happened'? He can then say 10 - 25 times. because that is how many wooden wives he has had. I know i'm getting carried away, but this homeless man I can still remember, I believe his mind is lost in the chaos of Vietnam. From there everything must have went down hill... Well SC, that's that cleared up then. Even by my standards that's a little odd. Maybe that's what too much stone soup can do to a chap.

Bit of a weird nickname for a guitar, no? Camper van perhaps, but no camper than the final passenger. More camp than a Boy Scout convention, to coin an old saying.

That's pretty much my patch is Dartford, it's the sort of place that's got just enough alcohol on tap so that you never have to remember what you did there, or why you were there. Of course I'm from about 5 miles away in a much 'classier' neighbourhood (Bexleyheath), so if you're getting the train we could conceivably be on the same one, how exciting is that? I'll keep an eye out for orange-faced gurners, and you keep an eye out for a chap with an enormous index finger. It can't fail, although I have to be careful waving as I can take people's entire faces out - never mind eyes - with the big fat digit. To clarify - Bexleyheath is in the London Borough of Bexley, but Bexley and Bexleyheath are in Kent. We're covered by the Met Police & have London phone no.s, but Kent postcodes. I think most of the edge of London has a similar identity crisis. Life still struggles on despite this crisis, who says us Southerners are soft? Oh yes, everyone else, that's right.

And there, my friends, is the main reason that you should actually take acid rather than just pretend you have.... Apologies puzziteer if you're being genuine, but your prose does sound all a bit overly hippified (in my humble opinion) for a genuine Hofmann fan. Or maybe I've just never quite followed the trail right to the ends of the rainbows; if I did I suspect the legendary crock I'd find there might not be full of gold. Oh my god there's a huge pink dragon chasing me down the street, luckily I can fly away.... etc. etc.

Yes He is an ex SA Presidant not a dictator, if thats what your looking for looking at the current RSA goverment, Boerhenning Well goodness me I offer a big DL apology, we wouldn't want to upset the chap by suggesting he's a naughty ex-dictator. Michael Foot isn't officially a Tramp and Margaret Thatcher didn't actually snatch milk either (sort of) before anyone else gets upset. By the way BoerHenning, your sophisticated argument kind of defeats itself, does it not? You rightly claim Botha was officially a president (with a mandate from a slightly unrepresentative portion of the population but I'll overlook this for the sake of the argument), and then suggest that your current government is run by a dictator? I've heard of benevolent dictatorships, but democratic dictatorships? Hmmmmm? It's the classic 'no I'm not, but you are' argument that serves so many 4-7 year olds well, the whole world over. It's probably about time for a story & a cup of warm cocoa now isn't it? I'd recommend the Ladybird book of Voortrekkers stories, from when the days were full of honest work, hard struggle, clean living and shooting dark people who 'started it all' of course; I don't want to appear biased.

Does your hypothesis extends to Bernie Clifton? The famous Clifton Suspension that the bridge was named after, now it makes sense.

If you're doing a course, remember that if a brief description of Michael Henchard is ever needed, just use the phrase 'Caged Lion' and smile enigmatically. When you've finished the book you should see that his character fits the description well enough all the way through. Trust me, it worked for my 1992 A Level English Literature exam anyway, although the supervising teachers probably wondered why I kept smiling enigmatically to myself.... Hardy is the only author I studied for A levels that I ever willingly purchased other books by. Far From The Madding Crowd was pretty good I seem to recall. A shame Hardy is fixated with changing the names of amost all of the towns in the semi-mythical 'Wessex' area, seeing as he doesn't alter anything else about them so there's no point to it. For instance, there's still Portsmouth, but Reading becomes Kennetbridge (due to the river Kennet I think, but still...) just because he feels like it. I am currently avoiding reading Allan Carr's stopping smoking book. I read it once before and I stopped for 3 weeks which is about 2 1/2 weeks longer than any of my other attempts. I mean my one other attempt. A very weird book; nothing in it that you don't already know, easy to spot the sales/brainwashing techniques (repetition of key phrases through the whole book etc.) and I had no feeling of 'I hate cigarettes' when I finished it, but I just didn't want one at all, no craving. I was convinced for 3 weeks that I'd never smoke again. Shame about the cannabis though, as soon as I tried that again it all went up in smoke. Pun intended & acknowleged as lame.

Good grief! I do, I'm pretty sure I saw it but I know I definitely read the book as a nipper. Had a big Vampire face (film footage) on the front cover. Something to do with a human visiting this exclusive little club in London (Sparrow Lane I think the book said) for monsters and listening them tell each other monster stories from the monster's perspective. Certainly sounds good, eh? ps one day I'll read your name as 'pulp hack' in my head rather than 'pull fack' which is the way my brain read it first time and keeps sticking despite it not meaning anything.

MPFC, Technically I do, although I suppose London suburbs is more accurate for pinpointing my manor. As per ATJ's beautiful selection of Sheerness snaps, it's a petrochemical wonderland! Kent may be the 'Garden of England', but every good garden needs a compost heap. And gardens generally get animals crapping all over it at some point, some from a great height. Plus, if you're getting the train I'd wear summer gear whatever the weather forecast. All Kent trains are local ones rather than inter-city type stuff, so no air-con. Indeed, the latest ones don't even have those ineffective car dashboard-style air blowers or windows that open more than an inch. I think this is in preparation for a future of mass floods in the Kent area, as they seem to be making the trains airtight and therefore waterproof. If Sheerness really is the steaming turd it has a reputation for being, there appears to be a town called Blue Town about a mile away; might be worth a look? May I enquire what brings you down to Sheerness? Business I hope, or you might be out of luck.

Oaten was mainly scat, and I'm not too sure whether he was top or bottom. If there's three or more scatteurs with dodgy stomachs involved in some sort of chain-scat, presumably that's where the term Gravy Train comes from? I always was dubious about buying scatter cushions.... Bags I get to be 'Lucky Pierre'!* *probably best not to ask.

And I'll take a wild guess that he's not heavy either. Hey, that's not very nice! His welfare is my concern if you must know..... Ithangyew, you've been a great audience, safe journey home & quiet on the way out, pur-leeze! Nope. I've slept on it and I still don't understand this response to my, admittedly not very good, Hollies joke. I think I'm smoking the wrong cigarettes or drinking the wrong tea or something... Confused, Hampshire. Dear Confused, Re 'his welfare is my concern'; it's another line from the song but I admit I made a mess of trying to incorporate it into a joke. I was trying to say words to the effect of 'don't make jokes about him because I care' whilst shoehorning in the above line. Shamefaced, Kent.

He'll end up on the Sex Offenders Register for that sort of behaviour. Surprising what you can get delivered to old people's homes with the right connections. 'Splish splash I was taking a bath....'

I think for the football it's purely because they can't really play in their correct geographical area for all the obvious safety reasons. Don't know about Eurovision though, it's not as if they have similar contests worldwide with the top 6 in each group going on to a Worldvision Song Contest or something to that effect. Unless it was someone's bad idea of appeasment: 'Sorry the whole promised land thing has landed you in a spot of bother with the neighbours chaps, but tell you what, we have this great annual musical celebration/competition in Europe which you can join in with to ease your worries. How does that sound?'

That would certainly explain why no-one had anything to add to this thread for nearly 2 years, our Western-biased attitudes meant we simply didn't know what questions to ask; DL'ers aren't in the habit of just putting their opinions on this site without being able to back them up, heaven forbid! That's what Wikipedia is for. Being slightly picky, wasn't even this marriage between two people/bodies? The fact that the relatives still needed to get them married even after the 'unfortunate gun incident' surely shows that whatever the family/estate/society based advantages to the marriage, it is nonetheless an act between the couple that makes it a marriage. Willing or unwilling, arranged or through love, dead or alive, still between two people. It does lead to the worrying question of whether such marriages can occur if only one of the couple dies pre-nuptials, and can the living one then divorce, and if so on what grounds? I eagerly await a reply, perhaps before the end of 2008.

I reckon there's every chance me and my lover will go at exactly the same time, barring any Bobbitt type incidents between then & now that is.

By the looks of the BBC website it's Yorkshire Stereotype Day; the first two pictures I saw were of a row of Coronation Street style rooftops, and of Compo from Last of the Summer Wine...

Christ on a bike, you are not wrong my friend! Thank heavens he died in 1948, save me wasting good shotgun cartridges on him that could be better used to spice up his 'art' a little. My real surname used to lead to my personal website but not any more. Mostly because I never maintained it, and also because it... no wait, just the first reason. The fact that it was only about 10% finished and of 'sh*t-on-a-stick' quality has nothing to do with why you can't find it any more.

Of the 32.5 million TLC google hits there is the band TLC, The Learning Channel, The Loan Company, TLC electrical supplies, TLC Day Nursery, TLC Lifts*, The Library Corporation and 'Michael Kelly's Page of Misery: Why I hate TLC'. We've never even met, how rude is that? Like HCW I also claim a mention in a Michael Jackson song, the beautiful PYT taken from the Thriller album: - He also refers to the PYT in question as 'tenderoni' at one point in the first verse, smooth! *a local company, not sure if they're on google. I was going to start a rival website with them at one point and just put pictures of me on there holding heavy objects.....

And I'll take a wild guess that he's not heavy either. Hey, that's not very nice! His welfare is my concern if you must know..... Ithangyew, you've been a great audience, safe journey home & quiet on the way out, pur-leeze!

So they were in fact boasting about performing their maneuvers of an orchestral nature here? Quite impressive, but I think the thought of them [stifle giggle] 'doing it in the dark' [/stifle giggle] impressed me more; from a well balanced grown up's point of view that is. Doing it...