TLC

Belated Happy Birthday SCSI, I've didn't go on the DL yesterday & missed it, but I'm sure you managed to struggle (or stagger) through the day nonetheless. I'm sure I'll speak to you in the chat soon. TLC

Kippers, officer, kippers...honest! Does that get you kippered, smoking kippers all day? I never realised how weird the word 'kipper' both looks and sounds until now. The fact that I just said it out loud a few times means that I also look & sound weird to my work colleagues. Make that weirder.

Agreed. It's a particularly good curse too, as people often think it's a compliment. Much looking forward to the finding of as many skeletons as possible. For £150k, I'd happily admit to all sorts of Prescott related filth, just don't expect me to perform grainy re-enactments for the camera with a Prescott double (for that extra touch of authenticity) unless I get a fair bit more than £150k. What a job that would be, a Prescott double; that's pretty much a quadruple by normal standards. I'm probably wrong Pulphack, but wasn't Roy Hattersley a deputy PM, or shadow deputy PM? Nothing new labour about the dribbling fatso talented public servant that I can recall!

I think you forgot to add a drum-roll to that, MPFC! I was trying to think of a riposte to do with Ariel washing powder; I suppose if he makes a recovery there could be mention of 'new & improved Ariel'? Or 'not just nearly dead, but really dead' when he finally meets his maker. Apparently, Ariel (the washing powder) is not popular in Egypt and other middle eastern countries because people think it's linked to Mr Sharon. That's apparently as in 'I read this about 1/2 hour ago on the internet' rather than the 'a mate told me in the pub' type of apparently. Thought you'd all be thrilled to learn that.

Well, kind of true. When I had to leave a real life house fire, I got dressed, and took my fags, lighter (couldn't get close enough to use the house to light my fags) and mobile phone with me. I took some stick from my flatmates, until they suddenly realised they all needed a fag... Still, my other flatmate spent ages in his increasingly smoke filled room trying to find a pair of jeans that didn't belong to his girlfriend, and so fit them over his thighs. I think he'd have appreciated the humour if he'd been found dead on the floor, naked except for a pair of his good lady's jeans halfway up (or down) his legs... The main reason work is more important than love life to me is because I actually have a job.

Again, I'm sure there's another similar thread about this, but I don't know where. I can't remember what I put last time, I just hope it's something hugely inappropriate that gets played. Perhaps Mr Shatner's beautiful version of Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds would work nicely? Or I could insist on the full length version of Shine On You Crazy Diamonds by Pink Floyd, just to make people start to fidget a bit. Then a bit more, etc. I'd consider paying in advance (not really much choice about when to pay I suppose) to get the funeral place to play either 'Kyle's Mum Is A Bitch' or 'Uncle F*cker' (both from South Park) but I suspect not even a liberal trendy vicar would play such stuff. Unless it was that Rev. Chris Brain from about 10 years back who organised church raves, or something.

My best is only 4 seconds. Better get some practice in. The kids won't be eating tomorrow! I'm pretty much right in the middle with 16.53 seconds, but I fear my lunch hour is about to be completely wasted...

You couldn't be a little more specific could you? Favouritism for what, or to whom? Plus, if that's only 'one of the more disgusting things', what are the things that are worse, or nearly as bad? I am genuinely interested, no intentional sarcasm is present in this post.

Well, I think that explains why the girl is cold when he checks her out, what with all that crying fe ice water. Either that, or the meaning of the line 'I dig you out and you're cold, girl' could be something more sinister than is first apparent.

I should hope so, or else I'd take your sarcasm detection device back to the shop of purchase and get a replacement if I were you. Whilst I'm not doubting the reasoning behind pointing out the duplication of a topic, it seems a little rich coming from somebody who only a few days ago seemed to be suffering from 'typist diarrhoea'. A few days of relative quiet on your part do not as yet change my view. You will find no intentional sarcasm in that paragraph. And also, to MPFC's defence, presumably the 'near miss' thread is strictly speaking for mentioning near misses plus (I suppose) a few further comments. If discussion is to continue though, then a separate thread would be correct, to prevent turning 'near misses' into a 'Desmond Dekker' thread. I guess the people will vote with their posts regarding the future validity of this thread. Well, that's my take on it, but I'm no mod or admin so I will await further news.

Sorry admin! I hope I will not upset you further by posting this reply in the thread that should not be used. Also, if I may fall at your mercy and appeal for clemency, I was looking for the lyrics on Google at the time you posted your indication of duplicity to MPFC, hence I was unaware of the previous mention of Mr Dekker etc. And to think, someone on DL thought I was a schoolteacher!

Oh yes indeed. After a brief Google search: - 'Get up in the morning, baked beans for breakfast Sold out to every monk and beefhead Woah-ohhhh, me ears are alight! Why find me kids, they buck up and a-leave me Darling cheese head I was yards too greasy Woah-ohhhh! Me ears are alight!' Sounds about right, as far as I can remember.

What with the ability of people to confuse thespians and their characters, especially from soaps, she may lose the will to live if people constantly think she's related to 'people's favourite' Shane Ritchie. It would probably do it for me, I'd be looking up the number for Dignitas in no time. I have no real news on Hilda though, obviously.

I think I also have a form of RSI related to the word "whore", but I think the similarity of our condition ends there. No. 227, chalk it up.

Perhaps some sort of revenge attack on keyboard manufacturers might be justifiable?

Seems I missed out on 'Ron Price's poetry morning' this morning then, what with the Billy Graham pseudo-eulogy as well. And with footnotes too, very fancy I must say. A bibliography would have been nice, but a short description of oneself in third person more than makes up for it. And is in no way weird. Although proper poetry rhymes of course, I thought I'd better point that out. Otherwise it's just prose with too many commas and not enough full stops. Or is it? Or is it just my interpretation, A falsehood from within? from within a place A Place! a place where order rules, and expression stifled By words that rhyme No room to fly, Ye Gods! Let the thoughts fly free Out, structure Begone, constraints Freedom forever. No, I was right the first time I think, rhyming rules, case closed. Although maybe some Toynbeean complexity would have added the 'je ne sais quoi' I was looking for. 'TLC has been a work-shy fop since 1995, pushing pens from Kent to London. Before this TLC was a work-shy student for 3 years. TLC has no wife or children, and is currently up to his eyeballs in debt. He can also write short rhyming poems, if you like. Probably. Although don't rush him.' 2006©

Well, it's 5 O'Clock here in the UK, my shirt sleeves are rolled up, my second has hold of my jacket (I like to fight Phil Collins style*) and my tie is off, as are the proverbial Kid Gloves. My spotters are looking out for any likely looking trouble makers walking towards my office, but no luck yet. My listeners are awaiting the sound of gauntlets being dropped, but again, nothing. I suggest that means I win by default, and am undisputed champion of this thread until I am suitably rebuked or put in my place, or something. I'd better go, the Ambulance has just turned up and people are pointing at me in response to the question 'what f*ckwit ordered the Ambulance?' Still bored, maybe later I'll make a few posts under the 'drunk' heading. see if that helps. *No Jacket Required.

As far as I'm concerned, the only time my actions qualify as post-whoring are on my way home after a Friday or Saturday night out. Oh yeah, and all the sh*t posts I make, I nearly forgot that.

Presuming you actually meant to type 'cars' (could be cats, cards or cares I suppose ), then the answer is no. Other than to say that if by some miracle you legally drive, then you clearly drive a terrible car. With a tape player. That tramps wouldn't use as a toilet. Not the feistiest opening gambit to an argument ever I'll happily admit.... However, as one of the criteria for posting here is 'Drunk?', then presumably you can post what you like when you like on this thread. Oh yes SC, I nearly forgot. Ahem. You're all a f*cking bunch of c**ts. You hear me? If anyone wants to 'discuss' this later, I'll be outside my office at 5 O'Clock, waiting. I'd call the ambulance in advance if I were you, whoever 'you' happens to be. Bunch of mo' fo's. Thank you. 'This post was brought to you by the word 'Bored?' and the number 3. But not the Children's Television Workshop, as they're all a bunch of cock soldiers.'

Maybe if you explain it to him face to face in a calm & reasonable manner, he'll be a bit more compliant. If you can hold the hate in for a moment or two that is. Some people are just plain obstinate, aren't they?

Happy 40th Rotten Ali! I suggest adding a bit of an edge to the celebrations by starting on anyone who makes a 'life begins..' gag at you. Getting hammered and windmilling people without explaining what set you off would add to the drama, and certainly make the day a memorable occasion. For other people.... Besides, I think at least one DL member has information that it begins at 5 O'Clock rather than 40, so don't believe everything you hear. Have fun, TLC

I am near to a loss of words after viewing this.Only nearly though... I must say it made me laugh, and for me, that's the important thing.

Why thank you Six, being called sweetie is much better than accusations of being a wet, fence-sitter type; a more usual accusation, although I've been pleased with the lack of such accusations on the DL so far. Plus, being a sweetie is a confirmation of the raw aggressive manliness that I display in my posting style, or so I choose to believe. I'm not a policeman or teacher though, just an admin monkey for an IFA firm in the city. I'm not confrontational or authoritative enough to be either of your guesses I'm afraid. Kids and criminals can both smell deference and uncertainty a mile off, and unfortunately it's my natural odour. Not even a liberal dosage of Lynx Voodoo can hide that, for all it's manly bouquet.

Or you could have just said, "I wasn't being sarcastic", you'd have probably got an apology and that would have been that. The phrase 'divine suggestion' appears so over the top for applauding a quite good idea it seems reasonable to me that he would presume you were being sarcastic. I do honestly applaud you for your massive leap of logic to deduce a Tempus/CP conspiracy from a fairly mild suggestion from CP, and an inoffensive (I think) signature from TF with your login name in it. I also think that the schoolmaster 'tone' (insofar as you can type a tone without adding smilies) that you try and take is certainly an exciting approach to take. Out of interest, who's doing the throttling and who's doing the thrashing?

Have just done that very thing Mr SC, and although I have a slightly lamer way of expressing myself I agree that most of the posts do little more than say 'good point' or 'thank you for being informative'. These sort of posts are ok every so often I suppose, but nearly 100 very similar posts in a first weekend is a little over the top. Maybe that's because it took me a couple of months between registering & posting, and not because I didn't visit the site during that time; I just wanted to get a feel for what sort of conversations went on to prevent being mass-flamed after my first few posts. I'm on slightly shaky moral ground here because a swift read of my posts will reveal almost nothing death related, or even anything particularly original. I almost exclusively react to previous postings, although I do try and say something interesting; not sure what the hit rate is though. I'll leave the problems you & CP have to the two of you, but I'm in agreement about post quality. I don't give a rat's cock if someone posts 100 times a day if they're funny, relevant etc. Even allowing for the fact that people have different opinions about what's funny and/or relevant therefore expanding my definition a bit, some posts are extremely pointless by whatever standard you wish to rate them. There is a happy medium between this site being purely for death related relevant informative postings only, and it turning into a chat forum. I don't think we're just a chat forum by any means, and as long as the subject of posting standards is brought up every so often, hopefully that will never happen. There is always Live Chat, PM'ing & email for those times you wish to get to know members better, or go totally off topic. You might not believe it, but even I sometimes have things I wish to say that I save for a PM or Chat. Only for the very lucky chosen few of course. As usual, this post has nothing to do with the thread, just about the message I'm replying to. I don't even know who Uzi Hitman is.