TLC

Ahem.... Carlisle United 1 Torquay United 2. Most mediocre massacre attempt ever. Glad to see Torquay safe - looks like Oxford down! Sorry mpfc, I'm also happy that Torquay seem to have dodged relegation (although I've nothing against Carlisle), partly so both Soccer AM presenters actually support a league team, especially as Lovejoy supports Chelsea. I can't decide if Curbishley leaving us will be good or not... Before him, I remember Lenny Lawrence in charge, and the joint thing with Steve Gritt, but that's it. Weird how it's called Soccer AM when we always criticise the Americans for calling it soccer?

I don't think I made the above phrase up, but I don't recall it in Viz or the Profanisaurus either.* Then again, I have read Viz on and off for about 20 years (less as time goes on, not as funny as it used to be etc.), so who knows? *I'll update this in the highly unlikely event that I ever bother to check it out...

Edit of original post complete, but that won't have edited other posts where people have included the link in their reply. I'm at work myself, but as we're kind of closing down slowly there's very few people here most of the time, and I spend much of the day surfing the net on Deathlist. Word of warning, I found an old thread the other day where there's a link to a 'scat' site (can't remember the thread, someone was talking about Bill Clinton's cat I think), which I looked at, innocently.* We're not talking biddly diddly be bop ba do here I can tell you! I'm so glad no-one saw my screen that time. *[edit] After further investigation, the thread is called 'Bill Clinton's Cat Socks'** (duh!), and I'm sure the person concerned is well aware who posted the link that very nearly got me into big trouble. Still, it was very funny, as was 'Scat or Snack?'. I've moved on to savoury products recently... ** Not about Bill Clinton and his strange demands that his socks can only be made from finest cat fur...

Naughty hedge?!! That's a new one on me. Always glad to broaden minds. Talking of broad minds, that Afrikaans swear site has some pretty imaginative swear phrases. For instance: - "Jou ma naai vir bus-geld en loop steeds" translated is "Your mother f**ks for bus-money and still walks". Maybe more random Afrikaans sweary posts later!

anyone know if this is Afrikanns? MH - does it resemble Dutch? what a great way to post on a website - write in a language spoken by only two million people on the entire planet, most of whom are too busy being racist to even know what a computer is. Might as well have put it in Sanskrit. The first word I think is "You" but I suspect it is a sort of Afrikaans slang. I came across some of the phrases but they don't seem to translate directly. This website [edit] (careful if you're at work!) [/edit] seems useful, it indicates the phrase 'Jou ma se poes' (pretty close to Julle mas se poese, especially when spoken) which means 'your mother's C**t'. Not sure whose mother that's aimed at, and indeed what the problem with said mother's naughty hedge is.

I got there. You have to get really close up to the screen though to pick up the details. I had to stare for ages at the ship. Excellent. Having done an equally difficult spot the difference (much like this one) before, I thought I'd remember the best spotting technique, but it was different enough for me not to get it right! I am so stupid, I shall contemplate this whilst preparing a new cup of coffee.

Mark Knopfler tried to sell his soul to the devil, but it was considered too bland and sort of beige coloured. So he sold his songwriting talent instead, and no one noticed the difference... I will concede he plays guitar very well though... Regarding Jane Tomlinson, is it not possible she's had a mis-prognosis? I hope that's the right word, I mean could they have diagnosed the right condition, but assessed the severity incorrectly? Also, I'm aware that people can react very differently to Cancer. Completely unsubstantiated, but I remember hearing once about someone who died who'd always been a bit of a 'fighter', and when they were examining the body, they found signs of a fairly aggressive type of cancer in remission that he'd never been diagnosed for but successfully fought. So, there's a possibly a third way for Jane, and one that can lead to long life without fraud claims.

Congratulations to you & Mrs Phantom,and a warm welcome to the world for Miss Louisa Madelaine Phantom; I hope all goes well for the future for all of you. Hope what was recently the spare room is now suitably decked out in pink, with essential Winnie the Pooh gubbins all over it. You have in that sentence my entire knowledge of babies & how best to bring them up, other than it's best not to let me hold them either. Before you wonder why, it's because I've got that special awkward grip that only men who've never held a baby have, arms out straight and panic ethced on my face due to how heavy their heads are!

I thought he was looking for the better man inside himself by gradually peeling away layer after layer of old skin he no longer wants? Should be there soon, only a couple more to go. He took a look at himself, he made that change, but I don't think his 'aural mastery' (never heard it called that before, sN-word sN-word) made the world a better place, your honour. Although if it turns out that 'your old friend' is 'the better man', then certainly there are already plenty of people who've found the better man inside of them,* before the police got involved and stopped it all. Just not in me please, Mr...... Jefferson, not in me. *allegedly.

I agree with this sentiment completely, mistakes happen of course but it's hard enough trying to tell if people are being sarcastic, serious etc. via written word, never mind if you have to work out what's being said first. That's most of the reason I started using smilies; I tried to resist but it does help with communicating if there is no voice to hear or face to see, especially when a lot of this forum's chat is sarcastic, dry or morbid in nature. Not that I'm complaining! Besides, I have a tendency to mumble when I'm not concentrating and my handwriting is appalling, so forums at least give me the chance to communicate legibly for a change, if not coherently. One day the Gods of Microsoft will invent a Sensechecker , perhaps underlining offending sentences or paragraphs with a wavy brown line.

It's deja vu joke day, although the nationalities have been changed, so I guess that makes it a remix. One day I will actually remember a good joke for long enough to add it to this topic.

I couldn't believe there were no pics of Martin Shaw in Run The Gauntlet on Google Images, so I used this over-stylised beast of a picture instead. It reminded me of the sort of drawing you see on 'Heroes of 1966' type memorabilia, where all the faces are sort of montaged, and everyone looks kind of heroic, upper lip well & truly stiff. Like this nonsense: - Only one small step away from a semi-naked lady draped over a big motorbike with the sunset behind and an eagle swooping, or such like.

[drumroll]Ithangyew![/drumroll] Kind of set myself up for that one... [edit] Just realised I've overused the drumroll thing a bit recently, I shall try & refrain from now on. I offer my sincerest apologies i.e. not very sincere.

Hmm, did you read anything at all on this thread before your ridiculous post? I can see that people discussing the survival chances of a famous person with cancer on a forum specifically for that sort of thing have clearly committed the sort of evil that deserves all of us to watch our families die in front of us before suffering the same ourselves. What we're doing is right up there with genocide and The Golden Girls as a hate crime. I expect. I should stop taking the bait I suppose, I actually thought most of the posts on this thread were fairly respectful towards Paul. It's not as if anybody is trying to say he's evil & deserves to die, for instance.

I shall briefly take the fingers out of my ears to type my reply here... Anyone who favourably compares the Stones since Ron 'Diamond Geezer' Wood joined with when they had Mick Taylor or Brian Jones in the band is just wrong, and I'm sure NASA have a file proving I'm right somewhere. CP & BHB (and loads of others I imagine), we'll have to agree to disagree. But I'm still right. About the last Stones song I like is Miss You, which I think was '77 or '78, when Bill Wyman suddenly learnt funky bass lines just as the songwriting talent left Jagger & Richards. I'll decline to argue about Aerosmith, as I believe that in the UK they'd had very little success until they did Walk This Way with Run DMC in 1986. I didn't even know who was on the song with Run DMC for a couple of years, as it was never mentioned on the radio that there was anyone else involved, it may as well have been a sample. On Aerosmith, does anyone know what the really early 70's song they did was, that Eminem sampled (i.e. stole the entire track) a few years ago? You'd not guess it's Mr Tyler by listening to the vocals, it's very non-screamy; maybe it was before he had the operation to allow his whole head to open by adding extra side of mouth skin and a hinge to the back of his head? I don't deny that many of the acts I mentioned have been commercially successful post 1984, won awards, sold millions etc., but that doesn't necessarily mean it's good stuff. Examples of success minus talent (in my opinion): Britney Spears, Westlife, Daniel O'Donnell, Ace of Base etc., I better stop before I break my screen by putting my keyboard through it. But thanks for introducing me to a few notable exceptions, proof that my theory is about as watertight as the Titanic post-iceberg. La la la la la la la la!

Perhaps this thread should be temporarily retitled - Frustrated Members Swear Randomly Here If You Must! I'm enjoying it though I must admit. "Hi, I'm Martin Shaw, and today's 3 would-be swear words that will be Running the Swear Filter Gauntlet are": -[drumroll] bastard cocksnot arsemaster [/drumroll]"Good work team, 3 out of 3 successes this time round".... OK, I'll stop now, until admin add a few more words to the filter. At the moment, even a slight variation of the root swear word passes through i.e. shitty, sh*t. Perhaps even a few random non-swear words each week would spice it up a bit? At least we can talk about Scunthorpe without fear of censorship for the time being, if such a situation were ever to arise.

Very inspiring stuff on these Royal Forums I must say, it was my first and possibly only visit this morning. This is about the 10th post I read, I didn't get much further... And, to make it worse, this was about the only post I saw (in the special 'Happy 80th Ma'am' thread) that didn't fit the following pattern: -A. "I admire her, she works hard at her age, doesn't she look good, Camilla also looked better than usual". B. "I also admire her, yes she does work hard for her age, I agree she looks good, Camilla also looked better than usual, must be that strappy dress". C. "I admire her too you guys, I admire how hard she works at her age, she looks awesome, Camilla is a dog shows the world how lovely she is". Makes the chap worried about the seatbelts look like a bit of a subversive for straying way off topic.

I believe scientific studies have proved that anybody successful in the 60's & 70's who refused to bow out became sh*t by 1984 at the very latest, and then progressively shitter with each passing album, maybe with the occasional one-off 'not bad' track. They may have carried on selling records, but created nothing you'd want to see on their greatest hits albums. They created great businesses instead, much like ex-sports stars making more money as a pundit/presenter than for what they were actually good at, but I digress. For examples of post '84 (ish) disasters: -Rolling Stones Paul McCartney Rod Stewart/Faces Elton John David Bowie Queen Eric Clapton/Cream Stevie Wonder Pink Floyd Now I'm not saying all of the above are my absolute favourites either, but they still have a marked point in their careers (I think) where they stopped creating anything that can be considered as 'classic'. Maybe Orwell was only right in this very specific sense? I realise musical taste is extremely subjective, and people will probably quite easily think of acts that don't fit my theory, but I don't care [fingers in ears]la la la la la la la la la![/fingers in ears]

How old are 8th Grade students? I don't know whether to be pleased with myself of relieved. Nonsense! I used to pass out alot until I gave up Stella Artios, but rarely waste good (i.e. any)alcohol by throwing it back up, unless it's a tactical chunder which is acceptable as far as I'm concerned...

What a bloody awful deathday card. What would it say inside? No more miserable returns? Don't know about that, but I nearly OD'd on the intense pinkness of the card, I'm just surprised the picture of Grace wasn't given the soft focus touch. I shall reserve further comment as it was commissioned by her daughter, who may well be in her 90's herself.

Anybody care to explain what that means? If it's obvious, please feel free to mock me...

A quick test reveals... You can't use F**k, C**t, sh*t & W**ker (plus some get auto-capitalised for some reason?). You can use bollocks, twat & arse without fear of censorship. Hope that helps. ps I suggest you request your name be changed to Time Thief, unless there's some clever reason for the misspelling.

I just 'google imaged' her to remind myself exactly what she looks like, and I can't disagree with your view on that. Slightly tarnished by the fact she appears to be in alot of pictures with a certain Joe Pasquale, a squeaky-voiced 'comedian' who I hope for your sake never made it to Canada. For my sake, I hope he'll move somewhere without TV studios.

This wouldn't be about an 'i' that isn't before an 'e' by any chance, would it?Oh yes. I'm losing layer after layer of tooth enamel with the involuntary grinding that happens every time I see it. Time Theif! Time Theif! Time Theif! Time Theif! Time Theif! Time Theif! Time Theif! Time Theif! Time Theif! Time Theif!Can I interest you in a lovely new set of dentures, Mr Rick?

No probs BHB, I must confess to borrowing the term 'wangst' from Viz's Roger's Profanisaurus, but I figured it was an accurate diagnosis. I think the term was at the front of my mind due to my original self-diagnosis when I first encountered the term; that made comparitive diagnosis far more straightforward. You wangster, you.