Those In Favour Of Forcefully Annexing Portsmouth To Greenland Or Elsewhere

[Anubis the Jackal 77]

No Need, my insect chum, as Portsmouth is already an island as this dead shonky map shows err...clearly.

Perhaps we could make Portsmouth a tax haven, like the Isle of Man or the Channel Islands? They could have their own money and stamps and everything. If we dug a big moat around it, it would become an offshore tax haven. Any good?

 

DWB

[Monoclinic 39]

Fortunately it is indeed an island. Unfortunately some bright spark decided to build a couple of bridges. W**nkers. The civil engineer responsible for the bridge of sails should be shot at dawn and force fed his chartership posteriorly or do I just mean intra-rectum (ly), picture frame and all.

 

Anyway, aren't tax havens supposed to be all Cartier, Louis Vuitton, Veuve Clicquot and Ferraris not Elizabeth Duke, New Look's latest accessory, Diamond White (is that still available on the open market?) and Ford Capris? Although, to be fair, if you are looking in a certain direction (i.e away from the luxury yacht moorings and the old toy town), Monaco is essentially an overcrowded concrete favela. Which would put it in the same category as Portsmouth.

 

Oh and there'd be no need for money, they can't count so there'd be little hope of them having the skills to pay the bills. Instead of stamps they could just lick windows instead.

 

Here endeth the stereotypical slur according to Mono.

 

No Need, my insect chum, as Portsmouth is already an island as this dead shonky map shows err...clearly.

Perhaps we could make Portsmouth a tax haven, like the Isle of Man or the Channel Islands? They could have their own money and stamps and everything. If we dug a big moat around it, it would become an offshore tax haven. Any good?

 

DWB

[harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,689]

Portsmouth to be annexed to Abu Dhabi?

[Rotten Ali 600]

Having had the misfortune to use the Portsmouth Ferry terminal ( think outside toilet without the walls ) I can see where Mono is comng from.

To compound this, I know of no other member of this Forum who is from that city, well nobody has owned up to it.

As I feel it prudent to support our most valued members, I am happy to vote in favour of its demise.

May I suggest dumping it into that other Fraserburgh, The Emirates?

NB: Thats the "Stadium", if one could call a vomit inducing piece of crap a Stadium.

 

Looks like that Arab money is falling in their laps just 'cus that spinacker tower looks a bit like that one in Dubai.

[Star Crossed 33]

I voted 'Yes' and 'other suggestions below'.

 

Essentially, I'm finding it difficult to think of anywhere on Earth that wouldn't be offended by forced concatenation with Portsmouth. Much like nuclear waste, the problem is less "should we get rid of Pompey?" and more "how can we get rid of Pompey?"

 

Maybe we could move them all to Portsmouth, New Hampshire to work as servants. The place even looks roughly similar with plenty of waterfront to throw things into etc. Most of the British lot wouldn't even realise they weren't in Pompey, as long as we sent that tattooed, handbell-ringing jester John Anthony Portsmouth Football Club Westwood over first to set the tone.

 

We could use the redundant landscape of Pompey for military exercises, or go-karting, or paintball. Or a location for the world's first professional Hide'n'Seek league. Or cover the whole of the city in wind turbines and solar panels, reducing our dependence on other sources* and leaving other areas unspoilt.

 

* I haven't done the calculations yet, but I will.

[harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,689]

Tragic news for Monoclinic.

 

Edit: all's well that ends well.

[Toast 16,157]

Hundreds sign petition against Portsmouth funeral home bid

 

Lesley Wood, 64, who lives next to The Co-op funeralcare office, said: ‘I don’t want my grandchildren looking at dead bodies."

 

Julie Coleman, 50, of Tangier Road, said: ‘We’ve been told that we won’t see any bodies being put in the parlour because they’ll be covered by a white cloth.

‘Unless they use invisibility jackets we’ll be able to see everything. I’m totally disgusted by the plans. It doesn’t fit in with our community.’

 

Some of the comments following this article are priceless.

 

I wouldn't be seen dead in Tangier Road. The residents sound awful.

[MightyMoose 10]

Judging by the comments in his trial, Twitchy Redknapp has already begun with making Portsmouth a tax dodge haven with assistance from Monaco & Serbia.