Toast

I am not the Duke of Edinburgh. Please desist from spreading unfounded rumours.

The GRO Death Index has recently been updated to cover deaths from 1984 to 2019 although the index only gives year of birth and not full d.o.b. It's free to search, although you need to register. Still a gap between 1957 and 1984, but FreeBMD has that pretty much covered. https://www.gro.gov.uk/gro/content/certificates/indexes_search.asp

Surely that amount of boobage didn't require three straps.

A teenager has been charged with murdering a man stabbed at a knife awareness course in London.

Been done, too.

Kettering? Am I missing a double entendre here?

Down with torrorists!

Nectar, and they can take Sainsburys with them. Recently Nectar fucked up relaunched their website and their app, with the result that I, along with many others, found myself unable to log in to either. "Sorry, we're having a problem registering your card at the moment" "Oops, looks like there's a problem. It's not you, it's us" Followed by invitations to ring their friendly helpline, etc etc. I've been trying for FIVE FUCKING WEEKS to get this sorted out, because Sainsburys are about to have their annual DoubleUp promotion in which Nectar points are worth double their face value. And unlike previous years, you can't swap your Nectar points for the necessary vouchers in store this time. Only online. And I can't get online. After many many conversations with their friendly but useless staff - on the helpline, the chatline, and Facebook - all telling me that "the IT team are working on the problem and will be in touch" (they never did) - plus a trip into Sainsburys which got me nowhere, plus emails to Sainsburys which only elicit stock replies proving the emails weren't read (seriously, the whole thing could be solved by issuing vouchers instore to those people who are having problems getting online) .... I HAD AN IDEA "If I applied for another card," I asked, "Is it possible to transfer the points from the old card?" "Oh yes, no problem", came the reply. So those morons have been sitting on this simple solution for weeks while people have been tearing their hair out in frustration. Because that worked. Just got to hope nothing else goes wrong before I can cash in my points next week. After that it'll be to Nectar and Sainsburys. I've lost the will to live.

Not sure if this belongs in here, but a meeting with Homes England* over a housing development in a village near me has been postponed until after the election. Someone on Facebook enquired whether this announcement came from a "credible source". I couldn't resist. * in case anyone is unaware, this warm fluffy name conceals a Government department lurking underneath.

I'm even lower down than you. I don't pick FFBI, but seem to be stuck with FWWD.

Probably not difficult to work it out

As I have made a somewhat libellous comment, I'd better not say openly. You may PM me your guesses if you wish

If only there was some amusing word play to be had with this name

My MP has avoided any such embarrassment by not seeking re-election. He was straight back up Boris's arse after his little protest, mind.

Gay Byrne scores for a few of us here. (Posted at same time as YW)