Lord Fellatio Nelson

Mary, if you want to turn up stark, b*ll*cked, naked, you go right ahead. Just dont ask any of us to help you pull your wallet out from the crack of your a**e. That would be stretching new friendships too far.

Now thats odd Mary. Mr Fugit is a little before my time, however, I am familiar with his posts. TBH, I always imagined him to be a foul tempered ( but well educated ) Midget. Dunno why, but it makes the Colossus analogy seem at complete odds to my image of the legend.

Er, sorry to piss on your Cornflakes, but no I havent. Regards LFN

You dont happen to dig corpses up in your spare time as well, do you? No. Why do you ask? You havent been endowed with much of a brain, have you Go figure. Your absolutely correct. If I were a more intelligent type of person I would post pithy insights such as "You dont happen to dig corpses up in your spare time as well, do you?" with no kind of context or immediate indication of what the hell I was talking about. I go down the rather obvious path of making it apparent what I mean when I am posting and so could never hope to match your level of enigmatic posting in what is usually a fairly straightforward forum. By the way, kudos for posting anonymously. Saves having to take any responsibilty for what you write. Wish I'd though of that. Far be it for me to step into a spat between a member and guest poster but, in this case, allow me to translate. Going back to a long dead corpse and digging it up is not too dissimilar to digging out a 9 month old thread and trying to give it the kiss of life. Hope that has enlightened you.

"Least talented person to appear on Deathlist?" Are we talking subject matter or patrons? I was going to put up BS as a candidate. Do you want to throw your hat into the ring?

There is hard evidence of much speculation but there isn't hard evidence of what the extremity of his condition is. It's rational to theorize about the possible circumstances but until it's official (which it is not) I'm not fully convinced his diagnosis is terminal. With many of his associates denying his illness and with him replying "I'm doing nicely" it encourages one to think his illness is exaggerated. By how much it is exaggerated is the next question. Without being optimistic couldn't you agree? Emphysema is a little different then lung cancer. . He has Cancer. He is 83 years old. Id say that is pretty f*****g terminal, wouldnt you?

And what exactly is wrong with an argument? Come on, "Put em up, put em up!" PS: Lardy, I confess, I am a Viz reader. Not so often now though, as you say, its not as funny as it used to be. Madame D, How dare you compare me to that fat greasy Frog!!!

Knock yourself out W It's a not so gentle reminder that there is a finite supply of crude oil and it's about time governments stepped up their spending powers towards finding suitable alternative energy sources (and paying scientists handsomely to do so!). A tiny part of the trouble is the western world naively didn't account for the rapid development of countries like India and China in their consumation versus reserves calculations. Hopefully this price hike might make us (that includes you CA ) think twice before we get into our cars. There is a world of public transport out there and then there is the free transport that is cunningly attached to our legs which may or may not help when we have dofs to walk. You know what? I am sick to the back f*****g teeth of the "We are all doomed" brigade and how we are all killers because we CHOOSE to drive instead of getting public transport. I have to drive, period, however Lady FN gets the bus to work everyday. Let me tell you, if she could drive, she would. Exactly where is the pleasure or convenience in having to board a bus with the local nutter, the halitosis kid and a general bunch of Waynettas resplendent in slept in clothes, greasy hair and gobs which, at 8.00am every morning can only manage the expletives "C'mere you little C**t to their child, whos barely old enough to walk? FACT. The brits dont do public transport unless they have to. Its overpriced, dirty, smelly and not door to door, oh and its generally frequented ( if you live up here) by no marks who only use it to pop into town to spend their dole money on 8 Ace. Thats the thing about our local transport system, its designed to convey those that cannot afford to run cars, which will be the effing lot of us if this Government remains in power much longer. Ive lived in Europe, different ball game, different culture. The Oil is not about to run out anytime soon, the Saudis are upping production and if the Chancellor has any gonads he will jump all over those city tossers who are as much to blame for the price going through the roof as demand is. You know what the biggest joke is? The infant mortality rate in parts of India is worse than Africa ( its all over the TV). At the moment babies are starving, so much for Indias rapid economic development. Fuel has gone through the roof because it is highly taxed. No room for manouvre when the sh*t hits the fan, no reduction in duty, no bog all. I use Public transport if I really have to, nothing would make me want to. Lets put it this way, some here value their anonymity, no meet for them, ever. Thats something I utterly respect, there is an issue of privacy and not wanting to step off the plank to go deeper into something they may not feel comfortable with or just plain not like. Whats exactly so different in not wanting to share my arse space with a two ton, flatulent smello on my journey to work/town or anywhere else? Am I not entitled to my own private space? Isnt that what a Motor car gives us? Having a complete stranger invade your space is a human no, no, public transport for me is a no, no. Manchester, apparently, is going to go for gold with a congestion charging scheme. They say that they will be investing around three billion on the public transport infastructure. Oh yeah? where they going to get the money from? It did make me giggle when it was announced that people would be charged £2 to enter, of course that would be £2 in 2009, £4 in 2010 and so on............. We have all been mugged, lied to and conned. Bastards, the lot of em!

I have to agree with Godot, twas a brilliant post. I cannot agree with locking the thread though, that is just a step too far in the wrong direction. We dont want to go all Robert Mugabe now, do we! Poor threads tend to die out of their own accord, besides BS is quite used to being ignored, even he couldnt keep a dead thread going forever. Had this thread been locked, would that little gem have been rediscovered? I cant say that I remember this thread at all, glad I cant, its shite. SC really did work out how to kick himself in the knackers.

I recently heard a discussion on Radio 2 about all of this. Clearly, the Government hasnt gone far enough. I feel it is most important for every male with a pulse to be issued with blindfolds which must be worn everytime they set foot outside of their homes. This will surely prevent all males from getting an instant erection at the merest hint of pubescent ankle sock.

Portsmouth?

Dear Mr Grave I have seen that French chap before, doing his thing on "The Generation Game". In all fairness he is, I would agree, pretty damn impressive. The question I would like to ask is "What else can he paint?" Ive never seen the chap doing anything else. Glad you see dear old Rolf in a slightly different light, I mean, painting, entertaining AND playing the Didgeridoo!!! Quality! RE: Tony Adams. Yes he still resembles a Donkey, however, according to Caprice ( I think it was her) he is also hung like one too. I suppose if you have the face of a smacked arse and played most of you career with Ars, Arsen ( no sorry, I cant say it without feeling sick) then you have to have something going for you. Kindest Regards LFN YID ARMY

Ladies and Gents. A spiffingly good feedback, a healthy attendance anticipated. If you havent, want to, thinking about it, PM me. Regards LFN

Oh, and Rolf Harris rocks. Pure snobbery, bullsh*t and prejudice from the "Up their own ar*e Art World" stops him from being taken seriously as a bloody good Painter. So there!

Isnt comparing Emin with Cook like comparing Boxing with Ballet? Emins a fraud. I do like Art, then again what is Art? For example the person who designed the Lamborghini Miura was, for me, very much an artist, it was a beautiful creation. Ely Cathederal is jaw dropping. When I walked through those doors I truly understood that there really is a God, how else could man be so inspired to create something so beautiful. Going in the other direction, I find the works of Banksy is now folklore instead of inventive. There will come a time when, as good as it is, it will lack that edge, the very thing that made it all work to start with. Cook probably got lucky, I mean, what was the draw? Fat ladies or the situations they were painted in? Are umpteen paintings of Fat ladies by the same person artistic, even if its what you do? Is painting the same things over and over like churning out the same washing machines, over and over. Now im just waffling. regards LFN

Not at all, I like travelling around too much to be focused at being "top of the game", that and the fact I have a desire to keep my tongue firmly on the red side of brown! Even if I were some hot shot squidophile, I'm not Windsor. I have no desire to meet the Queen and the rest of her newt-onian family. These are the people who should make us proud. I quite agree with you. What does grate on me even more are the cockspanners that refuse an honour because its not a big enough one!!!!! Keep travelling Monkey, in some ways I envy you and your free spirit. Your a class act.

She gets to be a "Dame" because she sang Goldfinger? Damn you Brits aren't all that discriminating in awarding that title. We are not - it absolutely astounds and disgusts me that Kelly Holmes is a dame. She won a couple of running races. Whoopee sh*t. 'Dame' in Holmes' case is an absolute joke. A bit strong Lardy. Did she throw a brick through your window or something? I think Blair was just keen to hand out a few popular gongs and titles. Brown should try it. He could enoble a Blue Peter Presenter or someone from Big Brother. I see LB's point. These celebrities have the benefit of media coverage. Imagine someone from some more obscure domain, say newt-onian dynamics or to bring it closer to heart, squid science or anglobelgian relations. Let's take the squidophile, say they have some earth shattering breakthrough in their respective field making them internationally famous on the squid science conference circuit, i.e. top of their game for their profession. Is it fair that just because they don't make (insert popular British media outlet here) they won't get to see Bettie? Godot, think of the squidophiles. Arise and take arms against this grave injustice today! BTW what is your stance on using the third person plural for anonymity? I am doing some English corrections for my former boss and in his letter to some reviewers he has opted to use his (her), him (her) etc. throughout. I think it is a bit Germaine Greer for my liking but I can't fault it, there are bigger squid to fry. Oh am I in for a riveting evening. Monkey, its not fair but its life. Do I detect a twinge of jealousy? Are you in a state of fantasy? Are you reciting the very words that make the hairs on the back of your neck stand proud, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you Dame Monoclinic." Hmmm.

What would we do without you BS? Whom could I possibly prod with a stick to provoke just the reactions I want to get. Who makes us all laugh, without even intending to. Sucker!!

The Kennedys getting screwed over? Marilyn Monroe did, Lee Harvey Oswald got royally f****d because of them and I dont think Mary jo Kopechne, had she known what lay in store, would have been too happy to hear Ted Kennedy say " Let me drive" on that fateful night. No, I think the Kennedys did their fair share of screwing, in more ways than one.

Oh, and while Im here. The next person I show courtesy to, by pulling my car in so that they can come past me, letting them out from a side road/ parking space infact ANY act of politeness that isnt at the very least acknowleged let alone thanked, will have me catching up with them, pulling them from their vehicle and ramming my car jack right up their a**e! Ignorant bastards!

I find this post utterly offensive, perverted and strangely arousing. Hurry up and post the pic, Im not sure how much longer I can hang on....

This is off topic but since you've went to France I feel as if you are becoming French. I'm dead serious. I also think if words could win an award for their lack of usage in the world yours would rule the category. (I hope you take that as a complement) because I had to look all three of them up. Your vocabulary is unlimited. I don't think anybody here could come close to knowing the amount of words you know. I also feel your the kind of person who denies them self credit when they really deserve special treatment. I dont think that Monoclinic is unique in her extensive vocabulary (English or French ) nor its usage. I too have an extensive wardrobe of words. Bet you cant find out what these mean. "Uratwaticus tosspoticus" "Euworrisheepicus Pervicus" Wataknobendicus Cretinicus" There, three words to chew over BS. Oh, I promise not to deny myself any self credit and I do deserve special treatment. I thank you.

Well I shall be there about Midday(ish). Last year I arrived at about 1.30ish and there were three members already there, others turned up during the course of the afternoon. Lardy, turn up anytime after midday, leave whenever you wish to. No set rules, turn up, go to the bar ask about the table reserved to me ( thats under my real name, Banshees you twat!) and the rest will be history. Oh, and could let me know whether you too have an exceedingly weak bladder, Ive two candidates, I need two more for a proper " to the Ladies Loo and back" relay team. Regards LFN

You really, really, really have no idea do you? PS: You are unlikely to be arrested in London. Mugged? Yes. Knifed? Yes. Have your Bank Card skimmed? Yes. Shot? Quite possibly. Our country is sinking into the Abyss. PPS: After the 1st of November nobody will be able to say "That Lord Fellatio Nelson fella couldnt organize a piss up in a Brewery."