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If he carries out a self inspection and declares himself failing will they just bring in new management to try and turn him around?

A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there’s an ad for ‘Bear Removers.’ He calls the number, and the bear remover says he’ll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He’s got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. ‘What are you going to do,’ the homeowner asks? ‘I’m going to put this ladder up against the roof, and then I’m going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.’ He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. ‘What’s the shotgun for?’ asks the homeowner. If the bear knocks me off the roof...SHOOT THE DOG.

Perhaps she could even show some balls. regards, Hein

That's 3 escaped from this mortal coil in the past 2 months.the rest of them must be starting to get worried! With three of them under the ground, they could start a tunnel.....now that would be some film...."The Great Escape 2"

Willie weighs in on the debate.

Jack was about to marry Jill and his father took him to one side. “When I married your mother, the first thing I did when we got home was to take off my trousers,” he said. “I gave them to your mother and told her to put them on.” When she did, they were enormous on her and she said to me that she couldn't possibly wear them, as they were too large... I told her, “of course they're too big”. “I wear the trousers in this family and I always will”. “Ever since that day, we have never had a single problem.” Jack took his father's advice and as soon as he got Jill alone after the wedding, he did the same thing; took off his trousers, gave them to Jill and told her to put them on. Jill said that the trousers were too big and she couldn't possibly wear them. “Exactly,” replied Jack. “I wear the trousers in this relationship and I always will, so don't forget that.” Jill paused and removed her knickers and gave them to Jack. “Try these on,” she said, so he tried them on but they were too small. “I can't possibly get into your knickers,” said Jack. “Exactly,” replied Jill. “And if you don't change your bloody attitude, you never will.”

An Australian guy is travelling around the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and, by chance, is served by an Australian barmaid. As she takes his order, a Fosters, she notices his accent. Over the course of the evening they get chatting. At the end of her shift he asks if she wants to come back to his place. Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 to sleep with him. As she is travelling around the world, and is short of funds, she agrees.. The next night the guy turns up again. Again he orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention, asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. She remembers the payout from night before and is only too happy to agree. This goes on for 5 nights. On the 6th night the guy comes in again, orders Fosters but goes and sits in the corner. The barmaid thinks that if she pays him more attention then, maybe she can shake some more cash out of him. So she goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he's from in Australia .. ' Melbourne ', he tells her. 'So am I.. What suburb?' she enquires. 'Glen Iris' he replies. 'That's amazing,' she says excitedly, 'so am I - what street?' ' Cameo Street ' he replies. 'This is unbelievable.........' she says, her voice quavering; 'What number?' 'Number 20', he replies. She is totally astonished. 'You are NOT going to believe this,' she screams, 'but I'm from number 22! My parents still live there!' 'I know...' he says, 'Your Dad gave me $1,000 to give to you'! HE WHO DRINKS AUSTRALIAN, THINKS AUSTRALIAN

It's the increasing, terrifying prospect that this time next year Boris Johnson could be PM and Nigel Farage could be his deputy in a Tory-UKIP coalition Ok I had to check the IP address to make sure I didn't post this in my sleep but no it isn't my address and even asleep I would never post as a guest. The thought of Boris Johnson 'look at me I am a lovable clown' but is in fact an extremely shrewd man who's views are more right wing than Hitler and Nigel Farage ' I hate the Scots, I despise the poor and I will privatise your NHS quicker than the tories, also I will remove your holiday entitlement, your maternity leave and sick pay faster than you can blink' are the reason I have decided to vote Yes. I was shocked when the UK elections in May saw a huge surge towards Mr. Farage's party, he is a racist and a bigot, did I mention Fascist?. I will take my chances on independence, it isn't going to be easy and it isn't going to be fun, I may well lose my job but I would rather that than being governed by these fascist buffoons.

I was gunna post that but thought I'd leave it to one of you oldsters who actually "remember" that sketch. Not that I'm saying you're old or anything, just..... yeah I am actually *runs* Oh shut up Doogie!

Graham. Paisley's example must be inspiring. regards, Hein

Jingoism.

Did you get paid? As it happened, payment was offered. I gave her a lift back down the road after (she had gotten up with her mum as she only has a bike and a boat licence), kipped on her couch so she could have my doggie for the night, and she tried to give me £. I declined. I understand. Wrong currency. regards, Hein