Mind Mush

I always thought it was used to mean something like fuck off or eat shit or drop dead. I know when I woman say's to me " If you don't like it you can kiss my ass" I always respond with " I don't like it". Let the kissing begin!

I know for sure that Pinnochio had a Wood Pecker - why don't you try a pet like that?

Hi, I'm mind mush and as the name implies my mind is a bit mushy. Hey I went to Woodstock so I have an good excuse. I mean all the recreational drugs and sex had taken a toll on my cerebral capacities. I'm still having synaptic gaps that can last several hours. Actually I survived it all very well, am in good shape for a 62 year old party hardy with a penchant for good times and good living. Quite active yet and visit the health club regularly and drink wine often - preferably Chardonnay. I get bored very easily so when I'm out and about I use the general public to entertain myself. Like I love to ask the girl at the register if she knows the difference between a Subway sandwich and a wild sex affair - when she says no I tell her "Your the girl I want to take out to lunch" at which time we both crack up laughing. Well anyway I'm having fun here and hope you all like my posts - if you don't then just dial 1-800-eat shit.

Just saw Lincoln - Great movie if you are into that historical era of the war and such. Daniel Day Lewis and Sally Field are excellent. Also saw Django; Another good film which takes on the difficulty of the slave era but in a lighter way. Basically it isn't as hard line as some other slave era movies. A nice Tarrantino piece work.

A young Jewish Princess comes home to her momma and exclaims "Momma momma, I've got good news, I'm getting married" Momma: "Vonderful vonderful , who is the lucky man?" Girl: "Momma he is a really nice Arab man" Momma: " Oy Vay, Arab? ARAB? You can't marry the enemy of our people!!!" Girl: "But momma he is a Wealthy Arab Sheik momma and he said he is going to buy you a mansion, furs, diamonds, a yatch and a Rolls Royce momma" Momma: "Oh wow, well for all this I give my blessing" Six months later the girls comes home to momma crying..... Momma: "Vats a motta, vats a motta?" Girl: "Momma I"m getting a divorce" Momma: "Divorce? A disgrace? Oh no no and what to tell the family?" Girl: "But momma you don't understand, every time we have sex he wants to stick it in my ass momma and when I got married momma my ass was the size of a Dime momma and Now it is the size of a Silver Dollar momma" The momma looks around at her mansion, feels her fur coat and diamond necklace the turns to the daughter and says...... "So for Ninety Cents you make Trouble?"

Guy walks into a crowded bar with two six guns yelling "Who the fuck has been sleepin with my wife, I'll kill ya!!!" A man standing nearby whispers "Hey buddy, I don't think you have enough ammo".

Well I'm giving up masturbation - I've decided to try to get laid instead. It may prove to be difficult being that it's been a couple of years so maybe I'll just give up masturbating with my right hand and use my left instead. Then it will feel like someone else is doing it for me. Actually I'm not into Lent at all - the only lent I know is the one that goes - " I lent my neighbor my chain saw and never got it back " but it doesn't matter because I slept with his wife a few times over the past 8 years - oh the memories. I hope she comes back to borrow another cup of sugar.

Dork goes to the doctor.................. Doc: What can I do for you? Dork: Doc my penis is really so small I just can't keep any girlfriends, can you help me out? Doc: Well I have a Baby Elephant Trunk that I can attach down there. Dork: You think it will work? Doc: I'm sure it will be worth a try. I can do it today - Come back and see me in a month - let me know how it works. One Month Later Doc: So how is that working out for ya? Dork: Oh Doc, the ladies are loving it, the women are going crazy, I have so many I can't keep track! Doc: That is great - any problems? Dork: Well Doc, the only problem is that everytime I take a shower and sit down to watch the football game my penis keeps trying to stuff peanuts up my butt.

3 out of 50 WOW and just in the first month!! Kudos to the pickers! Bravo! Bravo!

The Rabbi went to the Vatican to visit the Pope and sees a gold phone on his desk, he asks the Pope "For what you have a gold phone on your desk?" the Pope tells him that it is a direct line to God and he can use the phone if he pays the charges. The Rabbi agrees and uses the phone. The Pope returns and hands the Rabbi the Bill. "Oy Vay! $368??" He pays the bill. A year later the Pope visits the Rabbi in Jerusalem and sees the Rabbi has a gold phone so he asks "You have a gold phone too?" The Rabbi explains "Yes, direct line to God, you talk you pay charges", the Pope agrees and uses the phone. The Rabbi returns and hands the Pope the Bill "Gee, only 68 cents?" asks the Pope and the Rabbi responds "For what you expect? It's a LOCAL CALL"

Jewish cab driver pulled over to the curb and a naked lady jumps in. He turns and looks back and the lady says "What you looking at? Never seen a naked woman before?" The driver (yiddish accent) responds "No that is not it, where I come from God strike me dead to look at naked lady BUT, I'm a business man and I'm thinking, Where does a naked lady keep the money for the ride?"

I tell you what i think. Everytime I read one of your posts I can see this fella on the other end, typing away. I saw this fella a good few years back live and uncut, fucking brilliant! Great stuff. Time for a good joke thread!

You must be one of those incommodious trolls Razor Boy was trying to warn me about. Troll? Me? Acquired taste more like. Really just a bit of ribbing. Just messin with ya! Loosen up, chill out, ease up, get mellow, hang loose, take a deep breath, not to worry, it's all good!

You are a website populated entirely by reasonable minded individuals who are open to and accepting of all views regardless of race, colour, religion, age or position on the political spectrum and who have a very broad sense of humour? I am a website? WOW, I didn't realize I was that Huge! I'm all about Humor and being that I'm a website let's call me Humongous Humor. Actually I've visited Deathlist for a few years - I'm only knew as a registered member. Thank you, thank you!

You must be one of those incommodious trolls Razor Boy was trying to warn me about.