Scraggy Taters 290 Posted April 8, 2016 My dog's now been microchipped ! 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,533 Posted April 19, 2016 How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? It's an obscure number, you probably wouldn't have heard of it. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,533 Posted April 20, 2016 A Glaswegian lad takes his girlfriend home for the first time, He says "This is Amanda." His dad jumps up and says "It's a fucking what?" 5 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RIP Wee Jum 1,559 Posted April 20, 2016 Did you hear about the man who got a sex change on the plane? He landed with a fud Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,533 Posted April 21, 2016 I just found out what you need to do if you're attacked by a group of circus performers. You need to go for the juggler! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dr. Zorders 1,271 Posted April 21, 2016 I'm gonna start a cool new website for people who say "The Koran is just he same as the Bible, but in Arabic!" or "The Koran promotes peace!" HaventReddit.com Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted April 22, 2016 Boothy Graffo joke tonight: Is there a Dave in the audience? SOMEONE SAYS YEAH Is there a Bob in the audience. SOMEONE SAYS YEAH Fucking nailed it, that's Derek Akorah's whole act I just nicked. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Dr. Zorders 1,271 Posted April 23, 2016 Did you know Tim Henman owns one of those extortionate loan companies now? I made the mistake of getting an unrepayable loan from him and he's now sent me a semi-final warning letter. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,533 Posted April 26, 2016 A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse if it's an alcoholic considering all the bars he frequents, to which the horse replies I don't think I am" POOF! The horse disappears. This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,533 Posted April 28, 2016 She squirmed excitedly as he leaned over and whispered soft in her ear, "Asdfg..hjkl..uiop" She loved it when he talked Qwerty Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RIP Wee Jum 1,559 Posted April 28, 2016 My friend Gav died yesterday from taking heart burn tablets. Can't believe Gavisgon.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RIP Wee Jum 1,559 Posted April 28, 2016 I've just started a band called 999 Megabytes. We haven't done a gig yet. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,533 Posted April 28, 2016 The Samaritans have set up a special number for disappointed Man United fans to ring if they are feeling depressed after this season. The number is 0800 101010 Thats 0800 won nothing, won nothing won nothing! That joke would work better if they were to lose the cup final against Palace. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Happy Reaper 223 Posted April 28, 2016 A blonde walked into a garage and said to the mechanic, "Have you got a seven-ten, please?" "A what?" the mechanic replied. "A seven-ten," said the blonde. "The one from my engine is missing and I need a replacement!" The mechanic scratched his head. "Look, miss, I've been a mechanic for twenty years and I've never heard of a seven-ten. Can you describe it?" The blonde said, "It's a little round thing with 'seven-ten' stamped on the top. I don't know what it does, but it's disappeared from my engine." The mechanic said, "Come through to the back and have a look at the engine I'm working on. See if you can find the seven-ten in there and point it out to me." They went through to the service section where a car was sitting with its bonnet open. The blonde studied the engine for a moment then let out a squeal of delight. "There it is!" she said, pointing. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted May 2, 2016 Scientists predict that by 2050 sea levels will have risen so much that Norwich will be completely submerged. At least then we'll have a use for these webbed hands and feet 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,533 Posted May 2, 2016 Scientists predict that by 2050 sea levels will have risen so much that Norwich will be completely submerged. At least then we'll have a use for these webbed hands and feet I knew one girl who had slightly webbed toes, but she was from Southend. I'm not sure where her parents were from though. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted May 2, 2016 Scientists predict that by 2050 sea levels will have risen so much that Norwich will be completely submerged. At least then we'll have a use for these webbed hands and feet I knew one girl who had slightly webbed toes, but she was from Southend. I'm not sure where her parents were from though. Me neither but they may have been first cousins Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,533 Posted May 2, 2016 Scientists predict that by 2050 sea levels will have risen so much that Norwich will be completely submerged. At least then we'll have a use for these webbed hands and feet I knew one girl who had slightly webbed toes, but she was from Southend. I'm not sure where her parents were from though. Me neither but they may have been first cousins She had some other features, which I believe is more commonly known as The Innsmouth Look. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Happy Reaper 223 Posted May 2, 2016 Did you know that the toothbrush was invented in Norfolk? Think about it - anywhere else and it would have been called a 'teethbrush'. 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RIP Wee Jum 1,559 Posted May 2, 2016 Did you know that the toothbrush was invented in Norfolk? Think about it - anywhere else and it would have been called a 'teethbrush'. nicked Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
