En Passant

HIs chances of dying double approximately every 2 years. He will then become completely Irrelevant.

I'm sure you can't say 'funny farm' in 2022. And the jury would probably be out on 'deranged'. Differently mentally abled maybe.... In fact in a competition for who gets called out the faster in the media v somebody wishing death on the King I think it'd be a close run thing even though one of them is potentially treasonous. Don't ask me how I know this.

So long as you can swim you should be fine.

From an item in the Grauniad that might disappear at any moment if a queens corgi farts or something, so Immortalising it here. Not an actual death as it turns out, but not for want of trying. Arrest a woman by stopping her car leaving your police cruiser on an unguarded level crossing in the process. Once arrested and checked for guns cuff the woman in the cruiser then languidly search her car for a few minutes until a train arrives and the inevitable follows. This is an absolute gold standard in fuckwittery. There are at least 3 or 4 officers present. I struggle to get my head around the fact that not one of them considers trains on a level crossing, duh, not one. Un-fuckin-believable. Oh, and after that? Carry on searching the car for a gun because that's the most important thing, she might uncuff herself, run back with 14 broken bones, grab that gun and shoot you. Laugh and joke and say "I know you know what you're doing"....Are these two films merged into one? It can't be real, it just can't. Only in America.

Good job @Gooseberry Crumble's bowel movement predictions are more accurate than yours then.

Orkney miss the boat?

The Scot Nats are going to have you away anyway Windsor old mate. So it won't matter to you. Or, well, you'll have to move south of Hadrians Wall.

This. I'm no monarchist, but not because I hate the privilege particularly, the world is full of privileged people it's not a fair place, it's more because I hate the system of class it embodies for an entire nation and how it perpetuates that divide simply by being the pinnacle of it. However his grandmother earned a huge swathe of peoples enduring respect, including mine, for being everything that was expected of her and more for 70 bloody years and did it with aplomb and nary a single complaint. Woman took it on the chin and got on with it. It was a prison cell, albeit a very fancily appointed one.

See? Back in your box oh psychic enema @Gooseberry Crumble and let us not even speak of @The Old Crem's soothsaying about every death under the sun that turned out to be miles off. This was where the real prophesy lay all the while.

You could get them back off the beach then...

Who's that then?

Which happily brings up an excellent opportunity to repost this clip containing an object lesson in the correct pronunciation (if not grammatical use) of toe-rag for any who may have missed it the first time around.

No sense of decorum then? Sheesh.

"Are you the police?" "No ma'am, we're musicians" "How much for the little girl?" "I hate Illinois Nazi's" "Chicken wire?" I'll skip the 106 miles one as too obvious. The sad part is I don't have to look any of this up.

"You're gonna need a bigger boat" "We're on a mission from God"