Lard Bazaar 3,800 Posted August 27, 2009 What a prick He said: 'I demanded to see the shop manager and, during a heated exchange, my wife became quite distressed and had to sit down in the car park.' Are people really this stupid? Lemons shagging, I ask you. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Monoclinic 39 Posted August 27, 2009 What a prick He said: 'I demanded to see the shop manager and, during a heated exchange, my wife became quite distressed and had to sit down in the car park.' Are people really this stupid? Lemons shagging, I ask you. I thought you put the lime in the coconut. Over to the next person for the 'cherry' joke... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,222 Posted August 27, 2009 I want to go on a swing. I imagine its in a nice park, its early evening and you can smell the freshly cut grass. Its nice and quiet and, as you swing back and forth, the only sound is that of the chains making that nice two tone sound as they grate on their fixings. Then there is the feel of the wind as you swing into it....... Sad f'ucker, I know. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Monoclinic 39 Posted August 27, 2009 I want to go on a swing.I imagine its in a nice park, its early evening and you can smell the freshly cut grass. Its nice and quiet and, as you swing back and forth, the only sound is that of the chains making that nice two tone sound as they grate on their fixings. Then there is the feel of the wind as you swing into it....... Sad f'ucker, I know. Have you got a bag of sherbet lemons and some puppies waiting for you back home? That will teach you to bring women into the equation. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,222 Posted August 27, 2009 I want to go on a swing.I imagine its in a nice park, its early evening and you can smell the freshly cut grass. Its nice and quiet and, as you swing back and forth, the only sound is that of the chains making that nice two tone sound as they grate on their fixings. Then there is the feel of the wind as you swing into it....... Sad f'ucker, I know. Have you got a bag of sherbet lemons and some puppies waiting for you back home? Monkey, I much prefer those Orange flavoured and shaped segments you used to get at Woolies. As for puppies, yes there are a couple at home but they are only small and hardly Jordanesque in size. I prefer them big and pendulous Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,800 Posted August 27, 2009 I want to go on a swing.I imagine its in a nice park, its early evening and you can smell the freshly cut grass. Its nice and quiet and, as you swing back and forth, the only sound is that of the chains making that nice two tone sound as they grate on their fixings. Then there is the feel of the wind as you swing into it....... Sad f'ucker, I know. Have you got a bag of sherbet lemons and some puppies waiting for you back home? Monkey, I much prefer those Orange flavoured and shaped segments you used to get at Woolies. As for puppies, yes there are a couple at home but they are only small and hardly Jordanesque in size. I prefer them big and pendulous Like this? I got paid twenty quid to pose for this picture. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,222 Posted August 27, 2009 I want to go on a swing.I imagine its in a nice park, its early evening and you can smell the freshly cut grass. Its nice and quiet and, as you swing back and forth, the only sound is that of the chains making that nice two tone sound as they grate on their fixings. Then there is the feel of the wind as you swing into it....... Sad f'ucker, I know. Have you got a bag of sherbet lemons and some puppies waiting for you back home? Monkey, I much prefer those Orange flavoured and shaped segments you used to get at Woolies. As for puppies, yes there are a couple at home but they are only small and hardly Jordanesque in size. I prefer them big and pendulous Like this? I got paid twenty quid to pose for this picture. Er, not my type Lardy, however, somebodys size isnt particulary important to me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,800 Posted August 27, 2009 I want to go on a swing.I imagine its in a nice park, its early evening and you can smell the freshly cut grass. Its nice and quiet and, as you swing back and forth, the only sound is that of the chains making that nice two tone sound as they grate on their fixings. Then there is the feel of the wind as you swing into it....... Sad f'ucker, I know. Have you got a bag of sherbet lemons and some puppies waiting for you back home? Monkey, I much prefer those Orange flavoured and shaped segments you used to get at Woolies. As for puppies, yes there are a couple at home but they are only small and hardly Jordanesque in size. I prefer them big and pendulous Like this? I got paid twenty quid to pose for this picture. Er, not my type Lardy, however, somebodys size isnt particulary important to me. Size is everything Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Body Snatcher 44 107 Posted August 31, 2009 Okay... I don't know where exactly to put this, so I put in it here. When you work from home, like I do, you often get bored with what you are meant to be doing and your mind wanders in and out of concentration - hence my continued postings on this sight. Today I complied a tally of the most (and least) common places for people to die on the list, from Andres Seqovia in 1987 to Edward Kennedy a number of days ago, the results are as follows... Most common death number is position 14 - 13 deaths. Least common death number is position 44 - 1 death - this years Robert Novak - As it has taken this long for 44 to get a hit I figured it was the safest! Safest number in the top 10 is lucky position 7 - 2 deaths. Unsafest number in the top 10 is position 2 - 8 deaths. Safest number in the bottom 10 is position 40, 44, 50 - each with one death. Unsafest number in the bottom 10 is position 47 - 5 deaths. Every position has had at least 1 death since the beginning of deathlist. 1=6. 2=8. 3=4. 4=7. 5=5. 6=5. 7=2. 8=3. 9=6. 10=4. 11=8. 12=4. 13=2. 14=13. 15=6. 16=2. 17=4. 18=6. 19=6. 20=4. 21=2. 22=6. 23=4. 24=1. 25=4. 26=3. 27=3. 28=5. 29=1. 30=1. 31=2. 32=4. 33=4. 34=3. 35=1. 36=4. 37=1. 38=1. 39=2. 40=1. 41=2. 42=2. 43=2. 44=1. 45=2. 46=3. 47=5. 48=2. 49=4. 50=1. A total of 182 deaths to date and something to mull around the old noggin. Now its time for sleep... P.S. Lardy is that a spongy cake for a spongy lady? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,222 Posted September 14, 2009 As Honez moves across the forum thread by thread, becoming more short tempered by the minute as he spots poor spelling and use of the English language ( normally by me, sorry old chum) perhaps he ought to thank his lucky stars that this hallowed cubicle isnt completely infested by utter f'uckwitts........... The following is taken straight from fleabay. just bought of retired man he as owend since car was 18mths old just past mot after being garaged since 94 whith only steering rack boots split car as never been painterd or welderd joe told me he put 5 galons of wax oil in sills alone when he bought in 82 this car drives foultless and could be mint/concours in one/two weeks only rust is on passanger side door bottoms see pics also very rare couler signal red inc service book, owners hand book, accsesory book, aa book 1965, prevous mot ford work shop manuel, ford parts manuel see pics cars been converterd to lucos ignition but stander points inc car could be drivern away anywear just needs tax bargin start price, good luck Can somebody explain to me how somebody so bereft of a brain can function? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
honez 79 Posted September 15, 2009 As Honez moves across the forum thread by thread, becoming more short tempered by the minute as he spots poor spelling and use of the English language ( normally by me, sorry old chum) perhaps he ought to thank his lucky stars that this hallowed cubicle isnt completely infested by utter f'uckwitts...........The following is taken straight from fleabay. just bought of retired man he as owend since car was 18mths old just past mot after being garaged since 94 whith only steering rack boots split car as never been painterd or welderd joe told me he put 5 galons of wax oil in sills alone when he bought in 82 this car drives foultless and could be mint/concours in one/two weeks only rust is on passanger side door bottoms see pics also very rare couler signal red inc service book, owners hand book, accsesory book, aa book 1965, prevous mot ford work shop manuel, ford parts manuel see pics cars been converterd to lucos ignition but stander points inc car could be drivern away anywear just needs tax bargin start price, good luck Can somebody explain to me how somebody so bereft of a brain can function? If their numeracy is on a par with their literacy and general idiocy, then there's definite potential to bamboozle them and swindle a few quid there, LFN. I suggest you bookmark the seller before they disappear on foot, back to the outskirts of Fraserburg sans foultless concours weels. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,800 Posted September 15, 2009 I haven't smoked for 8 days. And I haven't been rip roaring pissed since 29 August. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Josco 49 Posted September 15, 2009 I haven't smoked for 8 days. And I haven't been rip roaring pissed since 29 August. Quantify "rip roaring pissed". Is it similar to: 1. Tipsy 2. Merry 3. Pissed / sloshed 4. Tanked up 5. Drunk as a skunk 6. Legless 7. Wrecked / hammered 8. Out for the count 9. Intoxicated 10. Hog whimperingly arseholed Well done with the fags, keep it up. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,800 Posted September 15, 2009 I haven't smoked for 8 days. And I haven't been rip roaring pissed since 29 August. Quantify "rip roaring pissed". Is it similar to: 1. Tipsy 2. Merry 3. Pissed / sloshed 4. Tanked up 5. Drunk as a skunk 6. Legless 7. Wrecked / hammered 8. Out for the count 9. Intoxicated 10. Hog whimperingly arseholed Well done with the fags, keep it up. It's all of the above Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Rotten Ali 600 Posted September 15, 2009 I haven't smoked for 8 days. And I haven't been rip roaring pissed since 29 August. Quantify "rip roaring pissed". Is it similar to: 1. Tipsy 2. Merry 3. Pissed / sloshed 4. Tanked up 5. Drunk as a skunk 6. Legless 7. Wrecked / hammered 8. Out for the count 9. Intoxicated 10. Hog whimperingly arseholed Well done with the fags, keep it up. It's all of the above Can't surely say all the above, because that's a fair list of magnatude? I'm very happy to be tipsy any odd evening on two glasses of wine. Just having one won't get me on the above list. But three glasses, then I'm beyond stage two and on my way to stage 3. Only ever once been "out for the count" and that's my limit. Waking up on a park bench in a graveyard at 4am is beyond a joke so I'm ruling out ever being beyond your "rip roaring pissed" type level ever again. Keep up the good work Lardy on backing off the human body abuse, I'm sure it will thank you in the medium and long term. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Godot 149 Posted September 15, 2009 I haven't smoked for 8 days. And I haven't been rip roaring pissed since 29 August. Quantify "rip roaring pissed". Is it similar to: 1. Tipsy 2. Merry 3. Pissed / sloshed 4. Tanked up 5. Drunk as a skunk 6. Legless 7. Wrecked / hammered 8. Out for the count 9. Intoxicated 10. Hog whimperingly arseholed Well done with the fags, keep it up. It's all of the above Can't surely say all the above, because that's a fair list of magnatude? I'm very happy to be tipsy any odd evening on two glasses of wine. Just having one won't get me on the above list. But three glasses, then I'm beyond stage two and on my way to stage 3. Only ever once been "out for the count" and that's my limit. Waking up on a park bench in a graveyard at 4am is beyond a joke so I'm ruling out ever being beyond your "rip roaring pissed" type level ever again. Keep up the good work Lardy on backing off the human body abuse, I'm sure it will thank you in the medium and long term. The list really needs a little bit of adjustment. I would put merry before tipsy and "out for the count" should really be at number 10. Intoxicated looks kind of out of place as it would apply to almost any stage. I would put hog whimperingly arseholed at number 8 and substitute intoxicated at number nine with incontinent. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,222 Posted September 15, 2009 I haven't smoked for 8 days. And I haven't been rip roaring pissed since 29 August. Quantify "rip roaring pissed". Is it similar to: 1. Tipsy 2. Merry 3. Pissed / sloshed 4. Tanked up 5. Drunk as a skunk 6. Legless 7. Wrecked / hammered 8. Out for the count 9. Intoxicated 10. Hog whimperingly arseholed Well done with the fags, keep it up. It's all of the above Can't surely say all the above, because that's a fair list of magnatude? I'm very happy to be tipsy any odd evening on two glasses of wine. Just having one won't get me on the above list. But three glasses, then I'm beyond stage two and on my way to stage 3. Only ever once been "out for the count" and that's my limit. Waking up on a park bench in a graveyard at 4am is beyond a joke so I'm ruling out ever being beyond your "rip roaring pissed" type level ever again. Keep up the good work Lardy on backing off the human body abuse, I'm sure it will thank you in the medium and long term. The list really needs a little bit of adjustment. I would put merry before tipsy and "out for the count" should really be at number 10. Intoxicated looks kind of out of place as it would apply to almost any stage. I would put hog whimperingly arseholed at number 8 and substitute intoxicated at number nine with incontinent. I dont think the list can be considered complete without "Utterly Wankered" on it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,222 Posted September 15, 2009 As Honez moves across the forum thread by thread, becoming more short tempered by the minute as he spots poor spelling and use of the English language ( normally by me, sorry old chum) perhaps he ought to thank his lucky stars that this hallowed cubicle isnt completely infested by utter f'uckwitts...........The following is taken straight from fleabay. just bought of retired man he as owend since car was 18mths old just past mot after being garaged since 94 whith only steering rack boots split car as never been painterd or welderd joe told me he put 5 galons of wax oil in sills alone when he bought in 82 this car drives foultless and could be mint/concours in one/two weeks only rust is on passanger side door bottoms see pics also very rare couler signal red inc service book, owners hand book, accsesory book, aa book 1965, prevous mot ford work shop manuel, ford parts manuel see pics cars been converterd to lucos ignition but stander points inc car could be drivern away anywear just needs tax bargin start price, good luck Can somebody explain to me how somebody so bereft of a brain can function? If their numeracy is on a par with their literacy and general idiocy, then there's definite potential to bamboozle them and swindle a few quid there, LFN. I suggest you bookmark the seller before they disappear on foot, back to the outskirts of Fraserburg sans foultless concours weels. Somehow I doubt it Honez. People like him are usual sharp as razors, they could steal your braces and sell them back to you before your trousers hit the floor. No excuse for a sh*t command of the language tho. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Monoclinic 39 Posted September 15, 2009 Quantify "rip roaring pissed". Is it similar to: 1. Tipsy 2. Merry 3. Pissed / sloshed 4. Tanked up 5. Drunk as a skunk 6. Legless 7. Wrecked / hammered 8. Out for the count 9. Intoxicated 10. Hog whimperingly arseholed Well done with the fags, keep it up. May I refer you to . Who's Ruby? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lard Bazaar 3,800 Posted October 16, 2009 I won 25 quid on the Premium Bonds this month. And today, my guinea pigs are being photographed for the cover of a book about animal massage. They won't get out of their hutch for less than a bag of carrots, darling! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,222 Posted October 16, 2009 I won 25 quid on the Premium Bonds this month. And today, my guinea pigs are being photographed for the cover of a book about animal massage. They won't get out of their hutch for less than a bag of carrots, darling! How you have the brass neck to make fun of Norfolk folk being inbreds is quite beyond me. You Wiltshire folk are even more perverted and disgusting! Massaging guinea pigs, my arse. Having said all of that Lardy, Im not sure if you are "In the know" regarding the BBC but, if you are, could you get word to the Beebs Susanna Reid and let her know that there is a Python small grass snake in West Norfolk that could do with a massage from her fair hands? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
John Kettley 49 Posted October 16, 2009 I won 25 quid on the Premium Bonds this month. And today, my guinea pigs are being photographed for the cover of a book about animal massage. They won't get out of their hutch for less than a bag of carrots, darling! How you have the brass neck to make fun of Norfolk folk being inbreds is quite beyond me. You Wiltshire folk are even more perverted and disgusting! Massaging guinea pigs, my arse. Having said all of that Lardy, Im not sure if you are "In the know" regarding the BBC but, if you are, could you get word to the Beebs Susanna Reid and let her know that there is a Python small grass snake in West Norfolk that could do with a massage from her fair hands? That's precisely what Fred Dinenage said in the Green room once. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,702 Posted October 22, 2009 Strangely, I got more post today than I usually do. They were all bills, of course. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
honez 79 Posted October 22, 2009 Strangely, I got more post today than I usually do. They were all bills, of course. You'd better give them back to him then. Boom tsch. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest guest Posted October 23, 2009 "Rip roaring pissed" http://leanmeanfightingmachine.posterous.c...pissed-man-ever Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
