Lord Fellatio Nelson

DL Status Updates: Statements, Obsevations & Verbal Tennis

2,242 posts in this topic

Ok chums, this is the thread where you can exclaim "Its cold!!" or "Ive got to take Tibby to the vets to be de bollocked"
(or summat).
Basically, you can put anything into here that doesnt neccessarily fit or belong in other threads.
It should keep the Stasi from complaining about posts meandering off topic/post quality blah f'ucking blah.
Anyway, as a first post, I ponder this question.
Lesbians. Have they got life licked?

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Ah, I tried this many years ago. I sincerely hope your thread fares better than mine.

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Ok chums, this is the thread where you can exclaim "Its cold!!" or "Ive got to take Tibby to the vets to be de bollocked"

(or summat).

Basically, you can put anything into here that doesnt neccessarily fit or belong in other threads.

It should keep the Stasi from complaining about posts meandering off topic/post quality blah f'ucking blah.

Anyway, as a first post, I ponder this question.

Lesbians. Have they got life licked?

 

Is there something you're trying to tell us? Have you started jumping puddles? Have you become good with colours? Have you bought a season ticket for the Bum City Express? I think we should be told!

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It should keep the Stasi from complaining about posts meandering off topic/post quality blah f'ucking blah.

 

I shouldn't worry abut that.

 

The Stasi can get to Falkirk.

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Ah, I tried this many years ago. I sincerely hope your thread fares better than mine.

Ah, so you did CP.

Oh well, in for a penny and all that.

Lardy, er...no.

NAP, whats Falkirk like?

 

Today I went to do a job at a house, which was actually a 34 year old Portakabin with rotten porch, stuck out in a field 5 miles from the nearest village.

It was occupied by a 92 year old lady with heavily bandaged legs who told me she still drives a car,God help us.

The "house" stank of B.O

Fascinating stuff, eh!

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Ah, I tried this many years ago. I sincerely hope your thread fares better than mine.

Ah, so you did CP.

Oh well, in for a penny and all that.

Lardy, er...no.

NAP, whats Falkirk like?

 

Today I went to do a job at a house, which was actually a 34 year old Portakabin with rotten porch, stuck out in a field 5 miles from the nearest village.

It was occupied by a 92 year old lady with heavily bandaged legs who told me she still drives a car,God help us.

The "house" stank of B.O

Fascinating stuff, eh!

 

Yes, my ex-husband did mention you were going to see his girlfriend today. :lol:

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Went to Alton Towers today, threw myself round lots of rides. Was just thinking in terms of theme park statistics, how many accidents are purely down to f'uckwittedness?

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Went to Alton Towers today, threw myself round lots of rides. Was just thinking in terms of theme park statistics, how many accidents are purely down to f'uckwittedness?

 

I used to love Alton Towers, then I had kids and suddenly turned into a geet big fairy. Absolutely shitted myself on a ferris wheel a couple of years ago, and the bastard gypo fairground rider could see I was crapping it so stopped it while I was right at the top. Bastard.

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Went to Alton Towers today, threw myself round lots of rides. Was just thinking in terms of theme park statistics, how many accidents are purely down to f'uckwittedness?

 

I used to love Alton Towers, then I had kids and suddenly turned into a geet big fairy. Absolutely shitted myself on a ferris wheel a couple of years ago, and the bastard gypo fairground rider could see I was crapping it so stopped it while I was right at the top. Bastard.

 

 

 

I've been "lurking" for over a year, still not ready to stick my neck out and join. But I can't help but ask, whose nuts are those?

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Went to Alton Towers today, threw myself round lots of rides. Was just thinking in terms of theme park statistics, how many accidents are purely down to f'uckwittedness?

Dunno, but there'd be a high proportion of f'uckwits caused by accidents.

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Went to Alton Towers today, threw myself round lots of rides. Was just thinking in terms of theme park statistics, how many accidents are purely down to f'uckwittedness?

 

I used to love Alton Towers, then I had kids and suddenly turned into a geet big fairy. Absolutely shitted myself on a ferris wheel a couple of years ago, and the bastard gypo fairground rider could see I was crapping it so stopped it while I was right at the top. Bastard.

 

 

 

I've been "lurking" for over a year, still not ready to stick my neck out and join. But I can't help but ask, whose nuts are those?

 

I'm sorry to say I have absolutely no idea. But I'd quite like to meet him.

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Today I went to do a job at a house, which was actually a 34 year old Portakabin with rotten porch, stuck out in a field 5 miles from the nearest village.

It was occupied by a 92 year old lady with heavily bandaged legs who told me she still drives a car,God help us.

The "house" stank of B.O

Fascinating stuff, eh!

You truly do lead a full life.

 

Today I got up and did not much, I plan on repeating this winning formula tomorrow and the day after tomorrow. On Thursday I may be adventurous and indulge in some pottering about.

 

Clearly, not as full as yours, Sir.

Alas, we do what we have to do to earn a shilling.

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This should probably go in the Room 101 thread, but anyway. I knew my workmates were thick, but today one of them said she didn't know Ireland was in Europe (no, she wasn't referring to the EU) Wtf? We live on and island in the Irish Sea ffs, how can you not know where Ireland is?

 

Some other gems from different workmates include -

 

Is South Africa near China?

 

This customer lives in Pakistan, I didn't think Pakistan was a real country.

 

Is Portugal a different country from Spain ?

 

 

And my ultimate favourite was when a customer wanted to use Mugabe as their password and we were debating whether to allow it.

 

Colleague - What does Mugabe mean? Is it a rude word?

 

When we mentioned Robert Mugabe to see if their was a flicker of recognition, she declared she'd never heard of him, then asked if he was a tennis player.

 

 

 

So, what's the stupidest thing you or someone you know has ever done?

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One of my colleagues thought Jesus was born in India. (well, it begins with an 'I') there are countless others she comes out with, I'll try to remember them and share the gems

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.............

 

 

And my ultimate favourite was when a customer wanted to use Mugabe as their password and we were debating whether to allow it.

 

Colleague - What does Mugabe mean? Is it a rude word?

 

When we mentioned Robert Mugabe to see if their was a flicker of recognition, she declared she'd never heard of him, then asked if he was a tennis player.

 

 

 

So, what's the stupidest thing you or someone you know has ever done?

Maybe they were thinking of Duncan?

http://www.independent.co.ug/index.php/spo...-for-the-summit

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So, what's the stupidest thing you or someone you know has ever done?

 

The firm I worked for in the early 90s had a slightly dippy secretary. The first time she had to use the fax machine was interesting...she was told to fax a letter but mark it "private and confidential." She typed the letter, marked it as instructed.....put it in an envelope, sealed it and shoved it in the fax. Well, at least she didn't stick a stamp on it first...

 

And yes - she was blonde.

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So, what's the stupidest thing you or someone you know has ever done?

 

The firm I worked for in the early 90s had a slightly dippy secretary. The first time she had to use the fax machine was interesting...she was told to fax a letter but mark it "private and confidential." She typed the letter, marked it as instructed.....put it in an envelope, sealed it and shoved it in the fax. Well, at least she didn't stick a stamp on it first...

 

And yes - she was blonde.

 

Around the dawn of the 21st century or summat, I went over to the fax machine to wait for a fax from a customer. I stood there and waited and stood there and waited.....until a guy walked over to me and asked if he could help me. I told him no, I was just waiting for a fax. He advised me that I was going to be waiting for a long time because I was standing in front of a Xerox machine.

 

And no - I'm a brunette.

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(Handrejka @ Jul 21 2009, 09:50 PM) *

So, what's the stupidest thing you or someone you know has ever done?

 

Had a young woman working with me in a bar a few years ago. Not the brightest star in the sky, on one occasion, she was pouring a pint of 1664. I turned around to see her watching the glass overflow. She looked at me and said 'how do I stop it?'.

 

We also sold eggs - she asked me how many half-a-dozen was!

 

After she left us she got a job in a local supermarket. One night she managed to get herself locked in, setting the burglar alarm off resulting in the manager having to turn round and go back to let her out!

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Actually, I pulled a true computer IT professional one just the other day.

 

We use an instant messaging program at work that allows us to send announcements to contacts we choose from a list. I chose the members of my team, typed the message that I was kicking them all off the server and sent it.

 

I quickly discovered that I had inverted my selection and sent it to everyone on my list except my team members, including four or five executives and several second and third line managers. I caused a massive panic because none of them is remotely technical and they didn't know what I was talking about.

 

It was a fun way to end last week.

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Actually, I pulled a true computer IT professional one just the other day.

 

We use an instant messaging program at work that allows us to send announcements to contacts we choose from a list. I chose the members of my team, typed the message that I was kicking them all off the server and sent it.

 

I quickly discovered that I had inverted my selection and sent it to everyone on my list except my team members, including four or five executives and several second and third line managers. I caused a massive panic because none of them is remotely technical and they didn't know what I was talking about.

 

It was a fun way to end last week.

Ah, that reminds me of the time I forwarded on an email from a senior executive at my work, specifically pointing out the amount of "content-free waffle" contained in his address-to-the-troops type of message. I hit send, and half a second later, realised I hadn't filled out the email address of the person I wished to forward it on to. It took approximately one Ohnosecond for it to dawn on me that I'd originally hit REPLY instead of FORWARD before adding my generous insights on the content of his email.

 

I never did get any response, but I've since heard the term "content-free waffle" being used by some of our management team.

Come the revolution, I'm gonna be first against the wall.

 

Given that there are over 5,000 employees in the organisation I work for, I'm glad I didn't hit REPLY ALL.

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I've just cleaned up cat vomit that had a tail in it. Blech!

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My eye looks like a football. And the other one is starting to swell up now. And I have to walk to the doctor because my car is in the garage. Crap!

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I'm making a fish pie and then I'm going to have my hair cut ever so slightly.

 

I like this thread.

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I'm making a fish pie and then I'm going to have my hair cut ever so slightly.

 

I like this thread.

 

Reminds me of facebook

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