Larry Pestilence III 6 Posted February 4, 2005 So here’s the carefully selected candidates for DeathList 2005. A brief summary of the idea behind DeathList. The DeathList committee draws up DeathList at the end of each year with the objective selecting the most celebrities who will die in the next calendar year. The list comprises 50 celebrities, with no more than 25 who appeared on the previous year's list. The 2004 list had 12 successes but was unable to overhaul the record of 14 set in 2003. How will the 2005 runners and riders fare? Given the high standards to which we (well, some of us ) aspire on this web site, and the grammatical, spelling, style and generally pedantic points-of-order which many of us take pleasure in meting out incessantly, I was dismayed when, finally, I read the DeathList intro' for 2005. May I suggest the following changes: "So here’re the carefully selected candidates for DeathList 2005. To summarize the idea behind DeathList: The DeathList committee draws up (the) DeathList at the end of each year with the objective of selecting the most celebrities who will die in the next calendar year. The list comprises 50 celebrities, with no more than 25 who appeared on the previous year's list. The 2004 list had 12 successes, but was unable to overhaul the record of 14 set in 2003. How will the 2005 runners and riders fare?" LP3 N.B. I hope to hell that I haven't gaffed. For all you pedants out there, I do not recommend that my suggested changes are implemented in red, nor that the extra punctuation is particularly large. The quotes can be lost too. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Poetry Man 2 Posted February 4, 2005 Gramma? Wot's that! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Josco 49 Posted February 4, 2005 To summarize the idea May we use English please? summarise Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tuber Mirum 125 Posted February 4, 2005 Great idea for a thread! I would spell "summarise" like that, personally. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Larry Pestilence III 6 Posted February 4, 2005 Sorry Josco. Check the Oxford English Dictionary. Use of "s" used to be illiterate in this country, but now is listed as a second, alternative, spelling. Unfortunately, most Brits assume the Americans got it wrong... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tuber Mirum 125 Posted February 4, 2005 "here're" is a colloquialism if not an illiteracy. I would deduct a couple of points for that. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Larry Pestilence III 6 Posted February 4, 2005 "here're" is a colloquialism if not an illiteracy. I would deduct a couple of points for that. LOL Very colloquial yes. Illitterrate no. In my defence, I was attempting a minimum number of changes! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Josco 49 Posted February 4, 2005 grammatical, spelling, style and generally pedantic points-of-order which many of us take pleasure in meting out incessantly Illitterrate 'Nuff said Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Larry Pestilence III 6 Posted February 4, 2005 grammatical, spelling, style and generally pedantic points-of-order which many of us take pleasure in meting out incessantly Illitterrate 'Nuff said It was deliberate, but I'm glad you spotted it and acted appropriately. Perhaps standards are not declining after all? LP3 P.S. I did spell it correctly in my first post, you know... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Shuffler Posted February 4, 2005 Mebbe we shud put the inglish langwidge on the deff list... I recall (from my time as a student of Linguistics) the notion that "spelling and punctuation does not matter so long as meaning can be communicated successfully" - something with which I certainly had issues with, but that's Semantics for you* * There's Semantics for you?, those're Semantics for you?, oh bugger it! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Shuffler Posted February 4, 2005 something with which I certainly had issues with OK, OK I give in! I will go back to Skool! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Four Horsemen 26 Posted February 4, 2005 The 2004 list had 12 successes, but was unable to overhaul the record of 14 set in 2003 That comma is also unnecessary as the sentence flows without it - commas are used in the same way as you would pause for breath while speaking, and in this case is most unwelcome! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Larry Pestilence III 6 Posted February 4, 2005 That comma is also unnecessary as the sentence flows without it Interesting. I always thought that commas were required before conjunctions. I found this on a US website. "When a coordinating conjunction connects two independent clauses, it is often (but not always) accompanied by a comma: - Ulysses wants to play for UConn, but he has had trouble meeting the academic requirements. When the two independent clauses connected by a coordinating conjunction are nicely balanced or brief, many writers will omit the comma: - Ulysses has a great jump shot but he isn't quick on his feet." Nothing about actual "correct" behavio(u)r. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest IYG Posted February 4, 2005 This thread reminded me of something my brother sent me a few months ago. Just a funny little thing, number 1 & 2 are the relevent ones to this thread but what the hell, or maybe this should be in the things to do while waiting for death. NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE To the citizens of the United States of America, In the light of your failure to be able to select a suitable President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves in a fair manner (fair to the rest of us that is), we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP, for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following Rules are introduced with immediate effect: 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". 2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through. 6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2008. 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecision Day". 9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. 10. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. Thank you for your cooperation. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Teddy 21 Posted February 4, 2005 You may find this one helps too (especially for those following the Max Schmeling thread) "EuroEnglish" The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5 year phase-in plan that would be known as "EuroEnglish" In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". This will certainly make the sivil sevants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favor of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by the "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter. In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraceful, and they should go away. By the fourth yer, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evri vun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer. ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Typhoid Harry 23 Posted February 4, 2005 Aluminn... Aloomine, er... Allyoominyu... Uhloomann... Tin foil! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Magere Hein 1,400 Posted February 4, 2005 ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU! The readers of this thread may appreciate this bit of doggerel, written by my countryman Charivarius: The Chaos. regards, Hein Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Larry Pestilence III 6 Posted February 4, 2005 The readers of this thread may appreciate this bit of doggerel, written by my countryman Charivarius: The Chaos. Quality doggerel indeed. English is very complex, but only because lots of nations decided to invade us and contribute to it! The result is rich vocabulary and a pronunciation nightmare, particulary for all those from the nations that originally invaded us. We reap our revengi! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Typhoid Harry 23 Posted February 4, 2005 ZE DREM VIL FINALI KUM TRU! The readers of this thread may appreciate this bit of doggerel, written by my countryman Charivarius: The Chaos. regards, Hein Ooh! I made it into the third stanza! /bows Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Josco 49 Posted February 4, 2005 but only because lots of nations decided to invade us How many successful invasions have there been in say, the last 1000 years? Can they be counted on the fingers of a convicted arabian thief? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Death Watch Beatle 41 Posted February 4, 2005 Bill Bryson wrote a book about the 'English' language. I have found his other works both funny and easy reading, however this book (which I can't remember the title of) did rather baffle me (not being the sharpest kid in the English lesson some 20 odd years ago). I think he was trying to say that American was a purer English than English. It came over from Plymouth and didn't really change very much for the next 200 years. Or did I just dream it? DWB (making excuses about it being late or something) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Anubis the Jackal 77 Posted February 4, 2005 I think he was trying to say that American was a purer English than English. It came over from Plymouth and didn't really change very much for the next 200 years. Or did I just dream it? if yerriz troiyin to zay zat the Plymuff acczent iz purr Englizh loike... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tuber Mirum 125 Posted February 4, 2005 I too, enjoyed Bill Bryson's books. I lost a bit of respect for him when he took a job from the British Government which has the word "heritage" in its title, but like so many Americans, I'm sure he means well. Does anyone else find that travel books are always extremely fascinating until they come to write about a place you know well? Then you immediately think: "what a load of c**p!". Can't think of any examples like, but you know what I mean. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Anubis the Jackal 77 Posted February 4, 2005 A bit like historical biographies...all well and good, but they always die in the end. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Larry Pestilence III 6 Posted February 5, 2005 but only because lots of nations decided to invade us How many successful invasions have there been in say, the last 1000 years? Can they be counted on the fingers of a convicted arabian thief? You're quite right to point this out. With the developments in technology in the last millenium, it has been increasingly difficult for invaders to cross the Channel and North Sea . Mind you, the "damage" had already been done. Technically there was the Glorious Revolution (invasion?) in 1688, but I don't really think that counts (unless you're part of the Royal Family). 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
