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£666 a week? Spooky.... I wonder what some of the other prices are like. Help with wiping: £220 per wipe Happy ending massages: Price negotiable/depends on grossness/number of wrinkles

Poor Dickie. Once he starred in Jurassic Park, now he's been moved to Jurassic Park.

Wow it's spread to 2 vital organs and her bones.

I think it was your mention of the beach that prompted the comment about our weather.

And they don't make a very good football team.

If kim attacks the south he and north korea are over. China won't support or go to war for north korea it has everything to lose and nothing to gain . Plus a nuclear strike on south korea or north korea and there is a good chance the radiation is drifting up into china. Chances are there if north korea attacks it will be routed pretty fast but not with nukes , north korea will quickly collapse and china will invade from the north to ''protect its interests'' and stop immigrants . The two major flash points are if american and south korean soldiers encounter chinese troops in north korea and there is a confrontation . The second flash point is if on the verge of collapse north korea decides to nuke south korea and release biological weapons. I would like to see the back of north korea hopefully without a world war 3.

Until she is found dead in a bath of sand. So chyna is invading japan ?

Guess who'll be eating all the pies in the sky...

David, my young chum, I'm in a fairly good mood today. You haven't offended me - it's quite difficult to offend me. To answer your queries, yes, I'm in a relationship - happy most of the time, but, as happens to most grown ups I imagine, sometimes I can't stand the cunt and wish he would fuck off and die (as, I'm sure, he thinks about me sometimes too). As for blow jobs, I feel very sorry for you if you've never experienced one (of mine, at least) as I'm awesome at it, apparently. He says it's like a mixture of Valentino Rossi beating Casey Stoner at Laguna Seca in 2008, Gazza scoring against Scotland in 96, washed down with 12 cans of Blackthorn and a kebab. As you can imagine, all that happening in one evening would be as rare as rocking horse shit - as is me giving him a blow job nowadays. Of course, this conversation is all academic as you are a total wind-up merchant, but you're a fun one, so I'll play along

Rob Zildjian, founder of Sabian Cymbals, dead at 90 (According to the company website) A rather cymbalic death. BA DUM KSSSSH