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Apologies if you've heard 'em before...... Q: Why are Michael Jackson's pants so small? A: Because they aren't his! Q: What did the man on the beach say to Michael Jackson? A: Get out of my sun! Q: What do you do if Michael Jackson is drowning? A: Throw him a buoy! Q: Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men?? A: He thought it was a delivery service. Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper? A: One is pale and scares kids and the other is a friendly ghost. Q: How do we know Michael is guilty? A: Several children have fingered him. Q. Why did Michael Jackson rush over to Wal-Mart? A. He heard that boys' pants were 1/2 off. Q. What's the difference between a supermarket bag and Michael Jackson? A. One is white, made of plastic, and should be kept away from small children. The other is used to hold groceries. Q. How do you know when it's bedtime at the Neverland Ranch? A. When the big hand touches the little hand. Q. What's brown and often found in children's underpants? A. Michael Jackson's hand. Q. What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson's dreams every night? A. Hanson. Q. What the difference between Michael Jackson and acne? A. Acne doesn't come on your face until you're about fifteen. Q. Why can you always win a race with Michael Jackson? A. Because he always likes to come in a little behind. Q. What did Michael Jackson say to Gary Glitter? A. I'll swap you a 10 for two fives Q: Who does Michael Jackson consider a perfect "10"? A: Two 5 year olds. Janet and Michael Jackson were at home one night... Janet: Shall we get a pizza and video tonight? Michael: Yeah, ok, can we get Aladdin? Janet: No, just a pizza and video Q: What famous celebrity had the most children over the last 10 years? A: Michael Jackson Q: What's the difference between Michael Jackson and greyhound racing? A: The greyhounds wait for the hares to come out. Q: What do Michael and homework have in common? A: Both are a pain in the a$$ to kids FBI have raided Michael Jackson's house... They found class A drugs in his kitchen, Class B drugs in his living room and Class 5Cin his bedroom. Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son. The doctor walks in and Michael asks, "Doctor, how long before we can have sex?" "I'd wait until he's at least 14," the doctor replies.

I recall TV as a DJ on the forces radio in BAOR many years ago. Enjoyed his shows then, but in later years when he did the voice overs or commentaries for some 'home video' shows I found his stentorian shouting a little wearing. I am sure you are all familiar with the concept of these shows. There are three moderatey amusing viceo clips of some one falling off a ladder or similar; and the whole program consists of showing the same clip again and again in an attempt to fill another half hour of television schedule. Sometimes one longs for the adverts. Of course, if I attempt to wrest control of the remote there is near civil war from my recalcitrant offspring, so I am trapped in a sempiternal nightmare of ubiquitous televisual crap.

Its on tonight at 1am (Monday morning) If you live in the UK set your video, BBC1 for 25mins - 'cus its only on air once a month.

terminator, you know i am praying all those rosaries just for you..... oh, free will- Doing good and avoiding evil freedom..completely different.....you can do any thing you want...however, with a conseqence from the law. what is sad about you, is that the only thing you have on me is my errors with grammer and what not...have you even looked into the truth of anything..wow like i have said before, it would be easy for me to follow your concepts on life,and slowly die away to nothing...that would be simple...agreeing with all you say....however..i choose Christ. the road to hell is wide and free of obstacles....EASY...the road to Heaven is narrow with lots of obstacles....when i think about this, i wonder what my life would be like if i didn't care and followed the path to hell.....i feel it would be boring and unfilling. much like when you play a video game and you are playing on easy mode...you wish for something difficult....i guess i just love Christ that much...and don't worry...He totally has pity on you...on me....on everyone. So please go and quote me, because you make me getting to Heaven that much easier! i Hope to see you there my friend God Bless, Eileen you have no idea the LOVE God has for you

for those who didn't see robbie in Argentina here's a cute video www.lessonspanish.co.uk/videos.htm

Ronnie Burgess played in the same excellent Tottenham Hotspur team as the recently departed Bill Nicholson and Alf Ramsey. They of course went on to manage the best club side to play English football (Tottenham Hotspur 1960-61, according to ex- Arsenal goalkeeper Bob Wilson and my Dad anyway), and the best English national side (England 1966) respectively. Isn't "excellent Tottenham Hostpur team" an oxymoron? Apologies if you've heard this before.... A Spurs supporter walked past a video shop and sees a poster announcing a video for sale "Tottenham - the golden years". As a supporter, he rushed in to buy a copy and was told it'd cost £300. When he asked why it was so much, he was told that it also comes with a Betamax player to watch it on. Unfortunately a Standard 8 Cine projector would have to used.

Ronnie Burgess played in the same excellent Tottenham Hotspur team as the recently departed Bill Nicholson and Alf Ramsey. They of course went on to manage the best club side to play English football (Tottenham Hotspur 1960-61, according to ex- Arsenal goalkeeper Bob Wilson and my Dad anyway), and the best English national side (England 1966) respectively. Isn't "excellent Tottenham Hostpur team" an oxymoron? Apologies if you've heard this before.... A Spurs supporter walked past a video shop and sees a poster announcing a video for sale "Tottenham - the golden years". As a supporter, he rushed in to buy a copy and was told it'd cost £300. When he asked why it was so much, he was told that it also comes with a Betamax player to watch it on.

Hold on a minute...... Video recorded almost 90 years ago? Are you serious? Do you reckon it was a Betamax? You'd better a a detention to that rosary I set you earlier... I don't know! I've got an autographed photograph of Saint Patrick somewhere. I got it when I purchased the DVD of his work-out routine!

Hold on a minute...... Video recorded almost 90 years ago? Are you serious? Do you reckon it was a Betamax? You'd better a a detention to that rosary I set you earlier...

Okay I have yet to look up anything on the spinning of the sun and the effects it had on the rest of the world because i have been quite busy with homework, but i can tell you that something did happen...scientists were baffeled by it...i just can't say for sure i remember what it was...however i know that it was something that could not be explained....so i will get back to you on it and i will have references to prove it...and about pictures of the sun dancing......I believe that there was a video camera there that day.....I remember when i was younger watching it.....I will definitly look that up for you too......I don't want to be wrong...but i Am sure I am right..... Eileen "what do you say to Jesus" "I don't say anything...I Love Him" Saint Therese @~~

Didn't even one of the 70,000 to 100,000 people who were around to corroborate the spinning Portuguese sun think to bring a camera along that day? I'm sure not many people had cameras back then, but we've all seen both photos and film from that era. You'd have thought some of the sceptical journalists would have brought one with them. Amazing how despite all the ghosts, and UFO's, and miracles there are buzzing about, there has never been one decent picture or video of any of 'em......

Neat stuff here, don't miss the dragon illusion video in the "What's New" section.

For those who have not seen the link to the New York Times letters pages, I enclose a cut and paste of the letter from Steve Martin to the late Johnny Carson. I post it because I'm off and running in the Derby Dead Pool with his sad passing. The Man in Front of the Curtain By STEVE MARTIN Published: January 25, 2005 Los Angeles DEAR JOHNNY, This letter comes a little late. I remember seeing the tape of my first appearance on your show, on a home recording, a reel-to-reel Sony prototype video recorder, probably around 1972. What my friends and I ended up watching was not me, but you. It's almost impossible to look away from oneself onscreen, but you made it possible, because there were lessons in what you did. You and Jack Benny taught me about generosity toward other comedians, about the appreciation of the plight of the pro, as valuable as any lessons I ever learned. Your gift - though I'm sure you wouldn't have called it a gift - was, as I see it, a blend of modesty and confidence. You wanted to do the job and do it well. You allowed the spirit of your idols, Stan Laurel and Jonathan Winters among them, to creep into you, and you found a way to twist their inspiration and make it new. In you I saw simplicity, joy, politeness, sympathy. Your death reminds me of the loss of America's innocence, the distance we have come from your sly, boyish leers to our flagrant, overstated embarrassments for parents and children. If I could wake you up for a minute, I would ask you to tell me how good you thought you were. "Between you and me," I think you would whisper, "I know I was great in a subtle, secret way." I think you would also say: "I enjoyed and understood the delights of split-second timing, of watching a comedian squirm and then rescue himself, of the surprises that arise from the fractional seconds of desperation when the comedian senses that the end of his sentence might fall to silence." Your Nebraskan pragmatism - and knowledge of the magician's tricks - tilted you toward the sciences, especially astronomy. (Maybe this is why the occultists, future predictors, spoon-benders or mind readers on your show never left without having been challenged.) You knew how to treat everyone, from the pompous actor to the nervous actress, and which to give the appropriate kindness. You enjoyed the unflappable grannies who knitted log-cabin quilts, as well as the Vegas pros who machine-gunned the audience into hysterical fits. You were host to writers, children, intellectuals and nitwits and served them all well, and served the audience by your curiosity and tolerance. You gave each guest the benefit of the doubt, and in this way you exemplified an American ideal: you're nuts but you're welcome here. We loved watching baby tigers paw you and koalas relieve themselves on you and seeing you in your swami hat or Tarzan loincloth, and we loved hearing Ed's ripostes and watching you glare at him as though you were going to fire him, but we knew you weren't. We, the millions whom you affected, will weep inside when we see the reruns, the clips of you walking out from behind the curtain, the moment in the monologue when a joke bombed; we'll recall your deep appreciation of both genuine and struggling talent. Because you retreated into retirement so completely, let me thank you, in death, for the things I couldn't quite say to you in life. Thank you for the opportunity you gave me and others, and thank you - despite divisive wars and undulating political strife - for the one hour a night across 30 years of American life when we were entertained purely, delightfully and wisely.

OMG! That video clip was so sad! Julia Barr was almost in tears.

Here are some links about her passing...... ABC News: http://abcnews.go.com/Entertainment/wireStory?id=420310 Video From New York News: http://pepper-fizz.net/bamie/amc-phoebe.wmv

hi i'm called steph and me and my mate jenn have been macking a video of us sining most of my friends think we are good at singing.we really want to post are video to sharon or ozzy osbourne but we can't find a address to send it to so she will watch the video . please please help!

Listening to Radio Scotland this morning, Fred Macaulay was interviewing Babs. Apparently she has brought out a fitness video, and is now fighting fit - although I doubt she has much need of the 'Upper Body Workout'

Prince Bernhard's Milatry Funeral was held in Delft today (11th december) and was interred into the DutchRoyal Vault of Delft's New Church thus making him the 46th member of the Dutch Royal House of Oranje-Nassu to be interred in the royal vault, he was liad next to DL's no. 20, Queen Juliana. BBC's In Pictures: Prince Bernhard's Funeral Prince Bernhard's Funeral Serivce (this is must see, look at how good looking Queen Beatrix is dressed in White, she the one on the left with the purple collar, very nice!!!!!!)

Now that video recorders are being discontinued, what will Scousers be able to sell in pubs now?

More recent news is just in from Google News, looks like he doesnt have much time left what so ever, the Dutch Prince is 93 and has an un-operable tumour accroding to this:http://www.expatica.com/source/site_articl...operable+tumour Yes and i should imagine it is very draughty in the Royal Burial Vault of Delft's New Church.

It's getting draughty in the vault of Delft's New Church. regards, Hein

my japanese video recorder instruction manual makes more sense lol

pushing up tulips in the netherlands, never! Well she should be pushing tulips if she was burried in Dutch soil with the rest of the Dutch commoners, but no, she is burried in the Dutch Royal Family's Burrial Vault which is inside a church in the Dutch town of Delft. No skimping with a Dutch Royal burial; indoor marble burrial vault, very swish!

Bin Laden should not be on the list since the f****r is stone f****n dead. Has been since the Yanks totalled Tora Bora. A) the guy needed f*****g dialysis and I guess dragging one of those machines round the Afghan hills gets to be a bit of a drag; also - why no more happy-snap home video messages to the f******s and losers who think he's anything but a psycho? Maybe technical problems? "Hey Ahmed, what's the matter with the vid?" "Sorry, Oh Great Osama, the f*****g battery's flat" "Here's a tenner - nip down to Islamabad and get a new one...Oh and 20 B&H and a bottle of Bacardi while you're there" Incidentally, the day after 9/11, some bloke at the MOD Googled "Bin Laden" and got an article from the Belfast Telegraph about a "wheelie-bin laden with explosives....". Nice.

I went to Rome last year for my summer holls and went into the Vatican. Saw the Sistien chappel (however you spell it) i also went into the burial vault under St.Pauls Chathedral and there is a space there with his name on next to a little burial vault room in the main vault where he will be burried, another Cathedral on the outskirts Rome (cant remember the name) where around the wall inside are the faces of all the past popes and our Pope Carole ( which is his Polish name) has his face painted on the wall with his date of birth 19.. - 20.. . Is this a sign?