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Near Misses for 2005

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No-one flirts with me.  ;)

(adopting smoothest Terry-Thomas drawl)


Well, Helll-ooo...

Really Rita, you wouldn't want the full horror of the DL lotharios brathing sweet nothings into your ears.



Is that something naughty?


that should read Braying sweet nothings

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George Kennan, the American diplomat and Pulitzer Prize winner, who was a leading architect of the US' Cold War policy, has died aged 101.


George Kennan

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Guest Guest
No-one flirts with me. ;)

Thats because you haven't met me.. dearie..what cup size are you?? ;)

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Larry Bunker... DRUMMER!


Be afraid, be very afraid (especially if your nickname is "sticks")


BTW, what ever happened to the guy of that moniker from the "Double Deckers?"

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Andre Norton considered the "Grand Dame" of SF and Fantasy writing, aged 93.

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Just thought this was somewhat amusing! Didn't have the Death List (or the Internet for that matter) in 1954...


Not such a near miss!

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David Kossoff - drug abuse campaigning actor. Father of 'Free' guitarist Paul, who died of an OD.


DWB :(

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Another drummer rolls

Crowded House drummer Paul Hester


Dammit. Just seen I was beaten to the punch by another thread.

Edited by honez

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SAN DIEGO (AP) -- Robert Morrisey, whose love of wine was initiated by his doctor's advice and grew into a passion that inspired him to create The Wine Spectator publication, died Saturday of congestive heart failure, his daughter said. He was 78.


Morrisey was also a former Marine Corps major and one-time wine columnist for the San Diego Evening Tribune, which later became The San Diego Union-Tribune.


Morrisey was a casual drinker of gin martinis in the late 1960s when his doctor suggested he switch to wine for health reasons.


The popular response to his newspaper columns of the early 1970s led him to create a 12-page tabloid newsletter in 1976, The Wine Spectator, which went on to become America's top-selling wine publication.


The biweekly tabloid had an inaugural print run of 3,000 copies, which Morrisey and his wife, Mary Jane, initially distributed by hand.


Seeking to expand the publication, Morrisey turned to Marvin Shanken Communications Inc. in 1979, Now a monthly, glossy magazine, The Wine Spectator has a circulation of 400,000.


Born in Wheeling, W.Va., Morrisey grew up in Joliet, Ill. At the age of 17, he enlisted in the Marines and served with the 3rd Marine Division in the Pacific during World War II. After the war, he returned to Joliet, and became editor of the city's weekly newspaper, The Spectator.


Called to active duty during the Korean War, he served as a combat correspondent and public information officer. He retired from active duty in December 1967 and joined Teledyne Ryan Aeronautical in San Diego as chief of its news bureau. He left Teledyne in 1977 and started his own public relations firm.



Edit: I'm seeing the wrong damn doctor!

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Mitch Hedburg, comedian: Just rumor at this point, but I trust my source. For those of you unfamiliar with his comedy:


Still haven't been able to confirm this, but if it's true, I'm gonna miss him.


"Has anyone seen me on Letterman? 2 billion people watch that show and I don't know where they are. You might have seen this next comedian on the Late Show, but I think more people have seen me at the store."


"I tried walking into a Target , but I missed."


"I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long."


"I type 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language."


"I wish I could play little league now. I'd be way better than before."


"I would imagine if you understood Morse Code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy."


"It's hard to dance if you just lost your wallet. Whoa! Where's my wallet? But, hey this song is funky."


"I played golf....I did not get a hole in one, but I did hit a guy and that's way more satisfying. Your supposed to yell FORE, but I was too busy mumbling that ain't no way that's gonna hit him."



"I wrote a letter to my dad- I wrote, I really enjoy being here. But I accidently wrote rarely, instead of really. But I still wanted to use it, so I crossed it out and wrote I rarely drive steamboats, Dad. There's a lot you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator. This letter took a harsh turn right away."


"And then at the end of the letter i like to write P.S.- This is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated."


"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how much I play, I'll never be as good a a wall. I played a wall once. They're relentless."


"When someone hands you a flier, it's like they're saying here, you throw this away."


"I like rice. Rice is great if your hungry and want 2000 of something."


"I got my hair highlighted, because I felt some strands were more important that others."


"I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it."


"I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastromi,.Some one needs to tell the turkey, man, just be yourself."


"I lke refried beans. I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time."


"I got into and argument with a girlfriend inside of a tent. That's a bad place for an argument, because I tried to walk out and slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zipper it up real quick?"


"This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to be hard."


"I was going to get my teeth whitened, but I said screw that, I'll just get a tan instead."


"I was at this casino minding my own business and this guy came up to me and said your gonna have to move you're blocking a fire exit. As if there were a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you are flamable and have legs you are never blocking a fire exit."


"I don't own a cell phone or a pager. I just hang around everyone I know, all the time. If someone wants to get a hold of me they just say "Mitch," and I say "What?" and turn my head slightly."


"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later."


"My friend said to me "You know what I like? Mashed poatoes," I was like, Dude, you gotta give me time to guess. If your ging to quiz me, you must put a pause in there."


"An escalator can never break. It can only become stairs. You would never seen an Escalator temporarily out of order sign, just Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience."


"I was walking down the street with my friend and he said "I hear music" As though there's another way you can take it in. Your not special. That's how I recieve it too. I tried to taste it, but it did not work."


"I went to the park and saw a kid flying a kite. The kid was really excited. I don't know why, that's what they're supposed to do. Now if he had a chair on the other end of that string, I would have been impressed."


"I was at the airport and this guy came up to be and said I saw you on tv last night. He didn't say if I was any good. He just told me where I was. So turned away for a minute and said Hey I saw you at the airport a minute ago. You were good."


I can't get into flossing, I can't. People who smoke say you don't know how hard it is to stop smoking. Yes I do. It's as hard as it is to start flossing. You seem jittery. Yeah, I'm about to floss.


"One time a guy handed me a picture of himself and he said. "Here's a picture of me when I was younger." Every picture of you is of when you were younger. Here's a picture of me when I'm older. How'd you pull that off? Let me see that camera."


"I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out. They sold their soul to the devil and the devil is....Dill."


"Alocholism, is a disease, but it's the only disease that you can get yelled at for having. Dammit Otto, your an alcoholic. Dammit Otto, you have Lupis. One of those two doesn't sound right."


"I was walking by a drycleaner at 3a.m. and there was a sign that said Sorry, we're closed. You don't have to be sorry. It's 3a.m. and you're a drycleaner. It would be ridiculous for me to expect you to be open. I'm not gonna come by at 10 and say, hey I was here at 3a.m and you guys were closed. Someone owes me an apology."


"I get the Reese's candy bar, If you read it, there's an apostrophe. The candy bar is his. I didn't know that. Next time your eating a Reese's and some guy named Reese comes up to you and says let me have that. You better give it to him. I'm sorry Reese, I didn't think I would ever run into you."


"I've been working the colleges and I always buy the shirts from the college, because they're quality shirts. But people always get the wrong idea. I'm walking around wearing a Washington U shirt and someone says "Hey Washington U, Did you go there?" Yeah! It was a Wednesday."


"Y'know I order a club sandwich all the time. And I'm not even a member. I don't know how I get away with it. I like my sandwiches witth three pieces of bread. So do I. Lets form a club. Okay, but we're gonna need more stickulation. Yes we do. Instead of cutting it once, lets cut it again. Yeah, four triangles. And we shall dump chips in the middle. Let me ask you something, how do you feel about frilly toothpicks? I'm for them."


"I opened a yogurt and underneath the lid it said "please try again" they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I had opened the yogurt wrong.Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me. Come on Mitch, don't give up! An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top."


"I brought a donut and the guy gave me a recieipt for the donut. I don't need a receipt for the donut, I give you the money, you give me the donut, end of transaction. We do not need to bring ink and paper into this. I can not imagine the senerio where I would have to prove that I bought a donut. Some skeptical friend. Don't even act like I didn't get that donut. I got the documentation right here."


"When you go a resturant on the weekends and it's busy so they start a waiting list. They say Dufrane, party of two, table ready for Dufrane, party of two , and if no one answers the'll say the name again, Dufrane, party of two. Bu then if no one answers, they'll move on to the next name. Bush party of three. Yeah, but what happened to the Dufranes, No one seems to care, who can eat at a time like this? People are missing. You people are selfish. The Dufranes are in someone's trunk right now ,with duct tape over their mouths and they're hungry.That's a double whammy! We need help! Bush search aparty of three. You can eat once you find the Dufranes."

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Guest Misanthropy-life

Hedberg old boy. Shame about him, he seemed a funny guy and rather young too. :)

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Never heard of him myself, but like his quotes! Just to clear things up, then:


Mitch Hedberg

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Saul Bellow, wordsmith.

I've read his novels Herzog and Humboldt's Gift. Damn fine author.




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