The Yeti 14 Posted October 24, 2005 A professor at Texas A & M University was giving a lecture of the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands. "Well, that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you have seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands. "That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone here ever talked to a ghost?" About 15 students raise their hand. "Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands. "That's fantastic. Now let me ask you one question further...Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?" Way in the back, Bubba raises his hand. The professor takes off his glasses, and says "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience." The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor asks, "So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?" Bubba replied, "Shiiiit! From way back thar I thought you said "Goats." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Magere Hein 1,400 Posted October 24, 2005 A professor at Texas A & M University was giving a lecture of the supernatural. There's an echo in here. regards, Hein Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tick Tock 2 Posted October 29, 2005 Went for an iraqi curry last night !!! Woke up this morning with the sheeites Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Captain Oates 21 Posted October 30, 2005 "Hello... Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline... If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer. If you are anal-retentive, please hold. If you are anxious, just start pressing numbers at random. If you are phobic, don't press anything." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tuber Mirum 125 Posted October 30, 2005 More tea, Captain? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Captain Oates 21 Posted October 30, 2005 More tea, Captain? Thank you kindly, Spuddy. ....just what I need. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,657 Posted October 30, 2005 A young woman is standing on a street corner with a short skirt, low top and two broken arms in plaster. ~ You in business love? Says a man. ~ Yeah, she says back, but to tell you the truth, I couldn't give a toss tonight. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,657 Posted November 3, 2005 Q - Who led the Pedants revolt? A - Which Tyler Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
football_fan 42 Posted November 4, 2005 Dog rapes man Hopefully he will be put away for a long time. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Grendel 139 Posted November 4, 2005 Dog rapes man Hopefully he will be put away for a long time. The dog or the man? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
honez 79 Posted November 4, 2005 Dog rapes man Hopefully he will be put away for a long time. Apparently he likes it on the inside. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Anubis the Jackal 77 Posted November 4, 2005 Dog rapes man Hopefully he will be put away for a long time. Apparently he likes it on the inside. That's a bit ruff. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Anubis the Jackal 77 Posted November 4, 2005 A man goes to the zoo - but when he arrives there is only a dog..... ...it was a shi-tzu Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slave to the Grave 26 Posted November 4, 2005 A man goes to the zoo - but when he arrives there is only adog..... ...it was a shi-tzu This thread is dogged by bad jokes. I'm just going to cocker deaf one. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slave to the Grave 26 Posted November 4, 2005 Well just don't pointer da finger of blame my way, Others have setter da tone. I'm not going to hound you Tempus and I don't want to pinscher joke, but since the last one dingo down well (it was terrier-ble), I feel I should not whippet up any further and try to retriever bit of my dignity, while I still can. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
football_fan 42 Posted November 5, 2005 Man sues ex-girlfriend over glued genitals Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
football_fan 42 Posted November 5, 2005 One night after the big fight Mike Tyson was a bit depressed so he dicided to get a prostitute to cheer him up. After the act, they were laying in bed having a smoke. The prostitute said "Well Mike, how's it all going?" "How's it all going?" he asked. "My life's a disaster. I was born to an under-priveleged family, had a hard up-bringing, was thrown in jail for rape, now I'm on parole and I've hit a cop, my wife left me for beating her up, I have to pay maintenance for my kids. I've lost two world title fights, I've disgraced myself and my sport, most people want me banned for life and they won't pay me my money. Nothing could make my life any worse!" "Oh, that's so sad" the prostitute said. "I'll say one thing to cheer you up. You're a much better lover than Magic Johnson!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Anubis the Jackal 77 Posted November 5, 2005 Dog rapes man I've heard an interview with the man, he had a very rough voice. Maybe he was feeling a little husky. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ravenstorm 0 Posted November 6, 2005 Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ravenstorm 0 Posted November 6, 2005 Visited a friends today, and they had a copy of The Sun. About the best bit in it (apart from some photo's of Orlaith from Big Brother ) was this joke. End of the summer holidays, and Primary 4 class (9/10 year olds for those not familar with UK education system) return to school. The teachers, Miss Jones, says to them all 'Children, now you are in primary 4, we don't use baby words anymore - only grown up words. So, Jane, what did you do during your holiday?' 'I went to visit my nana, miss' 'No Jane, not nana, you went to visit your grandmother. Remember, grown up words! And Samantha, what about you?' 'I went on a choo-choo, miss' 'No Samantha - you went on a train. Grown-up words!!' A little boy at the back, Jack, puts up his hand. 'Yes, Jack?' 'I read a book, miss' Suprised, the teachers said, 'And what book was that Jack?' 'It was Winnie the Sh1t, miss' That's 7/8 year olds in Northern Ireland Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Twelvetrees 10 Posted November 9, 2005 What do you call a dismembered mime artist? Marcel Morceaux. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Captain Oates 21 Posted November 10, 2005 A Shaggy Bear Story Two guys were walking in the woods one day, and they all of a sudden came across a bear. The bear noticed them, and started growling and generally getting really mean. The bear started to chase one of the guys, who, as it turns out, was from the Czech Republic. The bear soon caught up with him and ate him alive. The other guy turned around and ran for his life. A little while later, the second guy found a park ranger station and told his story. The ranger took his gun, and they both went out in search of the bear, in order to destroy it. Soon, they came across two bears, one male, and one female. The ranger turned to the other guy and said: "Quick... tell me which bear ate your friend!" The ranger levelled his gun and got ready to shoot. "I'm not really sure," said the other guy, "they both look similar." "QUICK! Make up your mind!" said the ranger. "OK," said the other, "it was the male." The ranger promptly aimed and shot the female bear. The male ran off. Using his knife, the ranger cut open the belly of the female and found the body of the other man. "But why didn't you shoot the male when I thought it was the male who ate my friend?" the other man asked. "Well," said the ranger... "I never trust anyone who says that the Czech's in the male!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
