runebomme 377 Posted September 24, 2019 16 hours ago, maryportfuncity said: this is a drill 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted September 27, 2019 Be fair to say Mrs MPFC didn't go a bundle on the following: Our family once hosted this African exchange student that came from the tribal bush, and the lack of experience he had to Western culture was truly shocking. He asked me, "What again is this big white enormous cold thing in your kitchen that stores all of your food ?" "This is my wife." 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted October 1, 2019 Football pundits are predicting the worst season ever for Manchester United. I'm not so sure, I think 1957/58 will take some fucking beating. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted October 7, 2019 I went to into a brothel last night and said how much for anal? She said "Sixty quid" I said"that's a bit expensive i think i'll leave it" She said "Tight Arse!" I said "Oh ...go on then" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bladan 293 Posted October 7, 2019 6 hours ago, maryportfuncity said: I went to into a brothel last night and said how much for anal? She said "Sixty quid" I said"that's a bit expensive i think i'll leave it" She said "Tight Arse!" I said "Oh ...go on then" Only when you forked out the dough did you realize that you had a screwed a shemale Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
runebomme 377 Posted October 7, 2019 14 minutes ago, bladan said: Only when you forked out the dough you realized that you had a screwed a shemale I find hamafrodites more natural Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bladan 293 Posted October 7, 2019 2 hours ago, runebomme said: I find hamafrodites more natural How much do they charge you? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
runebomme 377 Posted October 7, 2019 2 minutes ago, bladan said: How much do they charge you? double than the others Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted October 9, 2019 A racehorse walks into a bar and the barman says...why the long face? 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bladan 293 Posted October 10, 2019 Harvey Dent walks into a bar and Batman says... why two faces? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted October 10, 2019 Oh aye, and Stevie Wonder walks into a bar... SMACK! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted October 10, 2019 This one's a bit more highbrow - 5 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bladan 293 Posted October 11, 2019 What did Tarzan say to a crocodile? "You're pulling my leg" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
runebomme 377 Posted October 11, 2019 One day Jane found Tarzan in the jungle. He was lean and muscular and she was very attracted to him. During the course of their conversation, she asked what he did for sex. "Sex?" he asked. "What's that?" She explained what sex was and he said, "Oh, Tarzan use a hole in the trunk of tree!" Horrified, Jane said, "Oh, Tarzan you have it all wrong! I'll show you how to do it properly." She took off her dress, dropped to the ground and spread her legs wide. "Here," she said, "You must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer, and gave her a powerful kick in the crotch with his foot. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?" "Tarzan check for bees first!" 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bladan 293 Posted October 12, 2019 One day the Phantom found Tarzan in the jungle. He was scrawny and underweight and the Phantom was very attracted to him. During the course of their conversation, the Phantom asked what he did for gay sex. "Gay sex?" Tarzan asked. "What's that?" The Phantom explained what gay sex was and he said, "Oh, Tarzan use a hole in the trunk of tree!" Horrified, the Phantom said, "Oh, Tarzan you have it all wrong! I'll show you how to do it properly." He took off his gun belt, hotpants and tights, dropped to the ground and spread his legs wide. "Here," he said, "You must put it into my shit hole." Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer, and poured a kettle of boiling coconut oil all over the Phantom's arse. The Phantom rolled around in agony. Eventually he managed to gasp, "I've got fourth-degree burns... I'm dying... What the hell did you do that sadistic act for?" "Me Tarzan, you tree! Must lubricate first!" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted October 12, 2019 So there was this gross out song we used to sing in the junior school play-ground. Tarzan of the jungle had a bellyache. Ran to the toilet [at which point you overact like fuck making diarhorrea noises etc. - all designed to impact on anyone listening who has delicate sensibilities) Too late! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
runebomme 377 Posted October 12, 2019 20 minutes ago, maryportfuncity said: So there was this gross out song we used to sing in the junior school play-ground. Tarzan of the jungle had a bellyache. Ran to the toilet [at which point you overact like fuck making diarhorrea noises etc. - all designed to impact on anyone listening who has delicate sensibilities) Too late! that's not surprising considering that he ate raw meat had nothing to wipe himself with and ate more raw meat with unwashed hands Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted October 12, 2019 11 minutes ago, runebomme said: that's not surprising considering that he ate raw meat had nothing to wipe himself with and ate more raw meat with unwashed hands Logically, I'm seeing your point But...I'm not sure the way you put it would have had that crucial gross out effect in a west Cumbrian playgound Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Pedro67 232 Posted October 13, 2019 Mary had a little skirt, slit right up the side, Every time that she did move, you could see her thigh, Mary had another skirt, slit right up the front, But she didn't wear that one. 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted October 13, 2019 Pornhub has been banned by every country on Earth. What is the world coming to? 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RIP Wee Jum 1,559 Posted October 13, 2019 A distraught farmer finds all his cows frozen in the snow. He prays to god for help and a woman appears in front of him. She puts her arms around each cow and they defrost. "Thank you" says the grateful farmer,"are you an angel sent by god?". "No" says the woman,"I'm Thora Hird" 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
runebomme 377 Posted October 14, 2019 On the radio they've supported Mental Health Day with the tagline .."Remember you're not alone." A bit fucking harsh on the schizophrenics. 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218 Posted October 20, 2019 A Frenchman a Scotsman and a Jew are stranded in a desert. The Frenchman exclaims 'I'm so thirsty I could drink a bottle of wine! The Scotsman chimes in 'I'm so thirsty I could drink a bottle of Whiskey! The Jew looks at them both and says 'I'm so thirsty...I must be diabetic! I'll get my coat. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
torbrexbones 717 Posted October 21, 2019 A balding, white haired man walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring. The man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.' At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.' The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the man stated, 'By check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds; I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.' On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said 'Sir...There's no money in that account. ''I know,' said the old man...'But let me tell you about my weekend.’ Not All Seniors Are Senile... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
