The Great Cornholio 902 Posted June 19, 2020 Veganism is like Communism.. They are both fine, unless you like food. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted June 19, 2020 What’s the difference between vegans and strippers? Vegans rub it in your face for free. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted June 23, 2020 A nice clean family friendly one... I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting larger and larger, then it hit me... 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted June 23, 2020 A blonde drops off her dress to the dry cleaners The lady says, "Come Again!" The blonde says, "No, it's toothpaste this time." 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted June 23, 2020 On 18/06/2020 at 20:31, Lord Fellatio Nelson said: I honestly thought that you were going to come on here tonight and post a highly inappropriate joke about our Dame Vera. Come on man!! I'm waiting. RIP Dame Vera Lynn. A wonderful singer and an absolute stunner back in the day. I wanted to bang her the moment I saw her singing for the troops in Afghanistan - Wayne Rooney 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
runebomme 377 Posted June 23, 2020 My son, who's into astronomy, asked me how stars die. "Usually an overdose, son," I told him. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted June 23, 2020 Two sperms are having a race, one sperm says, “My arms are killing me with all this swimming, are we near the womb?” The second sperm says, “Not for a long time yet, we’ve only just gone past her tonsils!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted June 24, 2020 4 gay guys are sat in a jacuzzi. Suddenly a condom starts floating, one gay guy turns around and asks "Ok, who farted?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
One shot Paddy 1,206 Posted June 26, 2020 What's the difference between Catholic Priests and zits? Zits don't come on your face until you're 12! 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted June 30, 2020 On 26/06/2020 at 08:05, One shot Paddy said: What's the difference between Catholic Priests and zits? Zits don't come on your face until you're 12! A rarity - priest joke that isn't about paedophilia 1 4 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RIP Wee Jum 1,559 Posted July 1, 2020 Warning!!!! Please share, dont become a victim of this scam. Today I was walking through Sheffield city centre when I was approached by a smartly dressed man who asked me if I would like to smell his cheese. As he asked this he gestured his hand towards my nose which was in the extended palm position. Being a lover of cheese I saw no harm in taking the man up on his kind offer. As he brought his hand up to my nose what I hadn't noticed was that his other hand was in the clentched fist position at the base of his extended palm (see picture). When his finger tips reached my nostrils I could neither see or smell the cheese and it was too late to retract as his now perfectly alligned fist of the other hand was traveling towards my nose at speed, which struck me with considerable force. There was never any cheese! This was a scam to catch me off guard and punch me in the nose. No matter how much you love cheese do not accept offers to "smell my cheese" off people you don't know. Please share and stay safe! 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted July 2, 2020 An elderly lady phones her husband on his way home from London. She says "Dear be careful on your way home, there's some lunatic on the M1 driving down the wrong side of the road" To which he replies "There's not just one of them, there's fucking hundreds of them!" 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted July 9, 2020 Fool people into thinking you're an octopus by drinking 10 pints of ink..and farting whenever someone startles you!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted July 10, 2020 What do you call a gay astronaut? Whatever his name is you homophobic piece of shit. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted July 10, 2020 I saw two guys wearing matching clothes and I asked them if they were gay, they quickly arrested me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted July 15, 2020 God pedophiles are fucking immature assholes Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Handrejka 1,904 Posted July 16, 2020 Two JFK conspiracy theorists die and go to heaven. They finally ask God to once and for all settle for them who it was that killed JFK. God sighs and patiently and lovingly admonishes them, "You've spent so much of your lives chasing after this conspiracy. You've sacrificed time with your families, allowed yourselves to be overcome by paranoia. You've wasted so much of the time and energy that I gave you. Oswald killed Kennedy. He was acting on his own and all of the evidence you needed to satisfy yourselves of that was there the whole time, if only you had looked with open hearts and minds." The one conspiracy theorist turns to the other and whispers, "This goes higher than we thought." 6 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted July 17, 2020 Start a fire for a man and he'll be warm for a day Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted July 17, 2020 Just reading American Scream - biography of Bill Hicks When he was 14 he cracked a joke at school that went something like My dad works in the morgue. He was sacked for having a relationship with one of the corpses. This shocked the family because we all knew the relationship was only platonic Apparently this joke when down like a lead brick at school because none of the 14 year old sports obsessed schoolmates he cracked it to knew what "platonic" meant. So, the story is presented in the biography as a means of explaining how the love/hate thing with Texas and Texan values was always part of his professional make up. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
