Lard Bazaar 3,799 Posted August 24, 2020 Nun in the bath, knock on the door ‘it’s the blind man’ a voice calls out. Nun thinks ‘that’s ok he can’t see me’ ’ok come in’ she calls. Man walks in ‘nice tits love, I’ve come to hang your blinds’. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Great Uncle Bulgaria 1,282 Posted August 25, 2020 And two more from the same vintage Two nuns on a cycle ride through an old city One - I've never come this way before Other - Nor me, it must be the cobblestones... Definition of temptation - a nun doing press-ups in a cucumber field 1 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TQR 14,386 Posted August 25, 2020 How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up as an alter boy. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted August 25, 2020 Heres a fairly old one: A woman finds someone on tinder and invites him round to hers. The doorbell rang and she answered the door to find a man with no arms or legs on the floor. "Are you my date?" She asks, to which he replies "yes". "Ok," she says, "I guess it could work but but how do I know if you're any good in bed?" He replies "How do you think I rang the doorbell?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RIP Wee Jum 1,559 Posted August 29, 2020 I got a job at the local bakery,I kneed Ed the dough. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
ThePrematureBurial 224 Posted August 31, 2020 Ok, this Catturd is a Trumper & not everybody will like him, but nobody who opens a thread with thousand fart jokes can be a truly bad human being. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,645 Posted August 31, 2020 14 minutes ago, ThePrematureBurial said: Ok, this Catturd is a Trumper & not everybody will like him, but nobody who opens a thread with thousand fart jokes can be a truly bad human being. T'internet suggests the following is a contender: Yo momma so poor that when she farted she said clap your hands stomp your feet praise to the lord we have heat. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted September 1, 2020 13 hours ago, ThePrematureBurial said: Ok, this Catturd is a Trumper & not everybody will like him, but nobody who opens a thread with thousand fart jokes can be a truly bad human being. 4 gay men are in a hot tub. All of a sudden, a condom comes afloat and one of the gay men says to the others 'Ok who farted?' 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted September 1, 2020 What do you call a deaf gynaecologist? A lip-reader Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted September 10, 2020 How do you get a nun pregnant? Get an altar boy to fart on her pussy Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Toast 16,132 Posted September 10, 2020 2 hours ago, Kenny McCormick said: How do you get a nun pregnant? Get an altar boy to fart on her pussy Are you sure you're not 12? 2 3 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted September 10, 2020 1 hour ago, Toast said: Are you sure you're not 12? Aw man... Just as I thought I'd found a funny as well... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted September 11, 2020 Without Arabians, 9/11 wouldnt exist. Instead it would've been called IX/XI Why was 10 always afraid? He was in the middle of 9/11 9/11 victims are amazing readers. They went through 96 stories in the matter of seconds! Proof that 9/11 wasnt a government plot: It actually fucking worked! Have you ever had a 9/11 threeway? Its when two twins go down on you Happy 9/11 everyone! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted September 13, 2020 Christmas trees are very similar to Amy Winehouse, when they die they leave fucking needles everywhere Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,101 Posted September 13, 2020 5 minutes ago, Kenny McCormick said: Christmas trees are very similar to Mary Winehouse, when they die they leave fucking needles everywhere Who's Mary Winehouse? 1 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TQR 14,386 Posted September 13, 2020 5 minutes ago, Paul Bearer said: Who's Mary Winehouse? Obviously the honourable member for Milton Keynes means Mary Whitehouse. Absolute junkie, she was. 1 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
time 8,596 Posted September 13, 2020 1 minute ago, The Quim Reaper said: Obviously the honourable member for Milton Keynes means Mary Whitehouse. Absolute junkie, she was. Nah, she just had a mind like a sewer. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
The Great Cornholio 902 Posted September 13, 2020 5 hours ago, Paul Bearer said: Who's Mary Winehouse? AMY... Fugin' autocorrect! 5 hours ago, The Quim Reaper said: Obviously the honourable member for Milton Keynes means Mary Whitehouse. Absolute junkie, she was. I dont live in Milton Keynes... 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,645 Posted October 4, 2020 Cineworld to shut all 128 of its cinemas in the UK and Ireland. I, for one, will miss a small popcorn and frozen coke costing £27 1 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
One shot Paddy 1,206 Posted October 9, 2020 What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea? Trump has never had a lentil on his face!! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,101 Posted October 10, 2020 Venison for dinner again? Oh deer! . How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it. . England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool . . I tried to catch some fog, but I mist. . They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo. . I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now. . Jokes about German sausage are the wurst. . I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time. . I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me. . This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore. . When chemists die, they barium. . I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down. . I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words. . Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations. . I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me. . Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils? . When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble. . Broken pencils are pointless. . What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus. . I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx. . I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough. . Velcro - what a rip off! . Don't worry about old age; it doesn't last. 1 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
torbrexbones 717 Posted October 10, 2020 Sir, would you like to buy some flowers for your wife?....it's for a good cause. What cause? 'Cause there's lipstick on your collar. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
