Drunken Deathlisters

[Boudicca 702]

What's the worst thing you've done whilst under the influence?

 

Apart from talking bollocks in the chat.

 

Or starting crap off-topic threads..

[Banshees Scream 110]

Once I nailed a condom to the wall and set it on fire.

[Lady Grendel 139]

Too many to count! I once set my hair on fire, I was making beans on toast while wearing a fringed scarf, the scarf caught fire and set my hair alight.

[scsibear 4]

Being told by my dad that I came in scooped, woke him up to see if he wanted a cup of tea, then apparently fell asleep naked on the couch with the tv all snow on the screen !!! apparently he came in to see what had became of his cup of tea and found me there I then pulled the plug out of the tv (without switching it off) I woke up in the morning in my bed wondering how I got there. Then even worse went into my dads room in the morning and woke him up again, quizzing him why he pulled out the plug to the tv !!!!

 

Which then led him to tell of my harrowing tale

 

cheers

Scsi

[Windsor 2,215]

I don't drink. So nothing.

 

How boring...

[Banshees Scream 110]

I don't drink. So nothing.

 

How boring...

 

Windsor, Are you into attractive women that drink? Unless you are gay that shouldn't leave you bored.

 

I think that you would have a good time.

[Windsor 2,215]

I don't drink. So nothing.

 

How boring...

 

Windsor, Are you into attractive women that drink? Unless you are gay that shouldn't leave you bored.

 

I think that you would have a good time.

 

Sorry Banshees, I don't wholey agree with this new 'date-rape' culture.

[BrunoBrimley 85]

Once I nailed a condom to the wall and set it on fire.

Were you encased in it((the condom)) at the time? And why did you arsonize the innocent wall?

[Banshees Scream 110]

I don't drink. So nothing.

 

How boring...

 

Windsor, Are you into attractive women that drink? Unless you are gay that shouldn't leave you bored.

 

I think that you would have a good time.

 

Sorry Banshees, I don't wholey agree with this new 'date-rape' culture.

 

I don't agree with it either, but Windsor - If you don't like it atleast you can say I tried'

[Handrejka 1,886]

Once I nailed a condom to the wall and set it on fire.

 

 

Were you wearing it at the time?

[Windsor 2,215]

Once I nailed a condom to the wall and set it on fire.

 

 

Were you wearing it at the time?

 

[BrunoBrimley 85]

Once I nailed a condom to the wall and set it on fire.

Were you encased in it((the condom)) at the time? And why did you arsonize the innocent wall?

?

[Banshees Scream 110]

Once I nailed a condom to the wall and set it on fire.

 

 

Were you wearing it at the time?

 

Of course not Handrejka, don't worry.

[Windsor 2,215]

Once I nailed a condom to the wall and set it on fire.

 

 

Were you wearing it at the time?

 

Of course not Handrejka, don't worry.

 

For a split second there was hope that the next generation would be safe.

[TLC 9]

Where to start eh?

 

Could start with the 'groping the bride & the bride's mother at a wedding'? How I didn't even get thrown out is beyond me.

 

Or, passing out at my 10-year school reunion just as I was (apparently) about to get lucky with the best looking girl from school? That's not even the embarrassing bit, it's what I did on the floor after passing out that still makes me hope I never EVER see her again...

 

Falling asleep on a bench pissed in the high street one evening, then as my mate is walking past with his Swedish girlfriend (the first time she was in England) telling her how his mates don't really drink too much... I wake up and introduce myself. I still got into the next pub though!

 

Climbing a fence into the park on the way home to have a discreet pee, overbalancing, landing in the park with one ankle still wedged in the fence about 5 feet up, and having to lift (!) my foot to get out. I then realised a gate was open 10 yards further down and some sort of event was finishing in the park really late, so hundreds of people then walked past me laughing as I tried to un-wedge my ankle. And not wet myself.

 

Plus, dozens of times falling asleep on the train and having to walk somewhere between 5-10 miles home; I've even done it 3 times in one week. Occassionally I've not been woken up (when it's not the last train), and had a really puzzling 5 mins when I've woken up at a station further from my house but still going in the right direction i.e. on the third leg of the journey.

 

Mr Artios was at least partly to blame for a lot of those, hence I don't drink it any more. Or wine. Or neat spirits. Or turbo-shandies, although that only happened the once. The only plus point is that my drinking never ever got me into a fight, god knows how.

 

In fact, my legendary passing out even lead to my friends inventing a new game called 'Buckaroo Tony'. Fairly simple, it involved people seeing how may items could be balanced on me before I woke up... I am so proud of what I acheived in my 20's, although I never made it to alcoholic level despite the money I invested.

 

Maybe the correct thing to say was 'where to stop'?

 

Here, for now.

[DevonDeathTrip 2,340]

During a festival many years ago I drunk far too much Special Brew and this combined with "other substances" caused me to run around foaming from the mouth.

 

Ah, happy days.

[Anubis the Jackal 77]

I went sailing on a rubber dinghy with a bottle of tequila and a carton of orange juice. Not a happy ending.

[DevonDeathTrip 2,340]

I went sailing on a rubber dinghy with a bottle of tequila and a carton of orange juice. Not a happy ending.

 

 

I should think not. Everyone knows you're supposed to use salt and lemon with tequila.

[Brinsworth House Baiter 12]

Where to start eh?

 

Could start with the 'groping the bride & the bride's mother at a wedding'? How I didn't even get thrown out is beyond me.

 

Or, passing out at my 10-year school reunion just as I was (apparently) about to get lucky with the best looking girl from school? That's not even the embarrassing bit, it's what I did on the floor after passing out that still makes me hope I never EVER see her again...

 

Falling asleep on a bench pissed in the high street one evening, then as my mate is walking past with his Swedish girlfriend (the first time she was in England) telling her how his mates don't really drink too much... I wake up and introduce myself. I still got into the next pub though!

 

Climbing a fence into the park on the way home to have a discreet pee, overbalancing, landing in the park with one ankle still wedged in the fence about 5 feet up, and having to lift (!) my foot to get out. I then realised a gate was open 10 yards further down and some sort of event was finishing in the park really late, so hundreds of people then walked past me laughing as I tried to un-wedge my ankle. And not wet myself.

 

Plus, dozens of times falling asleep on the train and having to walk somewhere between 5-10 miles home; I've even done it 3 times in one week. Occassionally I've not been woken up (when it's not the last train), and had a really puzzling 5 mins when I've woken up at a station further from my house but still going in the right direction i.e. on the third leg of the journey.

 

Mr Artios was at least partly to blame for a lot of those, hence I don't drink it any more. Or wine. Or neat spirits. Or turbo-shandies, although that only happened the once. The only plus point is that my drinking never ever got me into a fight, god knows how.

 

In fact, my legendary passing out even lead to my friends inventing a new game called 'Buckaroo Tony'. Fairly simple, it involved people seeing how may items could be balanced on me before I woke up... I am so proud of what I acheived in my 20's, although I never made it to alcoholic level despite the money I invested.

 

Maybe the correct thing to say was 'where to stop'?

 

Here, for now.

 

What a post! I got to the first episode of incontinence and was mesmerised by your memoirs, in the way a car crash compels you to look over your shoulder as you pass. And groping the bride AND her mother...that is the stuff of legends.

 

TLC, I tip the brim of my hat in your direction. I also look forward to your biography, 'TLC's Time On Trains.'

 

Seeing as I enjoyed your post so much, I guess it's only fair to share one of my drunken embarrassments. Long story cut short:

 

Woke up in unfamiliar bed with severe headache and previous night's 'conquest' beside me.

She was six foot tall and all of twenty stone.

I dressed quietly, sneaked to the bedroom door.

Opened it and found a room full of people 'chilling' and coming down after the mother of all bashes.

Smiled at them in a hopefully aloof manner and sneaked towards the front door.

At which point 'Twenty Stone Tessa' appeared in the room behind me, stark bollock naked and announced loudly that I had pissed the bed and was a crap shag.

 

Fortunately I moved to another area soon after.

[Magere Hein 1,398]

A few stories:

• A police officer nabbed me for the Dutch equivalent of D&D when I used the front door of the police station to have a piss.
  
• In The Hague Central Station I amused early morning commuters no end by puking in a rubbish bin that had holes in the bottom, which didn't improve the looks of my shoes and trousers.
  
• I got the sack when I arrived at the office straight from a all-night boozer and told my boss what I really thought about him.
  
• At a party I once fell asleep in the toilet that could not be opened from the outside.
  
• In a club I once was woken up by the cleaner: "Oi, wake up, it's time to go to sleep."
  

regards,

Hein

[Banshees Scream 110]

[*]I got the sack when I arrived at the office straight from a all-night boozer and told my boss what I really thought about him.

regards,

Hein

 

Go on, tell it! speak it! scream it! ...............

[MyBrainHurts2 4]

My favorite drunk story - almost 10 years ago starting at a friend's 21st birthday party.

 

Got completely wasted on something called Avalanche and had the nerve to go to the liquor store with a friend to get more alcohol. On the way back, he got a flat tire. On the side of the road, Chuck, who was totally sober, is trying to lift the car with a jack while I was laying on the sidewalk, laughing my ass off when a though suddenly occured to me "did you put the parking brake on, Chuck?"

 

"I think so." No sooner did he finish that little sentence did his car roll backwards, off the jack and down the street on three tires. All I could do was laugh some more as he chased it a bit.

 

Finally, the brake was set, the car was up on the jack and Chuck was having trouble with changing the car's tire. Drunk me got off the sidewalk and changed the tire correctly, and we were on our way so I could drink some more. I must've changed the tire correctly, we got back to the party in one piece.

 

2am rolled around, and I was supposed to be dropped off at a friend's place to sleep off the effects of all that alcohol. My luck, he was asleep, and I was outside with nowhere to sleep and alcohol galore in my system, so what's a guy to do...I drove home. I had the crazy idea to drive 20 minutes to my parents house, during which time, I passed 3 police parked, in separate places, on the side of the road AND a police station. I got home in one piece and PUT THE CAR IN THE GARAGE cleanly. I got out of the car and kissed the ground.

 

Off to bed...which at the time was a waterbed. 5 minutes into my attempted sleep, I got seasick and vomitted then wound up sleeping under the toilet. It gets better.

 

7:30 rolls around and my brother came in and asked why I was on the bathroom floor. I told him I was in bed. He told me my alarm is going off and that it's 7:30 which is when I realized I had to be at work at 8am. In a panic, I showered, brushed, dressed and raced to work. I got there on time, got out of the car, took a relaxed breath and fell on my ass, realizing that I was still drunk. Better still, I was the supervisor and had to guide 3 of my associates in putting up the Sale signs for the weekly deals before open at 10am. After struggling to get things done, around 9am, my employees found me laying on the floor laughing at the ceiling...still quite drunk.

 

I started to sober up when my manager came in around noon...about the same time my girlfriend and I decided to creep out to lunch. Girlfriend was ticked, but it's not like she had space to bi*ch at me, she had a husband.

 

I'm guessing that when I drove home, my blood alcohol content was about triple the limit in my state. Ahhh, those were the days.

[Boudicca 702]

I'm quite good at falling down stairs whilst drunk.

 

I fell down a marble staircase on holiday and didn't get killed, although I did scream as I stepped into nothingness. (It was dark. I was in unfamiliar surroundings and I thought I was entering the bathroom in my befuddled state)

 

I have also skidded down my friend's stairs from top to bottom. Wine glass aloft, I didn't spill a drop. So much for the self-preservation instinct. It must have different priorities when you're down to the last bottle..

[The Pooka 25]

A heavy-drinking friend woke in the early hours and got into the wardrobe for a pee. Not too unusual I've done it myself. He came around enough while pissing to wonder where he was and struggled around the wardrobe until it fell over with its doors facing down. Unaware where he was he lay covered in piss and screaming. His wife had to rouse the neighbours and get them in so that they could lift the wardrobe enough to free the poor fellow.

 

His wife later left him and he died of alcoholism two years ago. That'll teach him.

[Magere Hein 1,398]

[*]I got the sack when I arrived at the office straight from a all-night boozer and told my boss what I really thought about him.

Go on, tell it! speak it! scream it! ...............

I don't think it's a good idea to repeat it here. This is a family forum.

 

You wouldn't understand the Dutch anyway.

 

regards,

Hein