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HE'S ALIVE!! The author of the article says that he's 'looking fantastic', but I'll let the photograph speak for itself; you be the judge.

Like that?

Three women: one engaged, one a mistress and one married are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes. After a few days they meet again..... The engaged girlfriend said: "The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4" stilettos and mask. He said, "You are the woman of my life, I love you...then we made love all night long." The mistress stated: "Oh Yes! The other night we met in his office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We just had wild sex all night." The married one then said: "Well, last night I sent the kids to stay at my mother's for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes. My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV remote and a beer, plopped his fat ass on the couch and said, "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"

Well, to a degree, we all have to look on the bright side. Jimmy Savile has ensured that Jim'll Fix it will never be repeated on TV and Stuart Hall will never be heard again laughing inanely as he commentates on "Its a Knock Out." If the alleged offences are proved, no more re runs of Animal Hospital. Fucking result!! Now we need a good solid number of comedic actors to go the same way which, hopefully, will bring UK Gold to is knees and, ultimately,put the fuckers out of business. I live in hope.

After everything he's witnessed his sons go through, I doubt it very much

He really shouldn't have added the Rolfaroo into the bottom right corner of that picture he took of him sodomising a nine-year-old, huh?

Some years ago, in a small coastal Irish community, Paddy married a woman, Maggie, half his age. All was well at first until Maggie took delivery of a 'woman's magazine and began to read things about sex. It soon became clear that she had never climaxed during sex and, according to her Grandmother, all Irish women are entitled to a climax once in a while. To resolve the problem, Paddy and Maggie went to see the Veterinarian since there was no doctor within thirty miles who could be relied upon not to gossip. However, the Vet didn't have a clue about people. But he did recall during hot summers, his mother and father would fan a cow (with a big towel) that was having difficulty breeding. Apparently, this cooled her down and helped her to relax.. So he recommended they hire a strong, young man to wave a big towel over them while they were having sex. This, the Vet said, should cause the young wife to cool down, relax and possibly achieve the sought after climax. So the couple hired a strong young man from Dublin to wave a huge bath towel over them as the Vet suggested. After many efforts, Maggie still had not climaxed so they went back to the Vet who suggested she change partners and let the young man have a go while Paddy waved the big towel. They tried it that night and Maggie went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half hours. When it was over, Paddy looked down at the exhausted young man and in a boasting voice shouted, "And dat, me auld son, is how ya wave a feckin' towel"

Well St Peter gets to utter the famous line, "aw naw, there's two of them" as Mike joins Bernie http://www.mirror.co...rs-died-2222447 Here's a little anecdote:

http://www.dailymail...es-aged-82.html Mike Winters dead - I definitely did search and nothing came up so sorry if it's already been done. Fuck's sake, now I find it in the People I Was Surprised.......blah bah - sorry but the search function is shit. It says nowhere that it was in that thread. AAAARRRGHGHGHGGH and now it won't even let me post proof that I searched! Fuck this, I'm going back to fucking bed and Mike Winters can fuck off.

You mean...?! QUICK! GET HER BACK TO THE HOSPITAL...THEY FORGOT TO TAKE OUT THE OTHER ONE!

There are people on Twitter actually asking the serious question 'why has she still got a baby bump?' - these people are THICK AS SHIT and need SHOOTING IN THE FACE.