VileBody 11 Posted September 30, 2005 BTW Mr Vilebody - what do you do for a living? I shout at IT departments when my email doesn't work. AGAIN!!!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Magere Hein 1,397 Posted September 30, 2005 I shout at IT departments when my email doesn't work. AGAIN!!!! A very dangerous job if you happen to have a BOFH as operator. Another user rings. "I need more space" he says "Well, why not move to Texas?" I ask "No, on my account, stupid." Stupid? Uh-Oh.. "I'm terribly sorry" I say, in a polite manner equal to that of Jimmy Stewart in a Weekend Family Matine Feature "I didn't quite catch that. What was it that you said?" I smell the fear coming down the line at me, but it's too late, he's a goner and he knows it. "Um, I said what I wanted was more space on my account, *please*" "Sure, hang on" I hear him gasp his relief even though he'd covered the mouthpeice. "There, you've got *plenty* of space now!" "How much have I got?" he simps Now this *REALLY* *PISSES* *ME* *OFF*! Not only do they want me to give them extra space, they want to check it, then correct me if I don't give them enough! They should be happy with what I give them *and that's it*! Back into Jimmy Stewart mode. "Well, let's see, you have 4 Meg available" "Wow! Eight Meg in total, thanks!" he says, pleased with his bargaining power "No" I interrupt, savouring this like a fine red at room temperature, with steak, extra rare, to follow; "4 Meg in total.." "Huh? I'd used 4 Meg already, How could I have 4 Meg Available?" I say nothing. It'll come to him. "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagggggghhhhhH!" I kill me; I really do! regards, Hein Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
VileBody 11 Posted September 30, 2005 Don't take it personally, but could you all please pretend you don't work in IT..... OK, I was lying. I actually work in a shoe shop. "No we haven't got them in brown in a size 8 but we've got them in black in a 7" This does remind me of an appalling joke which mods can (and probably should) delete if it's too OTT A chap wins the lottery and decides to fulfill a life-long ambition to have a pair of bespoke shoes made. So he goes along to a top shoe-maker in Jermyn Street and is shown all sorts of patterns and designs and differrent leathers etc. Finally the assistant brings out a pair in a sort pinky-white leather and asks the guy to try them on. He's amazed. They're the best fitting, most comfortable pair of shoes he's ever worn. In fact they fit just like a second skin. "Well, there's a reason for that, Sir" says the assistant, lowering his voice, "They're actually made from the skin of human babies...". "My God, that's terrible! Mind you they are incredibly comfortable. What on earth do you charge for them?" "£450,000, Sir" "Bloody Hell - I wasn't planning to pay that much...but even so" "I'll tell you what, Sir, if you really like them, we'll do you a pair in black for £2.50" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Die 63 Posted September 30, 2005 This does remind me of an appalling joke which mods can (and probably should) delete if it's too OTT A chap wins the lottery and decides to fulfill a life-long ambition to have a pair of bespoke shoes made. So he goes along to a top shoe-maker in Jermyn Street and is shown all sorts of patterns and designs and differrent leathers etc. Finally the assistant brings out a pair in a sort pinky-white leather and asks the guy to try them on. He's amazed. They're the best fitting, most comfortable pair of shoes he's ever worn. In fact they fit just like a second skin. "Well, there's a reason for that, Sir" says the assistant, lowering his voice, "They're actually made from the skin of human babies...". "My God, that's terrible! Mind you they are incredibly comfortable. What on earth do you charge for them?" "£450,000, Sir" "Bloody Hell - I wasn't planning to pay that much...but even so" "I'll tell you what, Sir, if you really like them, we'll do you a pair in black for £2.50" Love it!! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DevonDeathTrip 2,288 Posted September 30, 2005 This does remind me of an appalling joke which mods can (and probably should) delete if it's too OTT A chap wins the lottery and decides to fulfill a life-long ambition to have a pair of bespoke shoes made. So he goes along to a top shoe-maker in Jermyn Street and is shown all sorts of patterns and designs and differrent leathers etc. Finally the assistant brings out a pair in a sort pinky-white leather and asks the guy to try them on. He's amazed. They're the best fitting, most comfortable pair of shoes he's ever worn. In fact they fit just like a second skin. "Well, there's a reason for that, Sir" says the assistant, lowering his voice, "They're actually made from the skin of human babies...". "My God, that's terrible! Mind you they are incredibly comfortable. What on earth do you charge for them?" "£450,000, Sir" "Bloody Hell - I wasn't planning to pay that much...but even so" "I'll tell you what, Sir, if you really like them, we'll do you a pair in black for £2.50" Love it!! Hate it! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Die 63 Posted September 30, 2005 Hate it! No sense of humour... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Josco 48 Posted September 30, 2005 This does remind me of an appalling joke which mods can (and probably should) delete if it's too OTT A chap wins the lottery and decides to fulfill a life-long ambition to have a pair of bespoke shoes made. So he goes along to a top shoe-maker in Jermyn Street and is shown all sorts of patterns and designs and differrent leathers etc. Finally the assistant brings out a pair in a sort pinky-white leather and asks the guy to try them on. He's amazed. They're the best fitting, most comfortable pair of shoes he's ever worn. In fact they fit just like a second skin. "Well, there's a reason for that, Sir" says the assistant, lowering his voice, "They're actually made from the skin of human babies...". "My God, that's terrible! Mind you they are incredibly comfortable. What on earth do you charge for them?" "£450,000, Sir" "Bloody Hell - I wasn't planning to pay that much...but even so" "I'll tell you what, Sir, if you really like them, we'll do you a pair in black for £2.50" Love it!! Hate it! Don't get it! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Die 63 Posted September 30, 2005 Don't get it! That's even funnier (if it's true) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Windsor 2,142 Posted September 30, 2005 I've certainly heard worse. I'm not really a fan of racist jokes. Witty jokes I accept but I found that one to be very slow and actually it was quite predictable. Show racism the red card! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tuber Mirum 119 Posted September 30, 2005 I didn't see that joke as racist, just an embarassing view of contemporary attitudes. Same with that poor girl on the Rosa Parks thread. She isn't racist. A bit backwards, naiv or stupid perhaps, but racism implies evil. Let's not be PC fascists. As if there were ever any real danger of that! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
football_fan 41 Posted September 30, 2005 Don't take it personally, but could you all please pretend you don't work in IT..... OK, I was lying. I actually work in a shoe shop. "No we haven't got them in brown in a size 8 but we've got them in black in a 7" Speaking of shoes, I heard this joke the other day... Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat. Just before takeoff a fat, little Israeli guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, "I think I'll go up and get a coke." "No problem," said the Israeli. "I'll get it for you." While he was gone, the Arab picked up the Israeli's shoe and spit in it. When the Israeli returned with the coke, the other Arab said, "That looks good. I think I'll have one too." Again, the Israeli obligingly went to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab other picked up the other shoe and spit in it. The Israeli returned with the coke, and they all sat back and enjoyed the short flight to New York. As the plane was landing the Israeli slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. "How long must this go on?" he asked. "This enmity between our peoples..... this hatred... this animosity... this spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 5,647 Posted October 1, 2005 Heard one very similar to that, but it was about Glasgow Rangers and Celtic supporters. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Tuber Mirum 119 Posted October 1, 2005 And "spit" was spelled differently. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 5,647 Posted October 1, 2005 And "spit" was spelled differently. And 3 of the letters were used in both words Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,013 Posted October 1, 2005 Just a thought, if hymn writers get crap money and have bad breath, possibly due to poor diets from the poverty associated with their calling, do you think their wives get mad and shout: It's hymn or me! I'll get me coat. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
football_fan 41 Posted September 29, 2006 John W. Peterson,Hymn Writer dies at 84 John W. Peterson, who authored more than 1,000 gospel hymns in a musical career that began before World War II, has died. He was 84. Peterson died Sept. 20 of cancer at his home in Scottsdale. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,013 Posted September 29, 2006 Cheers footie fan; every cloud and that.....this one death has dragged me old thread back from the dead! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,013 Posted December 14, 2008 Was talking after church this morning - as you do - and someone more in the know than me suggested Christopher Idle may be the most obit-worthy English hymn writer currently breathing. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BrunoBrimley 83 Posted December 23, 2008 Is it just me or - back when they sang hymns from hymn books - were other DL'ers also struck by the fact that people who wrote these songs seemed to live long lives, especially in the context of the 'old days' when many of them lived. We've discussed the longevity of writers here. Does anyone know if the composers of any well known hymns are still with us? Ill get back to you when and if I locate my hymnal. It was given to me when I was 11 and has an inscription in it from my grandmother. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BrunoBrimley 83 Posted January 11, 2009 Is it just me or - back when they sang hymns from hymn books - were other DL'ers also struck by the fact that people who wrote these songs seemed to live long lives, especially in the context of the 'old days' when many of them lived. We've discussed the longevity of writers here. Does anyone know if the composers of any well known hymns are still with us? Ill get back to you when and if I locate my hymnal. It was given to me when I was 11 and has an inscription in it from my grandmother. Still haven't found it---it was on the shelf with Ed McBain the last I saw it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Raskolnikov 0 Posted January 11, 2009 My old headmaster wrote hymns, and as far as I know, still does. But given that he's only in his early forties it's unlikely that he'll be dying anytime soon. Shame, as he was a right tosser. As a totally random aside, how do newly written hymns get introduced to the lay congregation as surely it will take a few listens to get to know the tune properly. Is there some sort of itunes for parishioners where they can download the latest releases? Or is there somewhere online they can pay a monthly donation to in order to receive a free copy of 'Now That's What I Call Songs of Worship' every four months? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
BrunoBrimley 83 Posted January 12, 2009 My old headmaster wrote hymns, and as far as I know, still does. But given that he's only in his early forties it's unlikely that he'll be dying anytime soon. Shame, as he was a right tosser. As a totally random aside, how do newly written hymns get introduced to the lay congregation as surely it will take a few listens to get to know the tune properly. Is there some sort of itunes for parishioners where they can download the latest releases? Or is there somewhere online they can pay a monthly donation to in order to receive a free copy of 'Now That's What I Call Songs of Worship' every four months? One way to get them introduced is by the choirmaster or organist. Back many years ago the choirmaster of our church (yes, I at one time went to church and was in the choir) introduced a little ditty which he had happened upon. The youth choir was forced to sing it (or at least move their lips to the words) and it became a standard of the church choir and then the congregation. Over time it moved on to other churchs in the area. I don't know if it ever made it to a hymnal though as those require a different set of standards and reviews. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Death Impends 7,365 Posted February 1, 2009 George Beverly Shea is 100 tomorrow. He's written a few hymns, but is better known for singing them. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
DevonDeathTrip 2,288 Posted October 5, 2009 Rev Dr Fred Kaan, "one of the great hymnwriters of the twentieth century", has written his last dirge. The Death of Kaan Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
