Read Any Good Books Lately?

[maryportfuncity 10,646]

Death at sea, read an extract and listen to a bit.

[Godot 149]

Anyway, this is really just an excuse for me to ask if any DLers have ever been to Sudan, as I somehow seem to have got myself posted to a wedding in Khartoum wedding next month and was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to have fun and/or avoid death while there?

 

I hear the Sudan is where you pick up old tricks? I suggest your wedding outfit should comprise a pair of underpants and two pencils and that to overcome the language barrier try the word "wobble".

Has to be 'wibble' or else it won't work... although saying that it wasn't a complete success for Captain Blackadder either.

That reminds me of an old joke about a butler called Wibble who is waiting on his lordship in the bathroom.

 

The Lord farts in the bath and moments later his butler appears with a hot water bottle.

 

"What's this all about?" says the Lord.

 

The Butler says: "My Lord didn't you say: Whaddaboutahotwaterbottlewibble?"

[Slave to the Grave 26]

Anyway, this is really just an excuse for me to ask if any DLers have ever been to Sudan, as I somehow seem to have got myself posted to a wedding in Khartoum wedding next month and was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to have fun and/or avoid death while there?

 

I hear the Sudan is where you pick up old tricks? I suggest your wedding outfit should comprise a pair of underpants and two pencils and that to overcome the language barrier try the word "wobble".

Has to be 'wibble' or else it won't work... although saying that it wasn't a complete success for Captain Blackadder either.

That reminds me of an old joke about a butler called Wibble who is waiting on his lordship in the bathroom.

 

The Lord farts in the bath and moments later his butler appears with a hot water bottle.

 

"What's this all about?" says the Lord.

 

The Butler says: "My Lord didn't you say: Whaddaboutahotwaterbottlewibble?"

 

I remember that joke, but the butler was Waddle.

[Tuber Mirum 125]

In the version I heard, it's Her Majesty the Queen in the bath and the butler comes in with a bottle of beer.

 

Not sure what the butler's name is, though I daresay the palace would oblige.

[Banshees Scream 110]

I took a few flips through 'Time' magazine and I came across a few valuable points. Please cherish your mind, and make the best out of every living situation. It can be financially related or problems in a relationship, if you don't keep it positive and if you refuse to believe in yourself, your walking into walls. Always be the person to say hello, always have a sense of humor and never be afraid. Socially think optimistic and the show down will never die.

[Monoclinic 39]

Anyway, this is really just an excuse for me to ask if any DLers have ever been to Sudan, as I somehow seem to have got myself posted to a wedding in Khartoum wedding next month and was wondering if anyone had any advice on how to have fun and/or avoid death while there?

 

I hear the Sudan is where you pick up old tricks? I suggest your wedding outfit should comprise a pair of underpants and two pencils and that to overcome the language barrier try the word "wobble".

Has to be 'wibble' or else it won't work... although saying that it wasn't a complete success for Captain Blackadder either.

 

Oops, sorry I stand corrected. How many times shall I write it out?

[Brinsworth House Baiter 12]

I'm probably going to get lambasted by all the literary/ I went to University types here, but to hell with it.

 

I've just struggled through the complete short stories of Edgar Allen Poe & reached the conclusion that this guy is seriously overrated. Don't get me wrong, big words & elaborately structured sentences are not a problem for me, it's just that I found the stories so boring & pointless.

 

The Fall of the House of Usher? Jesus Christ, I nearly smashed my own house up through sheer boredom by the time I reached its conclusion.

 

The Purloined Letter? It was a letter for f**ks sake, who cares how it got nicked and where it ended up?

 

Murders in the Rue Morgue? Quite liked that one actually, but even so, it felt like he went round the sun to get to the orangutang.

 

Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm just an illiterate, uncouth philistine who wouldn't recognise good writing if it mugged me in the street & raped me up the arse, but I don't think so. I love Dickens, Chaucer & many of those other dead guys, but I just couldn't get on with Poe. Gothic? Pathetic more like.

 

I'm about a quarter of the way through Far From the Madding Crowd at the moment & immensely enjoying it, even though it does appear to be shaping up as a romance. That Bathsheba Everdene, eh? What a minx. I reckon Farmer Oak is about to give her a right f*****g good seeing to.

 

See, that's what Poe needed- a bit more gratuitous shagging & if you're gonna write horror you need to throw a few chainsaws into the mix. And I simply don't accept the fact that they weren't invented then. It wouldn't have stopped H.G. Wells.

 

Cheers,

 

BHB

[Cowboy Ronnie 78]

I'm a bit of a Poe fan, force-fed as his work was on the typical US high school student. His style might seem belaboured now, but don't forget back then (1820-30's) the horror story and murder mystery were in their infancy as literary mileux (HG Wells came along 50 or so years later), and the guy cranked out a lot of material before he copped it aged just 40. How many authors today produce any sort of a substantive body of work that young? I'm quite partial to The Telltale Heart, and all that the story tells us about the human condition.

 

If you haven't already and are still awake reading this post, check out his wiki blurb. Poe was a huge influence on loads of other people, most notably and successfully the writers of more than one Simpson's episode. Plus, I have a plastic figurine of him, complete with a raven that perches atop his shoulder, given to me by a friend for reasons I never fully understood. If only it were 1848 or so he'd be top of my DL candidates.

[Banshees Scream 110]

I'm a bit of a Poe fan, force-fed as his work was on the typical US high school student. His style might seem belaboured now, but don't forget back then (1820-30's) the horror story and murder mystery were in their infancy as literary mileux (HG Wells came along 50 or so years later), and the guy cranked out a lot of material before he copped it aged just 40. How many authors today produce any sort of a substantive body of work that young? I'm quite partial to The Telltale Heart, and all that the story tells us about the human condition.

 

That is one of the major downfalls of the world today, the sophistication and that expectancy is just too high. In my eyes the modern years are a horrible time for the arts as they are shown little respect. The genius of our past was that you could be brilliant at a young age and others could see your gift. Today it takes years of college and nobody will know who you are until you're old and grey (If you're lucky). I wouldn't even really consider it, but the only hope is that you must expand your ideas into other things. Real beauty exists in many professions.

[To die for 3]

I'm a bit of a Poe fan, force-fed as his work was on the typical US high school student. His style might seem belaboured now, but don't forget back then (1820-30's) the horror story and murder mystery were in their infancy as literary mileux (HG Wells came along 50 or so years later), and the guy cranked out a lot of material before he copped it aged just 40. How many authors today produce any sort of a substantive body of work that young? I'm quite partial to The Telltale Heart, and all that the story tells us about the human condition.

 

If you haven't already and are still awake reading this post, check out his wiki blurb. Poe was a huge influence on loads of other people, most notably and successfully the writers of more than one Simpson's episode. Plus, I have a plastic figurine of him, complete with a raven that perches atop his shoulder, given to me by a friend for reasons I never fully understood. If only it were 1848 or so he'd be top of my DL candidates.

I'm not a fan but stories like "The Pit and the Pendulum" remind me that sadistic minds are not a new concept as the makers of "Hostel" and the "Saw" films would have us believe.

 

Maybe I'll re-read it...

[maryportfuncity 10,646]

Give Poe a break, if he were alive today, he'd be posting here in his spare time. 'Nuff said.

[Brinsworth House Baiter 12]

I'm a bit of a Poe fan, force-fed as his work was on the typical US high school student. His style might seem belaboured now, but don't forget back then (1820-30's) the horror story and murder mystery were in their infancy as literary mileux (HG Wells came along 50 or so years later), and the guy cranked out a lot of material before he copped it aged just 40. How many authors today produce any sort of a substantive body of work that young? I'm quite partial to The Telltale Heart, and all that the story tells us about the human condition.

 

If you haven't already and are still awake reading this post, check out his wiki blurb. Poe was a huge influence on loads of other people, most notably and successfully the writers of more than one Simpson's episode. Plus, I have a plastic figurine of him, complete with a raven that perches atop his shoulder, given to me by a friend for reasons I never fully understood. If only it were 1848 or so he'd be top of my DL candidates.

 

Funnily enough I had already looked at his wiki page as I tend to try & find about the background of authors from the past in order to take into consideration social & historic influences. I take your point regarding his volume of work before his premature death & the influence he has had upon others.

 

I guess his stuff just isn't for me, but differences of opinion are what make this world an interesting place.

 

Oh, and Mary, were he alive today, judging from what I've read about his life I think he'd have been more inclined to spend his spare time in a bar as against here- but then I've long suspected that many of us here manage to combine both quite successfully.

 

I'm about halfway through Far From the Madding Crowd now & really enjoying it. Bathsheba Everdene appears to be the prick tease from hell & I'm hoping she'll get her deserved comeuppance.

 

Cheers,

 

BHB

[harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,689]

I have just finished a literary epic I think some of you good folk may be interested in. It’s set in a nebulous netherworld from 2003 to the present day and might best be described as a long day’s journey into the glowing embers of a collective psyche while simultaneously holding up a crack’d mirror reflecting universal concerns of illness, madness, celebrity and even, yes, death. Already I’m aware that my inadequate journalistic abilities are unable to do such an opus true justice.

 

It begins with a Question posed by an enigmatic figure, perhaps analagous to the three witches in Macbeth, and one who appears infrequently in the narrative after he has, as it were, lighted the guns then ran off home for his tea. His question is immediately pondered upon and debated by a series of diverse characters, possibly 40 or 50 in total, most of whom are clearly seeking some higher truth or summat, though others quite clearly and bluntly mock their quest, often using the foulest of language. There is vitriol, spite, anger and threats of violence throughout this spiritual jousting, which is never truly resolved throughout the book’s 125 long, f*****g interminable, pages. Characters come and go, often with little logic or ceremony (some appear to have disappeared for ever into the ether), and at times the narrative thread gets woven into such convoluted knots one wonders if the participants have lost sight of the true meaning of the original Question, as well as their own sanity (particularly one titled lady who appears around page 93 and sends many other characters into paroxysms of apoplexy). But there is also much bravura wit and intelligence on show, with belly laughs to be had in amongst the staggering philosophical insight and depth. And the truly extraordinary and unique feature of this work is that it appears to be organic, and somehow even unending, maybe eternal. Even as late as the current final page (quite near the top) there appears a new character so original, wise and clever he puts everything that has gone before slightly into the shadows. Who knows how, or indeed if, this tale will end?

 

After such a build-up, I’m afraid I must tell you that the title of this pre-Post(whore)modern-metatextual-semiotic-situationist-twuntist tour de force temporarily escapes me, but I have no doubt that it will be a real stocking-filler come Christmas and I’m sure if you look hard enough you’ll find it for yourself somewhere hereabouts.

[maryportfuncity 10,646]

Oh, and Mary, were he alive today, judging from what I've read about his life I think he'd have been more inclined to spend his spare time in a bar as against here- but then I've long suspected that many of us here manage to combine both quite successfully.

 

I think he'd have found us irresistable. As we've established way back on this very thread, Influx by JC Jones is one book written by a poster, I'm sure there are others. I think we must attract authors, especially those with a taste for the macabre. And speaking of combining the posts and tipples, I'm sure your tenure hereabouts has brought you into contact with the legend that is Bruno Brimley.

[Monoclinic 39]

I have just finished a literary epic I think some of you good folk may be interested in. It’s set in a nebulous netherworld from 2003 to the present day and might best be described as a long day’s journey into the glowing embers of a collective psyche while simultaneously holding up a crack’d mirror reflecting universal concerns of illness, madness, celebrity and even, yes, death. Already I’m aware that my inadequate journalistic abilities are unable to do such an opus true justice.

 

It begins with a Question posed by an enigmatic figure, perhaps analagous to the three witches in Macbeth, and one who appears infrequently in the narrative after he has, as it were, lighted the guns then ran off home for his tea. His question is immediately pondered upon and debated by a series of diverse characters, possibly 40 or 50 in total, most of whom are clearly seeking some higher truth or summat, though others quite clearly and bluntly mock their quest, often using the foulest of language. There is vitriol, spite, anger and threats of violence throughout this spiritual jousting, which is never truly resolved throughout the book’s 125 long, f*****g interminable, pages. Characters come and go, often with little logic or ceremony (some appear to have disappeared for ever into the ether), and at times the narrative thread gets woven into such convoluted knots one wonders if the participants have lost sight of the true meaning of the original Question, as well as their own sanity (particularly one titled lady who appears around page 93 and sends many other characters into paroxysms of apoplexy). But there is also much bravura wit and intelligence on show, with belly laughs to be had in amongst the staggering philosophical insight and depth. And the truly extraordinary and unique feature of this work is that it appears to be organic, and somehow even unending, maybe eternal. Even as late as the current final page (quite near the top) there appears a new character so original, wise and clever he puts everything that has gone before slightly into the shadows. Who knows how, or indeed if, this tale will end?

 

After such a build-up, I’m afraid I must tell you that the title of this pre-Post(whore)modern-metatextual-semiotic-situationist-twuntist tour de force temporarily escapes me, but I have no doubt that it will be a real stocking-filler come Christmas and I’m sure if you look hard enough you’ll find it for yourself somewhere hereabouts

 

I guessed pretty early on you were talking about a thread. Then you mentioned it to be extremely long so I am guessing it is this Dicky thread everyone talks about. I must salute you for having the courage patience and time to read that. As a newishcomer here I have always wondered what is so fascinating about that thread but could never be arsed to do the legwork or should that be eyework. Maybe here is my chance to find out. Belgium has not driven me to such depths of boredom and despair (yet) to delve into it myself but if I ask nicely would you care to write an abridged version in less than a few lines (or words preferably)?

[harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,689]

I have just finished a literary epic I think some of you good folk may be interested in. It’s set in a nebulous netherworld from 2003 to the present day and might best be described as a long day’s journey into the glowing embers of a collective psyche while simultaneously holding up a crack’d mirror reflecting universal concerns of illness, madness, celebrity and even, yes, death. Already I’m aware that my inadequate journalistic abilities are unable to do such an opus true justice.

 

It begins with a Question posed by an enigmatic figure, perhaps analagous to the three witches in Macbeth, and one who appears infrequently in the narrative after he has, as it were, lighted the guns then ran off home for his tea. His question is immediately pondered upon and debated by a series of diverse characters, possibly 40 or 50 in total, most of whom are clearly seeking some higher truth or summat, though others quite clearly and bluntly mock their quest, often using the foulest of language. There is vitriol, spite, anger and threats of violence throughout this spiritual jousting, which is never truly resolved throughout the book’s 125 long, f*****g interminable, pages. Characters come and go, often with little logic or ceremony (some appear to have disappeared for ever into the ether), and at times the narrative thread gets woven into such convoluted knots one wonders if the participants have lost sight of the true meaning of the original Question, as well as their own sanity (particularly one titled lady who appears around page 93 and sends many other characters into paroxysms of apoplexy). But there is also much bravura wit and intelligence on show, with belly laughs to be had in amongst the staggering philosophical insight and depth. And the truly extraordinary and unique feature of this work is that it appears to be organic, and somehow even unending, maybe eternal. Even as late as the current final page (quite near the top) there appears a new character so original, wise and clever he puts everything that has gone before slightly into the shadows. Who knows how, or indeed if, this tale will end?

 

After such a build-up, I’m afraid I must tell you that the title of this pre-Post(whore)modern-metatextual-semiotic-situationist-twuntist tour de force temporarily escapes me, but I have no doubt that it will be a real stocking-filler come Christmas and I’m sure if you look hard enough you’ll find it for yourself somewhere hereabouts

 

I guessed pretty early on you were talking about a thread. Then you mentioned it to be extremely long so I am guessing it is this Dicky thread everyone talks about. I must salute you for having the courage patience and time to read that. As a newishcomer here I have always wondered what is so fascinating about that thread but could never be arsed to do the legwork or should that be eyework. Maybe here is my chance to find out. Belgium has not driven me to such depths of boredom and despair (yet) to delve into it myself but if I ask nicely would you care to write an abridged version in less than a few lines (or words preferably)?

Thanks very much for your polite enquiry Mono, but it would be easier to write an abridged-in-a-few-lines version of the Bible (hmm, actually a lot easier) than try to condense the surreal brilliance of the Dickie O thread (although strangely enough, some on here might disagree with that last statement). All I can say is, give it a go, as it is at least a seven-times greater work of literature than all the other books mentioned on this thread put together. Is it not, MPFC/Pooka/all other featured characters? In fact, it should be compulsory reading for anyone moving above the status of Pointless Ranter on the forum.

 

Just don't try it all in one go.

[Madame Defarge 21]

Back when the Richard O'Sullivan thread was a year shorter, it was already the subject

of a fractured fairy tale from Finland

Glad you came out alive, HarryMac.

[Lady Die 63]

I've just read The Life of Pi & I can recommend it.

 

Now I've just started Happy Like Murderers (about Fred & Rose West). How lovely that two such kindred spirits were both living in Gloucester at the same time.

[harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,689]

I've just read The Life of Pi & I can recommend it.

 

Now I've just started Happy Like Murderers (about Fred & Rose West). How lovely that two such kindred spirits were both living in Gloucester at the same time.

 

Make that three. I grew up there too.

[Lady Die 63]

I've just read The Life of Pi & I can recommend it.

 

Now I've just started Happy Like Murderers (about Fred & Rose West). How lovely that two such kindred spirits were both living in Gloucester at the same time.

 

Make that three. I grew up there too.

Did you know the Wests?

[harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,689]

I've just read The Life of Pi & I can recommend it.

 

Now I've just started Happy Like Murderers (about Fred & Rose West). How lovely that two such kindred spirits were both living in Gloucester at the same time.

 

Make that three. I grew up there too.

Did you know the Wests?

 

Mercifully not, but I probably sold them a copy of Cellar Decorating and Soundproofing for Beginners at the bookshop where I worked.

[Brinsworth House Baiter 12]

Just finished Dean Koontz's 'Mister Murder' and it has now entered my best books ever read top twenty.

 

Wasn't that enamoured with the couple of his works I'd read in the past, but I enjoyed this one immensely- although his photo on the back cover was a bit off putting. He's not exactly what you might term asthetically pleasing. And he's half bald. And he's got a gay moustache thing going on....

 

But he can write though, so I guess that's the main thing.

 

Cheers,

 

BHB

[Madame Defarge 21]

I'm reading "The Stolen Child" by Keith Donahue which is a very odd and captivating story...might not be

everybody's cuppa tea though.

 

P.S. and speaking of tea, a certain deathlister (his initials are Godot) ought to take a walk through Strand

Bookstore , the one at the Seaport, not 12th and Broadway. While taking in the sights and sounds and

fresh *cough* air this DLer might want to pick up a copy of The Accidental Tourist for about a dollar and read it on the flight back from New York. And if you still have some time left , try this place.. Gravy, vinegar, anything you want

on those chips.

[DevonDeathTrip 2,358]

Paul Johnson, a kidney cancer survivor, has got a new novel out that I wouldn't mind reading - The Death List.

[Banshees Scream 110]

Paul Johnson, a kidney cancer survivor, has got a new novel out that I wouldn't mind reading - The Death List.

 

Mark my words, when my youth perishes and my prime is far behind me and I become a miserable old bastard, I'll still be logging in to this web sight. In fact by then... I'll be writing the obituaries.