bladan 293 Posted November 11, 2019 1 hour ago, torbrexbones said: Does that mean that Kirk is 3% on the way to becoming immortal? No, Captain Kirk is already immortal Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bladan 293 Posted November 14, 2019 A novelty joke! Invented by me, translated from Finnish. I hope anything wasn't lost in translation. How did a cat react to the climate change? It became mouse neutral. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bladan 293 Posted November 16, 2019 Mommy, Mommy! It's way too cold and dark in here. – Shut up or I'll push the fast-freeze button. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bladan 293 Posted November 18, 2019 What is the worst enemy of Teemu Pukki? – Keripukki (scurvy) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bladan 293 Posted November 18, 2019 Who is the best friend of Teemu Pukki? – Joulupukki (Santa Claus) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
runebomme 377 Posted November 18, 2019 Why are women's breasts like a train set a kid gets at Christmas time? Because they were originally made for children but the father wants to play with them. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
runebomme 377 Posted November 18, 2019 Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. "In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven." The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle", he said. "Very well, you may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said. The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells." Saint Peter said, "You may also pass through the pearly gates." The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties. St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?" The man replied, "These are Carol's." 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
runebomme 377 Posted November 18, 2019 Julie was a pretty 18 year old girl. In the week before Christmas she sauntered up to the curtain counter, and was trying to decide which of the many types of tinsel she would buy. Finally, she made her choice and asked the spotty youth who was manning the fabric section, "How much is this gold tinsel garland?" The spotty youth pointed to the Christmas mistletoe above the counter and said, "This week we have a special offer, just one kiss per meter." "Wow, that's great", said Julie, "I'll take 12 meters." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the boy measured out the tinsel, wrapped up the garland, and gave it to Julie. She then called to an old man who had been browsing through the Christmas trees and said to the youth, "My Grandpa will settle the bill." 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,645 Posted November 25, 2019 Went to see that Gang film blue story in Birmingham the other night .. Fuck me the 3D is realistic. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bladan 293 Posted December 1, 2019 Why should clocks be sprayed with insecticide? Because time flies. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RIP Wee Jum 1,559 Posted December 1, 2019 An Aberdonian husband walks into the bedroom with a sheep on a leash and says ... "Honey, this is the cow I make love to when you have a headache." The wife, lying in the bed reading a book, looks up and says, "If you weren't such an idiot, you'd know that's a sheep, not a cow." ... The guy replies, "If you weren't such a presumptuous bitch, you'd realize I was talking to the sheep." 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sir Creep 7,070 Posted December 2, 2019 Is that the correct term: Aberdonian? (I know, google be my friend..... just comes across as convoluted, but then again I'm a Michigander, so... ) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RIP Wee Jum 1,559 Posted December 2, 2019 9 minutes ago, Sir Creep said: Is that the correct term: Aberdonian? (I know, google be my friend..... just comes across as convoluted, but then again I'm a Michigander, so... ) Aberdonian or sheep shagger are both acceptable 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Sir Creep 7,070 Posted December 2, 2019 10 hours ago, Wee Jum said: Aberdonian or sheep shagger are both acceptable The latter is universal. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bladan 293 Posted December 3, 2019 Kimi Räikkönen ja Alfa Romeon tallipäällikkö kinastelivat palaverissa. Seuraavaan kilpailuun Kimi otti mukaansa kissan. "Mitä tuo täällä tekee", tallipäällikkö ihmetteli. "No kun sä sanoit että vauhti on kateissa" (My joke is almost funny but impossible to translate) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,101 Posted December 3, 2019 2 hours ago, bladan said: Kimi Räikkönen ja Alfa Romeon tallipäällikkö kinastelivat palaverissa. Seuraavaan kilpailuun Kimi otti mukaansa kissan. "Mitä tuo täällä tekee", tallipäällikkö ihmetteli. "No kun sä sanoit että vauhti on kateissa" (My joke is almost funny but impossible to translate) FFS. (Translates just the same in all languages) 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bladan 293 Posted December 3, 2019 13 minutes ago, Paul Bearer said: FFS. (Translates just the same in all languages) Ok too difficult for you as usual. The expression "Vauhti on kateissa" means not only "pace is missing" but also "pace is in cats". That's why Kimi got a cat. No shit Sherlock Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,101 Posted December 4, 2019 9 hours ago, bladan said: Ok too difficult for you as usual. The expression "Vauhti on kateissa" means not only "pace is missing" but also "pace is in cats". That's why Kimi got a cat. No shit Sherlock Out of curiosity, what age are you? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
En Passant 3,741 Posted December 4, 2019 20 minutes ago, Paul Bearer said: Out of curiosity, what age are you? Can we have a sweep? I''ll go with 44, extremely intelligent, but bored and either drunk or getting a personal laugh from pretending to be. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TQR 14,386 Posted December 4, 2019 20 minutes ago, En Passant said: Can we have a sweep? I''ll go with 44, extremely intelligent, but bored and either drunk or getting a personal laugh from pretending to be. I reckon he’s 58, retired CEO of Skanska, worth about €80m and now wiles away the time shouting philosophical quandaries at a block of cheese in Lidl whilst clutching an artisan bottle of single malt. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,101 Posted December 4, 2019 13 hours ago, En Passant said: Can we have a sweep? I''ll go with 44, extremely intelligent, but bored and either drunk or getting a personal laugh from pretending to be. I'll say 15. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,645 Posted December 4, 2019 Donald Trump has described Justin Trudeau "Two faced", presumably he means the white one and the black one. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,645 Posted December 5, 2019 A penguin goes to get his car fixed. The man says it will take a 3 hours to inspect the car. While the penguin waits he gets icecream. He gets ice cream over his face. He goes back to his car and the repairman says "it looks like you blew a seal" and the penguin says "No, it's just icecream". 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RIP Wee Jum 1,559 Posted December 5, 2019 1 hour ago, maryportfuncity said: A penguin goes to get his car fixed. The man says it will take a 3 hours to inspect the car. While the penguin waits he gets icecream. He gets ice cream over his face. He goes back to his car and the repairman says "it looks like you blew a seal" and the penguin says "No, it's just icecream". Sorry but its funnier when chimps tell that joke https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3dfRZktrIlo Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
