A Joke

[Sly Ronnie 879]

On 31/07/2024 at 18:42, Redrumours said:

Sorry if it's already on here.

Fred Dead,who spent his whole lifetime explaining to people his surname was pronounced "Deed",got run over by a bus on his local high street.

He Was unfortunately  pronounced Dead at the scene.

 

What if he died in Glasgow?

[En Passant 3,741]

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

For sale: A limited edition bottle of tippex from China. Its a correctors item.

[Phantom 2,533]

On 26/05/2024 at 13:08, Lord Fellatio Nelson said:

As someone who lives in Minneapolis, that cuts deep. I work part-time next to the old 3rd Precinct where Derek Chauvin was stationed.

[maryportfuncity 10,645]

Saw this tonnage of Steve Wright stuff online - that'll do for a Monday

 

The Quotes of Steven Wright:

1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2 - Borrow money from pessimists – they don't expect it back.

3 - Half the people you know are below average.

4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ... But she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever... so far, so good.

20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name

25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

[En Passant 3,741]

[Clorox Bleachman 2,410]

6 hours ago, En Passant said:

 

The original, asking you to text and not toxt.

 

Someone's been badly upscaling a bunch of funny road signs with AI.

[En Passant 3,741]

I admit I didn't actually look that closely.

 

 

 

*I didn't want to crash - boom boom tisch...

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

Just thought I'd nip over to check on the old lady over the road, and fair play to her, at 96, she had all the Halloween decorations up, cobwebs and insects in the windows and a skeleton on the couch. She always makes a big effort, but there was no answer.

I'll pop back next year.

[maryportfuncity 10,645]

Bit subtle for Sickipedia so I thought I'd redeploy it here: 

 

A word of advice: If you run a cat shelter, never let Schroedinger adopt one.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

Saw a Scouse tribute band last night.

Took That.