Ask A Deathlister

[Godot 149]

Bald rick you can use one of those home plug AV adaptors that use the earth wire in the ring main and the ethernet connection. Also if the wireless signal is weak try a booster.

[CarolAnn 926]

Practically everything in my house is wireless. I have a wireless network with one cable for backup - sometimes my VPN connection for work objects to wireless. We've gone completely cellular phone wise so that's wireless, obviously. Heck, even the video game controllers are wireless. For when I'm out and about and there isn't any free wi-fi I have an air card which works much better than I originally thought it would be.

 

Not tripping over cables is a beautiful thing. Now if I could invent a never ending laptop battery I would have it made.

[Banshees Scream 110]

I'm going to move on from my explicit argumentative state that I've been demonstrating for the passed few days. I know how crazy it is, but it was done to make a solid point for the right reasons. I've made that pretty clear in the other thread.

 

So after all of this quarreling, I decided upon a very interesting question. Once Maryportfuncity said something about Alphonsin going out with his sister and I was wondering "Is Alphonsin being here just a coincidence?"

 

I don't believe it could be that random. My impression is that Mary definitely introduced him. Out of all places, I don't believe it's "that much" of a small world.

[honez 79]

Once Maryportfuncity said something about Alphonsin going out with his sister and I was wondering "Is Alphonsin being here just a coincidence?"

I believe going out with your sister is incest, not coincidence. Unless of course, it's in a darkened room at the Maryport Swingers' Club... Then it's both.

[Godot 149]

Practically everything in my house is wireless. I have a wireless network with one cable for backup - sometimes my VPN connection for work objects to wireless. We've gone completely cellular phone wise so that's wireless, obviously. Heck, even the video game controllers are wireless. For when I'm out and about and there isn't any free wi-fi I have an air card which works much better than I originally thought it would be.

 

Not tripping over cables is a beautiful thing. Now if I could invent a never ending laptop battery I would have it made.

If all your phones are wireless which phone do you ring to find the one that's lost down the settee?

[CarolAnn 926]

Practically everything in my house is wireless. I have a wireless network with one cable for backup - sometimes my VPN connection for work objects to wireless. We've gone completely cellular phone wise so that's wireless, obviously. Heck, even the video game controllers are wireless. For when I'm out and about and there isn't any free wi-fi I have an air card which works much better than I originally thought it would be.

 

Not tripping over cables is a beautiful thing. Now if I could invent a never ending laptop battery I would have it made.

If all your phones are wireless which phone do you ring to find the one that's lost down the settee?

 

They're all mobile phones, so if one of us loses our phone someone else calls it. Everyone has their own phone and number.

[maryportfuncity 10,646]

Saw the strangest thing yesterday, so unspeakably odd I've discussed it at work without anyone knowing for sure.

 

I was wandering with some of Mrs MPFC's family along a beach near Sandbanks in Dorset when we had to cover a length of nudist beach to get to the coffee and snacks we really wanted. Anyway, a naked man wandered accross our view and turned head on towards us at which point it became obvious he had no reproductive organs at all. Indeed the groin area was smooth, shiny and hairless.

 

Nature does this rarely and never - in my experience - that way to humans. There are some obvious options but:

 

He didn't look like a pre-op transexual because otherwise he was male.

 

I can't say I looked THAT closely but I didn't see accident scarring.

 

If he'd been operated on, say for cancer, the shape of body on view would be unlikely to match that we saw.

 

So, I thought I'd seek the expert opinions on offer hereabouts.

[honez 79]

I believe what you saw was a South African.

[Monoclinic 39]

He was clearly lost by I'd say just over 50 miles (too far to the west). Where he comes from the men have no balls and wield their penises (peni?) on their heads. Alternatively, (sticking with the lost theory) he could have had an accident down the docks with a burly jack tar.

 

A few seconds with wiki yields a more sensible suggestion. It's worrying amazing to what, ahem, lengths people go to in writing random wikipedia articles.

 

WARNING DISTURBING IMAGES OF WATCH STRAP MARKS WITHIN. NSFW.

[maryportfuncity 10,646]

 

The above is a closer approximation, but imagine a fairly non-descript middle aged British bloke's head, not MM.

 

If I were wagering cash I'd go with some exhibitionist/freak/disturbed person along the lines of those desperate to become amputees.

 

A very disturbing experience all round. I don't care about the property values round there, in the circumstances West Cumbria is a haven of sanity.

[Dave to the Grave 11]

Perhaps he is a silly tucker.

[maryportfuncity 10,646]

No tucking, he walked normally and was obviously showing the passing public his unusual physique. Do we have a Dorset correspondent who could give us the local history of this guy. I'd guess his saunter past us is a fairly normal activity for him.

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

He was clearly lost by I'd say just over 50 miles (too far to the west). Where he comes from the men have no balls and wield their penises (peni?) on their heads. Alternatively, (sticking with the lost theory) he could have had an accident down the docks with a burly jack tar.

 

A few seconds with wiki yields a more sensible suggestion. It's worrying amazing to what, ahem, lengths people go to in writing random wikipedia articles.

 

WARNING DISTURBING IMAGES OF WATCH STRAP MARKS WITHIN. NSFW.

 

 

Blimey, I didn't realise there was a real name for this, I just thought it was men with tiny cocks. At least now I will have some knowledgeable conversation to make next time I encounter one with such an affliction.

[The Pooka 26]

Dorset correspondent reporting for duty, Sir.

 

Good gracious MPFC, good to see you attending the local Gay Pride rally. You were only a couple of miles from my home and would have passed the end of my road to get there. How tantalising. I suspect that rather than Sandbanks you would have been a couple of hundred yards across the harbour entrance at the nudist beach at Studland.

 

Your fellow may have had his penis surgically removed. I saw one cut off about 20 years ago. Cancer of the cock. The poor guy worked with petrochemicals (unlike catering a job where its better to wash the hands before you piss). They re-shape things and leave you needing to sit down to piss and otherwise looking feminine. Of course, he may have chosen to lose his pudenda in order to offer a shapely profile - or a receptive orifice - or to lose weight. Who knows?

 

BTW, Mono the good old English plural of penis would be penises. Those with a Latin affectation could go for penes (as in testis and testes). But peni - no.

[Terminator 13]

He was clearly lost by I'd say just over 50 miles (too far to the west). Where he comes from the men have no balls and wield their penises (peni?) on their heads. Alternatively, (sticking with the lost theory) he could have had an accident down the docks with a burly jack tar.

 

A few seconds with wiki yields a more sensible suggestion. It's worrying amazing to what, ahem, lengths people go to in writing random wikipedia articles.

 

WARNING DISTURBING IMAGES OF WATCH STRAP MARKS WITHIN. NSFW.

 

 

Blimey, I didn't realise there was a real name for this, I just thought it was men with tiny cocks. At least now I will have some knowledgeable conversation to make next time I encounter one with such an affliction.

 

Any chance it was just a flat-chested bird???

[honez 79]

A few seconds with wiki yields a more sensible suggestion. It's worrying amazing to what, ahem, lengths people go to in writing random wikipedia articles.

Blimey, I didn't realise there was a real name for this, I just thought it was men with tiny cocks. At least now I will have some knowledgeable conversation to make next time I encounter one with such an affliction.

You could always suggest a visit to a microbrewery, followed by some microsoft action.

[maryportfuncity 10,646]

Dorset correspondent reporting for duty, Sir.

 

Good gracious MPFC, good to see you attending the local Gay Pride rally. You were only a couple of miles from my home and would have passed the end of my road to get there. How tantalising. I suspect that rather than Sandbanks you would have been a couple of hundred yards across the harbour entrance at the nudist beach at Studland.

 

Your fellow may have had his penis surgically removed. I saw one cut off about 20 years ago. Cancer of the cock. The poor guy worked with petrochemicals (unlike catering a job where its better to wash the hands before you piss). They re-shape things and leave you needing to sit down to piss and otherwise looking feminine. Of course, he may have chosen to lose his pudenda in order to offer a shapely profile - or a receptive orifice - or to lose weight. Who knows?

 

BTW, Mono the good old English plural of penis would be penises. Those with a Latin affectation could go for penes (as in testis and testes). But peni - no.

 

Yep, I think you're right Pooka. It was indeed the beach on Studland Bay as we wandered the length of it to get to a country pub, doubtless somewhere also familiar to you. I'm guessing the bloke I saw will be well known to a few locals given his combination of physical oddness and willingness to share this with a passing audience.

[The Pooka 26]

Dorset correspondent reporting for duty, Sir.

 

Good gracious MPFC, good to see you attending the local Gay Pride rally. You were only a couple of miles from my home and would have passed the end of my road to get there. How tantalising. I suspect that rather than Sandbanks you would have been a couple of hundred yards across the harbour entrance at the nudist beach at Studland.

 

Your fellow may have had his penis surgically removed. I saw one cut off about 20 years ago. Cancer of the cock. The poor guy worked with petrochemicals (unlike catering a job where its better to wash the hands before you piss). They re-shape things and leave you needing to sit down to piss and otherwise looking feminine. Of course, he may have chosen to lose his pudenda in order to offer a shapely profile - or a receptive orifice - or to lose weight. Who knows?

 

BTW, Mono the good old English plural of penis would be penises. Those with a Latin affectation could go for penes (as in testis and testes). But peni - no.

 

Yep, I think you're right Pooka. It was indeed the beach on Studland Bay as we wandered the length of it to get to a country pub, doubtless somewhere also familiar to you. I'm guessing the bloke I saw will be well known to a few locals given his combination of physical oddness and willingness to share this with a passing audience.

 

The Bankes Arms, no doubt - touristy alas. Well I've wandered that nudist beach for years (as part of a small unfunded research project) and have never seen a bloke with a twat chap with the curious anatomy that you describe.

[honez 79]

Dorset correspondent reporting for duty, Sir.

 

Good gracious MPFC, good to see you attending the local Gay Pride rally. You were only a couple of miles from my home and would have passed the end of my road to get there. How tantalising. I suspect that rather than Sandbanks you would have been a couple of hundred yards across the harbour entrance at the nudist beach at Studland.

 

Your fellow may have had his penis surgically removed. I saw one cut off about 20 years ago. Cancer of the cock. The poor guy worked with petrochemicals (unlike catering a job where its better to wash the hands before you piss). They re-shape things and leave you needing to sit down to piss and otherwise looking feminine. Of course, he may have chosen to lose his pudenda in order to offer a shapely profile - or a receptive orifice - or to lose weight. Who knows?

 

BTW, Mono the good old English plural of penis would be penises. Those with a Latin affectation could go for penes (as in testis and testes). But peni - no.

 

Yep, I think you're right Pooka. It was indeed the beach on Studland Bay as we wandered the length of it to get to a country pub, doubtless somewhere also familiar to you. I'm guessing the bloke I saw will be well known to a few locals given his combination of physical oddness and willingness to share this with a passing audience.

 

The Bankes Arms, no doubt - touristy alas. Well I've wandered that nudist beach for years (as part of a small unfunded research project) and have never seen a bloke with a twat chap with the curious anatomy that you describe.

You weren't out and about "researching" the other day, au naturale, perchance?

[maryportfuncity 10,646]

Bankes Arms, yeah I think that was the place. Touristy, sizeable garden just the other side of a little road. Bikers and cyclists in abundance at a weekend. We 'do' Sandbanks every now and again when Mrs MPFC's family are in the vicinity. You never know Pooka, we may dig neighbouring sandcastles some day.

[Monoclinic 39]

You weren't out and about "researching" the other day, au naturale, perchance?

 

Honez, would you permit me to be a pedante française? I wouldn't usually but I know how much you love a pedant. It's au naturel. Ce n'est pas au naturale. We can't be having Delboy anglicisms now can we?

 

(If there are any errors above, they are clearly deliberate )

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

I did hear that Studland Bay was popular with men who "walked their dogs".

Pooka, dear chap, could you confirm this?

Regards

LFN

[Anubis the Jackal 77]

I don't think I like the tone of your euphamism there LFN. Men who 'walk their dogs' are more likely to discover dead bodies in the undergrowth rather than indulge in any sort of al-fresco bummery.

 

I did hear that Studland Bay was popular with men who "walked their dogs".

Pooka, dear chap, could you confirm this?

Regards

LFN

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

I don't think I like the tone of your euphamism there LFN. Men who 'walk their dogs' are more likely to discover dead bodies in the undergrowth rather than indulge in any sort of al-fresco bummery.

 

I did hear that Studland Bay was popular with men who "walked their dogs".

Pooka, dear chap, could you confirm this?

Regards

LFN

Hmm.

I only asked because Im sure I read somewhere that this spot was a prime location for bonking couples to be "observed" by men ( who, purely by chance, were coming from miles around to walk their dogs).

I do appologise if I gave the impression that men only went there to practice the ancient art of fudge packing.

[Anubis the Jackal 77]

My apologies, your lordship. I didn't realise you were referring to the practice of collymorphillia.

 

Still, why is it that corpses are always found by men 'out walking their dogs.' Maybe the police should arrest all men with dogs when someone is feared murdered.