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I reported a dead woman lying in a field to the police. They asked me: 'How did you find her body?' I said, 'Her tits were ok, but the rigormortis had tightened her arse a bit too much for my liking.'

I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loudly, I nearly fell in.

A man wakes up one morning in Alaska to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there’s an ad for ‘Bear Removers.’ He calls the number, and the bear remover says he’ll be over in 30 minutes. The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He’s got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull. ‘What are you going to do,’ the homeowner asks? ‘I’m going to put this ladder up against the roof, and then I’m going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go. The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.’ He hands the shotgun to the homeowner. ‘What’s the shotgun for?’ asks the homeowner. If the bear knocks me off the roof...SHOOT THE DOG.

It not really matter if it is a 'No', a question of time I just hope it is in my lifetime. Andrew Wilson of The Scotsman nails it.

It's the increasing, terrifying prospect that this time next year Boris Johnson could be PM and Nigel Farage could be his deputy in a Tory-UKIP coalition Ok I had to check the IP address to make sure I didn't post this in my sleep but no it isn't my address and even asleep I would never post as a guest. The thought of Boris Johnson 'look at me I am a lovable clown' but is in fact an extremely shrewd man who's views are more right wing than Hitler and Nigel Farage ' I hate the Scots, I despise the poor and I will privatise your NHS quicker than the tories, also I will remove your holiday entitlement, your maternity leave and sick pay faster than you can blink' are the reason I have decided to vote Yes. I was shocked when the UK elections in May saw a huge surge towards Mr. Farage's party, he is a racist and a bigot, did I mention Fascist?. I will take my chances on independence, it isn't going to be easy and it isn't going to be fun, I may well lose my job but I would rather that than being governed by these fascist buffoons. Coming at this from another angle, I just wish everything would hurry the fuck up and get the fucking thing done one way or the other. Its dragged on longer than a Ken Dodd performance. No offence LG x

Probably someone I had on last year's list but left off this year.... Selfish bastards!

It's the increasing, terrifying prospect that this time next year Boris Johnson could be PM and Nigel Farage could be his deputy in a Tory-UKIP coalition Ok I had to check the IP address to make sure I didn't post this in my sleep but no it isn't my address and even asleep I would never post as a guest. The thought of Boris Johnson 'look at me I am a lovable clown' but is in fact an extremely shrewd man who's views are more right wing than Hitler and Nigel Farage ' I hate the Scots, I despise the poor and I will privatise your NHS quicker than the tories, also I will remove your holiday entitlement, your maternity leave and sick pay faster than you can blink' are the reason I have decided to vote Yes. I was shocked when the UK elections in May saw a huge surge towards Mr. Farage's party, he is a racist and a bigot, did I mention Fascist?. I will take my chances on independence, it isn't going to be easy and it isn't going to be fun, I may well lose my job but I would rather that than being governed by these fascist buffoons.

http://gabrielecirulli.github.io/2048/ Infuriating.

Guardian cartoon He really did put the "protest" in protestant didn't he? Also, I learned from the BBC report he once called the Pope the Anti-Christ to his face, I'm shocked I never saw that before... that should really annoy some wannabe-anarchists and snotty atheist nerds on the internet, to think that old fart had been that abusive to the Pope in a way they'd like to but probably never will!

It still is fuckin fantastic Rock song even after 20 years Which leads to Gillespie. Candidate? Over 50 and had it hard. First saw him 30 years ago , directly after an Old Firm game so the blood was up, and there was 3 great support bands. On came the Jesus and Mary and they lasted a song and a half before being bottled off iirc, he was the first to bolt after being hit, the brothers who had been arguing sort of teamed up with a 'fuck you' to the crowd attitude. Bad move.