maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted March 29, 2012 Wayne Rooney has visited Fabrice Muamba in hospital. "It's great, he can almost string a sentence together," said Fabrice. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,102 Posted March 30, 2012 My girlfriend left me because she was sick of me making vagina jokes. I think she was ovary acting. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
the_engineer 1,415 Posted April 4, 2012 A guy i work with won a competition the prize was a trip to africa . He's out there now trying to win a trip back !! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Magere Hein 1,400 Posted April 4, 2012 A guy i work with won a competition the prize was a trip to africa . He's out there now trying to win a trip back !! Reminds me of a Dutch radio quiz in which contestants could win a one-way trip to Belgium. For somebody else... regards, Hein Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,102 Posted April 7, 2012 An old story about the Pope visiting South Africa saw three Whites pull a black man out of the river and killing the crocodile that was attacking him. The Pope blessed the men and said they would be rewarded in heaven. One of the men said, who's that dude? one of the others says I don't know but he hasn't a clue about bait for catching crocodiles. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
torbrexbones 717 Posted April 10, 2012 "FUCK" Describes many emotions. No other word can be used in such varied grammatical nuances. It can be used as a noun - "I don’t give a fuck", and an adjective - "It’s a fucking beauty", as a verb in its transitive form - "The game was fucked up by the weather” and the intransitive form - "He well and truly fucked it up". Everyday expressions show it’s true versatility; - Denial: I’ll be fucked if I did. Perplexity: I know fuck all about it. Apathy: Who gives a fuck anyway? Greeting: How the fuck are you? Goodbye: Fuck off. Resignation: Oh fuck it. Suspicion: Who the fuck are you. Panic: Lets get the fuck out of here. Disbelief: How the fuck did you do that. Amazement: What the fuck did you do that for? Religious Ecstasy: Holy fuck. Winning the Lottery: How fucking much. Derision: He fuck’s everything up. The word has, of course, been used by some very famous personages through the years, the more notable of these being: - "What the fuck was that"...........................Mayor of Hiroshima. "Look at all those fucking Indians"............General Custer. "What fucking iceberg"?..............................Captain of the Titanic. "What a place to plant a fucking tree"..... Marc Bolan. "That’s not a real fucking gun"...................John Lennon "The fucking throttle’s stuck"......................Donald Campbell. "Who’s going to fucking know"?................President Nixon. "What fucking exclusion zone"?..................Captain of the Belgrano. "Heads are going to fucking roll"...............Ann Boleyn. "Who let that fucking woman drive"?........ Space Shuttle Captain. "He’ll have some fucker’s eye out"...........King Harold. "I thought I could smell fucking petrol"..... Nikki Lauda. "What’s a fucking map"..............................Mark Thatcher. "It IS my best fucking coat"......................Michael Foot. "She’s just my fucking secretary"...............Cecil Parkinson. "He’s just a fucking mate"..........................Jeremy Thorpe. "Any fucker can understand that"...............Albert Einstein. "It fucking looks just like her"....................Picasso. “How the fuck did you work that out”..............Pythagoras “You want fucking what on the ceiling.............Micheal Angelo “Scattered showers my fucking arse”...............Noah “Anybody got a fucking light”..........................Joan of Arc Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
RIP Wee Jum 1,559 Posted April 13, 2012 Abu Hamza is releasing a song in the charts. It's got a good hook. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted June 4, 2012 Haven't seen this much fuss about a floating Queen since Michael Barrymore got arrested! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
charon 4,943 Posted June 4, 2012 My girlfriend's been graped. You mean raped. No there was a bunch of them. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted June 4, 2012 What I did today……………. Been to the gym, then had a nice hot shower. I've just picked up a bottle of home brew from one of the neighbours for this afternoon. I've got a few joints rolled up for the XBox tournament with the lads. After that I'll muck around online with some porn and gambling sites. Then to finish off the perfect day, it's a nice blow job before I go to bed. Fuck, I love this prison! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,102 Posted June 5, 2012 My girlfriend's been graped. You mean raped. No there was a bunch of them. The old 'uns are the best, eh? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
charon 4,943 Posted June 5, 2012 The old 'uns are the best, eh? Always Ach there is only a few jokes anyways and they just get rehashed. See Harpic and Princess Grace of Monaco, which got redone for Ayrton Senna and again for Dianna. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
the_engineer 1,415 Posted June 17, 2012 Rodney King has been found dead in a swimming pool according to reports Rodney was screaming about a white man trying to hold him down. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted June 18, 2012 Seriously; apologies if anyone is offended! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
charon 4,943 Posted June 19, 2012 ''Rodney King found dead in pool." "Whitney Houston found dead in bath." Is this why black people don't wash? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Falkekopf 50 Posted June 20, 2012 My girlfriend wanted to try sadism, I said no but she managed to twist my arm! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
charon 4,943 Posted June 20, 2012 My girlfriend wanted to try sadism, I said no but she managed to twist my arm! Similar to the old fav... ''I asked the wife if she wanted to play a game of rape.. ''No'' she cried ''Thats the spirit''..................... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted June 23, 2012 "How's that?" I said to my wife as I rubbed her clit. "Nothing, sorry." "How about now?" I said, slipping a finger in. "Still nothing." "And now?" I asked, adding another. "You don't quite understand quadriplegia, do you love?" Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,647 Posted July 7, 2012 Who says political correctness isn't working? That black tranny has just won his fifth Wimbledon singles title? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Johanna Posted July 7, 2012 Why shouldn't you buy Ukranian underpants? Because Chernobyl fall out. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Falkekopf 50 Posted July 9, 2012 I remember my ex once stood in front of the mirror and said she felt fat and ugly. She asked if I could pay her a compliment so I said, "Your eyesight's good." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bibliogryphon 9,586 Posted July 9, 2012 A Higgs Bosun particle walks into the church and the priest says “You can’t come in here”, so the particle says……………………………………………”Well you can’t have Mass without me” Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,102 Posted July 12, 2012 Tell a joke and catch a burglar. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
the_engineer 1,415 Posted July 19, 2012 I'd have some fairtrade twat . Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
