Sly Ronnie 918 Posted August 16 On 31/07/2024 at 18:42, Redrumours said: Sorry if it's already on here. Fred Dead,who spent his whole lifetime explaining to people his surname was pronounced "Deed",got run over by a bus on his local high street. He Was unfortunately pronounced Dead at the scene. What if he died in Glasgow? 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,226 Posted October 6 For sale: A limited edition bottle of tippex from China. Its a correctors item. 1 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,552 Posted October 6 On 26/05/2024 at 13:08, Lord Fellatio Nelson said: As someone who lives in Minneapolis, that cuts deep. I work part-time next to the old 3rd Precinct where Derek Chauvin was stationed. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,686 Posted October 7 Saw this tonnage of Steve Wright stuff online - that'll do for a Monday The Quotes of Steven Wright: 1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize. 2 - Borrow money from pessimists – they don't expect it back. 3 - Half the people you know are below average. 4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. 6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. 7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain. 9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand. 10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ... But she left me before we met. 12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark? 13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink? 14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. 15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm. 16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. 17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy. 18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now. 19 - I intend to live forever... so far, so good. 20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines. 22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice? 23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." 24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name 25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. 27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. 29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research. 30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard. 31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up. 32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it. 33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film. 34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work? 1 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Clorox Bleachman 2,478 Posted October 10 6 hours ago, En Passant said: The original, asking you to text and not toxt. Someone's been badly upscaling a bunch of funny road signs with AI. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
En Passant 3,755 Posted October 10 I admit I didn't actually look that closely. *I didn't want to crash - boom boom tisch... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,226 Posted October 26 Just thought I'd nip over to check on the old lady over the road, and fair play to her, at 96, she had all the Halloween decorations up, cobwebs and insects in the windows and a skeleton on the couch. She always makes a big effort, but there was no answer. I'll pop back next year. 5 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
maryportfuncity 10,686 Posted October 29 Bit subtle for Sickipedia so I thought I'd redeploy it here: A word of advice: If you run a cat shelter, never let Schroedinger adopt one. 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,226 Posted November 1 Saw a Scouse tribute band last night. Took That. 2 2 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Paul Bearer 6,134 Posted December 1 I just opened the first window on my One Direction Advent calendar and Liam Payne fell out. 8 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,226 Posted Wednesday at 19:13 My nephew wanted a train set for Christmas, but the shop didn't have any, so I've sent him a replacement bus service. 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
