Room 101

[Toast 16,156]

I resent the way they artificially use each other's names all the time.

 

"What's the atmosphere like there, Brian?"

"Well, John, the Prime Minister blah blah"

 

They're meant to be talking to us, not each other. They are paid by us to tell us the news, not make us feel like eavesdroppers.

 

Grrrrrrrrrr.

[honez 79]

Okay, I was out of the English TV loop for a bit but I've recently relocated and can now get BBC 1 which instantly leads me here to room 101.

 

I don't know the name of the bint but there is some woman that comes on in the evenings to give a news bulletin, I think around 9pm(?) I want to put her in here for the patronising, condescending John Craven's newsroundesque approach she has to this bulletin. Does the BBC think they are broadcasting to a nation of 7 year olds?

No, but I suspect the dark hand of politically-correct overlords have decreed that IQ-challenged viewers must not feel victimised by multisyllable words your average John Craven's Newsrounder would eat for breakfast.

The dumbing down of the media to fit today's sound-bite celebrity-obsessed masses is an ongoing and worsening tragedy.

[Guest David]

Okay, I was out of the English TV loop for a bit but I've recently relocated and can now get BBC 1 which instantly leads me here to room 101.

 

I don't know the name of the bint but there is some woman that comes on in the evenings to give a news bulletin, I think around 9pm(?) I want to put her in here for the patronising, condescending John Craven's newsroundesque approach she has to this bulletin. Does the BBC think they are broadcasting to a nation of 7 year olds?

No, but I suspect the dark hand of politically-correct overlords have decreed that IQ-challenged viewers must not feel victimised by multisyllable words your average John Craven's Newsrounder would eat for breakfast.

The dumbing down of the media to fit today's sound-bite celebrity-obsessed masses is an ongoing and worsening tragedy.

 

Lard Bazaar, I didn't realise you were a girl - and you sound like a very charming girl too. I naturally thought you'd be a boy - as DL is not populated by girls. Gazza's goal is great - I'm not denying that - and I have nothing against Gazza - he's a nice guy - I've met him. However, don't get in a drinking contest with him - he'll drink you under the table.

[Lard Bazaar 3,800]

Okay, I was out of the English TV loop for a bit but I've recently relocated and can now get BBC 1 which instantly leads me here to room 101.

 

I don't know the name of the bint but there is some woman that comes on in the evenings to give a news bulletin, I think around 9pm(?) I want to put her in here for the patronising, condescending John Craven's newsroundesque approach she has to this bulletin. Does the BBC think they are broadcasting to a nation of 7 year olds?

No, but I suspect the dark hand of politically-correct overlords have decreed that IQ-challenged viewers must not feel victimised by multisyllable words your average John Craven's Newsrounder would eat for breakfast.

The dumbing down of the media to fit today's sound-bite celebrity-obsessed masses is an ongoing and worsening tragedy.

 

Lard Bazaar, I didn't realise you were a girl - and you sound like a very charming girl too. I naturally thought you'd be a boy - as DL is not populated by girls. Gazza's goal is great - I'm not denying that - and I have nothing against Gazza - he's a nice guy - I've met him. However, don't get in a drinking contest with him - he'll drink you under the table.

 

You may have met him, but you haven't met me.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,220]

Okay, I was out of the English TV loop for a bit but I've recently relocated and can now get BBC 1 which instantly leads me here to room 101.

 

I don't know the name of the bint but there is some woman that comes on in the evenings to give a news bulletin, I think around 9pm(?) I want to put her in here for the patronising, condescending John Craven's newsroundesque approach she has to this bulletin. Does the BBC think they are broadcasting to a nation of 7 year olds?

Im guessing that there is no alternative to watching the Beebs News bulletin? It is a bit wank, isnt it.

Im sure you are not referring to the gorgeous and delicious Susanna Reid, she of the BBC Saturday morning breakfast news.

MMMM!!!

[themaninblack 2,112]

Okay, I was out of the English TV loop for a bit but I've recently relocated and can now get BBC 1 which instantly leads me here to room 101.

 

I don't know the name of the bint but there is some woman that comes on in the evenings to give a news bulletin, I think around 9pm(?) I want to put her in here for the patronising, condescending John Craven's newsroundesque approach she has to this bulletin. Does the BBC think they are broadcasting to a nation of 7 year olds?

Im guessing that there is no alternative to watching the Beebs News bulletin? It is a bit wank, isnt it.

Im sure you are not referring to the gorgeous and delicious Susanna Reid, she of the BBC Saturday morning breakfast news.

MMMM!!!

 

And if it's Celina Hinchcliffe you're talking about, it'll be "outside now!"

[Six 23]

Okay, I was out of the English TV loop for a bit but I've recently relocated and can now get BBC 1 which instantly leads me here to room 101.

 

I don't know the name of the bint but there is some woman that comes on in the evenings to give a news bulletin, I think around 9pm(?) I want to put her in here for the patronising, condescending John Craven's newsroundesque approach she has to this bulletin. Does the BBC think they are broadcasting to a nation of 7 year olds?

No, but I suspect the dark hand of politically-correct overlords have decreed that IQ-challenged viewers must not feel victimised by multisyllable words your average John Craven's Newsrounder would eat for breakfast.

The dumbing down of the media to fit today's sound-bite celebrity-obsessed masses is an ongoing and worsening tragedy.

 

Lard Bazaar, I didn't realise you were a girl - and you sound like a very charming girl too. I naturally thought you'd be a boy - as DL is not populated by girls. Gazza's goal is great - I'm not denying that - and I have nothing against Gazza - he's a nice guy - I've met him. However, don't get in a drinking contest with him - he'll drink you under the table.

 

 

Is it not? Where did you get that idea from?

 

And to stay on topic... I definitely think my Jade-loving cousin should be thrown into Room 101. She's trying to organise a fun-run to raise money for ' poor Jade's little boys ' . Give me strength??!!

[CarolAnn 926]

...as DL is not populated by girls...

 

Want to try that one again?

[Terminator 13]

Room 101 candidates: Old farts commentating on the BBC snooker.

 

Not only is it getting increasingly difficult for the old gits (Virgo, Taylor and Thorne) to remind us continually of their (generally, insignificant) snooker careers, but the ON-SCREEN LINES, showing the possible path of the white ball, ARE INTOLERABLE.

 

I can grudgingly accept that this COULD BE informative to the odd viewer, but there is no need WHATSOEVER to continue to overlay the ball's actual path when the shot is played. It's merely there for these old farts to show how "knowedegeable" they are about the game).

 

Personally, I'd rather see how the ball reacts to the cushion; showing the side applied to the shot. The lines completely obscure that view.

 

Can you imagine if this sh*te into football penalty shootout competitions?

 

F*cking old farts....

[Monoclinic 39]

Okay, I was out of the English TV loop for a bit but I've recently relocated and can now get BBC 1 which instantly leads me here to room 101.

 

I don't know the name of the bint but there is some woman that comes on in the evenings to give a news bulletin, I think around 9pm(?) I want to put her in here for the patronising, condescending John Craven's newsroundesque approach she has to this bulletin. Does the BBC think they are broadcasting to a nation of 7 year olds?

Im guessing that there is no alternative to watching the Beebs News bulletin? It is a bit wank, isnt it.

Im sure you are not referring to the gorgeous and delicious Susanna Reid, she of the BBC Saturday morning breakfast news.

MMMM!!!

 

And if it's Celina Hinchcliffe you're talking about, it'll be "outside now!"

 

Saw it again today, her name is Ellie Crisell. Had a look on Wikipedia and yes she is of Newsround stock. Apparently they've dropped the "John Craven's".

[Lard Bazaar 3,800]

I may have mentioned before how all cyclists are twats. This morning my view was confirmed, as, in my driver's side wing mirror, I watched one hurtle up the outside of the queue of traffic I was in, directly into the path of the vehicle behind me, which was turning right. Suffice to say, I laughed my tits off, I could see what was going to happen before it happened, and, although the driver should have looked in her mirror, she was clearly indicating right, and so in my view the cyclist got what he deserved by 1) not taking any notice of her indication, 2) overtaking near a junction and 3) being a cyclist. He went f*****g flying! He was OK, got up, handed the driver her wing mirror back and went on his merry way. Knob. He was even wearing those stupid lycra shorts, I bet his legs sting I will be looking out for him tomorrow morning, to see if I can have second dibs on taking him out of the gene pool.

[Tuber Mirum 125]

Hmm. Here in the land of beer and sausages that accident would have definitely been the driver's fault.

You have to out for cyclists when turning right.

 

Thinks: Wait a minute, they drive on the left over there don't they?

 

Stupid bastard cyclist.

[To die for 3]

I may have mentioned before how all cyclists are twats. This morning my view was confirmed, as, in my driver's side wing mirror, I watched one hurtle up the outside of the queue of traffic I was in, directly into the path of the vehicle behind me, which was turning right. Suffice to say, I laughed my tits off, I could see what was going to happen before it happened, and, although the driver should have looked in her mirror, she was clearly indicating right, and so in my view the cyclist got what he deserved by 1) not taking any notice of her indication, 2) overtaking near a junction and 3) being a cyclist. He went f*****g flying! He was OK, got up, handed the driver her wing mirror back and went on his merry way. Knob. He was even wearing those stupid lycra shorts, I bet his legs sting I will be looking out for him tomorrow morning, to see if I can have second dibs on taking him out of the gene pool.

There was also an advert on TV showing a motorbike doing something very similar, the "Now you see him, now you don't" one. I thought at the time, how is that the car driver's fault?

 

Then you see the stupid bastards making their own lane down the white lines on the motorway to undertake the cars in the outside lane.

 

No wonder motorcycists make up a good proportion of the roadkill.

[Geronimo 3]

I may have mentioned before how all cyclists are twats. This morning my view was confirmed, as, in my driver's side wing mirror, I watched one hurtle up the outside of the queue of traffic I was in, directly into the path of the vehicle behind me, which was turning right. Suffice to say, I laughed my tits off, I could see what was going to happen before it happened, and, although the driver should have looked in her mirror, she was clearly indicating right, and so in my view the cyclist got what he deserved by 1) not taking any notice of her indication, 2) overtaking near a junction and 3) being a cyclist. He went f*****g flying! He was OK, got up, handed the driver her wing mirror back and went on his merry way. Knob. He was even wearing those stupid lycra shorts, I bet his legs sting I will be looking out for him tomorrow morning, to see if I can have second dibs on taking him out of the gene pool.

There was also an advert on TV showing a motorbike doing something very similar, the "Now you see him, now you don't" one. I thought at the time, how is that the car driver's fault?

 

Then you see the stupid bastards making their own lane down the white lines on the motorway to undertake the cars in the outside lane.

 

No wonder motorcycists make up a good proportion of the roadkill.

 

 

If it's possible to overtake on the inside a car in the outside overtaking lane of the motorway that car shouldn't be there. All too often, however, there is some arsehole hogging an overtaking lane when they should have come in. I don't think the police mind because it slows down all the traffic and they like that. But people who flout lane discipline should be blasted off the face of the Earth reprimanded.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,220]

I may have mentioned before how all cyclists are twats. This morning my view was confirmed, as, in my driver's side wing mirror, I watched one hurtle up the outside of the queue of traffic I was in, directly into the path of the vehicle behind me, which was turning right. Suffice to say, I laughed my tits off, I could see what was going to happen before it happened, and, although the driver should have looked in her mirror, she was clearly indicating right, and so in my view the cyclist got what he deserved by 1) not taking any notice of her indication, 2) overtaking near a junction and 3) being a cyclist. He went f*****g flying! He was OK, got up, handed the driver her wing mirror back and went on his merry way. Knob. He was even wearing those stupid lycra shorts, I bet his legs sting I will be looking out for him tomorrow morning, to see if I can have second dibs on taking him out of the gene pool.

There was also an advert on TV showing a motorbike doing something very similar, the "Now you see him, now you don't" one. I thought at the time, how is that the car driver's fault?

 

Then you see the stupid bastards making their own lane down the white lines on the motorway to undertake the cars in the outside lane.

 

No wonder motorcycists make up a good proportion of the roadkill.

 

 

If it's possible to overtake on the inside a car in the outside overtaking lane of the motorway that car shouldn't be there. All too often, however, there is some arsehole hogging an overtaking lane when they should have come in. I don't think the police mind because it slows down all the traffic and they like that. But people who flout lane discipline should be blasted off the face of the Earth reprimanded.

Much worse than that are the flange prodders who, with absolutely no spatial awareness nor concept of speed decide to pull out of their lane to overtake just as you are within metres of them.

Despite the fact that they very nearly end up having your front bumper embedded into the back of their thick, twattish heads, they are utterly oblivious to everything around them because, naturally, they are the only f***kers on the road.

Utter tosspots, the lot of them.

[Monoclinic 39]

Obstreperous students.

 

Luckily for me vengeance is a dish best served cold and I have a cunning plan

[Lard Bazaar 3,800]

Weddings.

 

Cons -

 

1. I have to spend billions of pounds on an outfit that will never see the light of day again - why can't I just wear jeans and trainers? Nobody's going to be looking at me, after all, all eyes will be on the dumb suckers signing their entire lives away blushing bride and groom.

 

2. I have to try and think of something to buy as a present, and I DON'T EVEN KNOW THE PEOPLE GETTING MARRIED, I've only met them once.

 

3. It's in a town about 7 miles away, so I have to spend billions of pounds on a taxi home.

 

4. It will probably rain.

 

5. I have to spend at least 8 hours in a pair of uncomfortable shoes.

 

6. I have to spend at least 8 hours being sociable and polite.

 

7. I have to spend the evening hours deflecting dumbass pissed-up middle-aged women saying 'come on, get up and have a dance' - HOW DOES f**k OFF AND LEAVE ME TO GET PISSED IN PEACE GRAB YOU?

 

Pros -

 

1. I have to spend at least 8 hours getting pissed.

 

 

I hate people.

[Toast 16,156]

I feel exactly the same about weddings. Just decline the invitation, that's what I do. You can still get pissed at home.

[Lard Bazaar 3,800]

I feel exactly the same about weddings. Just decline the invitation, that's what I do. You can still get pissed at home.

 

Hmm, I can't really decline, I've been invited as someone's guest so I'd feel a bit rude. Besides, I think the bar is free, so I'm f**ked if I'm missing out on that.

[Monoclinic 39]

I feel exactly the same about weddings. Just decline the invitation, that's what I do. You can still get pissed at home.

 

Hmm, I can't really decline, I've been invited as someone's guest so I'd feel a bit rude. Besides, I think the bar is free, so I'm f**ked if I'm missing out on that.

 

Isn't that a false economy though considering pressie, taxi and outfit as mentioned above? You'd also avoid not only people, esp. middle aged women but also the "mobile" DJ with his greatest collection of all that was wrong about the 80s.

 

Talking of which I think they and their multi-coloured lights truly deserve to go in here. My friend (and of course other half) selected a playlist of tunes that they and of course we all liked yet the DJ decided he knew best and played his greatest collection of all that was wrong about the 80s. Barely anyone danced yet he obviously had the IQ of a newt and didn't realise why he'd been given a play list of music in the first place. He kept giving shout outs to get people up and dancing but didn't change the records. Dick. Or perhaps half the guests were at fault for being music snobs and not feeling that Kajagoogoo vibe or summat.

 

I must say the best weddings I've been to have had either a band playing or a ceilidh (or whatever). There's nothing like seeing your grown up male friends dancing the gay gordon with each other, whilst your in possession of the camera of course. Or seeing the French do rock and roll to a Beatles medley.

[Lard Bazaar 3,800]

I feel exactly the same about weddings. Just decline the invitation, that's what I do. You can still get pissed at home.

 

Hmm, I can't really decline, I've been invited as someone's guest so I'd feel a bit rude. Besides, I think the bar is free, so I'm f**ked if I'm missing out on that.

 

Isn't that a false economy though considering pressie, taxi and outfit as mentioned above? You'd also avoid not only people, esp. middle aged women but also the "mobile" DJ with his greatest collection of all that was wrong about the 80s.

 

Talking of which I think they and their multi-coloured lights truly deserve to go in here. My friend (and of course other half) selected a playlist of tunes that they and of course we all liked yet the DJ decided he knew best and played his greatest collection of all that was wrong about the 80s. Barely anyone danced yet he obviously had the IQ of a newt and didn't realise why he'd been given a play list of music in the first place. He kept giving shout outs to get people up and dancing but didn't change the records. Dick. Or perhaps half the guests were at fault for being music snobs and not feeling that Kajagoogoo vibe or summat.

 

I must say the best weddings I've been to have had either a band playing or a ceilidh (or whatever). There's nothing like seeing your grown up male friends dancing the gay gordon with each other, whilst your in possession of the camera of course. Or seeing the French do rock and roll to a Beatles medley.

 

You're probably right, it is a false economy. But all I'm hearing is 'free beer'.

 

The best wedding I went to was my friend Kath's, she had a barn dance, it was ace, apart from the fact that rather too many times I ended up having to dance with the token smelly eccentric old uncle. I think Kath may have fixed it that way.

 

I'm hoping that this wedding will be a bit better than most, because the bridegroom's dad is a millionaire, so at the very least I am expecting live sets from Robbie Williams, The Beatles and Elvis Presley. If it turns out to be Pedro the Mobile Disco who has a monthly residency at the Warminster Wessex Social Club, I'll be well pissed off.

[Guest Guest]

As if things were not bad enough.

[Monoclinic 39]

Anderlecht v Standard Liege Champions League play off.

 

If this forum had a sound recording device you'd understand. Seeing as today was a bank holiday and most take tomorrow off too, I'm not sure they're going to wear their horns out any time soon. Asshats.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,220]

Anderlecht v Standard Liege Champions League play off.

 

If this forum had a sound recording device you'd understand. Seeing as today was a bank holiday and most take tomorrow off too, I'm not sure they're going to wear their horns out any time soon. Asshats.

Whats the World coming to?

In my day the average football supporter wouldnt dream of attending any match until they had visited the local brothel.

Consequently, there were very few of them who hadnt worn their horns out by kick off.

[Windsor 2,233]

The gay minister debate.

 

I have lost miserably against the religious folk of Fraserburgh. I recieved a chain email from the local minister against the appointment, so I replied to it. I have apparently caused some offence along the chain, which ended with an email battle with the minister.

 

Now I have to decide whether or not to respond to the letters column of the Fraserburgh Herald. One man put in a letter full of 'facts' this week. It started about the said minister who "divorced his wife and abandoned his child in favour of an adulterous male partnership". The ex-wife's account of the marriage break-up does not correspond with this. The writer then moves on to science using dubious references to say that it is 'fact' that the 'gay gene theory' has been dismissed, and fact that sexual orientation has no biological basis. Not that I am an expert in this matter...but don't scientists and scholars still debate this stuff? Isn't the jury still out? (His references were given as (Science and Nature et al 21st C) and (Endocrinology et al 21st C). As far as I can see these are not specific academic papers, but journal (not article) titles?). After going on about science, he then turns to theology. Science and God working together...

 

I probably won't write in - it is not worth the hassle (hence why I vent my rage here (I'm also in enough excrament as it is)).

 

Windsor