Room 101

[Lard Bazaar 3,803]

Being single when fat, ugly munts of folk seem to be getting along blissfully.

 

 

 

 

My god...I now have my own theme tune...

 

I know a 'lady' up your way that would probably be more than happy to shag you.

[Six 23]

 

 

Now, really, Notapotato, you should have added some kind of warning about the content of that link. I'm still shuddering after the initial shock. As this is Room 101, I suggest that the clip in question remain here and never be spoken of again. Would it help if I said please? " Please! "

 

Also, I nominate George Formby for Room 101 as I really, really don't like him at all. : )

[Godot 149]

Inconsiderate twats on aeroplanes who recline their seats just because they can.

[honez 79]

Inconsiderate twats on aeroplanes who recline their seats just because they can.

Yep, totally agree Godot. The Eurostar train has a much better arrangement, in that if you wish to recline, then your own seat part slides forward and the "back" portion remains fixed, so you can recline without affecting the poor sod behind you. Much better all round -- if *you* wish to alter *your* seating, then that's what you do, without impinging on someone else.

Rail 1 Planes 0.

[To die for 3]

Inconsiderate twats on aeroplanes who recline their seats just because they can.

Yep, totally agree Godot. The Eurostar train has a much better arrangement, in that if you wish to recline, then your own seat part slides forward and the "back" portion remains fixed, so you can recline without affecting the poor sod behind you. Much better all round -- if *you* wish to alter *your* seating, then that's what you do, without impinging on someone else.

Rail 1 Planes 0.

But have you noticed that all the "Whistle Stop" shops are disappearing from stations, unless you plan ahead, the only option is a warm can of beer at £4 from the elusive trolley.

I suppose at least you can still drink the beer you brought with you on the train.

 

2-0 to rail.

[Monoclinic 39]

Inconsiderate twats on aeroplanes who recline their seats just because they can.

Yep, totally agree Godot. The Eurostar train has a much better arrangement, in that if you wish to recline, then your own seat part slides forward and the "back" portion remains fixed, so you can recline without affecting the poor sod behind you. Much better all round -- if *you* wish to alter *your* seating, then that's what you do, without impinging on someone else.

Rail 1 Planes 0.

But have you noticed that all the "Whistle Stop" shops are disappearing from stations, unless you plan ahead, the only option is a warm can of beer at £4 from the elusive trolley.

I suppose at least you can still drink the beer you brought with you on the train.

 

2-0 to rail.

 

Gare du Midi station you can buy an own brand 500 mL bottle of water for 34 cents if I remember correctly which as you quite rightly point out you can take on board with out getting frisked to the rectal probe degree.

 

There's always one Johnny terrorist that has to spoil it for the rest of us. IMHO I think we should be allowed to take water through airport security if we drink a bit as proof. It's just wrong that they are allowed to rape us of excessive amounts of Euros once we're through to te other side. I reckon the liquid bombers was in fact a Ryanair tip off to make more of us buy their bloody baggies.

[To die for 3]

Inconsiderate twats on aeroplanes who recline their seats just because they can.

Yep, totally agree Godot. The Eurostar train has a much better arrangement, in that if you wish to recline, then your own seat part slides forward and the "back" portion remains fixed, so you can recline without affecting the poor sod behind you. Much better all round -- if *you* wish to alter *your* seating, then that's what you do, without impinging on someone else.

Rail 1 Planes 0.

But have you noticed that all the "Whistle Stop" shops are disappearing from stations, unless you plan ahead, the only option is a warm can of beer at £4 from the elusive trolley.

I suppose at least you can still drink the beer you brought with you on the train.

 

2-0 to rail.

 

Gare du Midi station you can buy an own brand 500 mL bottle of water for 34 cents if I remember correctly which as you quite rightly point out you can take on board with out getting frisked to the rectal probe degree.

 

There's always one Johnny terrorist that has to spoil it for the rest of us. IMHO I think we should be allowed to take water through airport security if we drink a bit as proof. It's just wrong that they are allowed to rape us of excessive amounts of Euros once we're through to te other side. I reckon the liquid bombers was in fact a Ryanair tip off to make more of us buy their bloody baggies.

That's a good point, why the f'uck does putting liquids in a re-sealable bag make them secure?

[harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,708]

People who put photos of you on facebook (or any other of those dumb billy-no-mates wonderful social networking interaction sites) without asking. Make that people who take photos, full stop. I think I dislike the parasitical paparazzi even more than the slebscum they feed off.

 

I wish we could go back to 1800, so I could die of TB in my Hampstead garret, a tortured artist taken tragically before my time.

[thefunkyfaz 51]

People who put photos of you on facebook (or any other of those dumb billy-no-mates wonderful social networking interaction sites) without asking. Make that people who take photos, full stop.

 

I wish we could go back to 1800, so I could die of TB in my Hampstead garret, a tortured artist taken tragically before my time.

 

I wish we could go back to December 1799, so I could use that knowledge to my advantage and put you on my shortlist for the year 1800. Even if you're not famous.

[Monoclinic 39]

Sorry, bad choice of vocab there. Baggies are the names of their spirits as they come (yes you guessed it) in a bag. So you too can look like a complete chav pikey whilst been robbed blind for the price of a mouthful of paint stripper. I believe they're permanently on BOGOF to boot.

 

However yes, the resealable bag is about as useful as a wet teatowel. (I've even had to swap from the clear plastic bag you buy fruit and veg in at the supermarket for one of the 1L resealable ones. The more plastic we use the less petrochemicals remain, feck the environment eh?)

 

I wonder when they'll realise that the litre bottles of spirits and also the perfumes in duty free pose a big flammable hazard as well as a source of broken glass?

[One shot Paddy 1,209]

The perfume can also be sprayed in someone's eyes.

[honez 79]

The perfume can also be sprayed in someone's eyes.

It's more annoying as an ionised cloud that follows the offender around that, at the usual saturation levels some women insist on, burns any exposed mucus membranes.

(For me that means nose and eyes, for other members of the DL community, it might mean other bits as well.)

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,226]

People picking their noses while driving.

Cnut buckets who, with a whole car park to choose from, decide to park right next to you.

Oh, the other thing that pulls on my knackers are the "anonymous" users of the forum.

I know that one member has no idea why they keep showing up as an anonymous user when they log on and Im also aware that one member is so far up their own a'rsehole they actually believe that everbody gives a sh*t whether they are here or not ( no the fan mail isnt pending arsewipe ) but what possible excuse does anybody else have?

Who cares if you are here or not?

Sign in like everbody else!

PS: If it turns out to be a glitch of the site, I will take it all back ( well most of it)

[Lard Bazaar 3,803]

People picking their noses while driving.

Cnut buckets who, with a whole car park to choose from, decide to park right next to you.

Oh, the other thing that pulls on my knackers are the "anonymous" users of the forum.

I know that one member has no idea why they keep showing up as an anonymous user when they log on and Im also aware that one member is so far up their own a'rsehole they actually believe that everbody gives a sh*t whether they are here or not ( no the fan mail isnt pending arsewipe ) but what possible excuse does anybody else have?

Who cares if you are here or not?

Sign in like everbody else!

PS: If it turns out to be a glitch of the site, I will take it all back ( well most of it)

 

Blimey! Who's pulled your pubes?

 

I don't show up sometimes when I'm signed in, and I don't know why either, I've obviously pressed some techno-button somewhere.

 

And I pick my nose. But not when I'm driving, that would be disgusting. I do it on the bus, when someone else is driving.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,226]

People picking their noses while driving.

Cnut buckets who, with a whole car park to choose from, decide to park right next to you.

Oh, the other thing that pulls on my knackers are the "anonymous" users of the forum.

I know that one member has no idea why they keep showing up as an anonymous user when they log on and Im also aware that one member is so far up their own a'rsehole they actually believe that everbody gives a sh*t whether they are here or not ( no the fan mail isnt pending arsewipe ) but what possible excuse does anybody else have?

Who cares if you are here or not?

Sign in like everbody else!

PS: If it turns out to be a glitch of the site, I will take it all back ( well most of it)

 

Blimey! Who's pulled your pubes?

 

I don't show up sometimes when I'm signed in, and I don't know why either, I've obviously pressed some techno-button somewhere.

 

And I pick my nose. But not when I'm driving, that would be disgusting. I do it on the bus, when someone else is driving.

I know you dont show up, you told me that yonks ago ( you were the person I was refering to )

Some dont show up on purpose tho, cant think why....

Nose picking is yuk, while driving its double yuk.

You, use a bus?

Now thats a big f'uck off lie!!!

[Lard Bazaar 3,803]

People picking their noses while driving.

Cnut buckets who, with a whole car park to choose from, decide to park right next to you.

Oh, the other thing that pulls on my knackers are the "anonymous" users of the forum.

I know that one member has no idea why they keep showing up as an anonymous user when they log on and Im also aware that one member is so far up their own a'rsehole they actually believe that everbody gives a sh*t whether they are here or not ( no the fan mail isnt pending arsewipe ) but what possible excuse does anybody else have?

Who cares if you are here or not?

Sign in like everbody else!

PS: If it turns out to be a glitch of the site, I will take it all back ( well most of it)

 

Blimey! Who's pulled your pubes?

 

I don't show up sometimes when I'm signed in, and I don't know why either, I've obviously pressed some techno-button somewhere.

 

And I pick my nose. But not when I'm driving, that would be disgusting. I do it on the bus, when someone else is driving.

I know you dont show up, you told me that yonks ago ( you were the person I was refering to )

Some dont show up on purpose tho, cant think why....

Nose picking is yuk, while driving its double yuk.

You, use a bus?

Now thats a big f'uck off lie!!!

 

What's so unbelievable about me getting on a bus? You don't think I'd ever WALK anywhere do you? Now that WOULD be unbelievable. I do have an aversion to bus drivers though, simply because F'uckwit Father Number One was a school bus driver, and he used to shag all the teenage girls on his bus. Brought a new meaning to the phrase 'hop on hop off'. He certainly did.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,226]

People picking their noses while driving.

Cnut buckets who, with a whole car park to choose from, decide to park right next to you.

Oh, the other thing that pulls on my knackers are the "anonymous" users of the forum.

I know that one member has no idea why they keep showing up as an anonymous user when they log on and Im also aware that one member is so far up their own a'rsehole they actually believe that everbody gives a sh*t whether they are here or not ( no the fan mail isnt pending arsewipe ) but what possible excuse does anybody else have?

Who cares if you are here or not?

Sign in like everbody else!

PS: If it turns out to be a glitch of the site, I will take it all back ( well most of it)

 

Blimey! Who's pulled your pubes?

 

I don't show up sometimes when I'm signed in, and I don't know why either, I've obviously pressed some techno-button somewhere.

 

And I pick my nose. But not when I'm driving, that would be disgusting. I do it on the bus, when someone else is driving.

I know you dont show up, you told me that yonks ago ( you were the person I was refering to )

Some dont show up on purpose tho, cant think why....

Nose picking is yuk, while driving its double yuk.

You, use a bus?

Now thats a big f'uck off lie!!!

 

What's so unbelievable about me getting on a bus? You don't think I'd ever WALK anywhere do you? Now that WOULD be unbelievable. I do have an aversion to bus drivers though, simply because F'uckwit Father Number One was a school bus driver, and he used to shag all the teenage girls on his bus. Brought a new meaning to the phrase 'hop on hop off'. He certainly did.

I really dont think that is answerable.

Its a bit like being a goalkeeper and facing the most unsavable shot in Football history

[VSBfromH 74]

Those 118 blokes are so f@$&ing hilarious aren't they?

[honez 79]

People who put photos of you on facebook (or any other of those dumb billy-no-mates wonderful social networking interaction sites) without asking. Make that people who take photos, full stop. I think I dislike the parasitical paparazzi even more than the slebscum they feed off.

Blimey, I'd never had picked you as an MI-6 man, HMBWA. You never can tell these days. I mean, I know there's a few ex-KGB staffers in the Mod team, and Mossad regularly troll the Irate Vistor thread, but MI-6? Who'da thunk it.

[Lard Bazaar 3,803]

Hay fever. I am fed up with SNOT. I am full of snot all winter with colds, and full of snot all summer with hay fever. My eyes look like red pissholes in the snow, itch like a bitch, my nose is constantly flakey because I'm too tight to buy those moisturised tissues, I can't blow my nose with any real conviction as any exertion on my had-two-kids body results in me pissing my pants, and every time I sniff someone shouts out 'I hate that duck'.

 

And if anyone says 'ah, just stick a bit of Vaseline up your nose', I will come round and rip their scrotal sack clean from their body.

[CarolAnn 926]

Hay fever. I am fed up with SNOT. I am full of snot all winter with colds, and full of snot all summer with hay fever. My eyes look like red pissholes in the snow, itch like a bitch, my nose is constantly flakey because I'm too tight to buy those moisturised tissues, I can't blow my nose with any real conviction as any exertion on my had-two-kids body results in me pissing my pants, and every time I sniff someone shouts out 'I hate that duck'.

 

And if anyone says 'ah, just stick a bit of Vaseline up your nose', I will come round and rip their scrotal sack clean from their body.

 

Vaseline? S'hit. Prescription anti-histamine/decongestants are the only way to go for allergies. Take it from one living in allergy capital North Central Pollution Infested Texas.

[Monoclinic 39]

And if anyone says 'ah, just stick a bit of Vaseline up your nose', I will come round and rip their scrotal sack clean from their body.

 

Perhaps you could go on holiday somewhere less polleny. What's the pollen count like in Fraserburgh? I don't think we've sent Scotland the blueprints for photosynthesis yet, they're still figuring out the ones for the wheel and fire we sent them last year. Some student is working on them in Aberdeen but apparently the funds have run out and he's waiting for a wire from Norwich.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,226]

And if anyone says 'ah, just stick a bit of Vaseline up your nose', I will come round and rip their scrotal sack clean from their body.

 

Perhaps you could go on holiday somewhere less polleny. What's the pollen count like in Fraserburgh? I don't think we've sent Scotland the blueprints for photosynthesis yet, they're still figuring out the ones for the wheel and fire we sent them last year. Some student is working on them in Aberdeen but apparently the funds have run out and he's waiting for a wire from Norwich.

Im actually 40 odd miles from Norwich..........which is handy because I deffo wont be getting any begging letters from him.

Have they figured out how to write yet?

[Lard Bazaar 3,803]

And if anyone says 'ah, just stick a bit of Vaseline up your nose', I will come round and rip their scrotal sack clean from their body.

 

Perhaps you could go on holiday somewhere less polleny. What's the pollen count like in Fraserburgh? I don't think we've sent Scotland the blueprints for photosynthesis yet, they're still figuring out the ones for the wheel and fire we sent them last year. Some student is working on them in Aberdeen but apparently the funds have run out and he's waiting for a wire from Norwich.

 

 

Low probably. However the slaggy-tramp-of-a-mother-who'll-shag-anyone-for-a-can-of-special-brew count is one too high.

[Lard Bazaar 3,803]

Tesco. Specifically their parking cameras.

 

I've just had a letter accusing me of parking in their car park for 23 hours over last Thursday/Friday, which is of course utterly ridiculous. I will be subject to their parking charges if I do it again, apparently, because it's selfish to other customers. I spend a f'ucking small fortune in there every week, cheeky b'astards. Needless to say I phoned them up, and their oh-so-great camera technology had clocked me going in, but not going out again. I soon put the operator straight on that one, and he apologised sheepishly upon checking his camera footage. This is the same branch of Tesco that also threatened a fine to a disabled couple because they took longer than three hours to do their shopping, which included them having a meal in the cafe. Bunch of f'ucking idiots. Their car park looks like it was designed by Stevie Wonder on crack as well. Conflicting bloody arrows everywhere, and at one point if you obey the No Entry signs you actually just go round and round in a circle. And it's full of Mexicans asking if I want my car washed. NO I F'UCKING DON'T, I didn't want it washed yesterday when you asked me, and I still don't want it washed today, now F'UCK OFF and find me a little trolley, there's never enough LITTLE trolleys. And they don't even sell hairbrushes. W'ankers.