Room 101

[Windsor 2,233]

Thanks to modern technology, I'm speaking to you this morning from my Stagecoach bus.

 

Just thought I'd pop in to say that their Wi-fi service is shite. It takes about 5 minutes to load any webpage. I was hoping to do some work, but have been forced to give up. Instead, I decided to focus my efforts on becoming a moaning bastard on here.

 

Anyway, must go as we are approaching Ellon. Some fat shite will probably sit beside me restricting my elbow space thus making it impossible to type without looking any more like a knob.

[Guest Statto]

Thanks to modern technology, I'm speaking to you this morning from my Stagecoach bus.

 

Just thought I'd pop in to say that their Wi-fi service is shite. It takes about 5 minutes to load any webpage. I was hoping to do some work, but have been forced to give up. Instead, I decided to focus my efforts on becoming a moaning bastard on here.

 

Anyway, must go as we are approaching Ellon. Some fat shite will probably sit beside me restricting my elbow space thus making it impossible to type without looking any more like a knob.

A fitting post with which to set the record for the longest thread on the deathlist, moving past the previous champion.

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

I hate lazy fuckers.

 

My section at work had seven people. One left last week, so that leaves six. Due to unavoidable family issues, two are on leave this week and next week, so that leaves four. One is off sick this week and probably next, so that leaves three. Three people doing the work of seven. As of Monday, our workload is going to double because of the disbanding of another section.

 

Now, out of those three people, one recently had a close family bereavement, so understandably is whizzing off to blub in the bogs every five minutes. One is me. And the third is the laziest bitch I have ever had the misfortune to work with.

 

Yesterday we had to stagger our lunch break, because we are a phone based service so have to make sure the phones are answered. So what did lazy bitch do? She waited until the other girl was on lunch, and then decided to stand on the other side of the office waffling to someone about her recent bloody holiday for TWENTY FUCKING MINUTES, while I sat over run with phone calls. Then, when she lowered herself to sit at her desk and pretend to work, she was actually on hotmail and buying fucking dresses. When I had the damn cheek to take a TEN MINUTE LUNCH BREAK, she had the brass balls to sit their huffing and puffing about how much work she had to do.

 

Some people really piss me off.

[Windsor 2,233]

I hate lazy fuckers.

 

As a student, I resent that.

[Terminator 13]

I hate lazy fuckers.

 

My section at work had seven people. One left last week, so that leaves six. Due to unavoidable family issues, two are on leave this week and next week, so that leaves four. One is off sick this week and probably next, so that leaves three. Three people doing the work of seven. As of Monday, our workload is going to double because of the disbanding of another section.

 

Now, out of those three people, one recently had a close family bereavement, so understandably is whizzing off to blub in the bogs every five minutes. One is me. And the third is the laziest bitch I have ever had the misfortune to work with.

 

Yesterday we had to stagger our lunch break, because we are a phone based service so have to make sure the phones are answered. So what did lazy bitch do? She waited until the other girl was on lunch, and then decided to stand on the other side of the office waffling to someone about her recent bloody holiday for TWENTY FUCKING MINUTES, while I sat over run with phone calls. Then, when she lowered herself to sit at her desk and pretend to work, she was actually on hotmail and buying fucking dresses. When I had the damn cheek to take a TEN MINUTE LUNCH BREAK, she had the brass balls to sit their huffing and puffing about how much work she had to do.

 

Some people really piss me off.

 

It's hard enough to live with ONE woman....working with a gaggle of 'em sounds like hell on earth.

 

If your boss is a woman, have you tried complaining of feeling sympathy menstrual pains that your partner is going through? You could end up with a few days off every full moon.

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

I hate lazy fuckers.

 

My section at work had seven people. One left last week, so that leaves six. Due to unavoidable family issues, two are on leave this week and next week, so that leaves four. One is off sick this week and probably next, so that leaves three. Three people doing the work of seven. As of Monday, our workload is going to double because of the disbanding of another section.

 

Now, out of those three people, one recently had a close family bereavement, so understandably is whizzing off to blub in the bogs every five minutes. One is me. And the third is the laziest bitch I have ever had the misfortune to work with.

 

Yesterday we had to stagger our lunch break, because we are a phone based service so have to make sure the phones are answered. So what did lazy bitch do? She waited until the other girl was on lunch, and then decided to stand on the other side of the office waffling to someone about her recent bloody holiday for TWENTY FUCKING MINUTES, while I sat over run with phone calls. Then, when she lowered herself to sit at her desk and pretend to work, she was actually on hotmail and buying fucking dresses. When I had the damn cheek to take a TEN MINUTE LUNCH BREAK, she had the brass balls to sit their huffing and puffing about how much work she had to do.

 

Some people really piss me off.

 

It's hard enough to live with ONE woman....working with a gaggle of 'em sounds like hell on earth.

 

If your boss is a woman, have you tried complaining of feeling sympathy menstrual pains that your partner is going through? You could end up with a few days off every full moon.

 

My 'partner' doesn't have menstrual pains, because he is a boy.

 

A gaggle is right - there are now 6 in my section, but we are in an open plan office with about 45 women and two men. Both of whom are the boss. One of which is part time, and the other is a useless twat.

[Magere Hein 1,400]

My 'partner' doesn't have menstrual pains, because he is a boy.

That's no excuse, is it?

 

A gaggle is right - there are now 6 in my section, but we are in an open plan office with about 45 women and two men. Both of whom are the boss. One of which is part time, and the other is a useless twat.

I always thought that being a twat was a full-time occupation.

 

regards,

Hein

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

My 'partner' doesn't have menstrual pains, because he is a boy.

That's no excuse, is it?

 

A gaggle is right - there are now 6 in my section, but we are in an open plan office with about 45 women and two men. Both of whom are the boss. One of which is part time, and the other is a useless twat.

I always thought that being a twat was a full-time occupation.

 

regards,

Hein

 

 

The twat is full time. Both as a boss and a twat.

[Handrejka 1,903]

I hate lazy fuckers.

 

My section at work had seven people. One left last week, so that leaves six. Due to unavoidable family issues, two are on leave this week and next week, so that leaves four. One is off sick this week and probably next, so that leaves three. Three people doing the work of seven. As of Monday, our workload is going to double because of the disbanding of another section.

 

Now, out of those three people, one recently had a close family bereavement, so understandably is whizzing off to blub in the bogs every five minutes. One is me. And the third is the laziest bitch I have ever had the misfortune to work with.

 

Yesterday we had to stagger our lunch break, because we are a phone based service so have to make sure the phones are answered. So what did lazy bitch do? She waited until the other girl was on lunch, and then decided to stand on the other side of the office waffling to someone about her recent bloody holiday for TWENTY FUCKING MINUTES, while I sat over run with phone calls. Then, when she lowered herself to sit at her desk and pretend to work, she was actually on hotmail and buying fucking dresses. When I had the damn cheek to take a TEN MINUTE LUNCH BREAK, she had the brass balls to sit their huffing and puffing about how much work she had to do.

 

Some people really piss me off.

 

I can sympathise. We've got two people like that in our department and the annoying thing is they always manage to make themselves look busy whenever management are around.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

Why not just tell them that they are lazy bastards!!

Am I being too simplistic here?

[Handrejka 1,903]

Why not just tell them that they are lazy bastards!!

Am I being too simplistic here?

 

Because one of them is nicknamed Norman Bates and the other is the daughter of someone in management. Actually, Norman Bates was suspended from duties for a while and everyone knows Miss Management is a lazy cow, but we are so short staffed and it saves on training as they do at least know what they're doing even if they do only put the minimum of effort in.

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

Why not just tell them that they are lazy bastards!!

Am I being too simplistic here?

 

Because contrary to popular belief, and despite my avatar, I don't have the balls and I don't like confrontation

[Lady Grendel 139]

While we are on the subject of workplace whinges can I add colleagues that drive like maniacs. We had a 'team building' day out yesterday in Eyemouth and, as I don't drive, one of my colleagues gave me a lift there. I'm not a great passenger as I've had a bad car accident and can be nervous in cars, most people I know take this into account when I'm in their cars and keep within the speed limit and drive carefully, I'm fine with that. It takes an hour and 10 minutes to drive from Kelso to Eyemouth, but not with my colleague driving, we made it there in 35 minutes on a road that is notorious for accidents, it's full of sharp turns and zig-zag bends, not only that, he drove up the middle of the f*cking road with lorries and cars coming the other way. If my hair wasn't dyed I'm pretty sure it would have turned white. Fortunately he was not bringing me home.

 

I did get the last laugh though, on his way back down the road yesterday afternoon the tosser got caught speeding by a police speed camera check unit .

[CarolAnn 926]

While we are on the subject of workplace whinges can I add colleagues that drive like maniacs. We had a 'team building' day out yesterday in Eyemouth and, as I don't drive, one of my colleagues gave me a lift there. I'm not a great passenger as I've had a bad car accident and can be nervous in cars, most people I know take this into account when I'm in their cars and keep within the speed limit and drive carefully, I'm fine with that. It takes an hour and 10 minutes to drive from Kelso to Eyemouth, but not with my colleague driving, we made it there in 35 minutes on a road that is notorious for accidents, it's full of sharp turns and zig-zag bends, not only that, he drove up the middle of the f*cking road with lorries and cars coming the other way. If my hair wasn't dyed I'm pretty sure it would have turned white. Fortunately he was not bringing me home.

 

I did get the last laugh though, on his way back down the road yesterday afternoon the tosser got caught speeding by a police speed camera check unit .

 

Remind me that if I come out there we have to walk everywhere - not only would I be driving on the wrong side of the road for me it can also be argued that I have a bit of a leadfoot.

 

OK, a lot of a leadfoot.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

While we are on the subject of workplace whinges can I add colleagues that drive like maniacs. We had a 'team building' day out yesterday in Eyemouth and, as I don't drive, one of my colleagues gave me a lift there. I'm not a great passenger as I've had a bad car accident and can be nervous in cars, most people I know take this into account when I'm in their cars and keep within the speed limit and drive carefully, I'm fine with that. It takes an hour and 10 minutes to drive from Kelso to Eyemouth, but not with my colleague driving, we made it there in 35 minutes on a road that is notorious for accidents, it's full of sharp turns and zig-zag bends, not only that, he drove up the middle of the f*cking road with lorries and cars coming the other way. If my hair wasn't dyed I'm pretty sure it would have turned white. Fortunately he was not bringing me home.

 

I did get the last laugh though, on his way back down the road yesterday afternoon the tosser got caught speeding by a police speed camera check unit .

 

Remind me that if I come out there we have to walk everywhere - not only would I be driving on the wrong side of the road for me it can also be argued that I have a bit of a leadfoot.

 

OK, a lot of a leadfoot.

Living in a part of the Country that is in close contact with a couple of "Mini USAs", those being RAF Feltwell and the USAF base at Mildenhall ( been on them both loads of times and its like you need a passport to be there) I can confidently say to you, CA, it wont be a lead foot that will be your undoing, if you ever drive in this Country, it will be your inability to go around corners.

The vast majority of Americans who crash over here, will do so because they discover, way too late, that their steering wheel can be used to negotiate bends in the road. By the time they work that small detail out they are, generally trying to climb out of their cars which have been slammed into the nearest dyke ( thats one of them water drainage things that criss cross the fields of agriculture on our fens and not a cucumber packer ) normally face down or on its side.

You will find that you will be very much at home over here if you are lead footed, our average Motorway speed is probably 90ish and you are merely a pedestrian if you are doing 70MPH, the national speed limit.

So, CA, come on over, remember to go around corners and you will be fine!!

[Windsor 2,233]

FUCKING ALEX SALMOND AND HIS REFERENDUM WHITE PAPER.

 

Just listen to the smugness oozing from his fat gob. It will never get enough support in this Parliament, and he will be chucked out in the next so he is wasting his time.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,218]

FUCKING ALEX SALMOND AND HIS REFERENDUM WHITE PAPER.

 

Just listen to the smugness oozing from his fat gob. It will never get enough support in this Parliament, and he will be chucked out in the next so he is wasting his time.

Best idea he has had in ages.

Alex, oooooh my hero!!

[Windsor 2,233]

FUCKING ALEX SALMOND AND HIS REFERENDUM WHITE PAPER.

 

Just listen to the smugness oozing from his fat gob. It will never get enough support in this Parliament, and he will be chucked out in the next so he is wasting his time.

Best idea he has had in ages.

Alex, oooooh my hero!!

 

Probably the best idea since he decided not to contest his constituency at the next general election. For the first time in my life, Alex Salmond will not be my MP.

Any

[Josco 49]

FUCKING ALEX SALMOND AND HIS REFERENDUM WHITE PAPER.

 

Just listen to the smugness oozing from his fat gob. It will never get enough support in this Parliament, and he will be chucked out in the next so he is wasting his time.

Best idea he has had in ages.

Alex, oooooh my hero!!

 

Probably the best idea since he decided not to contest his constituency at the next general election. For the first time in my life, Alex Salmond will not be my MP.

Any

Any..... What were you going to say?

 

Any way, Alex's referendum will not work. There are limited options for Scotland's independence, the fiscal lights are going out around the world and small countries will suffer most. However, GB's fiscal outlook is the bleakest of the lot so perhaps Scotland should align with Norway (or even Iceland!)

[Monoclinic 39]

FUCKING ALEX SALMOND AND HIS REFERENDUM WHITE PAPER.

 

Just listen to the smugness oozing from his fat gob. It will never get enough support in this Parliament, and he will be chucked out in the next so he is wasting his time.

Best idea he has had in ages.

Alex, oooooh my hero!!

 

Probably the best idea since he decided not to contest his constituency at the next general election. For the first time in my life, Alex Salmond will not be my MP.

Any

Any..... What were you going to say?

 

Any way, Alex's referendum will not work. There are limited options for Scotland's independence, the fiscal lights are going out around the world and small countries will suffer most. However, GB's fiscal outlook is the bleakest of the lot so perhaps Scotland should align with Norway (or even Iceland!)

 

I hear the plan is to keep Queenie as head of state, I can go one better. As a diplomatic detente and a way of saying sorry for Culloden I suggest we offer up the Royal family to the Scotch people. She already has a house up there and I'm sure Londoners would quite happily offload some of the US and Japanese tourists that clog up their city to go with them. What do you say Windy, are you prepared to accept on behalf of Scotchland this most generous offer?

 

Mono

A future English Citizen and co-architect of the new republic.

[To die for 3]

1. Drivers who think a Red light means put your foot dowm

2. Drivers who think their Kiddy Cab looks cooler with the front fog-lights permanently on

3. Drivers who can't afford another head-light bulb or are too stupid to notice that they have a headlight out

4. BMW drivers, and I don't care if you think you are the world's best driver, its a BMW not an all protecting space bubble

5. Lorry drivers, just because you're indicating doesn't mean there's space to pull out

6. People who drive round without their seat-belt off, maybe this just counts as natural selection

7. Drivers who are asleep in the middle lane doing 65 until you try to overtake them

8. Drivers who get right up your arse, flashing their lights when you are overtaking and there's no where to pull in even if you wanted to. Oops did I see a dog in the road?

9. Motorbikes who think the white line is just another lane.

10. Drivers doing 65 in the outside lane because they're on the phone

 

My top 10 collect them all!

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

Indian call centres. Specifically the Sky TV one.

 

I have changed my surname. Last night I phoned Sky to find out if they could change my details over the phone, or if I needed to put it in writing. After I explained why I had called, the service agent came back with a mouthful of complete gobbledegook, I genuinely did not understand one word he had said, so I asked him to repeat himself. After much toing and froing, I deduced that he thought I wanted to put my account into a different person's name. I explained that, no, there was no other person, it was still me and I just wanted to change my surname. He put me on hold for about 3 hours (it was probably only about 5 minutes but you get my gist), only to come back on the line and say, thank you Mrs Rachel (Rachel is my first name, not my surname), we have now closed your account. For fuck's sake. I explained, that , no, I didn't want my account closed, I just wanted to change my name (I hadn't even sworn by this time, you'll be impressed to hear). He said, that's fine, we will send you a letter within thirty days and your account will be closed. I terminated the call politely as I feared by this time I was about to stab myself in the eyes.

 

Now, I perfectly understand from a business point of view why these companies outsource their centres, it's obviously much cheaper. But what the fuck is the point of having customer service agents who don't even speak the same language as your customers?

 

Any ideas how I can get through to an English speaking person at Sky would be most welcome. Even one of the miserable Scottish bastards would do

[Windsor 2,233]

Christmas cards which are clarted in glitter.

 

I wrote out my Christmas cards last night (all 54 of them) and by the time I was finished, I was covered in glitter.

You could say it is my own fault for buying cards with glitter on them, but it did not register as a problem at the time.

[Lard Bazaar 3,799]

Christmas cards which are clarted in glitter.

 

I wrote out my Christmas cards last night (all 54 of them) and by the time I was finished, I was covered in glitter.

You could say it is my own fault for buying cards with glitter on them, but it did not register as a problem at the time.

 

Clarted? Down my way, clart means minge, fanny, ladies bits.

[Windsor 2,233]

Christmas cards which are clarted in glitter.

 

I wrote out my Christmas cards last night (all 54 of them) and by the time I was finished, I was covered in glitter.

You could say it is my own fault for buying cards with glitter on them, but it did not register as a problem at the time.

 

Clarted? Down my way, clart means minge, fanny, ladies bits.

 

Up here it would mean you are absolutely covered in something. In this case - glitter.

We don't put lady bits on our Christmas cards in Scotland...