Banshees Scream 107 Posted July 27, 2006 Tell jokes about comedic events that have happened in your life. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brinsworth House Baiter 12 Posted July 27, 2006 Tell jokes about comedic events that have happened in your life. Okay. I once had sex with a dwarf. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Banshees Scream 107 Posted July 27, 2006 Tell jokes about comedic events that have happened in your life. Okay. I once had sex with a dwarf. Jesus Christ man, Was she under 4ft tall? F**k! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Brinsworth House Baiter 12 Posted July 27, 2006 Tell jokes about comedic events that have happened in your life. Okay. I once had sex with a dwarf. Jesus Christ man, Was she under 4ft tall? F**k! Affirmative, but I can assure you that she was 'of age' as gentlemen of my persuasion say. She looked like that dwarven bint in Total Recall. Horny, but comedic. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Die 63 Posted July 27, 2006 I have never had sex with a dwarf but I did once get hit on the head by a potato as I was walking along the street. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Slave to the Grave 22 Posted July 27, 2006 I have never had sex with a dwarf but I did once get hit on the head by a potato as I was walking along the street. My daughter found a huge onion on the beach at Southend. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Star Crossed 33 Posted July 27, 2006 In my student days, I once fell over in my kitchen and landed on a courgette . Of course, the doctors & nurses in the emergency department of my local hospital didn't believe my story . Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lady Die 63 Posted July 27, 2006 I have never had sex with a dwarf but I did once get hit on the head by a potato as I was walking along the street. My daughter found a huge onion on the beach at Southend. I once found a dead rabbit in the sea! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Godot 148 Posted July 27, 2006 I couldn't pee after having my appendix removed so had to have a cathater fitted. When the nurse came to take it out she said she liked to think she was starting a lawnmower. It fair made my eyes water. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Six 22 Posted July 27, 2006 I fell down the stairs on a bus and landed on someones shopping, squashing all their fruit and yoghut. It wasn't much fun at the time... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Handrejka 1,842 Posted July 27, 2006 I have never had sex with a dwarf but I did once get hit on the head by a potato as I was walking along the street. I've never had sex with a dwarf either yet. But Kenny Baker's wife (also a dwarf) did try to chat up my boyfriend once Oh and a seagull once dropped a bagel on my head. And I got crapped on by a pigeon in France. Is it any I hate birds Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Captain Oates 21 Posted July 27, 2006 I've never played soccer, but if I had... (dedicated to OoO, y'ol' bugger!) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,489 Posted July 27, 2006 I once got hit by a van when its brakes failed. The backpack I was carrying saved me from a nasty collision with the kerb. Strangely enough it had a few tins of food in it, but it didn't hurt me. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,489 Posted July 27, 2006 Ice cream man was found dead in his van the other day covered in hundreds and thousands. Police say he topped himself............. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Guest Posted July 27, 2006 I couldn't pee after having my appendix removed so had to have a cathater fitted. When the nurse came to take it out she said she liked to think she was starting a lawnmower. It fair made my eyes water. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,489 Posted July 27, 2006 There's also the tale of the bloke who drowned himself in Pledge furniture polish - terrible end but a lovely finish Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MyBrainHurts2 4 Posted July 27, 2006 I've never had sex with a dwarf either. Actually, the only time I tried chatting it up with a dwarf at a party, I was drunk and my back hurt and the only reason we saw one another was because I was sitting on the floor. Started a drunken conversation with her, and was then c**kblocked by a female friend of mine. Tried later in the evening to hook up with that friend, but she was having none of it. That dwarf has gone on to do reality TV (Charla from the Amazing Race for those keeping score), and I'm here posting this message. Where was I, oh, working at the psych hospital...plenty of funny stories from that place. Dinnertime on the geriatric ward - plenty of demented people. One evening, a demented woman got irritated...over what, i'll never know, but she had am 8oz carton of milk in her hand. She decided to toss the milk on me and rather than lifting her arm enough to hit me in the face with it, she tossed the milk all over the crotch of my shorts. All I could think was, "great, it's 5pm, and I'm here until 11pm, and I'm going to have to go throgh this shift looking like I pi$$ed myself." Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Magere Hein 1,397 Posted July 27, 2006 What exactly are the height specifications of dwarfs (or dwarves)? I haven't had too many comical incidents, unless you count driving my bike into a harbour. At night. Or perhaps the old "fart in a telephone box just before you leave" routine and being yelled at by the next user? regards, Hein Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Octopus of Odstock 1,907 Posted July 27, 2006 I've never played soccer, but if I had... (dedicated to OoO, y'ol' bugger!) Oi, less of the old! To try & stop Phanton's renedition of the entire Two Ronnies back catalogue of jokes, I can offer that I once stuck a biscuit foil wrapper up my nose & needed emergency surgery to remove it. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Phantom 2,489 Posted July 27, 2006 not sure what the height specifications for a dwarf would be, but the shortest girl I had sex with at college was 4ft 9. cute girl, large breasts and about the same height when she was laying down Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Handrejka 1,842 Posted July 27, 2006 What exactly are the height specifications of dwarfs (or dwarves)? regards, Hein 4 ft 10 and under according to wiki http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dwarfism Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Canadian Paul 93 Posted July 27, 2006 What exactly are the height specifications of dwarfs (or dwarves)? regards, Hein 4 ft 10 and under according to wiki http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dwarfism Yes, but we all know how reliable Wiki is If it's true though, then I've come about as close as you can get to hooking up with one without actually doing it (4'11" was her height). She didn't seem all that short, but she was about like Phantom's girl. Bridget the Midget, on the other hand, is a bit more strange when you walk into your apartment and your suitemates are watching it on TV. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Handrejka 1,842 Posted July 27, 2006 What exactly are the height specifications of dwarfs (or dwarves)? regards, Hein 4 ft 10 and under according to wiki http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dwarfism Yes, but we all know how reliable Wiki is If it's true though, then I've come about as close as you can get to hooking up with one without actually doing it (4'11" was her height). She didn't seem all that short, but she was about like Phantom's girl. Bridget the Midget, on the other hand, is a bit more strange when you walk into your apartment and your suitemates are watching it on TV. Aye but Little People of America says the same thing http://www.lpaonline.org/resources_faq.html She wasn't a Welsh girl called Kath was she CP?. One of my best friends from a few years ago was built like that and she never wanted for men, always got good looking guys too.. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Canadian Paul 93 Posted July 27, 2006 Aye but Little People of America says the same thinghttp://www.lpaonline.org/resources_faq.html She wasn't a Welsh girl called Kath was she CP?. One of my best friends from a few years ago was built like that and she never wanted for men, always got good looking guys too.. Unless you live in California, most guys in most places of the world go after girls like that, at least I've found. In California, however, the girl has to look like someone ripped a decaying corpse from the ground, dyed its hair blond, sent it through a tanning booth and then gave it plastic breast-enhancement surgery (if nothing else) and a workout routine. It just isn't loving if you don't get speared by a rib or two during every hug you give them. As for the being a Dwarf at 4'10" or under, I guess they have to set the limit somewhere, so I'll take their word for it. I'd hate to be the one to give them the short end of the stick. ... I won't even bother with my coat... Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MyBrainHurts2 4 Posted July 27, 2006 I'd hate to be the one to give them the short end of the stick. You left yourself open for this one - I don't think we needed to know about your anatomical shortcomings. Just kidding. Don't know what it is about women with dwarfism (not just barely under the 4'10" mark)...I guess it's kinda like, "well, while you're down there, could you do me a favor? (*unzips pants*)" My wife's 5' even and my sister-in-law is about 4'10"...like Phantom's girl in college, down to the top heaviness. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
