Those In Favour Of Forcefully Annexing Portsmouth To Greenland Or Elsewhere

[Monoclinic 39]

As LFN has pointed out, I seem to have an adversion to Portsmouth. This has been exacerbated in recent years owing to their success in the Premiership and of course this May... no I can't bring myself to finish that sentence, there are those of you out there that know what I mean, the rest of you I'd be happy to reminisce with you about Fortress St Mary's circa 2001 and the glorious FA cup run of 2003.

 

Anyway I don't think I am the only one with a certain dislike to Portsmouth and am taking the opportunity to launch a poll just to see if I stand alone. Oh, and I've always been curious how you set up a poll and to see how many people will tick the second question.

 

For those of you who have never heard of Portsmouth (lucky bastards) here is a little look at the former Tricorn Centre and some other facts which I have pinched from a Facebook about annexing Portsmouth to France. (I hope this is enough accreditation)

 

Heinz Stücke spent 44 years on the road, covering 335,000 miles cycling around the world, he's been knocked down by a truck in the Chilean desert, chased by a mob through the streets of Haiti, burnt by a volcano in Central America, and arrested and shot at more times than he cares to remember. Within hours of getting off the ferry from France in Portsmouth on Monday the 8th of May 2006, the bicycle that has been his constant companion since 1962 was stolen.

 

In the last crime statistics (2004-5) published [by the Police Force and by the local Crime & Disorder Reduction Partnership (CDRP)] Portsmouth was above the national crime rates in EVERY SINGLE category. This includes 267 robbery's, 906 motor vehicle thefts, 436 sexual offences, 6554 assaults and 1068 burglaries! This is from a population of less than 200,000!

 

Economically we would reap the bennefits of: -

 

Cheap cigarettes

Cheap alcohol

Cheap petrol

 

This annexation would allow us English people to have access to these cheap necessities via the Gosport Ferry (The M275, which connects Portsea Island to the mainland would be destroyed)

[halleluyahjohntudor 5]

I'm happy to vote for the second option, whatever it is

[Monoclinic 39]

I'm happy to vote for the second option, whatever it is

 

Sorry, I closed the poll form or broke the internet or something. Hopefully the poll is now there.

[halleluyahjohntudor 5]

I'm happy to vote for the second option, whatever it is

 

Sorry, I closed the poll form or broke the internet or something. Hopefully the poll is now there.

 

Although Option 1 seems perfectly sane and reasonable, personally I'd prefer to cast my vote in favour of the utter devastation of Plymouth.

 

Edit: Once again I've been thwarted in my attempt to vote (for Option 2). I have a sneaking suspicion that my footsteps are being dogged by ZANU-PF.

[Handrejka 1,840]

I can't answer as I've never been but I do remember Spike Milligan putting it into Room 101 and one of the phoniest people I've ever met came from Portsmouth so I guess I can undersstand your rage on the other had, the place can't possibly be as bad as Stafford, so I'm unsure.

 

Also I'd actually really like to visit Greenland one day so please don't move it there.

[maryportfuncity 10,017]

So let's get this right, you've met every individual from Portsmouth, visited every location and found them all to be complete shite, right?

 

Another thing to consider, if we cut them adrift this year would we ever see the FA Cup again.

 

This is the thin end of a mega wedge that might contain West Cumbria next, so I vote no.

[The Pooka 24]

Its a terrible place. England's largest island city, apparently - if being surrounded by sewage makes you an island (it certainly makes you a city).

 

Anyway, any success for Portsmouth annoys the f**k out of Southampton (as bad a shithole as Pompey but it regularly evades detection). So that for me makes Portsmouth's retention essential. The greatest good for the greatest number etc........

[Terminator 13]

...if being surrounded by sewage makes you an island (it certainly makes you a city).

 

it actually "makes you a 'shitty'"....

[The Miser 17]

France should always be an option to dump problems on.

[Dave to the Grave 11]

France should always be an option to dump problems on.

I thought that was Cuba.

[Monoclinic 39]

I must not drink wine on a school night.

I must not drink wine on a school night.

I must not drink wine on a school night.

I must not drink wine on a school...

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,132]

Having had the misfortune to use the Portsmouth Ferry terminal ( think outside toilet without the walls ) I can see where Mono is comng from.

To compound this, I know of no other member of this Forum who is from that city, well nobody has owned up to it.

As I feel it prudent to support our most valued members, I am happy to vote in favour of its demise.

May I suggest dumping it into that other shithole, The Emirates?

NB: Thats the "Stadium", if one could call a vomit inducing piece of crap a Stadium.

[Octopus of Odstock 1,859]

Can I do a deal?

 

Annex Portsmouth to Iran, but before you do, take all the snobbish, snottish, up-themselves tosspots who live in (P)Oxford & the entire inbred, dullard pikey bell-end supporters of Poxford United Football Club, dump them in Portsmouth and THEN annex them to Iran.

 

Then, fly to Israel and "accidently" send a missile to Iran.

 

If the above deal is fair, then I vote yes.

If not, Portsmouth stays.

 

 

 

 

Actually hold on a minute.........

 

Those f***kers got us relegated by playing like nancy girls vs. Fulham

 

 

 

No Deals........

 

 

DEATH TO PORTSMOUTH

[Lady Grendel 137]

I've only ever been to Portsmouth once, despite holidaying in the nearby New Forest most years as a child. The only thing I remember about it was standing in a long queue to get onto HMS Victory, some crappy Coronation Street actress was also in the queue, this seemed to invoke a lot of excitement among everyone else there, so on the basis that this is my only memory of the place and I hate soap operas, I'm voting yes. Oh and if you could find a way to include 'Plook on the Plinth' winners Cumbernauld with Portsmouth's annexation to the Moon, I'd be very grateful.

[Banshees Scream 107]

Moni, why do you worry? There are many perimeters within this world that don't live up to our general idea of abundance. The truth is that we cannot have every place we wander be immaculate to our perception. Why not talk about the location of your dreams and it's unrealistic benefits instead of a location which isn't of your taste. Why make every thread room 101.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,132]

Moni, why do you worry? There are many perimeters within this world that don't live up to our general idea of abundance. The truth is that we cannot have every place we wander be immaculate to our perception. Why not talk about the location of your dreams and it's unrealistic benefits instead of a location which isn't of your taste. Why make every thread room 101.

Sod all of that.

Its Tribal, pure and simple.

I detest the Gooners, the Gooners detest the Yids

Saints hate Pompey, Pompey hates the Saints.

Liverpool hates Everton

Everton Hates Liverpool

etc, etc, etc

If the Gooners and us Yids were not from the same city, Id hate whatever city they came from.

Inter town, village and city rivalry has existed for centuries and beyond.

Its nothing new.

[Dave to the Grave 11]

Sod all of that.

Its Tribal, pure and simple.

I detest the Gooners, the Gooners detest the Yids

Saints hate Pompey, Pompey hates the Saints.

Liverpool hates Everton

Everton Hates Liverpool

etc, etc, etc

If the Gooners and us Yids were not from the same city, Id hate whatever city they came from.

Inter town, village and city rivalry has existed for centuries and beyond.

Its nothing new.

Not wishing to justify hooliganism, but perhaps these rivalries fulfill a human need for a sense of community, 'them and us', with the added spice of risk taking.

A wise man (a Rabbi I think) once wrote, 'We didn't have the bulls of Pamplona, but once a year, we had the North Bank Highbury'.

 

It could of course just be an excuse for a punch-up. I wish we could all just be friends.

[Cowboy Ronnie 77]

If the Gooners and us Yids were not from the same city, Id hate whatever city they came from.

Inter town, village and city rivalry has existed for centuries and beyond.

Its nothing new.

 

But surely the main reason Spurs and Arsenal fans hate each other is precisely because of their proximity to one another in North London. Do Arsenal fans hate Villa, or Newcastle, or Everton, or other teams of roughly equivalent status (in terms of longevity, on field success, wealth, etc.)? Do Tottenham fans hate Liverpool with anything like the fervour they do the Gunners? Unless Arsenal fans are abject racists, and Spurs actually are to some degree a Jewish club, there would be no reason for them to hate Tottenham if their grounds were located one hundred miles apart as opposed to three or four.

 

Personally I think all this "if you support team X you are hereby obliged to hate team Y" is crap. I'm a Liverpool fan and actually quite enjoy watching Man United play. I don't hope they win (unless it's in Europe), but I enjoy watching 4-2 and 1-3 results much more than a drab 0-0. The team I hated most last season, by far, was Wigan, because of their disgraceful time-wasting performance in the play-off final at the end of the 2006-07 campaign. My only regret is they didn't finish their year in the Premisership with nil points and no goals scored, which is what they deserved.

 

This doesn't have very much to do with Portsmouth does it? Well, I hated the cowardly display they gave in the FA Cup final. Nick a jammy goal and then defend the rest of the way against a team from midtable of the Championship. Hurrah. I can hardly wait for their noble endeavours in the UEFA Cup, in which they'll probably lose 1-2 then draw 0-0 at home against Dynamo Ice Cube.

[honez 79]

Good to see Portsmouth scores second place in two polls of Britain's Sleaziest Cities according to Google searches for brothels and massage parlours.

[Monoclinic 39]

One step closer in the legal proceedings. Spurs are giving them 5 million, can we cut them adrift now? They could be an inhospitable island if no other country will take them.

[Lord Fellatio Nelson 6,132]

One step closer in the legal proceedings. Spurs are giving them 5 million, can we cut them adrift now? They could be an inhospitable island if no other country will take them.

Dear Monkey,

May I suggest it be used as a target range for the RAF?

The place is a shithole already, a few thousand "Drops" by the boys in Blue would hardly make a difference.

[harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,463]

Redknapp booed as he's made a freeman of Nuuk.

 

Folkie: Judas!

'arry: I don't believe you, you're a liar. Pound of apples, missus?

[harrymcnallysblueandwhitearmy 1,463]

Happy I Love Portsmouth Day, everybody.

 

'Play up Pompey. Just one more goal! Make tracks! What ho! Hallo! Hallo!'

 

[Death Watch Beatle 40]

Perhaps we could make Portsmouth a tax haven, like the Isle of Man or the Channel Islands? They could have their own money and stamps and everything. If we dug a big moat around it, it would become an offshore tax haven. Any good?

 

DWB

[welshman 30]

If the Gooners and us Yids were not from the same city, Id hate whatever city they came from.

Inter town, village and city rivalry has existed for centuries and beyond.

Its nothing new.

 

 

I can hardly wait for their [Portsmouth] noble endeavours in the UEFA Cup, in which they'll probably lose 1-2 then draw 0-0 at home against Dynamo Ice Cube.

Prophetic indeed. But Braga and Wolfsburg (home to VW) and a sh*thole.