I Love Josco's Little Man

[Amanda 3]

MR JOSCO - that was beautiful. I wish I could speak as you do and write meaningul interesting posts.

 

My eye sight/eyesight/eye-sight is starting to go a bit funny now and I keep seeing additional a's, b's, c's etc popping up throughout my text!

 

Anybody heard in the news of snowball related death recently???

[Tuber Mirum 125]

You mean this story.

 

Poor kid. It was a complete freak accident. Nice place Torphins, not far from where I was born, but hellish snowy in winter.

[Tuber Mirum 125]

I am sorry in advance for any spelling and grammatical errors which may occur in my posts from herein.  If there was a spell checking facility here then please be assured that I would use it.  When I type here I'm either cold, tired or busy and so I'm not really too bothered about how sloppy my typing.  Sadly, I don't have the time to check my spelling with a dictionary, and frankly, I couldn't be bothered anyway.

Oh dear, this could run and run. In another thread (I love Mr Josco's little man) Amanda seemed to be quite upset over being corrected for spelling and grammar. Please do not take this to heart. Among my circle of friends and acquaintances it is considered mandatory to joke and tease one another for all ones foibles and eccentricities. This is in no way akin to the kind of 'playground' teasing and bullying that it may appear to an outsider. I enjoy this forum because of the feedback from other members, both negative and positive, and I do not believe that any of it is intentionally wounding, but is more playing to an audience and trying to raise a laugh. The kind of banter one would encounter with friends over several pints in a convivial atmosphere. I trust it is not too presumptuous to consider that the members of this forum could be such people.

 

This has also been covered in another thread (Declining Standards), and at the risk of opening myself up to abuse; I believe that correct English and grammar are of paramount importance if one is to be correctly understood. English is a very difficult language to master as my esteemed colleague Magere Hein pointed out with this link. I do think that if one speaks what used to be called the Queen's English (or BBC English or even RP) then spelling is considerably easier as in many cases words are pronounced as they are spelt. Grammar and punctuation are also to be considered when one is making a point whilst writing.

 

"Jake, my brother and I went to the pub" equals three people, whereas: "Jake my brother and I went to the pub" is one less drink to buy. A simple example, but one that I hope illustrates the importance of punctuation.

 

No doubt some of you reading this will be examining it in miniscule detail looking for an error with which to berate me, but I care not. I shall simply let the waves of criticism and derision wash over me with a British stiff upper lip and a large

Hendricks gin & tonic

Dear Mr Josco,

You carelessly omitted to place a full-stop at the end of your post. Or as the Americans would somewhat disgustingly say, a period.

 

Enjoy your gin.

[Amanda 3]

You mean this story.

 

Poor kid. It was a complete freak accident. Nice place Torphins, not far from where I was born, but hellish snowy in winter.

That's the very same story yes. If I was ten, I think that'd be a pretty good way to go. These days, it's more likely that my car will roll in to me.

 

I'm having my wondercar serviced tomorrow actually - is £170.00 a good deal? Going to a VW garage as I think he needs the full works. Thing is, I can't trust any garages. All garages have blatantly ripped me off in the past. One mechanic even held my car hostage so that I would have to go to his house and go and get it ... which resulted in me having to get the police involved.

[Josco 49]

One mechanic even held my car hostage so that I would have to go to his house and go and get it ... which resulted in me having to get the police involved.

 

I can't help thinking that you seem to lead an interesting life.

[honez 79]

One mechanic even held my car hostage so that I would have to go to his house and go and get it ... which resulted in me having to get the police involved.

 

I can't help thinking that you seem to lead an interesting life.

Not as interesting as it could have been if Mr Plod hadn't become involved.

[Amanda 3]

Thank you, that's kind of how I like to think of it.

 

Did I ever tell you about the strange man who used to drive past me in various states of undress?

 

Well let me begin....

 

When I was 17, I had a lovely horse - 16.3hh Irish Draught x Thoroughbred - named Embla Topic (anagram of which is compatible). Used to do a lot of road work with him for a time and from my vantage point, I became aware of a red Vauxhall Cavalier that used to drive back and forth, back and forth past Topic and me. He seemed to be clearly delighted when I used to thank him for slowing down, as I did with all drivers. After about a week of him doing this, he then became braver and each time he drove past, a layer of clothing would be removed and by the 5th trip past me he'd be naked aside from the seatbelt, which unfortunately didn't cover his bits. He did this for about a week or so, by which time it became less and less amusing, and then you guessed it.... I had to get the police involved.

[Josco 49]

Phew! I was a bit worried for a moment, but then I've never driven a red cavalier.

[Amanda 3]

You're not the guy in the Jag are you?

[Josco 49]

 

I work in IT, why would I buy a car that matched the reliability of young Billy Gates' software.

[Amanda 3]

Do you work in 'IT' as in your car, or in 'IT' as in information tech?

 

If my car tax ran out on 28th Feb, how many days to I have until I need to get new tax?

[Josco 49]

IT as in Info Tech.

 

As regards car tax, it used to be the case that there was 10 days 'grace', although it was never officially sanctioned, no however there is none. Car owners should ensure that their tax runs concurrently and buy the new disc before thold one expires.

 

We must ensure that Mr Brown (the one eyed twunt with the broken jaw hinge) gets his due so that he can spend it wisely!

[Amanda 3]

snorts

 

I really bloody begrudge paying car tax. I mean look at the state of the roads!! And we can't even bloody park anywhere for free! And Traffic Wardens!!!! I'm sure it's a worthwhile job etc, but why the hell are they so damn mean and miserable? And those Special police - they pretend to be police and don't get paid for it?!! Reckon they were all bullied at school.

[lospalmas7 12]

snorts

 

I really bloody begrudge paying car tax.  I mean look at the state of the roads!!  And we can't even bloody park anywhere for free!  And Traffic Wardens!!!!  I'm sure it's a worthwhile job etc, but why the hell are they so damn mean and miserable?  And those Special police - they pretend to be police and don't get paid for it?!!  Reckon they were all bullied at school.

Community Support Officers get paid a starting wage of £15,000. Reckon they were still all bullied at school.

[Amanda 3]

Oops, I take that back! I did think they did it for free! Hope I haven't offended anybody.

 

I got pulled over by one once, literally about 1 metre from a T junction. I was quite worried that somebody would whizz round the corner and plough in to the back on my car and asked if he minded me saying something, to which he was agreeable. I voiced my concern and happened to mention the correct number of feet that you are allowed to park from a junction (I'd just passed my test, so I knew all this stuff), and he told me it was OK and if anybody did then at least I was with an officer of the law. (Though if I could just say, he was on foot so that may not have done much good if a car driver hit me and then drove off.) But anyway, he was fine about the question and told me of my broken headlight and then carried on my way.

 

And then about a week later, I heard through a friend of a friend of a friend that PC Community Officer had told me to watch my back and stop being so cheeky and to be careful what I say in future!!!!

 

I was outraged!

[Terminator 13]

Oops, I take that back! I did think they did it for free! Hope I haven't offended anybody.

 

I got pulled over by one once, literally about 1 metre from a T junction. I was quite worried that somebody would whizz round the corner and plough in to the back on my car and asked if he minded me saying something, to which he was agreeable. I voiced my concern and happened to mention the correct number of feet that you are allowed to park from a junction (I'd just passed my test, so I knew all this stuff), and he told me it was OK and if anybody did then at least I was with an officer of the law. (Though if I could just say, he was on foot so that may not have done much good if a car driver hit me and then drove off.) But anyway, he was fine about the question and told me of my broken headlight and then carried on my way.

 

And then about a week later, I heard through a friend of a friend of a friend that PC Community Officer had told me to watch my back and stop being so cheeky and to be careful what I say in future!!!!

 

I was outraged!

Amanda

 

Are you by any chance....Eileen?????

 

(Your postings are getting longer..........although the grammar's fine. So there's a reasonable doubt.)

 

Terminator

 

PS: Anyone seen Sarah Connor?

[Captain Oates 21]

Congratulations Amanda!

 

As I write this you are listed as top poster for today - three posts clear of Josco.

 

 

[The Yeti 14]

"Jake, my brother and I went to the pub" equals three people, whereas: "Jake my brother and I went to the pub" is one less drink to buy.

Ahem ...

"Jake, my brother, and I went to the pub" or "Jake (my brother) and I went to the pub". Even "Jake - my brother - and I went to the pub".

 

[Amanda 3]

Congratulations Amanda!

 

As I write this you are listed as top poster for today - three posts clear of Josco.

 

 

Oh yay!!!

Hurrah!

Fantastico!!!

 

I was a scratch card virgin until this evening and bought one for £2.00 tonight and won £54.00!!!

[Amanda 3]

Dear Mr Terminator,

 

Have you seen the Arnie/Terminator keyboard that says Arnie/Terminator things to correspond with letters on keyboard?

[Guest IYG]

Oh, I saw that keyboard, they make a ton of those, I saw one with South Park sounds, so cool.

[Mortician 2]

And those Special police - they pretend to be police and don't get paid for it?!! Reckon they were all bullied at school.

Specials do it for nowt.

 

These Hobby Bobbies are fine pillars of the community who help others without financial reward or are jumped up little Hitlers exercising their uniform fetishes depending on your point of view...

 

One bloke I know did it because it got him into Football matches for nowt, so gave it up to become a steward when less police were needed inside the ground. (And he was bullied at school)

 

On the footie issue, the Old Bill charge the clubs for policing the grounds, wonder if you get a discount if they use Specials?

[Amanda 3]

Ha! I thought so! I get damn sick of police and pretend police - they're such smug looking b*stards and the local ones to hear like to wag their fingers at you if you're doing something vaguely naughty. Grrrrrr.

[Magere Hein 1,400]

Ha!  I thought so!  I get damn sick of police and pretend police - they're such smug looking b*stards and the local ones to hear like to wag their fingers at you if you're doing something vaguely naughty.  Grrrrrr.

I appreciate that there's a certain necessity for the police existing, but I agree traffic wardens are a nasty lot. The combination of little education and a uniform seems to transform them in little Nazis. They deserve all the abuse they get.

 

Of course my POV is a bit biased at the moment. In the last few weeks the local cops are busy trapping cyclists who drive at night without lights. I got fined twice. My advice to try and catch criminals instead doesn't seem to impress them much.

 

regards,

Hein

[Guest Guesty]

snorts

 

I really bloody begrudge paying car tax.  I mean look at the state of the roads!!  And we can't even bloody park anywhere for free!  And Traffic Wardens!!!!  I'm sure it's a worthwhile job etc, but why the hell are they so damn mean and miserable?  And those Special police - they pretend to be police and don't get paid for it?!!  Reckon they were all bullied at school.

Community Support Officers get paid a starting wage of £15,000. Reckon they were still all bullied at school.

"Community Support Officers" and "Specials" are two totally seperate types of copper.

And yes the specials don't get paid, and have been around for a long time.

CSOs are a recent innovation, have even less training and do get paid.